Another Shade of Grey
by Killashandra Falta
Summary: A Grey or Crossfire fanfic. It is a AU with a OC. Shana Grey is the second child of Grace and Carrick Grey, older then Christian, but younger then Elliot. She is contacted to help her brother, whom she hasn't seen in over a year and she may be the only one who can help him. Pinterest: pinterest dot com / killasshandra / another-shade-of-grey / ?e t dbc46c09
1. Chapter 1

"Yeah?"

"Ma'am, there is a call for you on line one," my assistant said, breaking into my busy morning meeting. I rolled my eyes and let out a huff at the interruption.

"I believe I said to hold all my calls," I reminded her warily.

"Yes Ma'am," she replied. "But it's Taylor." I looked up at the phone on my desk when she said that.

Taylor is- No, was one of the best security men I had ever had. Discreet, intelligent, fast, and very insightful. He had trained all my current security personnel, and rumor has it I have the best of the best because of him. I looked up at the three men sitting opposite me and nod. They all returned the nod, getting up and leaving my office, the last closing the door behind him.

"Thank you, Diana. Put him through," I said, reaching for the phone. "Grey here. What can I do for you, Taylor?" There was a small pause on the phone. Taylor never pauses, he is always precise, his words measured out, knowing that my time is precious.

"Ma'am, I think you need to come here," he said quietly. My mind stopped working then for a moment, the pen I had been using to correct some notations on a recent contract stopping in middle of a sentence.

"What's happened," I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. The silence stretched between us as he tried to answer my question. Very unlike Taylor. "I will be there in less then four hours," I said, getting up from my desk and closing my paperwork.

"Thank you," Taylor said, and then he hung up on me. Something very odd must be happening, because that is a breach of protocol. What ever is happening, it has clearly shaken Taylor.

I grab my leather jacket from the coat stand at my office door, and leave the room. Diana, my assistant, jumps up from her desk and follows me, tablet in hand, as I head for the elevator.

"Cancel all my appointments for the next two days. Get me Welch on the phone, and then contact Stevenson and have him pack me a bag for overnight and meet me at the airport. Diana nods, taking notes on her tablet.

"Anything else, Ma'am?" I shake my head no as we reach the elevator. I hit the call button and the door immediately opens. We enter, and I punch in the roof access button.

"I will call you tonight if I will be longer then two days." Diana nods. It took forever for the lift to get to the roof, once it did, the wind whipped into the elevator, biting into the skin. Diana stood in the lift, awaiting any last minute instructions, but I had none. The doors closed as I approached the helicopter.

Maxwell, the co-pilot of my helicopter held the door for me as I neared, giving me hand signals as the rotor began turning. I got in, grabbing the headsets as I sat.

"Ma'am," Pinkerton's voice rolled through the headsets. I nodded.

"Airport." Pinkerton gave me a thumbs up and as Maxwell settled into his seat. I pulled out my BlackBerry, sending off a message to Taylor alerting him to the fact I was in the air. Before sending it, I contemplated asking for information.

* * *

**From: Shana Grey**  
**Subject: Arrival**  
**Date: June 5 2011 19:08**  
**To: Jason Taylor**

**In the air now. Should be four hours.**  
**What can you tell me?**

**~ S**

* * *

I waited, staring at the screen. Waiting is not something I do well. I think it's a Grey trait. None of us can ever wait for anything. Especially Christian. Instant gratification, that one.

* * *

**From: Jason Taylor**  
**Subject: Arrival**  
**Date: June 5 2011 19:12**  
**To: Shana Grey**

**There will be a car waiting for you.**

**It's not business related.**

**I think you may be the only one who can help him.**

**J. Taylor**

* * *

What the hell does that mean and what the hell is going on?

I sat back, closing my eyes and allowed old memories to come forward.

My parents had died in a car accident when I was four, and my Dad's brother and his wife took me in. They had been trying to adopt, but as in all things that are worth it, patience and time was required. Papa Cari and Momma Grace loved me like their own and I never felt anything less then love. Shortly after they took me in, we were blessed with Elliot, who became my big brother.

Not too long after that, Christian arrived. He was a "tough nut" Momma Grace would say. He would need extra understanding. He had lost his words so he didn't talk. He flinched at most noises, so we had to be soft around him. Being mute and scared of his own shadow was bad but he had a worse issue, of course. Haphephobia. Of course, she didn't use the "big word" to explain to us children, but she did try to tell us that he didn't like it when anyone touched him.

When he first arrived at the house, I kept my hands behind my back, because then I couldn't accidentally touch him. Elliot, well he kinda liked having a small brother, but he also liked to play rough house, and Christian couldn't. But what we could do was play explorer. And boy did we love to play in the dirt and the muck and climb like we were monkeys, and we could run.

That was how we got close, him and I. We were running in the field near the house then. It was a construction site, for some new, expensive homes that were being built, and it was a child's dream for exploring. But I got injured. I had fallen and my leg had been broken. Christian ran to me, and Elliot, he stood there, frozen. It was a ugly break, the bone protruding out of the skin below my knee.

Christian took charge then. Hollered at Elliot to run and get Momma Grace, and then, for the first time, he held my hand. His eyes were wide, but he was watching me, and telling me it would be okay, and Momma Grace would be here soon. It was the first time he spoke since he had come to live with us. My little brother was taking care of me.

After a trip to the emergency room, we came home, my leg all wrapped up, and Christian never leaving my side. At night he would creep into my room, lay down on the floor next to my bed, and hold my hand. During the day, he would stay near me and we would read, or watch TV, or he would listen while I played the piano. We became very close, and I was the only one who could hug him.

And then Mia came to live with us, and he doted on her as if she was a precious china doll. She helped him come out of his shell more, and the four of us were like the four musketeers.

Don't get me wrong, Christian was not a angel. But then again, neither am I. Oh how much trouble he used to get into at school. Quick to anger, but, most times, despite what the adults said or thought, he never started the fights, but he was always the one ending them. Never a good way to earn a good reputation.

Then things changed. He was fifteen, and I was sixteen. I knew something was different. Everyone was happy to see that he had stopped being so violent, more in control of himself. They never understood why though. They followed the old saying of not looking a gift horse in the mouth.

They should have looked.

I certainly did.

I had spotted the pattern in his personality quite easily, and, being the nosy sister I am, followed him one day. To her house. Even now, thinking about it, my teeth are grinding and I so want to destroy her.

My eyes opened at the memory and I pulled my BlackBerry back out.

* * *

**From: Shana Grey**  
**Subject: Question**  
**Date: June 5 2011 19:31**  
**To: Jason Taylor**

**Does this involve that bitch?**

**~ S**

* * *

**From: Jason Taylor**  
**Subject: Re: Question**  
**Date: June 5 2011 19:33**  
**To: Shana Grey**

**No. Anastasia Steele.**

**J. Taylor**

* * *

Who the hell is Anastasia Steele?

I did a quick Google search on her, and found one picture.

Of her and Christian.

Christian is never photographed with a woman... a date? Does he date? He doesn't date!

* * *

**From: Shana Grey**  
**Subject: Who?**  
**Date: June 5 2011 19:37**  
**To: Jason Taylor**

**Who is Anastasia Steele?**

**~ S**

* * *

**From: Jason Taylor**  
**Subject: Re: Who?**  
**Date: June 5 2011 19:40**  
**To: Shana Grey**

**His girlfriend.**

**J. Taylor**

* * *

Okay... Am I in a parallel universe? I re-read Taylor's answer three times before sending him a reply. I know Christian. I am the only one in the family that _knows_ him.

* * *

**From: Shana Grey**  
**Subject: What?**  
**Date: June 5 2011 19:42**  
**To: Jason Taylor**

**When you say girlfriend, you mean something different, correct?**

**~ S**

* * *

"Ma'am, we caught a good tailwind. We should arrive earlier then scheduled," Pinkerton says to me over the comm. I acknowledge it as I wait for Taylor's response.

* * *

**From: Jason Taylor**  
**Subject: Re: What?**  
**Date: June 5 2011 19:46**  
**To: Shana Grey**

**No. She was his girlfriend.**

**J. Taylor**

* * *

Well now... this is new.


	2. Chapter 2

The flight from LaGuardia to Sea-Tac was uneventful. The weather had been picture perfect and the landing had been extremely smooth. I disembarked, finding myself being greeted by one of Taylor's men, a Sawyer I think his name was. There was a car was waiting for us, an Audi, of course, Christian's favored mode of transportation. Sawyer held the door for me, and I got in. After he got in and headed out to where ever I was going to have to go to, I called Diana and told her I had arrived.

"Stevenson is on his way to your residence and will have it ready in about two hours, bar no problem with traffic. I was able to contact Welsh's office, but he seems to have had a dental emergency and he will contact you as soon as he can." Damn Welch. I thank Diana and put my mind back to the upcoming task.

Sawyer parked in the garage under the building that Christian and I use as residences. I rarely use it, but one should always have a place in their home city. I rode the lift up to his floor, and waited for the doors to ding open. When they did, Taylor stood before me. He greeted me, his hand out to shake and I smiled.

"Welcome Ma'am." Damn he makes me feel old when he calls me that.

"Taylor. What's going on?" I watched as he took in a deep breath knowing he was possibly violating a trust. Well, if I was anyone else in the family, that could be the case. I waited, patiently.

"He is... different," Taylor finally said, and I cocked my head to the side wondering what he meant. "Ana- Miss Steele, was going to be like... the others. But something different happened."

"Like... how different?"

Taylor looked at me, and then, turned his head left and right, as if to see if anyone was nearby to hear. Mind you, we were still in the foyer, alone. "She slept in his bed."

I blinked.

"What do you mean she slept in his bed?" Christian's current life style is... not the "norm", and I understand that. But, knowing him like I do, I also know what is normal for him. Sleeping with someone is not normal.

"At night, they would sleep, and he..." Taylor looked around again and then lowered his voice to a shadow of a whisper. "He doesn't have nightmares when she is with him."

You could have knocked me over with a feather at that last statement. The world had ended, hell had frozen over, and the Bengals won the Super Bowl.

"Are you sure," I whispered, trying to find my feet. Taylor nodded. "What happened?"

At this point, I have to say, I felt like a hen searching for the best of the weekly gossip.

"I am not sure exactly what had happened... But she left. She left behind everything he had given her, and just left."

"She left behind...?"

"Her car, her computer and her phone. She didn't take any of the clothes he bought her, she just left it all."

I blinked.

"So, she is... coming back?" That had to explain leaving her gifts behind. I know Christian. I know that when he gives you something it's the best item in it's class. And most of his Subs love the lavishness of the pricey items. That's why he is a favorite in that circle. Yes, I know all about it. Of course I do. Have since that day I caught him at that bitch troll's house. But I digress.

"I don't think so, Ma'am." I look at Taylor not understanding.

"You mean, she came here, signed the contract and then... left the gifts behind? How long was she his..."

"Oh, no Ma'am. She wasn't. Not like the others. She hadn't signed the contract yet. They were still fine tuning it."

"Okay... Taylor, I am confused. So... she agreed to be his sub, but didn't sign the contract. He gave her gifts, which she returned, they slept in the same bed, and he had no nightmares? Have I got all of that straight?" Taylor nodded at me. "So... Why am I here?"

"He... won't leave the room." Taylor watched me closely as he said that, and it took a eternity for it to sink in. "Gail has tried to get him to eat, but he barely picks at it. It's been two days."

"He hasn't eaten in two days? Christian Grey, my brother?" Taylor nodded. "Okay..." I had to think. A man. No. A different man, a man who is, for all intents and purposes, lost, will need something to ground him to reality. Something... familiar "Okay. Get me some Spaghettios with wieners and some Nestle Quik, and set it outside the door. I will head in there. Is it locked?" Taylor nodded and handed me the key.

As Taylor headed to the kitchen I headed to the Red Room. My mind was trying to sort out all Taylor had told me so far, and to be perfectly honest, I am rather shocked that this girl has changed something in Christian.

I stood in front of the door, my hand hovering over the inlaid pattern in the door. I hate this room. I am the only one in the family that has ever seen it, or even knows about it. Knows this about him. I hate it. I hate it because I know why he knows it. Why he has it. _No, don't think about that right now. Your brother is in a different pain right now and you need to help him._ I nod to my conscious, knowing that she's right. I knock on the door, and listen closely. There is no reply. I use the key, and unlock the door, slowly opening it.

Red.

Red everywhere.

I look around, but don't see him. I close the door behind me, and that was when I saw him. Sitting on his knees, legs apart, arms laid upon his legs, forearms up, his head tilted down. I close my eyes, my mind sticking this memory in another vault of stuff I don't want to remember.

My mind rolls around everything I know. I need to find what I can use to pull him out of this... this... whatever this is. I drop to my knees. He didn't move.

"Chrissy, look at me," I say, my voice low and even I recognize the sound of worry in it. "Look at me."

His head slowly raised until I could see the grey of his eyes. They were blood shot and it was too obvious he had been crying. His eyes see me, but I can't tell if he knows I am there.

"Chrissy, say my name," I said, using our old kid names. My heart has slowed it's beating as time has come to a crawl. My fingers are crossed hoping that I can help him break away from this... this hell he has found. "Say my name, Chrissy."

He stared at me, his eyes wide and then he blinked. "Sha?" I nodded, a small smile finding it's way to my lips. "Sha?" He asked it again, and then suddenly, he came forward, erasing the distance between us, and wrapped his arms around me. He was suddenly overwhelmed from tears and I held him, telling him it will be all right, as he cried against my shoulder.

My heart ached.

This is my brother.

This crumpled, crying mess of a broken man is my brother.

And this is nothing like him.

His crying calmed, but his grip on me didn't, but I didn't encourage him to let go. We simply sat there, on the floor, in this... upscale dungeon of pain.

After a short lifetime, there came a light tapping sound on the door. I felt Christian's grip on me tighten, but I whispered assurances that I wasn't going to let him go. His grip loosened a bit, and we both inhaled deeply.

"Do you remember, when we were kids? When we had gone exploring and went a little too far and stayed out a little too late?" He nodded against my shoulder. "We got home, Mom was pissed. But do you remember what Dad did?" He nodded again. I smiled. Comfort food should work now... maybe. If this doesn't, Plan B would mean I would have to cook something and that is a very bad idea indeed.

"It's on a tray. Just outside the door. Would you like to get it? Or would you like me to get it?" Either way, he would have to let go of me. A start. I felt his hands loosen from their grip, and felt a shudder run through his body. He then let go of me completely, but his eyes were wide, as if afraid if he took them off of me, I would disappear. "I'm right here, Chrissy. I am not leaving you." For a small instant, his eyes grew wider, and then his head dropped back down.

"Do you want me to get it?" He made no sound or any movement to acknowledge my words. I sighed, and then stood. He didn't react to me standing so I went to the door, and opened it wide kneeling down and picking up the tray that was on the floor. Two bowls of Spaghettios and two glasses of Nestle Quik. I brought the tray into the room, but decided to leave the door open.

* * *

I set the tray down in front of him, and sat down opposite him. He was almost kneeling in the same pose he had been in when I first entered the room. I reach into my pocket and pull out my BlackBerry.

* * *

**From: Shana Grey**  
**Subject: Doctor**  
**Date: June 5 2011 22:15**  
**To: Jason Taylor**

**Contact Flynn.**

**~ S**

* * *

"Eat," I said after a few more minutes. He reaches forward, picking up one of the bowls and slowly begins to eat. My heart is breaking inside, seeing my brother this way. And it only hurts more when I realize that he is responding to commands, not suggestions.

I watch him slowly eat his meal and then I hear footsteps in the hallway. I look at my brother again, and sigh.

"Stay. I will be right back. Eat." He tensed as I stood, but he did continue to eat. I realized, as I left the room, that I was starting to hate two people now. That bitch that taught him this damned lifestyle and this mysterious Anastasia who broke him.

I meet Taylor on his way to the Red Room, and he hands me a phone. "It's Flynn." I nod, taking it from him.

"Dr. Flynn?"

"Ah yes. Shana. Can you fill me in? Taylor was being... well, himself."

"Yes, as he should. It's Christian. I..." God. What do I say? "I think he is having a nervous breakdown."

"You think... Christian Grey... is having a nervous breakdown?" I hate shrinks.

"I believe that is what I said," I replied coolly. The line goes quiet, and I wait for a response.

"What has changed? In the last few days I mean." I hate shrinks.

"His girlfriend left." Even when I say it it sounds wrong. Christian Grey doesn't have girlfriends.

"Ana left him?" Am I the only one not in the loop? "When?"

"Two days ago. And he has finally eaten his first meal since then just now. But he's kept himself locked into a room since she left, apparently."

"I can be there now, or first thing in the morning. If you have managed to get him to eat, he may only respond to you right now. You don't have to encourage him to talk, but try to get him to a different room. Maybe into his own bed." That thought horrifies me. I remembered his nightmares from when we were kids. His screams from all the way down the hall. Except... He slept through the night when he stayed with me. Okay. Okay, I can work with that.

"Okay, Doc. First thing in the morning. I think I know how to get him to sleep. Getting him to the bed... I may need a session after this is done."

"But you hate shrinks," he said and I could hear his grin through the line.

"Shut up. See you in the morning." I hung up the phone and handed it back to Taylor who had been standing nearby. "You heard the Doc. He wants him in his bed. And I am so going to get that done." I close my eyes, knowing what will be done. I open them again and Taylor nods at me and turns away. I turn around and head back into the Red Room.


	3. Chapter 3

As I entered the Red Room again, a part of my mind had to steel itself for the upcoming tasks. I prayed to silent gods that everything would work and sent whispers hoping to find my lost little brother sooner rather than later.

He sat, as I had left him, on the floor, but his small simple dinner was gone, and with a smile I saw he had drunk my milk as well as his own. I will leave a checkmark in the YES! column. It's a step. I came around from behind him, and picked up the tray.

"Stand, Christian," I said, my voice firm. He did as he was told, and another bit of my heart broke off. "Come." I left the room first, hearing him follow behind me. My breathing came easier as I left the room, but I heard his footsteps hesitate. I turned around, and saw him staring at the threshold between the hallway and the room. Behind me, I heard more footsteps and saw Taylor, pausing in the hallway, watching cautiously.

I approached Taylor, and handed him the tray from the meal, he took it silently, nodding. He was obviously relieved Christian had eaten something.

"Flynn will be here first thing in the morning," I said, Taylor nodded in acknowledgement. "Is there anything else I need to know?"

"No, not that I am aware of, Ma'am." I nodded, and turned to see my little brother lost in the doorway.

"If my parents call, or Mia or Elliot... I am not here, and Christian had to fly... somewhere. Okay?" Taylor nodded in understanding. "Goodnight, Taylor."

"Night Ma'am. Good luck." I nodded and turned back to Christian, his eyes shrouded in fear at the doorway.

"Christian," I said, my voice just above a whisper. I held my hand out, and his eyes moved to it. "Do you trust me?" His eyes were suddenly on mine, and for the first time tonight I saw a bit of life in them. He nodded, and took my hand. I squeezed his fingers lightly, and together we walked to his room.

The good news is that I didn't have to drag him or carry him into his room.

The bad news is all forward momentum stopped once he was beyond the door.

I walked over to his bureau and opened the drawers. I grabbed a set of clean underwear and a pair of pajama bottoms and a tee-shirt. I walked back over to him and held my hand out again.

"Come," I said. I tried to keep my voice firm, but soft. Something I am not used to. He took my hand and I walked him into the bathroom. I set the fresh clothes on the sink before turning around and looking at him in the brighter lights of the bathroom.

Part of my brain went numb. The dimmer lights in his playroom hid exactly how bloodshot his eyes were, how down trodden he was. How utterly lost he was.

"You need a shower. You will take a shower, and clean up. Do you understand?" He nodded. "Then you will get dressed and meet me in your room. And don't forget to brush your teeth. Do I need to repeat any of that?" He shook his head no. I turned around and started the shower going, and when it was as hot as I prefer I left him to do as he was bid.

I stayed near the door, which I had left open a little bit, so I could make sure he stepped into the shower. Once I heard that, I walked over to the bed. It was made, probably thanks to Gail. On the bed sat a box and a small note attached:

**This reminded me of a happy time.**  
**Thank you.**  
**Ana**

She had left behind the gifts he had given her... and gave him a gift? Who is this girl?

I take the gift and place it on his bureau. I then quickly walk down the hallway into the guest room and grab the pillows from that room, and the one next to it. Carrying a half-dozen pillows, I quickly return to his room and toss them on his bed.

On a chair near the door I see my overnight bag has arrived, so I get it, pull out the recharger for the BlackBerry and set it up, and while he is still showering, switch into some pajamas myself. I smile as I see that my novel I have been reading was also packed. I love having great help work for and with me.

I hop up onto the bed, arrange the pillows and open my book.

Upon turning to the last page of chapter eight I finally hear the water turn off in the bathroom. I keep reading, trying to keep my mind from stockpiling questions I want to ask about this Ana girl, and all that has gone on. I doubt he would be able to answer tonight anyways. I hear the door open, and I look up from my book. He is standing, quietly, shoulders not quite carrying his weight.

"Feel better?" He nods. I pat the bed and he comes forward slowly. "I was thinking about how you took care of me when I broke my leg. Do you remember? My little hero. You spent every night I wore that cast sleeping next to me." He was now standing next to the bed, and I didn't really want to have to tell him to get in. "You know what I remember about that time? You didn't have any nightmares then. Do you remember?" I looked up again and saw he had closed his eyes.

I couldn't tell if he was trying to bring the memories forward, or push them away. He nodded then, and sighed a long, deep, soul cleansing sigh and then he climbed into bed. He curled up around a pillow, his eyes watching me. I laid my hand out and he took it, and held onto it like a drowning man holding onto a lifeline.

"Sha... Don't leave."

I blinked. He spoke.

"Chrissy, I won't leave you. Hon, we're family. Have I ever let you down?" He shook his head no and then scooted closer to me. I closed my book and put it on the night stand. I raised my arms up and he moved, resting his head in my lap. I ran my fingers through his hair and slowly felt him relax. It was minuscule, the loosening of each muscle, but he was finally calming his poor body down.

I sat there for hours, just running my fingers through his hair, or tracing small patterns on his back. I'm the only one he allows to touch him like that, and it's very soporific. I, myself, was nearly asleep when he spoke again.

"She said she wouldn't leave me."

"Do you want to tell me about her?" Big question. He probably won't. If there is something we Greys know about, it's our privacy.

"She's... different," He said in a low hushed voice. "You'd like her," he said after another moment.

"I doubt it, dear. I could never like someone who hurt you like this." He sat up then, his eyes bright and piercing. He shook his head at me, telling me I was wrong.

"No. It was me. It was my fault. She... She's not like the others." I nod, since Taylor seemed to think the same thing. "I did want her, as my Sub. I wanted to... do the same with her, as with the others."

Filing this under "Conversations I should never have with my brother."

I waited, patiently for him to find his words and the strength to say them. He has paused so long, and his eyes show... His eyes were so different. I am not even sure I have ever seen his eyes like this. Sadness, fear, loathing... and pain.

"She... Argues with me. All the time. She speaks her mind. She never follows the rules." He inhaled a deep breath, holding it in so long I thought he would pass out from lack of oxygen. "She didn't want me to hurt her... She... She said that she wanted to know how bad it could be, in a way. I... She wanted to do it, for me. She said she does it for me. That I need it. I did need it. I thought I did. But she wanted to know how bad it could get. To test herself, to make me happy, I don't know, but she said she wanted to..."

He had found his words, and they had all wanted to come out at once. I sat, quietly listening to him, not judging, or questioning, nor interrupting. He will say what he needs to say and I can encourage him to say more. His words had stopped, and I waited. "What happened, Christian," I asked slowly, prodding him forward.

"She... I hit her. I had wanted to. I wanted to, like I did all the others. And she let me. Then, she wouldn't let me hold her. Or touch her. I had hurt her. It was my fault. She has made me feel... so... alive. I hurt her Sha. She said she wouldn't leave me. She said she loved me. She said she wanted to try it. I... hurt her." Suddenly his eyes changed again. His look was pure anguish. "How can anyone possibly love me when I do that? When I hurt someone like that just so I can feel..."

"What did you feel? When you were striking her?"

"I felt... eager. It was... intoxicating. But that was before I hit her. It was... the scene that felt great." I nodded, encouraging him to talk. "She isn't a sub. She had never done this before. She didn't know what it was... and I forgot that. I swung the belt so hard Sha. I knew I was hurting her. But she... She didn't... She could have stopped me. She could have used a safe word."

"And she didn't," I asked, my jaw wanting to bounce on the floor with this information. He shook his head no. "How many times did you hit her," I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Six times," he said, pushing the words past his teeth.

"How did you feel, after the last hit?" He took his time answering this question.

"I never wanted to do it. Not like that. Not again. Not to her." He sat up again, his eyes bright and piercing. "Sha... I think... "

"What? What do you think?"

"I think I want... what she wants." I could see something in him now. Something different. Something... alien within my brother.

"What does she want," I questioned, my voice barely above a whisper. What does she want, that now Christian wants it too?

"I want... more."

"More?... More what?"

"I think... I think I want more with her. Like... vanilla more." I raised an eyebrow at that term. "Like... real relationships. More than..." I could feel the smile on my face. My heart was doing somersaults at this admission.

Whoever this Anastasia Steele is... I think I will have to hug her to death when we meet. She is saving my brother. Making him... change? No. Grow. She's making him, or helping him grow. Can this girl help him? Clean his soul from the shitfest Elena the Bitch trained him into?

"You have a rule dear... Once they leave, that's it. It's over. What about that rule?"

"Fuck the rules," he said, his words loud, crisp and firm. "I want her back. I want her with me. I want to protect her, and care for her the way she is meant to be cared for. I need her Sha."

There he is. I knew my brother was there somewhere.

"Well then, brother dear, go to sleep. In the morning you talk to Flynn, and then we'll figure out how to get her back." He smiled at me then. Within a few minutes his breathing had settled down, and I knew he was asleep.

_We have to find her,_ I thought as I closed my eyes for a few hours rest. My last thoughts were about calling the Vatican and finding out if you can beatify a live person. Maybe even test the walking on water theory, because this... What has happened to my dear brother... is a pure miracle.


	4. Chapter 4

Morning came too quickly as it always seems to. I opened my eyes, the room was still dark. Pre-dawn. I looked at my watch and grimaced. Four thirty in the morning. Having spent the last few weeks in New York, and only returning to Seattle two days ago, I am still on East Coast time, and my body is arguing over having overslept instead of under-slept. I looked over and saw that Christian was still sound asleep. No nightmares so far. A small blessing.

I slowly crawled out of the bed, trying to keep the bed as still as possible. He is such a light sleeper, and I dare not wake him right now. I succeeded in leaving the bed, and quietly padded over to where my phone was charging.

Seventeen messages. Crap. I inhale a cleansing breath and looked at the numbers that had called: Lawyer, Lawyer, Broker, Mother, Diana and two other non-importants. As I start to listen to the messages I turned around and watched him sleeping in the bed. His arm stretched out, as if seeking a familiar body. That there is simple proof that what Taylor says is true. (Not that I doubted him. Not really doubted.) Christian has been sleeping with her in his bed.

I sent a text to Diana, having her contact the lawyers and broker, and to deal with them. If its truly important, like say... I was going to need a lawyer present after I have committed murder, or the stock market crashes, THEN they can call me. Until then, Ego non sunt.

Diana's message let me know that everything is under control at the office, meetings have been cancelled to accommodate my emergency leave of absence. I nodded, a small smile on the corner of my mouth. It's so good to have good people work with you.

Last message... Momma Grace.

It's too early to call her right now. And if I did, she would come rushing over here to see what was wrong.

I put my cell phone back on it's charger, and turned to use the bathroom. I was just finishing washing my hands when I heard it. A high pitched murderous sound. Christian! I ran out and ran to the bed where he was thrashing around the sheets and blankets, entrapped and freaking out. I ran to him, placing my hands on his shoulders.

"Ana... No! I need you! Ana you can't leave me!"

"Chrissy, it's okay. It's a dream. It's Sha, come on hon, open your eyes," I pleaded with him, trying to keep him from struggling in the bed. A few more cries for Ana and he opened his eyes. His pupils were so dilated you would never known they were grey.

"Sha?" He stopped thrashing about, staring at me in fear.

"It's me hon. You need to breathe. Close your eyes, inhale and count to five." He nodded, following the directions and I felt his muscles loosen. He exhaled. "One more time?" He nodded, inhaling deeply and then after a count of ten, he exhaled and a shiver ran through his body. I slowly released his shoulders, but I didn't leave him, sitting next to him on the bed.

I held my left hand out and he took it, holding it tightly as the last of the shadows of the nightmare left him.

"Wanna talk about it," I ask, but he shook his head no. I nodded, understanding. I ran my fingers through his sleep messed hair, smiling at his untameable mane. He was so much like he had been as a child. It hurts to see him this way. So small, and weak... and afraid.

"I need her," he whispered. His voice was so quiet that I almost missed what he said. "I'd give up everything for a chance to have her back. Elena... she thinks I need all of... that," he said, waving his hand in the air.

"Elena needs to leave you alone," I hiss venomously.

"It's different now, Sha. We are... friends now. Only. And business partners. That's all." Christian tilted his head to the side and then gave me a small crooked grin.

"What?"

"Ana doesn't like her either."

My eyes open wide and I felt my eyebrows tickle my bangs. "Oh really? And... why is that?"

"It doesn't matter," he mutters, looking around the room. Looking everywhere but at me. I don't know why he does that. It never works. I flick his ear and he turns back sharply at me. "Hey!"

"Answer my question Christian," I said more firmly.

"She likens Elena to... well..."

I squeeze his fingers, bringing him back on track. "She likens her to what?"

"A pedophile," he said quietly. I nodded in complete agreement with Ana's chosen description. "She's not though! She... She helped me. I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for her."

"Yeah? Ya think so, do you?" Christian nodded. "So, if it wasn't for her, you wouldn't have straightened up at school, and you wouldn't have stopped getting into fights?"

"Yeah."

"And, you wouldn't have tried to date "normal" girls, and hang out and made actual friends, and you wouldn't have learned how to give pain and pleasure and how to use all those damn toys down there?" He stared at me, my words sinking in.

"It's not like that," he muttered. I sighed deeply. Stubborn, thick headed fool.

"How about we do a "suppose"?

"Okay." I watched him for a moment, and got my supposes in order. "Suppose" is a game we would do... well, not a game really, but maybe a lesson we would do when we had to report to our father over whatever issue we had been caught at. Normally it was never a good issue.

"Okay, suppose you never learned that stuff," he nods. "Tell me what you and Ana would be like right now if none of that stuff existed."

"That's not a fair question, Shana," he said, his voice sharp like a blade.

"It is. Try it. How did you meet?"

"She came to interview me. Well, it wasn't supposed to be her, but another girl. The one Elliot likes." What? Oh dear god. What is his deal about conquering all the females on the planet? "But she was sick, so Ana came instead. She... well, she tripped and fell right into my office. I helped her up off the floor. Sha... she's so different."

"So you have said. Why?"

"She... she sees me," he said, the words slowly leaving him. "It's like..."

"Is it like she can see all of you, good and bad, and she accepts both?"

"Yeah," Christian nodded, closing his eyes.

"So, you met, she interviewed you, and did you ask her out on a date then?" He shook his head no. "Well then, what did you do?"

"Hey, I'm hungry, are you," he said quickly, trying to get up from the bed. I pull him back down and he deflates, knowing I will pull the answers out of him.

"What did you do?"

He exhaled a long slow breath before answering. "I went shopping."

"Huh?"

"She worked at this little Mom & Pop hardware store. I had Welch do a background check. Then, went there."

"A... hardware store?" He nods, a small grin on his lips. "You are telling me you went to a hardware store to hit on a future sub?"

"Ironic, eh?" His eyes were glowing at me with mirth.

"Okay... Christian. Going to stop you here for one second. I want to lay down a rule, okay?" He slowly nodded at me, and I could see he was nervous at the thought. "I really do not want to know what you bought there. Okay?"

He laughed and agreed, squeezing my fingers. "So, I went there and didn't buy any hardware, and I didn't have her help me choose tape and rope-"

"Christian!" He laughed and I punched him in the shoulder. He grabbed his shoulder, feigning like I broke it. "Okay, so, just so I can look at this... The first time you met her, was in a interview. No toys?" He nodded. "Second meeting was at a hardware store because you tracked her down, and just happened to use the excuse of needing hardware." He nods again. "And your next meeting?"

"Well, when I was at the store, she had said that they should have gotten photos of me for the interview, and I told her to arrange it and I would be there." I nod, my mind tracking it all. "At the shoot, she and Kavanagh, and a few others were there, and they did their job."

"And?"

"And... After, I asked her out for a cup of coffee."

"Oh Really?" He nods, smiling. "So a third meeting and... no toys?" He shrugs. "Okay, skip ahead. If you didn't have all this stuff, would you have been in a relationship with her? No contract or anything?"

"There wasn't a contract," He said quietly. "We were still... fine tuning it... She... I showed her the room, I talked about all the stuff... I was so... stupid."

My brows furrowed at that. "Why Chrissy?"

"She, well, she didn't know anything about this stuff."

"So I gathered," I said, watching him as his mind sorted out his thoughts.

"She... I thought, you know, with stuff like this, it's hit or miss. Either they know it, and are into it, or they aren't and they run like hell to get far away from me." I nodded. "She was... She was so quiet, when I was showing her the room. She ran her hands over stuff like she was admiring it, and... I didn't know."

"What didn't you know?" He just shook his head, and watched his feet on the floor, his toes digging into the carpet. "Chrissy?"

"Sha, I would have done a lot of things differently if I had known."

"What didn't you know?" He squeezed my hand, and I held onto him.

"She's... She is so pretty, and she's 22. How could I even think that she was a virgin," he whispered.

I blinked.

My mind had frozen on a movie playing in my head, of this girl walking through his red dungeon, touching everything, and the shock on his face when he realized SHE had never been touched.

"What would you have done differently? Not dealt with her at all?"

He turned his head quickly towards me, his eyes as large as planets. "No. No. There is this- I mean we- You don't understand."

"So, explain it to me so I can understand it."

"You'll think it's stupid," he muttered in a petulant way.

"Christian Trevelyan Grey!" He ducks as I raise my voice. "I have never thought anything you did was stupid!"

"You think it of Elena." My jaw drops to the floor.

"Christian," I said, trying to reign in my demons. "I never said you were stupid for that." He nodded his head. "Photographic memory my ass, brother. I said SHE was stupid. I said IT was illegal. I said she was a fool committing a felony. But not ever once did I EVER say you were stupid."

He sat there, quietly, and I know he was pulling every conversation we ever had searching for proof. He won't find it, but I wait quietly. After about ten minutes he releases a deep sigh.

"You are right," and his hand squeezes my hand again.

"Now... what is it you were going to say?"

"You know... in those old movies we would watch with mom? Where the couple kiss and they see fireworks? Or it's love at first sight?" I nod, wondering where this is going. "She does that. I mean, we do it, she and I. When we touch, there is this... spark between us."

"Really?" He nods. There was a quiet in the room, after this admission. My mind floated around his confession. He is one of the most grounded individuals on the planet. Romantic notions are not in his vocabulary. He stood up, walked slowly over to the bank of windows, and stared out onto the Seattle skyline.

"It hurts, Sha," he said quietly. I got up and walked over to him and shared the view. A storm is coming. In a few hours the city will be caught in the rain.

"What does?"

"Being without her." He leaned forward, resting his head on the glass. My heart hurt, seeing him like this.

"Christian, she left something for you." He turned quickly, facing me. I walked over to the bureau and picked up the gift and note she left behind. He was immediately next to me, so I handed it to him. He slowly read over the note, and then carefully laid it back down on the bureau. He then unwrapped the gift, a small smile feathered his lips.

He turned, quickly leaving the room and me behind as if I didn't even exist. I followed him as he nearly ran to his office. With one broad stroke of his arm, he cleared off everything off his desk, tossing it to the floor, setting the box down in the middle of the desk. I smiled and left him to his task.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I should explain that Shana is my all time character. I use her a lot in various situations. She has a affinity to storms, rain, thunder and lightning. Each story is different for her and why she needs them.**

**I should also state that I make few apologies for how the story is told. Shana is family, but she hasn't been "in the circle" for a long time, having fled being better then continuing to lie. Therefore, she doesn't know much of anything that has happened. Don't hate her for hating Ana. She doesn't know her, only the shape Christian is in now. **

**I don't own FSOG or the Crossfire series. I am just playing with the men there. :) Enjoy!**

While he was busy working on his gift, I took a shower and freshened up for the day. Throwing on a pair of jeans, socks and tee shirt I found I was still cold as a shiver ran through my spine so I went into his closet, grabbing a large comfy sweater. Picking up my BlackBerry, I leave the room, heading downstairs for breakfast.

"Good morning, Ms. Grey," Gail Jones says to me. I smile at her, sitting at one of the stools at the breakfast bar. "What can I get you this morning?"  
"You don't have any blintzes do you," I ask, knowing she probably doesn't. She grins at me, nodding.

"Mr. Taylor told me he would be calling you. I am prepared." I grin and nod, like a kid.

"Christian is in his office, and will probably be there all day." She nods. "I'll try to pull him out for meals... but that probably won't happen." She nods again, and pauses, looking down, away from me. "Gail, are you okay?"

She nods, and then slowly looks up at me. "Thank you, for coming. He... we..." I see her hands shake a little, and I come over to where she stands, placing a hand on her shoulder. She nods, and pulls herself together. "He's different, Ms. Grey," she whispered. I nodded, looking towards his office.

"Tell me, Gail. Tell me what you have seen." She looks at the blintzes, and I smile, taking them away from her sight and sticking them in the refrigerator. "Grab a cup of coffee and come sit with me."

Gail Jones is a older woman, well, not much older, but she does seem it. Maybe she seems it on purpose, to seem like a matronly figure in Christian's home so his... subs wont get to close. She's an intelligent woman, and a excellent cook. She manages to know exactly when she is needed in a room, or when she isn't, and appears, or disappears with the magic spell that Taylor must have taught her. Having good staff is a key to success. One few people realize is essential, and one reason why so few exceed as Christian and I have.

We walk out to the balcony, sitting down on the patio furniture. I watch the woman as she sips her coffee slowly and together we watch as the clouds approach us slowly. Change. It's in the air. The wind is moving, and a small rumble of thunder could be heard. I lean back into my chair, and patiently wait.

"You would like her, I think," She finally said, her eyes watching the storm.

"Christian said the same thing." She nods. "Why?"

"It's hard to explain. She... He has tried to flaunt his money at her. Not extravagantly, just like he normally would. She doesn't like it." I raise a eyebrow at her, not quite understanding. "He sent her some books. She has tried to return them."

"Yes, and Taylor said she returned his other gifts..." Gail nodded, taking a long sip from her coffee.

"It's so hard to explain. From the day he met her... She is nothing like the others. I mean, she has the same looks, but that is where it ends. He has tried, I think, to get her to maybe act the way some of them do, but... She is defiant. She stands her own ground, in her own way, and... She looks at him. Sometimes, I think she seems him as the man he is. But other times, I think..." I leaned forward, my eyes encouraging her to say what is on her mind. "I think she sees the scared boy he used to be."

_That he still is,_ part of my mind whispers. "Thank you, Gail." She nods, and stands.

"I will get back to your blintzes now." I nod, and she heads back inside.

I lean back in my chair, watching the clouds change their shape and color. My mind wants to wonder into many directions, and I close my eyes, allowing it to go wherever the hell it wants. My thoughts dance over a a small idea of certain properties I am considering purchasing. Over memories of my childhood, phones calls, messages, and my brother.

"Ma'am." I jump at the sound of Taylor's voice behind me. "I am sorry," he said. "You weren't answering me."

"Sorry, I was lost in thought," I said, noticing the storm clouds were much closer. He nodded, looking back to the apartment. I get up and we walk back into Christian's home.

"Doctor Flynn is here," he said, walking me over to him. I hold my hand out, and the Doctor takes it, his warm fingers gently holding mine as he greets me.

"Hello Shana. It's been awhile." I nod.

"He is in his office," I say, and show him to the office.

"How did the night go," he asked as we walked towards the closed door.

"It wasn't bad." I knock on the door, and open it revealing Christian hunched over his desk, his eyes twisted up and his tongue sticking out the side of his teeth, obviously working on some critical, minute part on the model. To my eyes it looks as if he has the thing half finished by now. "Anastasia left it for him," I whispered to the Doctor.

"Thank you," he whispered back, entering the office. I closed the door behind him, leaving Christian in good hands. My stomach growled and I went to finally eat my breakfast, Mrs. Jones smirking at my delight in seeing the golden blintzes.

I sat in the great room, setting up notes for some ideas for the next week on my laptop to send to Diana when I was disturbed by Taylor. Christian was still in his office with Doctor Flynn, and I was not rushing that meeting.

"Ms. Grey..." I look up, seeing Taylor standing quietly a few feet away from me. His posture was... odd. "Mrs. Lincoln is here."

My mind simply emptied at his words. I slowly closed the laptop and stood up.

"Is she now?" I turned, slowly heading to where she was supposed to be waiting, but being Elena, she does as she pleases. She stood not more then ten feet from me, and I put my predator face on. The one I use to make my enemies cower, my employees stutter, and all others shiver. When it comes to Elena Lincoln, I wish my eyes had the power of Medusa.

"Elena, what are you doing here?" My voice carries a hiss to it that wasn't intentional, but my oh my! It was effective. She stood, her breath caught in her throat, and she managed to try to stand taller, patting her hair in place, as if some would have the nerve to leave her perfect coif.

"Shana. I didn't expect to see you here," she said, moving closer, but loooking around, as if Christian would come and rescue her.

"I would say the same to you..." I walked closer to her, noticing her breathing increasing slightly. "What are you doing here?"

"I hadn't heard from him in a few days, he's not been to the office," she explained, and I stepped closer, my hands wanting to clench into fists.

"You. Should. Leave." Her body flinched. It was a tiny move, but I saw it. I kept the grin my mouth wanted to make at bay as I took a step closer to her. "It would be very wise, if you left. If you don't, I cannot assure you will leave here alive," I growl.

"I came to see Christian," She said, trying to sound as if she had every right in the world.

"Elena, I made you a promise years ago. I keep my promises. It is for his sake right now that I not follow through with that promise." Her eyes widened a bit at the memory I am forcing upon her. "You and he have a business arrangement, and for that, you have the right to see him. _When_ you have made appointments for it. And meet him at his office. You have five seconds to get your bony ass out of my sight, Elena, or so help me I will destroy you as I had promised you I would."

She blanched and then slowly nodded at me, taking a step back before turning around and heading to the elevator. Taylor, who had been nearby the whole time, nodded at me, and followed her. He would escort her to her car, making sure she did as I instructed. Once the elevator doors closed behind her, I felt a shiver run down my spine. I felt disgusting.

"Gail, I am going to take a shower. If you would, make the two of them something for lunch." I nodded at Christian's office, indicating him and Flynn. "I will take it in to them when I came back down here." She nodded, a smile on her lips. Apparently Elena rubs everyone the wrong way. Except for Christian.

The shower didn't help at all.

Yes, it cleaned off the grime of the day, but the sticky slime from Elena's presence still shroud's my bones. The bathroom was surrounded in the steam from the shower and as I toweled myself off, I still felt a chill in the air.

I hate that woman.

I hate that woman and all the lies I have had to say, to keep their secret.

I hate that woman and the way she has used my brother and beguiled my mother.

I hate that woman because it is cause of her that my brother is the cold, calculating bastard he is.

He could have grown, and changed and learned to accept who he was, and possibly learned to like who he was. But instead, he became who he is from the tutelage of that vile cow.

I hate that woman.

I grab a fresh pair of jeans, my favorite, comfortable ones with the holes in the knees. I had grabbed another large sweat shirt of his, and a pair of socks. I threw my hair up into a pony tail and smile in the mirror, realizing that at 29 I can still look like a teen.

I leave the room, heading back to the great room, where I see that two lunches are still waiting for two eaters. I pick them both up, and head to the office. I knock with my knee and wait for the door to open, since my hands are full.

Doctor Flynn has opened the door and smiled a warm smile at me, backing away from the door and allowing me entrance. I approach the sofa in the room, and set the lunches down on the coffee table. Christian hasn't looked at me once.

I turn to look at Flynn, and he shrugs. I know they have been talking, or Flynn has... I turn back to Christian.

"Christian, lunch." He doesn't even stop his work on the model. "Christian," I said again, louder, his hands pause and he looks up at me. "Eat." His fingers slowly release the parts he was holding, and nods, before walking over to his lunch. I look at Flynn and only shrug. He nods slightly and joins my brother in the meal as I leave.

I close the door behind me again, another shiver running through my body.

I need air.

I quickly cross the room, heading for the patio, and as soon as the glass door closes behind me I take a deep, long cleansing breath in. I hold it for as long as I can, and then slowly expel all the air from my body. Not much, but better. I do it three more times before I feel less slimey and more clean.

I hate that woman.

I swear to God that one day... One day the shit is going to hit the fan and I will give to her every single piece of hatred my body has been banking that it hasn't spent on her.

Thunder booms loudly from my right, and I smile as the rain has finally reached the patio. I cross over to the banister, and look out into the rain, feeling the cold wet drops permeate my clothes. I can feel the rain and the thunder through my body and through my fingers as they grip the banister. I laugh, my head tilted up into the rain. I release my pony tail, running my fingers through my hair. Lightning strikes not to far away, the light beating through my closed eyes and I just finally feel alive and clean.

The rain pounds down harder, and still I hold onto the banister, taking it all in. I love the rain. Always have. It's so... powerful, cleansing, electric. Another bolt of lightning strikes and I laugh, feeling a tiny bit of the power in the air.

"God dammit Sha LET GO!" I look over, seeing my brother glare at me, soaking wet. I feel his hands on mine trying to release my fingers from the banister, and I grip tighter.

"Go away," I holler through the thunder, shaking my head. I want to feel the storm. I need to have it clean me.

Lightning strikes again, closer still and my hands are ripped from the banister, I cry out for it as I am dragged back to apartment. I am hollering at the men as they pull me inside and Christian holds me to the ground as towels are wrapped around us. I watch the rain as it pounds on the glass, my mind angry cause I can't be out there. I feel Christian's arms around me as he rocks us silently. After awhile, I feel him let go and stand up. Then he wrapped his arms around me, picking me up.

"John, I will be a few minutes," I hear him say. "Gail, I will need your help." He turns and carries me through the apartment up to my room. "We have to get her out of these wet clothes. She is freezing."

"Of course," Gail says, and I can feel them removing my clothes, and Gail telling me everything they are doing. I don't pay attention to her words, or the motions they are going through. I am laid down on the bed, and the duvet is dragged up over me, and my chittering teeth calm. "You rest now, Shana," Gail says quietly. I nod and close my eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

I awoke, confused for a moment as to where I was before I remembered Christian. And then I remember the rain, and what had happened. I groan with embarrassment and throw the duvet away from me. I sit up on the edge of the bed wrapping my head in my hands. I want to pray to whatever god may be listening to make yesterday a nightmare from sleep, not a nightmare from my reality, but I know that is a futile wish. I inhale deeply, wanting the breath to cleanse my mind as I push myself to get up and head for the en suite. When I am done my morning ritual, I grab my robe, throwing it around myself as I make my way to the kitchen. I am hungry and embarrassed and though I need food, I hope no one is around so I can grab something and hide away from everything for just a little bit longer. I can smell the delicious workings of the kitchen before I am close to it, and I can see Gail working up a storm. I smile as she sees me, glad she is there, but still wishing I was alone.

"How are you feeling," she asks. I shrug, and she hands me a cup of tea. I wrap my hands around it not realizing how cold I still feel.

"Where is he?" She moves her head to indicate his office and I nod. "Thanks."

"You're welcome, Miss Grey."

I walk to the tall double mahogany doors, pausing in front of them to gather my thoughts. I inhale deeply and then slowly exhale as I open the doors.

Christian is sitting at his desk, on the phone, his chair turned around facing the window so he doesn't know I am there. I smile seeing his completed model sitting prominently on his desk. I smile glad he had finished it. It was probably one of the best gifts Anastasia could have given him. It allowed his mind to calm and focus as he built it, and his thoughts to roll around without being hindered. He finishes his call and turns around in his chair, and I smile as his eyes find mine.

"Hey," I said. He gets up and walks over to me quickly. He holds me at arms length and looks me over carefully.

"Hey," he said as he pulls me close. "How are you feeling?"

"Stupid," I said quietly.

"I thought you didn't do that anymore." I shrug and he walks me over to the dark leather couch in his office. "Tell me what happened."

I exhale a long slow breath. "I just... I felt dirty inside. I just wanted to have the rain on me."

"During a electrical storm? In a skyscraper?"

"Like I said, I feel stupid now." He kissed my hair and held me close.

"What a pair we make, eh?" I snorted at that.

"Who were you on the phone with?"

"Florist. She starts work tomorrow at a new job and I wanted to send her flowers." I pulled back and looked at him.

"You... sent flowers?" He nodded. "Because she started a job?" He nodded again, a half smile appearing on his lips. "You sent her flowers... because she started a new job...?"

"I believe you asked that already." He grinned at me, his teeth glittering in the light. "Ummm, I should warn you... That bit of business in the rain... Flynn would like to have a conversation with you about it."

"I am sure he would," I mutter before taking another sip of the tea. I hate shrinks.

"Yeah, pretty much told him he has a better chance of ice skating in hell then you seeing him." I nod, my eyes closing at the thought of what I must have seemed like. "I... thought you didn't do that anymore," he said.

I let out a deep sigh, not wanting to talk about it. Didn't matter though. Christian would wait for a answer anyways.

"I don't do it mostly. But sometimes... I dunno. Sometimes I just have to," I shrug.

"What made you do it this time?"

"Elena," I whisper, a shiver running down my spine. I hate that woman. Christian looks at me, a question appearing between his eyes. "She came here, while you were talking to Flynn. She tried to take the stance with me that she belonged here, and that I couldn't stop her. She was wrong."

"Shana, she is my friend," he sighed, bringing his fingers to the bridge of his nose, rubbing it to keep what could be a oncoming headache from growing. "We do business together. You can't just-"

"I can, and I will," I say firmly and he looks up at me, his grey eyes turning colder. "Don't you even think about giving me that look, Christian. I made you a promise a long time ago, and despite all the pain and anguish it has caused me, I am still keeping it."

"Then why-"

"I am still keeping it, Christian. But I won't keep it forever." He looked at me then, those grey eyes now taking on a look of terror and pain. "Chrissy, I'm the only one that knows. I am the only one that has ever known."

I get up from the couch, and walk over to the bank of windows, looking out into the city of Seattle.

"Why would you tell anyone? To hurt me?" I spin around quickly and see him, his face once again that of the hurt, lost little boy. I walk back over to him, taking his hands in mine and I search through his eyes.

"Chrissy, why do you think I don't stay here?" He shrugs. "I don't, cause, it hurts, to be near mom, or dad or Mia or Elliot. It's so painful, when mom has a party and invites over her best friend, and I have to sit there while you two carry on your masquerade, hiding from the people that love you."  
"Sha, if they knew, they would hate us. Mom would lose her friend." His hands grip mine tighter, and I sigh, shaking my head.

"Chrissy, they wouldn't blame you. You have to believe me when I say that. And, yeah, mom would probably cut all ties with Elena. But that is for her to decide."

He stood up from the couch, walking back over to the windows I had just stood in front of. He was quiet, but his body told me he was tired. The shoulders were slumped, and his head bowed. I walked over and stood next to him, together we quietly watched the view.

"You promised to not say anything," he said, his voice barely that of a whisper.

"I know." The silence between us stretched, but neither of us made a move.

"Ana knows," he whispered. "She's not like the others."

"So you have said." _So has everyone,_ I thought.

He nodded. "We have... talked. A lot. About a lot of things, and, she asks these questions. I feel compelled to answer most of them. She's so... different." I felt a vibration in my pocket then from my BlackBerry, and I reached in to check the messages. It was from Taylor.

* * *

From: Jason Taylor  
**Subject: A minute?**  
**Date: June 7 2011 12:42**  
**To: Shana Grey**

**I need a minute of your time.**

**Best to not let him know yet.**

**J. Taylor**

* * *

I put a hand on Christian's shoulder, patting it lightly. "Hon, I gotta go deal with something. I'll be back shortly." He nods but does nothing else. I turn, leaving him to stare into the grayness of the city.

Leaving the office, I spot Taylor talking quietly to Gail in the kitchen. I approach and Gail makes herself scarce. I look over my shoulder and can see the office doors quite easily, so I beckon Taylor to follow me, and we go to the foyer.

"What's up?"

"Sorry to disturb you," he begins, and I raise my hand to him.

"Look, Jason, I know how good you are, and what you can accomplish. If you interrupt something, I know there is a damn good reason for it. So, don't apologize to me. Ever. Okay?" He nods in the quick curt way all military personnel do.

"With everything that has been going on, I thought it would be prudent to keep tabs on Miss Steele, and do background checks on the people she is now working with." I nod, surprised but rather pleased at his initiative. "There are a few flags that have popped up, Ma'am."

"Oh?"

"The position she has taken... It seems to be vacated more often then is usual in the industry." I raise a eyebrow, waiting for him to explain. "The assistants to Jack Hyde... last maybe three months. After that they kinda disappear from the radar."

"What are your thoughts?"

"Well... I would like to track down and talk to the past assistants, see why they left." I nod in agreement. "But, I should also mention that all of his assistants have been women."

"All of them?" Taylor nods. "That seems... unusual, doesn't it?"

"Yes Ma'am." He looks at me, and I can see that there is something else on his mind.

"What is it, Taylor?"

"I... had a thought." I nod, waving my hand in a effort for him to continue. "You are very keen on people, and can read a person like a book. You spot issues before anyone else does..."

"Yes... and...?"

"Ma'am, she doesn't know you, and I was thinking you could, maybe take a visit there, get a feel for this Hyde character. Maybe... make sure she is okay." Ohhh...

"Jason, are you worried about her?" He looks at me, his breath steady, his pulse rate firm. He nods. "She really is different, huh?"

"Ma'am... Shana, she really is. We need to get her back. He really needs her." If this were any person besides Jason Taylor standing in front of me, telling me this, I would have blown him off completely, maybe even docked his pay for stepping out of line.

But this is Jason Taylor.

"Thank you Jason. Set me up a reason to be there and I will go for a visit." He nods, turning away from me. "Jason... use my married name." His eyes grow wide for a fraction of a second and then he nods before going about on his mission. I head back to the office to see Christian sitting at his desk, his head in his hands. I slowly back out, closing the doors again.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I want to give a shout out for a new friend/reader who has captured a typo for me and let me know. Thanks Bronze Goddess, you rock, AS USUAL :) For any that don't know who she is, her stuff is the sh!t! PLEASE feel free (and/or obligated) to read her story: s/9008461/1/Paging-Dr-Steele**

* * *

The next day we pull up to SIP and Stevenson steps out of the driver's seat and opens the back door for me, extending a hand to help me step out of the car. I brush my hands down my pencil dress, relieving it from the wrinkles created as I sat during the ride. I had chosen something for the day that I thought would seem a bit older for me, to give me the airs of a older woman, but instead, it seems the black dress with the red kick panels made me feel more Black Widow then Wall Street. Though, if I thought about it, I was going to be hunting prey, so maybe the dress was more suitable. The black dress and I look up at the building in front of us and I grimaced.

No, there is nothing wrong with the building, but it helps me build the persona I will be wearing as I enter the building. Stevenson extends his elbow to me, and I reach for it. He quietly escorts me casually to the front door, opening it to allow me entrance, tipping his hat for me as I pass him. I smiled inside my mind, knowing that he loves to play a part sometimes too. I give him a slight nod, and he walks back to the vehicle as I enter.

"Mrs. Darqlee?" I look up slowly at the call of my married name to see a middle aged woman approach me. "I am Elizabeth Morgan." She holds her hand out to greet me, but I look down my nose at it, and then scan around the room slowly.

"I was told I would be able to look around without having a... guard dog follow me," I said very coolly my eyes slowly measuring her. My eyes hesitant at random spots on her body, allowing me a mere second or two to frown. It makes her nervous, and I know she is wondering what I have seen that was displeasing. Elizabeth lowered her hand, brushing them on her hips before nodding uncomfortably.

"Of course, of course. Yes, you may. I can be nearby to... answer any questions you may have."

"Oh, I highly doubt that," I said in a huff, raising my hand to shoo her away like she was a pesky insect. "Questions I tend to pose leave many stammering, so I have learned to observe and not ask."

"Yes. Right. Well then, I will leave you to explore then." Elizabeth was already stammering and I was quite glad I had said as much. There is just one more thing that could be said to excuse her away from me.

"Thank you, Elisa. I think I will begin to explore." I saw the woman make a move to correct me, and then she realized that if I didn't know her name, she couldn't get called to the main office.

After about fifteen minutes, I found my way to the area Jack Hyde's office was in. I paused at the water cooler, preparing a cup.

"Ana, I need you to get me summaries on these manuscripts. First chapters only is fine." I turn around, seeing Mr. Jack Hyde and the young Miss Anastasia Steele. She is a quiet beauty and very very much to my brother's tastes. Dark brown hair, pulled up into a simple chignon, large, bright blue eyes, and a small, simple "quietly elegant" figure. What seems a bit amazing is the fact that the young woman has a unique, natural beauty, and wears very little make-up. Or maybe she wears make-up to make her look more natural? Either way, it works extremely well for her, and I find I am slightly jealous. I watch Mr. Hyde for a few minutes and know instantly about him... Yeah, I don't need to be here all day to figure him out. I can tell by the way he leans over her as he talks.

I step closer to them, Ana seeing me first, Jack slowly noticing me, his eyes barely leaving Ana. At the angle he is leaning at, I could be quite sure that he just might be able to see down her blouse. Ana bristles uncomfortably, her shoulders trying to minutely move away from Jack. I've seen enough.

"Excuse me," I say, my tone cool and volume low. He looks up at me, and I catch his hand trying to "adjust" himself via his pocket. He smiles as his eye rove over my body. Suppressing a shudder, I bat my eyelashes at him.

"Yes? Hello," he says, drawing out the last "o" sound. He straightens up, and casually walks towards me. I can see Ana release a long, slow cleansing breath. "How may I help you today," he says, his words dripping with want.

"Mr..." I look around and behind him until I can see his door, which reads "Jack Hyde, Editor". "Hyde, is it?"

He smiled at me, taking a step closer to me. "Yes, that is correct." Egotistical pig. I smiled warmly back at him.

"I am here to observe and play nosy hen in the hen house today. I would like some company." My eyes watched him as he stood taller, and adjusted his belt. The political way to adjust a crotch now-a-days.

"I would be more then happy to assist you in this... endeavor," he sneered.

"Fabulous," I smiled, my eyes watching behind him as Anastasia seemed to release a held breath. If he wasn't near her, she can do her job unhindered I felt sorry for the kid and having to deal with this slime of humanity.

"Where can I show you first," he asked.

I grinned, my lips tweaking a bit more evilly and my eyes settled in his. "Oh, no. Not you. Heaven forbid I would have to stand and discuss anything more with you for another forty-five seconds. No. I think I will have Miss Steele escort me around."

His eyes turned cold, his smile evaporated. "I don't think so," he said in a harsh, low voice. "Miss Steele has gotten behind in her work, and since this is her first week, I know she doesn't know where anything is yet."

"I didn't ask your permission for her company." He glared at me through half hooded eyes. "Considering this is her first week, I highly doubt she is behind in her work. If she is, it's cause you are too lazy to do yours. No. Miss Steele will show me around."

"Oh we will see about that," he muttered as he turned, heading back to his office. I saw him get on the phone, but it didn't matter. I always get what I want.

"Miss Steele," She looked up at me, and then quickly joined me. "I need to thoroughly explore the company today," I said. She nodded quietly, and then proceeded to head out of Hyde's area. I followed her, and it wasn't long before we were far enough away from prying eyes.

During the next hour, Miss Steele showed me around, and together we learned a few things about the company, and in turn, I learned a few things about her. Very few things.

She was quiet, kept her head lowered, and her thoughts kept drifting away. Maybe Hyde was right when he said she was behind in her work. She did have intelligence, though. We discussed several books, mostly the 19th century British authors. Her demeanor changed as she talked about books shes read or is reading, and I had to smile, getting a glimpse of the girl my brother fell for. After two hours, we had seen everything we could have, and regretfully, I was going to have to let her head back to her desk.

"Anastasia, before you head back, I think there is something I should say to you." She looked up at me apprehensively and I smiled quietly, hoping to help her relax. "Listen, I know you are new here, and don't know many here yet... But I think that I should let you know, if you feel uncomfortable with someone's actions, or words... If they treat you as something other then a fellow employee, you really should report it to HR."

"He's not done... anything wrong," she said, biting her lower lip, her blue eyes looking down and to the side of us.

"No, maybe not in your eyes. How he was leaning over you, practically caging you to your desk... look, that is not only not healthy for a work environment but it's illegal."

"I will report him if it gets worse," she promised me. I am not a hundred percent sure I should put a lot of faith into that promise.

"Look, here is my card. I always have my cell phone. If you feel uncomfortable, or he's said something, or done something and you don't feel like it warrants talking to HR, you can always call me." I hand her my card, glad I keep some with me with my old married name. Best if no one knows I am a Grey, especially this girl. "If you want to just hang out and talk, too, you can. We could order pizza, grab some chick flicks and make a night of it."  
She looks up at me and smiles. "That would be nice. I don't have many friends here yet."

We walk back to her office and I say my good-byes. As I leave the office, I swear I hear Jack Hyde's voice holler out for Anastasia, and I cringe. _Enjoy your freedom now, mate. I can guarantee you won't have it for long._

As I leave the building, I see my limo waiting for me, Stevenson standing at the open door, ready to allow me to get in. I thank him as I get in, and sit down on the seat, Stevenson closing the door behind me. I look over to Taylor, who had been sitting patiently in the vehicle as I made my rounds of the office.

"Well," he said, watching me closely for any clue as to what I found, saw or heard.

"First, help me here, I feel stifled " I turn, letting him unbutton the top of my dress, unzipping it a quarter of the way down until I can breath and move my chest. "Damn things. I hate playing dress up. You owe me, Jason."

"I know. You can add it to the tab," he said grinning. "What did you find?"

"Tell me, does she believe all the people she meets are good at heart?" He looked at me a moment, and then a small smile formed on his lips as he nodded. "That could cause her a whole hell of a lot of problems," I said, my mind running over how it would make a security team work even harder trying to protect someone who doesn't believe evil exists in the world.

"Maybe, but Ma'am..." I look at him and shake my head, my teeth making a tsk tsk sound.

"Jason, for now, we are on level ground. Same agenda, same mission."

"Right, sorry." Taylor relaxed a hair, not much, but I have a thought that maybe now, after all these years with Christian, the man forgot how to relax. "Maybe, that part of her allowed her to see the Christian Grey that no one else sees."

I close me eyes, exhaling a long slow breath. I lean my head back and try to clear my thoughts. My skin crawled, the side effect of being near Jack Hyde. "You are probably correct on that."


	8. Chapter 8

It was just after 2:30am, and I laid in the guest room, wide awake, waiting for sleep.

My mind rolled over all the thoughts and feelings and actions from the last few days, and I just couldn't fall asleep. Christian can't stay asleep because of his nightmares, and I can't fall asleep.

I heard a piano's call through the closed door of my room. Christian. I sighed closing my eyes and then threw back the blankets. I rolled out of bed, grabbing the robe I had thrown on the foot of the bed, placed it around my shoulders as I walked through the apartment, the piano beckoning me. As I enter the great room, I see him sitting at the piano, one corner of my lips curl up in a half smile. Growing up, this is how I would find him at night, playing hundreds of different melodies from dozens of varied composers. All tunes were melancholy, his soul unwilling to play much more. Oh, I think he learned more, happier tunes, but I never heard him play any.

I came down the steps, approaching the piano quietly and then standing near him, waiting for him to notice I was there. The tune came to it's end, and he opened his eyes, finally noticing me.

"Hi," he says, quietly, scooting over on the piano bench so I can sit next to him.

"Hi," I returned. "Can't sleep?" He shakes his head no, and bows his head, releasing a long sigh.

"Sha... Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course hon. Always." He nods but it's another few minutes before he gathers himself to ask his question. I watched him, seeing a small conflict on his face of emotions, warring with himself over how or what to ask me.

"How did you know," he finally asked.

"How did I know what," I returned to him, a thousand answers preparing themselves to be the answer he was looking for.

"How did you know you were in love with Mike?" Oh... crap.

"Are you asking... How you would know you are in love, or what I felt when I realized I was in love?"

"I don't understand," he said, turning and looking at me, his hands dropping to his lap. "Aren't they the same thing?"

"Love is... different for everyone," I answered, but he rolled his eyes at me and stood up, walking over to one of the windows that let in the moonlight.

"That's a bullshit answer," he mumbled.

"Maybe. You would... have to experience to get a better answer," I said quietly, looking away from him.

"Well... what was it like between you and Mike?" I closed my eyes to that question. I was afraid he would ask me it.

"It was... not what you may expect."

"Dammit Sha, just give me a fucking answer," he said, spinning around to look at me.

"Chrissy... I... Okay, look, this is something _no one_ knows. And it better stay that way, okay?" He furrowed his brow, stood taller and then crossed his arms, nodded at me and waited. "Mike... he loved me. He was a great guy, and a fabulous friend. He'd do anything for anyone. You know that." I looked at him, and saw him nodding. Christian had gotten along rather well with Mike, though for anyone not in the family, it would still have seemed as if Christian was just as dark and cold to Mike as he was to everyone else. He tilted his head, waiting for me to continue. I inhaled deeply, nodding to myself and thinking, _Just tell him._ "I didn't love him."

His arms dropped to his sides, his eyes widened in shock at my words, not understanding. "But... you married him."

"Yeah," I sighed. "I know." He watched me, his eyebrows still furrowed, waiting for the answer to finish. "I had a different agenda."

"Agenda?" I nodded. "What do you mean?"

I closed my eyes, not wanting to answer him. I opened my eyes when he hadn't said anything more. His eyes were still watching me, waiting. "He... loved me and wanted to be married, and be my husband... I... I just wanted Pa-Pa Grey to walk me down the aisle."

"You got married... just to walk down the aisle with our grandfather?" His voice was low, and cold. I know that he was seeing me in a light he had never seen me in before. One that shows me as the selfish bitch I am. I nodded. "Did Mike know?"

"No." I closed my eyes. I didn't want to see Christian's face, see the disappointment on his handsome features. "He was a great guy, and a really good friend. And we had always enjoyed each other's company."

"Have you... ever been in love?" I nodded quietly. "What happened? How did you know you were in love then and not with Mike?"

"I didn't know I was in love. Not until we broke up. We broke up... We weren't right for each other. But when we did, it was like death. Like I was dying. The pain from the loss..." I closed my eyes remembering to much how deep that pain had cut, how miserable I had been for weeks.

"Yeah," he said, and I could hear the whisper of the same pain in his voice. "How do you stop it? How do you stop the pain?"

"You have one of the best private libraries on the West Coast, and you don't know that answer," I asked, kinda confused. "All those romantic novels of the last two hundred years or more, and not even a clue?" He shook his head, and I smiled at him. Men...

"'How do you stop the pain?' Well... you won't like this answer." He watches me closely, raising a eyebrow. "To stop the pain, you have to live. Carry on. Do everything as if the rest of the world doesn't know you are suffering. Cause it doesn't and no one knows unless you tell them, and you don't want to tell them."

"But..." he started but then stopped, looking away from me. I got up and walked over to him, sharing his view of the world.

"But what, hon?"

"It hurts... so much. I feel... empty." I reach for his hand, and he turns looking at me, and I raise my arms, and he folds himself into my arms, and I give him a hug, holding him closely. The hug was heart wrenching. It went on for a fraction of eternity before his arms started to relax, and he leaned back. "I need her."

I nod. "Do you love her?"

"It has to be love," he whispered.

"Why?"

"Cause it hurts to much to be anything else." I smiled at him, and raised my hand to run my fingers through his messed up hair.

"Then, we have to try to get her back."

"You'll help," he asked with a note of surprise in his voice. In the darkened room, with the help of the moon I was able to see his eyes, wide and pleading with me.

"Of course. I will always help you hon. You're my brother." He smiled at me, and I swear I could see his posture improve as he regained a feeling of reality around him. "I have a meeting tomorrow morning. But when I get back, we'll see what we can do, okay?"

"Thanks," he said quietly.

"You're welcome. Now, we need sleep, so lets get you back in bed." I heard him inhale sharply, and my hand reached for his arm. "I'll stay with you. I'll keep the demons at bay as you sleep."

"Thanks Sha," he said quietly as we headed back to his room.

I awoke early, and rolled Christian off of me. He had managed to sleep for the last four hours, and I managed to catch a few minutes as well. At this rate, I will be useless at the end of the week and in need of a coma to catch up on my sleep.

I head to my room, and hop into the shower, my mind running through my plans for the day, and the conversation from the night before. Closing my eyes under the shower head, his question runs through my mind again.

_Have you ever been in love?_

I leaned against the tiled wall, my hands running through my hair, and I remember how much I loved feeling his hands wash my hair, how his hands would caress down my body, cup my breasts, tease my nipples... I smiled remembering his voice, how the hairs on my body would stand tall as he would whisper in my ear... As good as he was - As good as we were, we also had dark sides. We were competitive, demanding, needy, greedy, lusty beings, and in the end, if we stayed together, it would go bad.

_Have you ever been in love?_

Yes.

The question is, of course, the one I didn't want to think about. The one I turned away from on a hourly basis. The one I hide from, run from and don't want to answer.

_Would I go back to him?_

God help me, if he called me tonight, yeah, I would more likely then not, head to him, run to him, want to be wrapped in his arms and never be let go.  
Thankfully, I don't have to worry about that. He has someone in his life, and I am way the fuck on the other side of the country and we are each out of each other's lives. As it should be. After all, I am a strong, powerful, independent woman with a thriving empire rolling beneath my feet. I could have a million men for my choosing.

As I am picking out the clothes I will wear, I check my BlackBerry, growling at the number of messages it has taken for me. I forward all the messages from the bankers, lawyers and other "non-important" creatures to Diana. I am half tempted to change my number so I am not bothered by some of these people for now.

I call Stevenson, and he answers immediately. He sounds as if he is wide awake, and has been for hours. He probably has. "Yes Ma'am," he asks, his voice overly chipper.

"I have a meeting in a hour. We should leave shortly," I said, checking my watch.

"Understood, Ma'am. Any vehicle in particular?"

"No, your choice. It's all the same to me," I said with a sigh. I would rather take my bike, but, not after so little sleep.

"Understood Ma'am. I will be waiting for you in the garage." I thank him, and finish getting dressed. Before heading out, I peek into Christian's room. I look over at him, still sound asleep in bed, and so far it looks as if the nightmares will stay back. For now. I grab a glass of orange juice from the kitchen, and head to Christian's office. Sitting down at his desk, I smile as his computer automatically comes to life. Goofy fucker probably has either the chair rig with a sensor, or has the computer hooked up with a motion sensor.

As his screen comes to life, I see his calender icon blinking. I open it, reading the notation he made: "Ana's friend Jose: Event." Hmmm... An event. That he was taking her to. Or had planned on taking her to. I smile, and grab a post-it note from his desk drawer.

"Ana's friend has a event. Check your calender. See if she needs a ride, or company." After I checked the web for the few items I had wanted to see, I shut the computer down, and stick the post-it in the middle of his screen. Checking my watch again, I head back to the kitchen dropping off my empty glass, and head for the elevator. I am early, but that isn't a big issue. The door pings, announcing it's arrival and I get in, punching the button for the garage.

As the doors open, I smile, seeing Stevenson already waiting for me. "You are early, Stevenson." He smiles, and nods.

"Yes Ma'am." He opens the door to the red R8 of mine, and smiles as I get in. He closes the door, and then hops into the drivers side. "What's our destination," he asks.

I inhale deeply, slowly exhaling the air, and closing my eyes. As I open them, I see his eyes in the rearview mirror watching me. "My parent's place." He nods again, starting the engine.

The drive there was uneventful and quiet. I dread this visit... I haven't been home since... Since Mike passed away. I left for business reasons, I had told them. I couldn't come home when they asked me to, cause I was busy, or my calender was full, or... some other piece of fiction. But, in truth, I ran away. Haven't even talked to my parents in the last year. Not that they did anything wrong, they didn't. I just... I wanted to hide from someone, and they just kept reminding me of that someone I wanted nothing to do with. So I ran.

Sooner then I realize, we are pulling up the driveway to the house. Stevenson parks in front of the walk to the front door, and I wave for him to stay in the car as I open the door on my own. He frowns at me in the reflection of the rear view mirror, and I smirk. He always insists on opening my door. I don't require it of him... but I do allow him the duty, at least some of the time.

Turning away from the car and Stevenson's grim face, I face the front door, and inhale deeply, centering my thoughts and slowly approach the door. Just as I reach for the doorbell, the door flies open, and my mother stands before me, her hand covering her mouth, her eyes shine from unshed tears. She suddenly embraces me and holds me close to her, nearly crushing me.

"Oh my little one! You have come home!" She cries as she holds me close, and I wrap my arms around her, my heart softening in her embrace.  
"Hi Mom," I said softly. She just rocks me as she holds me tightly.

"Oh Shana!" She cried, and her embrace became tighter. I begin to think she may crush me to death from her love.

"I'm sorry it's been so long, Mom." I held back my tears with a Herculean effort, and just allowed her to hold me.

"Oh little one! You are here now, and that is all that matters." She pulled me away from her embrace, holding me at arm's length, her eyes roaming all over me. She smiled a soft smile at me and I returned it with a quiet one. "You've grown since I last saw you."

I let out a small laugh at that, shaking my head. "Mom, I think I stopping growing while I was in high school," I teased her.

"Come! Come in, are you here long? I want to know all you have been up to, what you've been doing, where you've been," she said without coming up for air. I walked into the house, and inhaled deeply. It's amazing how your home has a scent that doesn't match the scent of other houses. One that just says, "Welcome Home." I smiled, looking around. It hasn't changed much since I was last here. Same old pictures, same old carpet... Home.


	9. Chapter 9

Mom made us breakfast, pancakes and bacon, and I had to smile at how easily she was allowing me back into the family. I sat at the breakfast bar, drinking a cup of coffee, watching her work away in the kitchen. I had offered to help, but she down-right refused to hear it. So, I kept her company, and we chatted as she busily got things done in the once spotless kitchen.

"I now see where the boys get their cooking skills from," I said grinning, quickly taking a sip from my coffee so she can't see the smile on my face.

"What do you mean, dear," she asked, turning towards me, spatula in one hand, oven mitt on the other, and I don't know where she found it, but she somehow managed to find a 1950's housewife's apron. It was a white apron with small cherries all over it, and the oven mitt matched. I could only shake my head wondering where in the hell she had hidden it.

"You really have to use every pot and pan in the kitchen? Where is Rosa," I asked, drawing a glaring look from my mother that only made me choke on my coffee.

"If you have to know, this is her regular day off, and I am a fine cook. I taught you everything you know!"

"Right... Which is why I eat out or hire a cook." I quickly jump up, running from the kitchen giggling like a child as she chases me out, swinging the spatula like a sword.

"Shana Minnie Grey! You are so asking for it," she hollers after me, and I only laugh as she remembers the last of the pancakes were near ready on the griddle.

It wasn't long before the breakfast was ready, and we sat at the kitchen table, talking about what has been going on here, and what I have done, and where I have been hiding. Well, that's _not exactly_ right. She wanted to know, but my answers were vague and misleading. I wasn't quite ready to tell everything. Not yet at least.

Once breakfast was done, we shuffled to the back porch and sat on the lounge chairs to continue our talk. Our view looked out onto the lake, and it was still early enough to see a low mist still hovering above the grass. I inhaled deeply, remembering easily the smells of our backyard and how there always seemed to be some sound that gave it the air of being alive. The wind from the lake, the rustling of the leaves, the laughter of children... I smiled, images of my youth fluttering before me.

Elliot, Mia, Christian and I running like wild children in flag tag. A game Mom came up with so that Christian could play tag without having the fear of being touched. The trees that we climbed as a children seem so much taller now. Off in the distance I can even see the Boathouse. I always loved that little building. It had a loft that we used as our hideout, and we would play there, do board games and even have slumber parties up there. This was a great place to grow up at.

"What are you thinking about, Shana," Mom asked, her cup resting near her lips, her fingers holding it aloft in a tee-pee grip.

"Oh, you know. How much fun we had growing up here. Running, climbing, you know. The normal kid stuff." She smiled at me, nodding, her gaze turning back to face the lake.

I heard her inhale deeply after a few minutes, and I looked over at her, saw her face was contorted, trying to make a decision. I allowed my gaze to drift back to the Boathouse and wait for her to say what was on her mind.

"Why did you decide to come home now?" I looked over at her again, and her face was flushed, apparently embarrassed that she had actually really just asked that. "I'm sorry. You don't have to say anything. I didn't think I was going to actually ask that."

"It's okay Mom. It's a fair question." It was her turn now, to sit there and watch me try to answer her. Well, when in doubt, speak the truth. "I got a call the other night from Taylor."

"Ohhh..." she said quietly, her eyes opening wider. They seemed to light up as she was putting puzzle pieces together. "For Christian," she said in a hushed voice.

I nodded. "Yeah. He said that Christian was having problems." She closed her eyes, and nodded slowly. "Do you know what's going on?" Her gaze drifted away from me, and back to the field. She closed her eyes and sighed deeply.

"Your brother," she began, a small smile appearing on her lips. "He's actually dating someone." Her words came out quietly, and I huffed at her. "I know. I know. You always said that we were wrong in our thoughts about him. But we never saw anything."

"That is because he is a very private soul. You know that," I said, my teeth wanting to clench together. "So, how did you find out?"

"The other day I stopped by his place. Just to stop by, nothing important. But, this time, his staff tried to keep me from entering. I thought then that something was wrong. They said he was still in bed. You know how he is. He never sleeps in. I thought he must be ill, and so, I was determined to find out what was wrong."

"And instead you found out that he was with a girl," I interjected. Mom smiled and nodded.

"It was... such a relief. Not only was he not ill, but that... I had always worried about him. You know, as he was growing up, he was such a unusual child. With his fears and intimacy issues. One of my most devastating fears was that he would never feel love from someone other then family." I nodded, remembering many conversations I had overheard through the years. She would confide in my father, and... Elena... about him.

"Tell me about her," I said. Mom closed her eyes, tilting her head back into the back of the chair, a small smile playing on her lips.

"She is... petite, pretty, and quiet. But his eyes, when he looks at her... You can actually see joy. He holds her hand, and the only way to describe it is love."

"Do you trust her," I asked, watching carefully. She turned her head to me, raising a eyebrow at my question.

"Protective, are we," she asks and I shrugged. "Yes. I think that I do trust her."

"Do you think... I mean... Christian. Financially..." Good God this is a hard thing to ask of my mother, and I honestly don't know why.

"Do I think she is after his money and not his heart?" I nod, and she sighs. "Shana... As a mother, especially a mother of the four of you, brilliant people who manage to do fantastical things in the world, and create huge financial empires, that is always a worry. For me, as well as your father." She leans forward to whisper conspiratorially to me, "You probably don't know this, but your dad, he does extensive background checks on everyone you ever meet."

"Yeah, we all know that. But don't tell him. I know it gives him a sense of control." Mom smiles, knowing full well that Dad never had any control over us, not that he would do much with it. He and she, are great parents. We all know that and feel incredibly blessed that they welcomed us into their hearts.

"He did check into Ana, and though she hasn't anything to her name, save a old beat up car and some college loans, he has decided that she could be trusted. Maybe. With Christian's money. Not that Christian will give up control," she added, with a wicked grin. "Oh Shana, if she was in this relationship to drain every last dime from him, over everything that has gone on this last two weeks... I would give her full access to all of my accounts."

I sat up at that, my head whipping fast to look at my mom, who only grinned.

"Shana, you should see your brother... He has changed... He is so... It's what I have always prayed for."

"What do you mean," I asked quietly, my eyebrows furrowing. I will admit, I have seen him, and he is quite a bit different, but he is forlorn, heart broken. Apparently Mom doesn't know that yet though.

"He... smiles. He seems to have a softer side. Oh, if you look at it too long, he does cover it up, and he's back to being the Christian he always was. But, this Ana... I swear she is a angel. He looks at her, and glows. He's protective of her, of course, but... He brought her to dinner. Here, one night," she added and it's a good thing she hadn't said that while we were eating our breakfast, cause I would have choked. He has never brought anyone here. Male or female.

"She was nervous, of course, but she and Mia got along so sweetly. At one point, I saw him watching her, as the two girls talked. He was lost." I frowned at that and Mom quickly amended her words. "No, not lost bad. I mean, lost in love. You could see, for those few minutes, how much he loved her, it was so peaceful. Beautiful. If he came to me today, right now and said he was taking her to Vegas tonight and they were getting married, I would fly the plane there myself."

Inwardly, I laughed at these words, knowing my father would be arguing the whole way, probably about insisting upon a pre-nup, a trial period, demanding that they wait for the honeymoon lusting to wear off. My brother has never dated before. He probably doesn't even know about a honeymoon phase.

"What sort of problems is Christian having that made Taylor want to call you," she asked, pulling me away from my thoughts.

"Well... Um..." I tried to think of how to put the words together but was failing miserably.

"When in doubt, use the truth." I nod at my mother's words, and sit up, turning to face her.

"You are right, he is in love. Deeply. But, they broke up." I heard her sharp intake of a gasp, but continued. "She left him, and he... is struggling."

"I should-" Mom started to say, sitting up from her relaxed state.

"No." She looked at me, her eyebrows raised in question. "Chrissy and I are going to take care of it." She smiled at me, placing her hands on mine.

"You always did protect him," her eyes watered at me, and I smiled back.

"Mom, just... don't say anything. If it fails, it fails, and it's another lesson of life. If it succeeds, it was meant to be." She nodded. She can't argue with that. She was the one that taught me that. "I... should also add something."

"What is it?" She watched me closely, and I smiled at her.

"I think you are right on your assessment of Ana. Christian, he is generous, as you know. Sometimes too generous." She nodded again. "He gave her a BlackBerry, a car, and a computer." Mom's eyes widened at that admission. "When she left, she left them all behind."

"What?" I could only shrug. "You are sure? I mean, knowing Christian, those are probably all top of the line..."

"Yeah, I am sure. Taylor told me. I didn't believe it at first either." Mom sat there in stunned silence for a bit, and I was wishing I had made this a lunch date and not a breakfast one, as I could really use a glass of wine.

"What's he planning on doing," she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"He's going to get her back," I said, grinning, and Mom returned my grin.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Here it is folks! Gideon is finally going to have some screen time! Thanks for reading!**

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My gaze drifted out the window, taking in the familiar landscape of my home state. The car drove smoothly along the interstate and I was relaxing, feeling and hearing the timed "thump thump thump" of the seams of the concrete as the tires rolled over them. I always loved that sound as a child. It was relaxing and hypnotic and sometimes, I wonder if that is why some babies fall asleep in cars so easily, it being like a womb, and the "thump thump thump" of the road like a heart beat. My phone rang, pulling me out of my thoughts and I realized I had almost fallen asleep. I look down, easily recognizing Christian's number on the caller ID.

"Hey hon. What's up?"

"Hey Shana, was wondering how long you will be gone, and if you wanted to make some plans for dinner or lunch." I smiled, my mind hearing something different in his voice.

"Actually I am heading back now. We could meet for lunch if you want."

"That would be good. I have to go to the office for a few minutes, but there is that Thai restaurant you like down the street from it."

"Oh that sounds great!" I smiled, glad he was always able to remember my favorite things. "I haven't had good Thai in a while. Did you get my note? On your computer," I asked.

"Yeah, thanks. I sent her a email about it..."

"Oh? And...," I asked, intrigued.

"She said she would appreciate a ride." YES! I grinned, glad that that little ploy worked. "Thank you."

"Oh Chrissy, you know I'd do anything for you," I said, laughing. "So, what do you think you will do for the event?"

"I am not one hundred percent sure, but maybe fly Charlie Tango over there, get something to eat before we see his show," he said, and I could hear from the tone in his voice that he wasn't sure about all of that, but at least it's a start. "Would... Ummm... "

"What?" I waited, knowing what he was going to ask. I sighed deeply, wishing I could give him a answer he would like.

"Would you like to join us?"

"Thank you, Christian, but... no. Not this time. You both need this without others around right now."

"Thought I would ask." There was a moment of silence and then he broke the spell. "Shana... were you... Are you wanting to purchase SIP?" I blink, not understanding his question.

"Why do you ask," I said, hesitantly, wondering at the change of topics.

"Roach said you had been there, looking around the facility," Christian said and I rolled my eyes. Damn Roach. Boy never could keep things private.

"Well... I was there, yes. And, Bug owed me a favor. So I cashed it in, and he gave me carte blanche to look around. Under the guise of me, or one of my partners wanting to purchase it."

"Bug...?" Christian said the word like he was testing it on his tongue. "Wait! Roach is Bug? How do I not remember that?"

I laugh at him. "Cause sometimes you forget the small stuff dear." Back when we were kids, Roach and a few other kids and us owned the block we lived on. Running free and wild, getting into all sorts of trouble, and, trying to play as far away from our homes so we couldn't hear the calls of our parents when it was time for dinner. Bug was a great kid back then. We got into all sorts of trouble, and dirt and muck. Of course, Christian loved to play, but he didn't like all the dirty, messing playing we used to get into. Roach fit easily into our posse and, unfortunately, found as much trouble as we did.

"I can't believe that is him. Why didn't he say something to me?" I can picture Christian on the other end, one hand rubbing the back of his neck while he just shook his head.

"Because... You're Christian Grey and if you aren't acknowledging it, why should he bring it out into the open? Who knows. That's only a guess."

Christian grumbled something in his end. "So... why were you there?"

"I'll tell you at lunch, okay? We're almost there." He agreed, and ended the call. I returned my gaze back out the window, and smiled, remembering the childhood we used have.

Christian leaned back from the table, patting his full belly and grinning at me as I finished the last of my curry sauce with a chunk of na'an. I smiled back, leaning back as well when I am finished. He grins at me, shaking his head.

"What," I ask, and he shakes his head some more.

"She... Ana, she rarely eats. When she does, its so little. You... you relish it. I don't understand why people will just... not eat. Don't they understand that people are out there starving?"

I roll my eyes and sigh at his words. "Christian, not everyone knows what you know. And, sometimes, people use food for other purposes then just sustaining their life. When some are sad, or depressed, they can eat too much, or not at all... And, girls... they diet. A lot. Also... until we know someone well enough... We always eat very little in front of our new love interest. Don't ask, I really am not sure why."

He sat there, leaning back on the back two legs of the chair he is on, his hand rubbing his chin as he mulls over what I just told him.

"You used your married name," Christian said after a few minutes.

"Huh?" I looked up at him, eyebrow arched, wondering why he had just said that.

"When you went to SIP. You used your married name," he elaborated. I groaned inwardly, surprised at another quick change of topics.

"Ohhh... Well... I couldn't be a good spy if I walked in under the Grey name, right?" Surely he thought of that. I watched as he slowly nodded, and then leaned forward, settling his elbows on the table, pushing the empty plates closer to the center of the table.

"You use it in New York, too," he said, his voice low, his forefinger running back and forth across his lower lip.

I sat up, my eyes glaring at him. "And how, prey tell, do you know that?"

"There was some property there I was looking into, but saw your name on a few of the plots. Your married name, that is. Care to explain?"  
I exhaled a long slow sigh, rolling my eyes up to the ceiling. "First," I started. "What business I do, and what property I hold is none of your damned business. Second, do you have any idea how the Grey name is looked down upon on the East Coast?"

He looked at me, his eyes searching mine for a explanation. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, that there are two, fine, very young men in this country who have each claimed a coast. West is yours, East is his. Every fucking time I go to search into a piece of property, if I use the Grey name, amazingly enough, I can't get a damn thing accomplished. And, any piece I do manage to look at, it is shortly picked up by your old buddy."

"So... You use Darqlee, and get things as you like," he said, slowly understanding. I nod, and he sighs. "Is it really that bad for you?"

"Hey, you know us Greys like a challenge," I said, grinning at him. He returned my smile weakly. "It's... difficult, sometimes, but it's not that bad. Just... Look, Vegas is my town, got it? Don't do anything there."

"Vegas... and New York? Is there something else going on that I need to know?" The waitress came by, dropping off the check, and both Christian and I looked at each other, our fingers twitching. Suddenly we both reached for the bill, and I let out a whoop, claiming victory on grabbing it before he had.

"You're getting old, bro. Or out of practice," I laughed, sliding my black Amex into the leather bill fold. Christian grumbled at me, and I smiled a haughty smile. It is rare when anyone gets the honor of paying for a meal while around Mr. Christian T. Grey.

"You didn't answer the question," he huffed, crossing his arms.

"The answer is, no." I check my watch and cuss under my breath. "Shit. I gotta make a call." Christian nodded, and we quickly left, grabbing my card from the waitress as we leave. I may have paid the bill, but Christian, bound and determined to never be bested, made sure I saw him tip her with two one hundred dollar bills. I smirked, rolling my eyes at him as we left, and he laughed at me.

We both hopped into his Audi, Taylor at the wheel, and as we pulled away from the restaurant Christian turned to me. "So, why were you at SIP?"

"I had to check on your girl, and scope it out."

He raised a eyebrow at me. "Oh? And what did you find?"

"Something slimy."

"Can you be more vague?"

"Ana's boss... He's... It would be a lot better for the company if he wasn't there," I said, wanting to clench my teeth as I said it. I watched my brother, seeing his hands clenching into fists. His body has gone taunt as his thoughts try to overpower his brain. I reach a hand out, taking his hand in mine. Immediately, he refocuses on me and the storm he was creating dissipates "You have got to learn to control yourself," I whisper. He he turns from me, but begins to slowly nod and I see he is unclenching his fists.

"I don't know why... But she does this to me. I can't... I have tried to stop. She is just..." I nodded, smiling at him.

I feel my phone vibrate and pick it up, looking at it. If my brother were not standing within feet of me, I would immediately answer it. Christian, turns, and sees me, raising a eyebrow at my unusual stance.

"You going to answer that?" I look up at him, not understanding his question. "Since when don't you answer your phone? Go on then." We pulled into the garage at Escala, and I waited for one more ring, and finally answered it.

"Grey," I said, my voice low and softer then usual. I see Christian watching me, his face questioning.

"Shana," the voice on the other end whispered in a harsh, rough voice.

"I'm here hon, what's wrong?" My heart jumped in my chest hearing the distraught voice on the other end.

Taylor parked the car, and I got out as normally as I could, heading towards the open elevator. I entered it, and quickly punched in the number for my apartment. No one joined me in the elevator car, and I sighed, grateful for a brother that can read my body language.

"She...," the voice broke, and I closed my eyes, leaning against the wall of the elevator. His heart was broken. I knew it. I could feel it. I knew that his voice was rough because he'd been crying. I wished that I could be there for him. I had promised him I would be there whenever he needed me...

"She's gone Shana." The elevator arrived on my floor and I quickly entered my apartment.

"Shana?"

"I'm here. Just getting into the apartment. One second okay dear?" I quickly crossed to my office, and saw Stevenson as he entered from the kitchen. "No interruptions," I said walking briskly past the kitchen heading to my office. He nodded understanding, but I barely noticed it as I stepped into my office, closing the door behind me, locking it. "Talk to me hon, what's going on?"

"She... We had another fight... We were supposed to go out last night... She's gone." I sighed, rolling my eyes and then stopped him.

"Hon, you aren't telling me things in the right order. Try again. Start with the last time it was really good with you." I waited, but he didn't say anything. "Hon?"

"Would you mind... I mean... Is it all right if I come over, to talk? Just to talk. Or, you can come here?" I could tell that he's really hurting. I groan inwardly at myself for not being there for him.

"Oh hon. I had to fly out to Seattle. Family issue. My brother, actually." The line was quiet for a few minutes.

"When are you coming back?" His voice was barely a whisper. I inhaled slowly, closing my eyes, and collapsing down into my desk chair. "No," he said, trying to firm up his voice. I heard him cough, trying to hide what his voice had already betrayed. "No, family first," he said.

"Come here," I suggested, my voice low, hoping he would.

"No, you should deal with your brother. It's okay," he said, and I smiled, shaking my head.

"Bullshit. If you leave now, you'll be here before midnight."

"No, you should stay there... and... I will be-," I heard his voice break again before he coughed to cover it up.

"If you aren't here by midnight, I will head for New York, and I will not be in a good mood," I said, trying for some joviality, but in all honesty, I failed. I wanted to try to lift his spirits, but... knowing him, I had to be firm. He wouldn't think I was serious otherwise. "Stevenson will meet you at the airport."

"Shana, no. I'm... I'll see you when you get back." Defeat. He was defeated, and empty.

"Four hours. I'll be there in four hours," I conceded, sighing loudly. I feel the prickle of a migraine tapping at my temple and know that the flight will not be fun.

"No. You stay with your-"

"Gideon Cross, since when have you ever told me what to do?" I jump to my feet, raising my voice to one of my deeper, louder "You Will Do It Now" volumes my staff knows a little too well. "You need me there, my family needs me here. I gave you a choice, you chose poorly. I will be there in four hours." I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply and letting the breath go out long and slow.

"Thank you," he whispers, and then the phone goes quiet.

**Okay... I can do this. I can get there, and talk him into coming out here, even if I have to tie him up and drag his sorry ass onto the flight myself. Then I can be back here before Christian knows I have gone.** I nod to myself and stand, walking back over to my office door. I was glad I had locked my office door in case Christian had decided to follow... me... here.

Fuck.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Please note, that in this chapter there is a part that is narration and not from anyone's POV.

Also, following the lead of another great writer here, I have decided to bank items that are in this story via pinterest. If you would like to see some of the items, it's at pinterest killasshandra/another-shade-of-grey/ **((PLEASE be sure to remove the spaces between the letters in the link. FanFiction doesn't like linking, so they are trying to make sure that we can't post links regularly. That is why we add the spaces.))**

And, a final note...: Writing about headaches is extremely hard to do, especially if you have one at the time.

Now, back to the story :) Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read my story.

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"Gideon Cross? You are leaving... for Gideon Cross?"

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck!

_Okay. Remain calm. You can deal with this. Cool and confident. Just stay cool and confident._ "And how long were you listening at my door?"

"How long have you been keeping this..._ 'relationship'_... a secret?" Christian steps two steps back, giving me room to exit my office which is a good thing. I would never allow him to corner me. I close my office door behind me as I enter back into the great room. I spot the lurking shadows of Taylor and Stevenson just down the hallway, the bastards are trying to hide and spy in the shadows.

"Stevenson, get the plane ready. Round trip. New York City." Stevenson peeks his head around the corner, and sees I knew exactly where he was. He doesn't say a word, but nods and then leaves to make the arrangements..

"Shana, answer me," Christian growls.

The small pain in my head is growing to a large one rather quickly. I groan inwardly knowing I couldn't argue with him, or anyone if this becomes a full blown migraine. "What? What do you want to know?" I asked quietly, turning back to him. His body language is unusual and I see he is fighting... something.

"What is he? To you?" He asks in a gruff, firm voice. I sighed and go to the kitchen, opening the cupboard the medications are kept in. I grab the bottle of meds, pop the top, toss two into my hand and as I close the cap, Christian hands me a glass of milk. "Migraine," he asks softly. I nod as I pop the pills and drink the cool milk.

"I know you two don't get along, but... a few years ago, there was this project, and... well, to be honest, I would have made you proud. We were both vying for the contract. Every attempt I tried to do, he would counter it, and I just knew I wasn't going to win. That was when I used my married name for the first time. I went after him and every thing he tried to do, I attacked in return. Like... like, how did he put it? A 'vicious pit bull bitch in heat'." Christian smiled at that and then directed me to one of the bar stools at the breakfast bar. He stood behind me and his finger tips started to lightly circle my temples. "Then, one night, he called me, drunk as all hell, and demanded to see me."

"And you told him to fuck off," Christian said, and I could hear the grin in his voice. I slowly shook my head, which inflamed the headache.

"No. I... invited him up to my room," I said in a small whisper.

"Why the fuck would you do that?" Christian didn't yell, but he still had a force behind his voice.

"Because, one, he was drunk as hell. Two, he was drunk as hell and I am a sexy chick. And if this sexy chick can't get a drunk Gideon Cross to... agree to my terms on a business deal, then I might as well give up and take lessons from Mia." Christian snorted at that and I had to smile. "Chrissy, can you turn the lights down?"

"Yes," he said, his voice softer now. Where are your sunglasses?" I shrugged, my head going down to the bar counter. The cool granite felt so good on my forehead.

"Here they are, Mr. Grey," Stevenson said, as he returned to the room. "The plane will be waiting, Ma'am... If you still need it." Christian hands me my darker sunglasses, and I put them on, but it doesn't matter. A lot of the time I spend with migraines I have to wear sunglasses so my eyes don't strain trying to hide out to of the sun, and it does seem to reduce the pain quicker then normal The pain is so strong now I don't want to open my eyes.

"She's not going," Christian says in a whisper meant only for Stevenson.

"May I remind you that my damned migraines heighten sound waves," I said in a low growl.

"You can't, not like this. You know you will only get sicker. Besides, it's only Cross. Let the fucker rot."

My head slowly raised up from the granite, the stone no longer a comfort. Christian was stepping back towards me to continue administering to my temples, but he stopped when I lowered my sunglasses to stare at him. His eyes watched me warily as I slid off the bar stool.

"Did you just say, 'Let the fucker rot'?" Christian stared at me. I took a step closer to him. "Did you just say 'Let the fucker rot'? Answer me!"

"Sha, your head-"

"The pain is in my head, not yours. Answer me!"

"Yeah. Yeah I said it. I said to let the fucker rot. He's a bastard and a asshole who tries at every turn to take from me, and you god-damn know it. Look! He's even got you on his side now!"

"Taylor!" I holler, and hear his answer within seconds. "Taylor, get Christian out of my house. And then, tomorrow, make sure Claude Bastille has a opening. Christian and I seem to have a issue to work out."

"Are you fucking nuts? We don't do that any more. I'll kick your ass, and then..."

"We don't do it anymore cause we haven't had a need to and I haven't been around. You come into my house, jump my shit over who I can have as a friend and who I can't, dictate whether or not I will go to NYC or not to MY staff, about MY plane, from MY apartment? And I am fucking nuts?" I step closer to him, and see Taylor and Stevenson each take a step closer to us. "You better go home, and get down on your knees before you go to bed, and thank the gods that my god damn headache prevented me from taking you down here and now."

"You wouldn't have dared," Christian mutters, growlingly.

Taylor approaches him, placing a hand on his elbow, not to restrain, just to let him know he is there. "Mr. Grey... It would be unwise to stay..." Taylor looked at me, and Christian's eyes followed Taylor's. "You would hate yourself if her headache became worse because of something you may say. Or how she may react further." Christian ground his teeth, continuing to stare at me, but then nodded.

I stood there, in the middle of the great room, watching my brother, and my friend leave my home. As soon as the door closed behind them, Stevenseon ran to catch me as I fell.

"Shana," he said, grumbling as he picked me up and carried me to the couch, only a few feet further then where I had collapsed at. "Have you lost your mind?"

I exhaled slowly, my eyes closed and my teeth clenched in pain. "I wish," I murmur through my teeth. "I don't think the pain would be as bad if I had."

Doug Stevenson laughed at that, holding my hand, which was clenched tightly from the pain. "It's a bad one," he said, frowning. I gave him one small, slow nod of me head.

"Doug... I need your help." He nodded, not letting my hand go. "I need to get to New York."

"Shana, flying and migraines..."

"I know. I'll take the codeine. It will help." I heard him mutter something, but I wasn't finished. "I need... one more thing. I will need you to convince Gideon to come back here with us."

Stevenson helped me into the car, buckling me in making sure I was safely restrained. _Not like I could go far anyways. Not with this headache._ He drove as quickly and as quietly as he could, to the airport, making no sharp turns, slowing down over a longer then normal distance at stop signs and traffic lights so that my body didn't move like it would have at a quick halt. We arrived at the airport, and he drove us over to the private fields where my jet was waiting. Once there, Stevenson helped me climb out of the car after releasing the fasteners I was having a hard time unbuckling. He guided me up the stairs into the plane and slowly lowered me into a nearby seat. He set the medication bottle in front of me, as well as a small glass of milk before walking over to the pilot. I tried to not pay them attention, but I heard the conversation anyways.

"We need to wait at least ten minutes after she has taken the meds before you can take off."

"She really shouldn't be flying like this," the pilot mumbled. "And, round trip? Tonight? All right. I'll file the flight plan. Let me know if I have to make a emergency stop."

"I will." I heard him approach, but I was in too much pain to open my eyes to watch him. "Stevenson here," he said. _He must have been his phone,_ I thought. "We're on the plane. Jason, I- Hello Mr. Grey. No sir. She insisted. Sir, I don't think that would be wise- No, sir. I understand." He walked away from me, and just as I felt the dizziness of the codeine wrap around me, I opened my eyes long enough to see Stevenson talk to the pilot again.

I awoke with a metallic taste in my mouth, and too much saliva. I sat up, but my head thudded me back, and my stomach rolled. I bit down on my lip and struggled to stand. I felt hands on me and all I wanted was to get to the bathroom fast. I barely made it there before my body decided to empty my stomach.

Kind hands held me up and pulled my hair out of my face, keeping it away so that I couldn't get sick on it. He handed my a glass of water, which I used to rinse my mouth with before spitting it out into the commode as well. I wavered on my feet, but managed to wash my hands, and leave the bathroom on my own. That was as far as I got before I was picked up and carried to the bed in the back of the plane.

I felt the softness of the sheets on my skin as I was gently placed down on the edge of the bed. My headache was rampaging through me that I was unaware anyone was talking to me, and I didn't notice and a piece of toast being held out for me. Shortly after I noticed the toast, he placed in my hands then raised my hand to my mouth so I could eat the toast. This part was repeated until it was half gone and I really couldn't eat anymore. If Christian were here, he would have thrown a fit, for the rest of the toast going to waste, and for the fact that I really haven't eaten anything anyways.

I looked down in my hand, and saw two pills. I tried to think of where they came from, but instead I watched as another hand came and raised my hand to my mouth, putting the two pills into my mouth, where they were supposed to go. I felt a glass at my lips, and drank the thicker liquid, knowing it was probably milk again.

I don't remember laying down on the bed, but I felt kind arms wrap around me, and words being whispered into my hair before I succumbed to the migraine.

As soon as she was finally asleep, Christian slowly removed himself from the bed, pulled the blanket up over her, and quietly left the room, closing the door behind him. He looked around the cabin, and swallowing a scowl, moved to sit at the table across from Gideon Cross.

"She asleep," he asked quietly. Christian nodded, looking over to the flight attendant and nodding. She quickly brought over a glass of brandy, which he drank slowly, his eyes not leaving Gideon, who also was staring at him in return.

"Look, we... have to come to a agreement," Christian said, his voice rough, his body taut as if physically restraining himself. Gideon nodded in agreement. "She'll kill herself trying to help people before she puts herself first. And... I only just found out about you and her-"

"We are friends," Gideon said, interrupting Christian. Christian glared at him, grinding his teeth at being interrupted.

"Like I said, before I was interrupted, I only just found out about you and her being friends. Knowing our business dealings, I understand why she has kept it secret." Christian took another sip of his brandy. He looked out the window of the plane, his thoughts still trying to settle down in his mind. "We will have to get along while around her."

"Agreed. A truce then? While I am in Seattle?" Gideon asked, watching him. Christian nodded, extending a hand. Gideon looked at the hand a moment, and shook it in a gentleman's agreement. Christian's fingers wrapped tighter, and pulled Gideon closer.

"You hurt her, I will kill you," Christian said in a slow, cool voice.

"If I hurt her," Gideon responded in the same cool, slow voice. "I'll let you kill me."

Both men released their hands and slowly sat back, each one's gaze going back out to the windows as they each tried to hide how much pain they were both in from that handshake.

Taylor had sat in the corner, a game of chess sitting in between him and Stevenson. Both had watched the exchange. He looked at Stevenson, who in turn looked over to where Angus, Mr. Cross' bodyguard, sat. Angus raised a eyebrow, and a gave a small shrug. Stevenson and Taylor each nodded in return, wondering how this will now change their worlds.


	12. Chapter 12

I woke, feeling hungry and disoriented. My room was dark, but when I looked at my clock, it said 3:30pm. I laid there, trying to put pieces together in my mind, but besides the hunger, the only other thing I knew for certain was I no longer had a headache. I sighed with relief, amazed at how easier everything was with out being weighed down by a headache. I stretched, my arms extending to both sides of me, and my toes curling, my bones popping awake.

I slowly slung my legs over the side of my bed, and pulled myself up. Closing my eyes, and sending a small prayer to the gods, I hesitantly stood, and was slightly surprised to find I could stand, and didn't wobble. I staggered out of my room, heading for the kitchen. My stomach growled, but my tongue with thick, all the moisture in my mouth seemed to have disappeared along with my migraine. I saw Christian at the breakfast bar, typing madly on his laptop.

"Hey," I grumbled, leaning into his shoulder. He leaned back and asked how my headache was. "Gone. Just hungry now." He nodded, and as I turned into the kitchen, I saw Stevenson was there with a glass of orange juice for me. I thanked him, and he then handed me a plate with a slice of toast, covered with peanut butter and cheddar cheese. I smiled, thanking him again. I drank half the orange juice, closing my eyes and letting the citrus refresh me. "Aahh, that was perfect. Thanks Doug." He nodded, turning away and headed to his office.

I walked to my couch in the great room, and sat down next to Gideon, propping my feet up on the coffee table. He was lost in thought staring at his laptop, and I put a hand on his shoulder to greet him. He looked over at me and smiled.

"You'll make yourself sick, eating crap like that," he said, grinning at my breakfast.

"Don't knock it till you've tried it," I grinned back. I leaned my head back, and closed my eyes for a few minutes, just trying to still adjust. I seemed so... off. Like something was not quite right and I just... couldn't figure it out.

My eyes opened wide as I realized what it was.

What I had missed.

Oh holy hell.

I stood up quickly, nearly tossing my toast to the ground.

"Gideon! You're... here!" I looked over at Christian who stood quickly, and I was now afraid of the two of them in the same room, and... what the hell happened to my universe, cause... apparently I am in a different one.

"Shana, it's okay, Christian and I... have made a truce," Gideon said calmly.

"A temporary one," Christian elaborated with a small growl, his eyes watching Gideon. I could swear it was like a episode from PBS, where two predators are hedging each other out. "As long as he is here in Seattle."

I looked at the two men, and slowly nodded as I remembered now, getting on the plane. I sat down and Christian sat next to me. He took my hand in his, and squeezed it gently. "You had a really bad migraine this time." I nodded. "Eat, and then we'll set you up a bath and if you need, I'll have Gail come down and help you."

"Thanks," I said, grateful he was around. "Did you do your thing? With Ana?"

He nodded, smiling. I could only return the bright, white smile, surprising myself that I couldn't quite remember when was the last time I had seen him smile like that. "I think it went well. We're going to try again."

"Impressive," I said, knocking my shoulder against him. "From one date, huh?" He nodded, a bit bashfully, and I grinned. "Way to go, bro. When do I get to officially meet her?"

"At the Coping Together Event." I nod, smiling. "I have to get back to..." He tilts his head at his computer and I nod.

"It's ok. Gideon can keep me company and I will eat." He sends a glare at Gideon but then nods and returns to his computer. I take a bite out of my toast, and watch Gideon. "So... How long you going to be in town," I asked.

"It's undetermined right now," he said in a low voice. He turned and looked at me, his gaze travelling slowly over my features and I raise a eyebrow at him, wondering what he sees, or maybe, what he is looking for. "How often do you get headaches like that?"

"Oh... Lately, they haven't been as bad as that was, but, if I take into account a stubborn brother and a stubborn friend, a extra side helping of drama and little sleep, well, those factors probably increased my pain." I saw a wisp of pain and hurt pass through his eyes, and knocked into him, my shoulder bumping his. "I'm kidding," I said, though it was more likely the truth. He responded with a wry grimace. I finished off my toast, and then reached for the orange juice I had set down on the coffee table. I took another wonderful sip and then leaned back into the sofa. "I was in a car wreck when I was younger. Migraines are a side effect to my survival," I said, shrugging.

"And there is nothing you can do about them?" I shake my head no. "Trust me, mom and dad spoke to tons of doctors, and there really isn't anything anyone can do. There are a few things I could do that _might_ prevent them, but mostly, that's only a 50/50 chance."

"Sha, I gotta go. I have to head back to the office... Will you be okay," Christian asks, standing up, and tucking his laptop under his arm.

"Yes, yes," I laugh. "I'll be fine. I am feeling much better. You go do your thing and you can call me later. Oh, and thanks. You know... for..." Christian smiles and nods, not needing to hear it. I watch him head out, Taylor following behind him. Once they are gone, I turned back to Gideon, who only smirks at me. "A truce, huh?" He shrugged. "So... Wanna tell me what happened between you and Eva?"

Gideon sighed deeply and then folded his laptop closed. He sat forward, placing it on the coffee table in front of us, and then leaned back into the couch, closing his eyes. I waited patiently for a few minutes and then I place my hand on top of his, where it had been resting on his leg.

"Do you remember my promise I made to you?" He inhales a shaky breath and nods. In this state, he looks so... vulnerable. He reminds me so much of a lost little boy sometimes, so similar to Christian. "Well, I meant it then, and I still mean it now. I don't break my promises."

"I know," he murmured "I... We were doing so well. It was almost perfect. Then, one of her friends scored some concert tickets. Eva and myself, her boss' sister and a friend of mine, you remember Arnoldo Ricci?" I nodded. "We were at the show, and we were enjoying it. Then..." Gideon stopped, closed his eyes, and his lips pinched together as if to keep the words from coming out of his mouth.

"Then what," I said after about ten minutes of waiting for him to continue.

"Well, after the opening act finished, the stage lights went dark, and you could hear that the roadies were switching over gear for the main act. Eva and I... we had been... enjoying ourselves where we stood. Then..." He closed his eyes again. "The lead singer came out on stage with a guitar, and he started to sing this song. It is their number one song, and people all over the world love it. It's a huge hit. Even I had liked it. I won't deny that. Eva... She had never heard of the band, but when I... when it..." He paused, closing his eyes and clenching his teeth. "God this is hard to talk to you about," he finally said and I gave him a half grin of understanding.

"Tell me what you want to tell me," I said in a calm, quiet voice, wrapping my fingers around his. I gave his hand a small squeeze for comfort. "Skip the hard stuff. We can always go through that later." He looked at me, and in his eyes, I saw a little bit of relief wash through him. "Which band was it? Which song?"

"Six Knights," he said, biting back. He didn't need to tell me the leader's name. I knew it. Brett Kline. And that would mean that the song he's talking about was Golden. Golden... In which... Oh. I looked away from Gideon for a moment, trying to organize every thought that had just rushed through a flood gate in my mind.

"She was the girl, wasn't she? She's Golden." It was a statement. It wasn't a question. There's a line in the song that even has the girl's name; Eva. His fingers were wrapping tighter around mine, and if I were anyone else, the bones would probably have been fractured. I looked him over, his eyes shut tight, his jaw clenched tightly. He was fighting himself to gain control. With my free hand, I raised it up to his cheek, and after a moment, I could feel his jaw loosen. Not much. Microscopic, at best. But it did loosen. "What happened, Gideon?"

After another minute, he opened his eyes, and I could see a deep, tragic pain in them. He inhaled another deep breath before continuing. "I... I had backstage passes. I thought it would be fun, you know, for Arnoldo and Shawna. That's her name, Eva's friend." I nodded, smiling. "Eva said she didn't want to see the band, and I was going to stay near her. But she said she had to use the restroom. She was so... adamant about it. But, the doors were close to the exit, and not far from the exit Angus was waiting with the car, so she talked me into letting her go."

He took another long pause in his tale, and I sat there, waiting patiently. "I had trusted her. I let her go, and while she was in the restroom, I went in to see how Shawna and Arnoldo were getting along. I had looked around the room, it was as they all are. You know what it's like. Noisy, busy, alcohol everywhere, groupies wanting to drip off of anyone's arm." I nodded, giving him a smirk. I knew that too well. But not because I was a groupie, oh no. Never ever confuse me with them. Groupies are for sex. Me, I'm the one that gets the calls in the middle of the night when someone needs a shoulder to cry on, needs a confidant, a friend. To me, it didn't matter their status, their paycheck, the amount of gold records, Oscars, or whatever is used to distinguish one star from another. To me, they are all just friends. Everyone always wants to go back stage, be near the "stars". I don't need that. Hell, I find it utterly disgusting at times. The smell of sweat and sex and liquor in the air, not to mention the mystique of star power.

"Yeah," I nodded, agreeing fully. "I know what it's like. So what happened?"

"After a few more minutes, I decided I would rather spend some time with her in the car then in a room with the groupies. Besides that... Brett wasn't in the room." He had growled that last part, and I felt his fingers tighten over mine again. "I went out the exit that Eva had pointed to when she was heading to the restroom. I saw them. I hadn't even crossed the threshold to have actually been outside, and they were there. He had his hands all over her, and..." He swallowed hard, but the words had stopped coming.

"I'm right here hon," I said in a quiet voice, putting as much warmth and caring into the words as I could.

"She... was... kissing... him," his words came out slowly, one breath between each word. The words were burning him, and I was quite certain that he was reliving the scene in his mind. It's not bad enough that you have to be handed the pain by seeing it in reality, in technicolor, in three dimensions, no, that pain isn't good enough. The memory can be worse. It can repeat itself hour after hour. It can plague your nightmares, torturing you, eating at you, destroying you. "I... I couldn't stop," he said, the words were barely whispered.

I blinked at him, not sure I understood what he had said. "What couldn't you stop?"

"He was touching her. He was... _kissing_... her." Suddenly he looked at me, his eyes as wide as saucers, the pain he had in his soul was nearly tangible. "_She was letting him kiss her!_"

Suddenly he released my hand and stood up. He began to pace in front of me, his hands balled into tight fists.

"I ran at them. I hit him. And then... then... I couldn't stop hitting him. He was taking her from me, and... he was going to win. I'm too fucked up for her. He... he loved her. He loved her, and she loved him, and she was going to be gone." He collapsed back onto the sofa next to me.

"What happened then," I asked, using my best, soothing, non-judgmental voice.

"I stopped hitting him, looked up, and they were gone. Eva, Shawna and Arnoldo were gone. The band's manager helped me up, and I walked away. I called Angus. I don't know where the band went, all I know is that Angus had returned. I got into the car, and... Eva was there. She..." His words stopped, and he did what I have seen him do a hundred times; he leaned back against the couch, his head tilting up to the ceiling. He laid his arm up over his face covering his eyes. It was a sign I had learned to pay attention to long ago; He was done. He couldn't continue his story anymore now. Now he needed a break, something to calm him down, and let him know people cared about him.

"Have you eaten anything," I asked him, trying to distract him. He shook his head no. "When was the last time you ate?" Good god... I sound like my brother. He shrugged, still keeping his eyes covered.

"Well," I said standing up. "I am going to hit the shower, and then... care to go with me to get some pizza?"

He lifted his arm and looked at me, his eyebrows furrowing. "You just ate."

"No I didn't. Oh, you mean the toast?" He nodded, and I returned a small giggle to him. "That wasn't food, that was recovery. Grains, protein... Now, I am starving. So, ya want to eat?" He nodded, shaking his head at me with a grin. "All right then, be ready. Fifteen minutes and we are outta here."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Greetings all! I wanted to thank you all for reading bits of my world. I am glad you have come for a visit and decided to stay for awhile. I know that some of you are more Christian fans then Gideon fans, and vice versa. Please, for this tale, don't hate one and demand to see more of another. Shana cares for them both.**

* * *

We rode the elevator down in silence.

I could feel it in the air that he was wary of me. He wasn't standing as close to me as he normally would, his movements were not casual and smooth as usual, he was missing that air of control that usually surrounded him. Instead, he seemed more stiff, his movements were rather tight and compact. He still seemed the dark and foreboding soul he usually was, but that added piece of mystery... it was missing.

There was one thing more about him, one thing that was different. It's taken a few minutes for me to spot it, but now, as I look for it, as I watch him, every time I turn to look at him, he tenses, tenses so much, that at one point, I thought he was flinching away from me. I was so lost in thought over this reaction, hell, over all his differences that I forgot we were in a elevator until the car stopped moving.

As the doors opened to the lobby, I closed my eyes and took a long, slow breath, praying that whatever was going on with him, that I could help. We stepped out of the elevator, and I reached for his hand, which he was reluctant to give me. I shrugged, and hoped I showed no sign of being offended by it, and I just walked over to a corner in the lobby. He did follow me, which I was glad of.

"Gideon," I said, turning around to face him. "Look, I know you have a hundred things going on in your mind right now, but, I wanna lay a few rules for the next couple of hours, okay?" I watched him, waiting for his response. Finally, after a short lifetime, he nodded his head once. "Okay... First, while we are out, no cell phones. You can hand it over to Angus or Stevenson, and they can take the call, and get you the message later, or it can go to voice mail and deal with it later. Second... Eva." He raised his head then, looking at me, eyes slightly wider, but dark. "I won't ask you anything or talk to you about her during our meal, unless you bring her up, okay? No pressure." He gave me a single nod again. "Lastly, the most important rule for you is to remember that I am here for you. I am your friend, and you can holler at me, yell at me, throw a tantrum, it doesn't matter. I am here for you, I'm not going anywhere." He rolled his eyes at me. To counteract that eye rolling, I did the only thing that I knew that he needed at that particular moment in time.

I took one step, getting closer to him, and I quickly wrapped my arms around him, holding him tightly to me in a bear hug. He stiffened in my arms, and tried to push me away, but then his arms wrapped tightly around me, and we stood there, just hugging each other as if it were the end of the world. After a few minutes, I felt his arms relax, and he let out a long, deep breath. A cleansing breath. "Thanks," he said, his warm breath trickling through my hair.

"Ready for some pizza," I asked, as I released him from the hug.

"Yeah," he said, the words rumbled in a low voice. I smiled at him, and then turned to stand next to him, wrapping my arm through his, we headed out.

We sat quietly in Mama's Pizza Parlor our pizza more then half gone, and our beers had been refilled twice. The conversation through the meal was spotty at best. I had tried to keep the conversation on the chipper side, trying to keep his mind here, not brooding over Eva. I had encouraged him to tell me how his businesses were doing, or asking about what projects he was thinking about doing, but all the attempts seemed to have failed. So, we sat here, chewing on the slices, picking at the cheese, both of us lost in thought.

"Penny," Gideon said, chopping through the silence that hung between us.

"Hmmm," I sounded, looking up to meet his bright blue gaze. He smiled at me.

"Penny for your thoughts."

"Oh, I was just thinking about you and Christian." He looked at me harder when I said that, his eyes taking on a dark glare. "Where are you staying tonight?"

"I was thinking I could get a room," he said, tearing off some more cheese from the crust of a slice he had still sitting on his plate. "What about me and Christian?"

"Hmmm? Oh, the similarities." He tilted his head at me, his body language telling me he wants a explanation, but I only shrug. "Later, down the road, ask me what I mean. Just not now." He closed his eyes at me and nodded, understanding. "Would you mind, I dunno, staying at my place? I have extra beds, and Angus would have a place as well." He looked up at me, his eyes seeming to search my soul.

"I... I don't think that would be a good idea," he said after a few minutes, returning his studious gaze back to his meal, or the crumbs that were left, I should say.

I furrowed my brows, puzzled. "Why not?"

"It... may not be safe for you," he said very slowly, each word staggered.

"Why not," I prodded, watching him closely. He wouldn't look at me, and his body was tight, giving him the air of someone that shouldn't be touched or questioned. _So much like Christian_, I thought. "What's going on Gideon?"

"Shana, my nightmares... They've gotten worse. I'm... not a good person at night," he said, his voice low, nearly a whisper. He averted his eyes from me, watching his pizza leftovers, or his fingers. Somehow, we have just run onto a ice covered lake of emotion, and the ice beneath our feet is not thick. I remember his nightmares all too well. Hearing his begging, his pleading, and seeing his body contort in the darkness, mirroring the pain and abuse he had endured as a child. _My nightmares... They've gotten worse. _How could they have gotten worse? Why had they gotten worse? I felt my jaw tightening painfully as I ground my teeth, something I never do. Well, almost never do. Okay, maybe I do it a lot when I think about things I don't like, but who doesn't? It was time to get somewhere where we could talk without public eyes.

I excused myself from the table, saying I had to use the restroom. He nodded not looking away from his fingers. On my way there, I paid for our dinner, unwilling to battle for the check again. When I was returning to the table, I paused, wanting to see his body language. He was sitting still, like he had during the meal, in a half slouch, head bowed, and his mind nowhere, apparently.

I walked back to the table, and coughed when I was nearly there, giving him the opportunity to "fake" his feelings. He sat up a bit taller in the chair, and turned his head so he was watching out the window our table was next to.

"Ready to go," I asked, trying to be cheerful.

"We haven't gotten the check yet," he said, pulling out his wallet.

"I already paid it. Took care of it on my way to the restroom." He stared at me, his eyes glowing mad. I smiled innocently at him, my lips flaunting a smirk. We left the restaurant and walked back to Escala quietly. Halfway back, Gideon broke the silence.

"She wouldn't look at me," he said quietly. I nearly stumbled at the breaking of his silence. "She sat in the limo, just a few feet away, but... It felt like she wasn't there. She wouldn't look at me, she wouldn't talk to me, she just sat there, staring out the window." I wrapped my arm around his, walking in silence, letting him tell his tale at his pace. "He had kissed her, and she had let him. She had been mine. She had said she loved me, and then, she was there. With him." He stopped suddenly, and I about tripped on my own feet at the pause in motion. He suddenly turned towards me, his body vibrating with anger. "She asked me if he was all right! She didn't ask if _I_ was okay. Didn't ask if _I_ had been hurt. No. No, she asked me if _he_ was okay."

We stood there, in the middle of the sidewalk. People walked around us, ignoring us, as is common in New York, not as common here, but still happening. I remained quiet, letting him gather himself and his words to tell me what he wanted me to know. My heart ached, hearing the pain in his voice, seeing the anger and... something else on his face. Was it loss? Or just his broken heart emerging in his eyes? I remained quiet, letting him go at his pace.

"I had made plans for us, after the concert," He said after another moment of silence. "Some time alone, just her and me. Like a real vacation. No phones, no internet, no work... I thought, with leaving all of civilization behind for a few days, we could find out more of each other." He closed his eyes, inhaling a deep shaky breath. "I was such a fool."

"You are not a fool, Gideon. I refuse to listen to that bullshit," I said firmly. He slowly shook his head and opened his eyes. "Look, I don't know why she chose him over you. I don't know how deep in her heart you were. And, I am sorry. I am sorry she hurt you and sorry for how badly you are hurt. But, hon, falling in love, doesn't make you a fool. Planning to spend time with someone you care about, doesn't make you a fool. Losing the person you care about for any reason, doesn't make you a fool. It makes you human."

We had walked back to my apartment at Escala in silence. His mood had barely lifted and when the elevator doors opened, he excused himself, heading to one of the guest rooms for a shower. I sighed watching him go and headed to my office to make a few phone calls. After a few hours, my calls were made, business was still under control, and I felt a bit better on the whole.

I couldn't help but think of Gideon as I had been taking care of business. I had decided that tonight was going to be a good night to just relax, watch a movie, read a book, or whatever he wanted to do, and I wouldn't push him and ask him to tell me more. Felling better about my decision for the night, I walked into my den, turning the power on to my popcorn maker, and set it up to make a fresh batch of popcorn. As I waited for it to heat up, I grabbed the phone, and dialed out.

"Hello," a cheery voice answers.

"Hey Mia."

"Shana! Mom was just telling me you are back!" I grinned at the thought of my little sis jumping up at the sound of my voice. The youngest of us all, and nothing gets to her. "How are you?"

"I am doing well. You? How was France?"

"Oh, you know how it is. Not too bad, if you don't count the French." We both snicker at the thought. "How long are you in town for? I so want to get some time with you, maybe shopping? Did you know Christian has a girlfriend? Her name is Ana. Oh! She will be at the Coping Together event! Are you going to be there?"

"Mia. Breathe."_ Fastest mouth in the West,_ I thought. "Yeah, I know about Ana. Yes, I will be at the event, and yes, I have a date for it, so no, you can't set me up. Yes, I want to spend time with you, which is another reason I am calling. I need to pick up a dress and was wondering if you would like to go shopping. I have to get a tux for my date as well."

"Awesome! Okay! How about I meet you tomorrow, at about 10?" She pauses for a moment and then continues. "Yeah, 10. I can meet you at Diva's?"

"Sure, sounds good. Can't wait," I said, smiling. With her along, shopping should be a breeze. "See ya then."

"Laters Shana!"

I couldn't help but smile as I thought of the girl. Always so happy, so full of energy and she always finds the light in the day. I poured the popcorn into the popper, and plop down onto the couch. Within moments, the popcorn was filling the room with it's aroma, and I inhaled deeply.

"You and your popcorn," Gideon mutters as he entered the room. He is wearing blue plaid pajama bottoms, and a white tee shirt. His hair is wet and finger combed and I smile as he moves over to the popper.

"Well, I like it," I said, standing up and walking over to him. The popping was nearly finished, so I reached in and dumped the popper pot and grabbed a bowl, filling it to overflowing.

"Well," he said, reaching in and grabbing a few kernels and then popping them into his mouth. "I know you do."

"So, movie, tv or book," I asked. He tilted his head to the side, his eyes moving up to the ceiling, as if in deep in thought.

"Book, I think, if you don't mind," he finally said, moving back to the couch.

"Don't mind at all. I'll go grab my tablet. Would you mind getting me a drink?" He shook his head no as he got back up from the couch and headed over to the wet bar. I left him to his task, heading to my room to grab a change of clothes and my tablet.

I was back within a few minutes having changed into a green silk tee shirt and matching pajama pants, and a pair of fluffy socks. Gideon was on the couch again, sitting in the middle, and I sat down next to him, getting comfortable on the end, leaning into the arm. He handed me a glass of white wine, a Riesling, and I smiled with my first sip.

"Comfortable," he asked and I nodded. He smiled, sipping his wine and I turned my tablet on, beginning a search on my library.

"What should I read," I asked him as I turned the tablet on.

"Well, you never finished the last one..." I looked at him, my eyebrow raising in question.

"But... That was like... over a year and a half ago. Gideon, you never finished it?" He only shrugged at me and I smiled.

"I told you I wouldn't. I like it when you read, and it just... Never felt right trying it without you."

"So... you would go on with life, only knowing half of the tale of the book, because I was never around to finish reading it with you?" He shrugged, giving me a little angelic smile. I sighed, shaking my head at him. "You are hopeless, ya know that?" He grinned back at me and drained his glass of wine. The shower seems to have relaxed him, and I am quite glad to see more of the Gideon I know, and less of the forlorn one that had been visiting. He leaned forward, placing the glass on the coffee table in front of the couch and laid down longways, resting his head in my lap.

I scrolled through my library before coming to the book I was reading to him. He laid there quietly, munching on the popcorn, listening intently and relaxing. I had just finished the third chapter of the nights reading when he broke the silence. "It's over, isn't it?" I looked down at him, not quite sure what he was talking about. He tilted his head up, his eyes searching mine. "Eva and me. It's over, isn't it?" I laid my tablet down on my lap and sighed as my fingers stroked through his hair.

"I think so, I'm afraid," I replied softly. He closed his eyes and slowly nodded. After a few minutes of silence, I turn back to the tablet, but he sat up.

"Shana, would you mind if we did this in my room? In case I fall asleep?"

I give him a smile. "No, that's perfectly all right. You're on East Coast time anyways, so it's later for you." He nods again and stands up, heading to his room. I gather our wine glasses and pop corn and on my way to his room, dropping them off in the kitchen. We make it to his room, and while he is in the en suite, I gather a collection of pillows to lean against while I read for him. I have just about settled down comfortably in the pile of pillows when he enters the room, a grin on his face.

"I forgot how you like pillows. That is a sad obsession."

"Hey, don't knock it. I sleep well, and I never notice it if one pillow falls off the bed," I said, faking a small pout. He laughs as he climbs into the King size bed, and curls up around me, his head once again in my lap. My fingers stroke through his hair, and I begin again, trying to read.

"Stop! It hurts!...Don't!... You bastard! Get off of me!" My sleep was disturbed by Gideon's nightmare. I became fully awake as his nightmare got worse. The light I had been reading by before we fell asleep was still on, and I looked over, seeing Gideon's body laid out and stiff as a board. "Get the fuck off of me!"

I sat up, my dreams completely gone, and I start calling for him. "Gideon. Gideon wake up!" He made no move as if he heard me, stuck deep in his nightmare. "Gideon!"

"Stop... it! No... Gah... It hurts!"

"Gideon! Gideon!" He moved, his body still tight, but I did see a change. "Gideon, wake up! You're dreaming! Wake up!"

"Shana?" His eyes opened, but I wasn't sure if he was still partially asleep. Partially trapped in his nightmare.

"Gideon, wake up. I am here," I said, my hand reaching for his. His hand was clenched in a dead man's grip on the sheet, and when my fingers touched his skin, his eyes blinked, and I could see he was coming around. His fingers wrapped around mine, grounding him to reality.

"Shana?" He looked at me, fear and pain etched into his face. He sat up and I pulled him into my arms, holding him as his body let go of his nightmare. I ran my fingers through his hair and over his back, hushing him, and telling him he was okay, and that he was safe. I reminded him where he was at, and why he was here, and I slowly felt his body relax. "Oh god, I am so sorry Shana," he said, his voice rasping.

"Hey now," I said softly, holding him closely. "No sorries. Just relax. You're okay. You are safe. Okay?" He nodded against my shoulder, and I closed my eyes remembering all the times I have had to wake him from his nightmares during those few months we had been together.

Having grown up with Christian, I know so much about how nightmares invade your peace, but, with Christian it is so different. His dreams wake him, and he barely sleeps. Gideon, he sleeps through his terrors, and so he is never truly freed from them. I've never asked him about his nightmares. I've heard enough at night to get the gist of what happened and why he has them. I can feel his body changing, he is getting back his control, and morphing back into the "strong, unafraid male" that is Gideon Cross. I pull him away a bit and search over his face. My eyes rest on his, and he nods at me, though I've not asked him anything. I give him a small smile and run my fingers through his hair again.

"Why don't you go and take a hot shower. It will relax you, and I will get us some tea, okay?" He nods and we both leave the bed. I wait until he's closed the door to the en suite before I head down to the kitchen. I don't quite understand why I had fallen asleep in his bed. It was certainly not the plan. As I set up a tray to take back into the room, my mind rolls over why I shouldn't have been in the bed with him, and another part of my mind reminds me it was a good thing I was there, so I could be there for him. If I had been in my room, I wouldn't have heard anything at all.

The kettle whistles and I pour the water into a teapot, the tea steeping as I carry the tray back to the guest room. I had just set the tray down on the dresser when I hear a crashing noise from the bathroom.

"Fuck!"


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Hey there. Glad you made it this far, and I hope you are still enjoying the tale. This next chapter shouldn't have been a hard one to write, but I found I had re-written it three times. **

**Also, before I go further, there is a question I have to ask... I have a chapter coming up, and it's SUPER long (and lemony) and I was unsure if you would prefer a short chapter, and then a long lemony one, or a super long lemony one, or a lemony chapter that has the break in the middle of the lemon, to be continued on the next chapter. SO... shoot me a PM or in a review how you think you might like it. I MIGHT pay attention to your wishes and desires... or I might not... Ya never know.**

**Off we go!**

* * *

I run to the en suite, throwing the door open and I am stopped by the sight of one naked Gideon Cross, and the remains of my bathroom mirror. He's standing there, surrounded by shards of broken glass, his right hand is fisted and bleeding.

"Don't move," I said firmly. He looked up and turned towards me, blood dripping from his closed fist. "DON'T MOVE DAMMIT!" He stops, dropping his shoulders.

"I'm sorry Shana," he says as he sees the glass around him.

"Just... stay there. Do not move, and let me get the glass off the floor, ok?" He nods. "I mean it Gideon, do not move."

"I wont," he assured me. I quickly run down to the kitchen, grabbing the broom and dustpan from the cupboard. I spot the first aid kit on the wall and grabbed it too, and ran back to where Gideon is. Hopefully the man hasn't moved a inch.

Finding he has stayed in position, I released a small breath, nodding for no particular reason.

"Okay, I need you to continue to stay where you are. I will sweep the glass up, but, I want to make sure none has landed on you, okay?" He nodded quietly. I quickly sweep around him, ducking down, watching the floor, looking for any spare glint from any minute glass particle. Within a few minutes I am satisfied I have all the glass from the floor. I approach him now, and see his right hand is still dripping blood. I grab a towel, and gently wrap it in it.

"This is just to keep the blood from dripping. I will go over your hand in a few and bandage you up. I want to make sure there is no glass on or under your feet, okay?" He nods. "If you need to balance, you can put your hand on my shoulder." He nods again and I lower myself to my knees. I gently run my hands down his left thigh, finding a small piece caught in the hair near his knee, and as I continue my inspection, I find three more slivers on the top of his foot, and two underneath.

I follow the same process for his right leg, finding another three pieces, and a rather large chunk that had he moved, would have needed stitches on the ball of his foot. Content that I have found as much as I will be able to, I let him know it's safe to move now.

"I'm really sorry about this," he said, his voice low and rasping. I looked up, taken aback at how... childlike he seemed. Standing there, in his naked glory, his shoulders slumped forward, his hair tussled, and he seemed rather confused at how he could have gotten into this predicament.

"Don't worry about it hon. Honest. It's okay," I said, trying to comfort him. I walked over to the linen closet, and picked out a large white bath towel.

"Raise your hands a bit," I said as I approached him, shaking the towel out. He did as was asked and I wrapped the towel around him, tucking it closed in the front. I caught him blushing when I had finished fixing his towel, and I think that maybe he had forgotten he was naked in front of me. "Now, let's get you sitting down so I can look at your hand." I walk with him back into the bedroom, holding the towel covered hand and watching as he steps, looking for any spare shards I missed, but we make it to the bed without another issue.

He sits down, and I slowly unwrap his hand, and for the first time I see how bad the injury is. "Crap... Boy did you do a good job here," I said as I whistled through my teeth, I re-wrapped his hand with the towel so I could get everything I would need to fix it. I reached for the first aid kit, but as I go through it, I swear under my tongue. I stretched over towards the bedside table, reaching for the phone. I watched Gideon as I waited for the call to go through. He seems confused, but waits quietly for me.

"Taylor." Two rings. Not bad.

"Hey Taylor, did I wake you?"

"Yes Ma'am," He responded, and I smiled. I love it when people are truthful. "What can I do for you?"

"I need a suture kit," I said, and I can tell that he is now fully awake.

"What happened? Do you need-"

"I just need a kit. Apparently mine is gone."

"Yes Ma'am. I can bring you one."

I smiled. "Thanks. We are in the guest room."

"I will be there in three minutes," he replied, and then I heard the click of his phone hanging up.

"Is it that bad," Gideon said, not looking at his hand.

"Well, it's not good." He sighs, shaking his head. "Hey, it's okay, yeah? I'll have you stitched up in no time."

"How do you even know how to do stitches?" He asked bewildered. I look up at him and grinned.

"Is that something new about me you didn't know?" He nodded, and I grinned in return. "Well... Worst case scenario. If, say me and my entourage were suddenly under fire It's pretty much a guarantee that I won't be using a firearm, but those that are protecting me and mine, they could need first aid. Best if I know how to fix them if they are taking a hit for me."

"That... Makes a lot of sense," he says, tilting his head in thought.

"Yeah, you can take it," I said, seeing his mind working.

"Huh?"

"Your Crossfire Training Centers. They do self-defense courses. Offer it with the course. Rather stupid if you know self-defense but don't know how to do first aid. I'll give you my idea... On one condition."

"I don't compromise," he said firmly, and I rolled my eyes at him.

"We aren't compromising. You can have my idea. As long as fifty percent on the proceeds go to a abuse shelter."

He smiled at me and nodded. "That, I can agree to."

"I know," I said winking at him. I see Taylor at the door to the bedroom and I wave him in. I am a bit taken back seeing he was in his three piece suit, knowing I had called while he was asleep. The best of the best. I swear again that Christian has him and I don't. "Thanks Taylor."

"You're welcome. Is there anything I can do?" He looks down into the bloody towel that is currently covering Gideon's hand.

"No, I think I got it."

Taylor nods, leaving us as he heads back to bed. I take a towel, folding it in half and laid it over my thigh. I looked up at Gideon as I took his towel wrapped hand in mine. "Close your eyes," I said.

"No, I am okay," he replied, shaking his head.

"I know you are. Close your eyes."

"Shana..." He grumbled at me.

"Gideon, close your eyes. I know you are a strong virile man. You don't need to score points with me. I just don't want to have to use the smelling salts on you."

"Ha!" He threw his head back with a laugh. "Trust me, you wont need to."

"I know," I replied. "Close. Your. Eyes." He sat there, challenging me, his eyes not leaving mine, nor closing. "Gideon, I swear to God if you don't follow my directions, I'll let Mia think you have a crush on her." His eyes widened at my words and I could see he was weighing whether I would follow through on that or not.

"You wouldn't," he said confidently.

"You willing to risk it," I asked in a low, smooth voice. Another moment passed and he closed his eyes, shrugging in defeat.

I smiled, knowing he couldn't see my smirk, and then I took his covered hand, and slowly unwrapped it. Once it was unwrapped, I laid his hand down on my thigh, settling it carefully on the folded towel, and then covered it with a blue surgical sheet that had a hole cut through it so that I could see what I will be working on, ignoring the rest of the area. "You can open your eyes now, if you want," I said as I fumbled through the kit, taking out the rest of the items I would need.

"How many stitches do you think," Gideon asked, watching me with a sharp eye.

"Well," I said, pulling out the antiseptic wash. "I would like it to be five."

"But...?"

"But it may be closer to eight." I pull out a hypodermic needle and a small vial, and I hear him take a sharp breath in. My eyes immediately flew up to see his face. "Are you okay?"

"What is that," he asks, his eyes pointing at the needle and vial.

"It's okay. It's a local, and it will numb the area I am working on." He shakes his head and me and I roll my eyes at him. "Look, I'm not arguing with you. I will inject you with this, and you will sit there and let me."

"Oh I will, will I?" I see his eyes come alive at my response to him, his jaw clenching and his cheek puffing out as he ground his teeth.

"Yep," I said, popping the P.

"And what makes you think I will?" I narrow my eyes at him, I tilt my head, choosing my answer from the many reasons I could throw at him.

"One, you busted _my_ mirror. Two, I had to clean up your mess. Three, you woke me from my sleep. Four, you are a guest in my house, and it is my obligation to you to keep you safe. By not accepting the anesthetic, you will make my work more difficult to do, and I will have to have Stevenson and Taylor come up here, waking both of them, so they can hold you down while I carve into your hand. Five... Because I said so."

He watches me, carefully, weighing his options. Finally he smiles a small, boyish grin and said, "Okay."

It took me a moment to understand what he said, and then all I could do was shake my head at him. "You are insane," I said, laughing. He grinned at me and watched carefully as I filled the syringe with the Lidocaine. "Okay, ready?" He nods. "All righty then, I am ready to start. Now, if you don't want to see this, just close your eyes, okay?" He nods again, and I insert the needle into a spot near the largest break in the skin. "Don't clench your muscles dear. Relax them." I feel his hand release a tightened grip on my leg. I hadn't been aware that he had gripped my leg until I said that.  
"It will take only a minute, and then I will administer some more," I said, and he nodded, his eyes closed. "So, we are going shopping today, what color dress do you think I should look at," I ask, trying to distract him as I insert the needle again.

"It doesn't matter to me, I am sure you will look great in any of them." Smooth talker.

"What's your favorite color," I asked him as the last of the Lidocaine is injected.

"I don't know... White maybe? Or Burgundy?" I smile, seeing the lines in his forehead start to smooth out.

"Knowing Mia, she'll show me something in every color and then want me to try them all on. I hate shopping."

"Really," he asked, his eyes opened at my comment. "How come?"

I shrug as I insert the needle for the first stitch. "It's just... window dressing. I have personal shoppers so they can get me what I need, and I can be "in touch" with what is going on, without having to actually shop. But, I hate thinking that some people see me for the items I am wearing and not the person I am." He nods. I know he understands that too.

"You are lucky," I said as I tied off the second stitch.

"Oh? How so?"

"You're a guy," I said, as if that should explain it.

"And...?"

"And, say a project is coming up, when you meet with people, they know it will get done, or you will pass on it. With me, the first thing they always want to know is if the project is too much for me. Can my company handle it. How will I deal with it. That's why, when I was first starting out, I was taking the harder jobs. The ones most would turn down, because I had to prove I CAN do it."

"What does that have to do with clothing?"

"You would be surprised," I said, tying off the fourth stitch.

He smiled at me. "Enlighten me."

"If I wear a pants suit, I give off the impression of being to hard and uncompromising. If I wear a skirt, sometimes they take it to mean I am to... flighty. Empty-headed. On my shoes, if I wear flats, they think it means I don't have any confidence. If I wear heels, I am over compensating for something." I look up and see on his face that he is considering my words and slowly nods.

"I think I could be accused of some of those thoughts, not about you, but maybe on other women."

"Six," I said, looking up at him.

"Hmmm?"

"Six stitches." He looked down at my handiwork and whistled.

"Damn. That's... impressive." I smiled at him. "I... didn't feel it."

"I know. Because I'm good," I said, grinning and cocking my head to the right.

"You were a Doctor in a previous life, right?" I laughed at him and he smiles.

"I'm going to put a light wrap over it, just for the next day, in case any seepage occurs, okay?" He nods and as I clean up the triage refuse, I see him walk over to his dresser, his eyes not leaving his hand. So enthralled with my work, he hasn't noticed he is once again sans clothing._ Damn that man has a fine ass_, I thought to myself. I smile as he finds a pair of boxers and a tee shirt, being careful with his hand as he puts both on.

"So..." I raise a eyebrow at him and wait for the rest of his sentence. He looks up at me and grins. "So, you never went to medical school?"

"No," I laugh and shake my head at him. "Why?"

"Well, the stitches are good. But... there wasn't any pain." I grinned at him and walk over to where he stood, flexing his hand and turning it over and over in the light cast from the fixture overhead.

"That, dear, is cause of the Lidocaine. Well, maybe a little is cause of my mom. She's a doctor, ya know." He nodded. I yawned then, a long, deep yawn and I apologized for it. As is always the case, once I yawned, he had to follow suit. "Time to head back to bed. Come on, I'll tuck you in."  
We walk back over to his bed, he turns around suddenly, and peers deeply at me.

"Stay with me?"

I close my eyes for a moment and then nod. He smiles one of his patented grins and hopped into the bed. I pull the blanket up over him and then I crawl in on the other side. "Gideon, if you have to use the restroom, put some slippers on first okay?"

I laid down, laying on my back, and within moments, I feel him cuddle around me. I smile in the dark, feeling his body heat warm me. I love sharing a bed, even if it's only to sleep. It just... feels so right.

"I promise," Gideon said quietly as he rested his head on my shoulder. It's the last thing I remember before the day arrives.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Okay... You all better realize how much I am spoiling you.**

**This is Chapter 15, and it is one of my favorites but it's a touch short. I do so hope you enjoy it.**

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The dawn arrived, light streaming in through the blind-less windows. My eyes opened to the new day more rested then I had been in a long while. I looked down, smiling as I see Gideon is still curled around me, sleeping peacefully. I run my fingers through his silky black hair, smiling at a old memory we had shared, and quickly tuck it back into it's box. _Memories of what had been are of no help to anyone save the feeding of Alzheimer's_, I thought to myself. Hopefully, should I be afflicted with it, it will eat all the bad memories first, saving the good ones for last.

I laid there, my mind going over the day's plans, and partially daydreaming as I watched dust dance in the beams of the sunshine that were welcomed in the room. Gideon mumbled and then moved, raising his head, and looked at me sheepishly.

"Good morning," he said, followed by a yawn, which I copied.

"Morning. How's the hand?"

He raised it, looking at the bandages and groaned. "Shit. I thought that was a dream. I am sorry Shana."

"Don't worry about it," I said, stretching out some sleep kinks. "But how is the hand?"

He flexed it open and closed and shrugged. "Feels okay to me." I nodded, glad of it.

"Come on. Full day today. Let's grab something to eat and then I am going to go work out."

"Sounds like a plan," he said, nodding as he got up.

The first part of the morning fit like it used to. We ate our breakfasts, he watched the news, I checked my messages, and then we headed back up and changed. I knocked on his door after I was switched into my workout togs and hollered through his door. "I'm going to sweat a bit. You can shower, or join me. We have about two hours before we need to leave to meet up with Mia." He opened the door and nodded, dressed and ready to work out his tensions. In the past, he would do a fierce workout after dealing with a really bad night. I think, that for him, it was like working out after a night out drinking. Pushing all the residual evil out of your pores, cleansing your body and your mind. Sometimes it actually worked.

I throw my hair up into a pony tail as we head down the hall to my workout room. When we enter the room, the motion detecting sensors turn the room on, the treadmill powers up as does the wall all the machines face. Nine flat screens, some on business news, the market watch and international news and trade. All are on mute with closed captioning running.

I run through my stretches and then hop up onto the treadmill, programming it for a hilly long distance run. As my feet pound at the treadmill, my mind becomes free and I enter my thinking trance. This is how and when some of my better ideas come. From a image or a sentence on the television, or a number from the stock market ticker. As ideas form, I use the BlackBerry and take notes, sending each off to Diana who will type them up, and file them on my desk. Later, I will go through each and get the plans in order.

As the treadmill begins to slow down from the programmed run, I see Gideon is busy working the free weights. I hop off the treadmill and walk over to the sauna, picking up a towel and a robe from a small stack that is always available near the door. I enter the sauna, strip, and wrap the robe around me. I pour some water over the lava rocks and sit back in the steam, closing my eyes and relaxing.

"Don't fall asleep now," Gideon says and I jumped, opening my eyes to see him standing before me. I hadn't heard him come in, but he is sitting there, also in a robe, and I wonder if I had fallen asleep. I turn on the bench, leaning against the wall, and stretching my legs out on the bench in front of me. He comes closer, lifting my feet and settling them on his lap. I smile as his fingers caress and massage my feet.

"Well, doing that could ensure that I fall asleep," I said, giving him a grin which he returned easily. His fingers masterfully worked out the tight muscles on my feet and calves. His fingers are like magic; warm, hard and tender. They map my legs as if they have always known them, know exactly where the muscles are tightened too tight or too sore. I moan with pleasure as he works his fingers on me. Closing my eyes, a few questions break through my thoughts as we relaxed.

"Why did you break my mirror," I asked quietly, shocking myself because I didn't think I was going to ask him that now, or ever. His fingers hesitated in their ministrations for a moment, and then went back to doing what they had been doing.

"I don't know," he said after a few minutes. "I think I was just... mad."

"Mad at whom?"

He shrugged. "Myself... others...Brett... my dreams... Everything I guess." His fingers stopped working on my feet, and his eyes closed. He leaned his head back against the sauna wall and sighed deeply.

"You said your nightmares are worse. How?" I watched as his body stiffened, his jaw clenching tightly as he ground his teeth. "Never mind dear. Don't worry about it. When you are ready, you can tell me. Forget I asked."

"I'm sorry," he said, forcing the words out between his teeth.

"Gideon, don't worry about it. Honest. Just, when you are ready, I am here, okay?" He nodded and I withdrew my feet from his lap and smiled at him. I stood and then leaned over to him, giving him a peck on the cheek. "I need a shower and we gotta get ready to go. Mia and I might hit the salon after shopping. So, anytime you wanna split up from us, just let me know."

Gideon smiled and I ruffled his silky black hair with my hand before I left the sauna.

We arrived at Diva's with two minutes to spare, but Mia beat us there and stood waiting for us in front of the door to the boutique. She grinned a blinding smile and ran to meet me, tackling me with a fierce hug. We both laughed as we tried to not fall from the impact.

"Shana! I missed you!"

"I know, I'm sorry." She punched me in the shoulder and faked a pout that apparently she had been perfecting since I last saw her. I introduced her to Gideon and she winked at me as he shook her hand.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Cross," she said trying hard to not flirt.

"It's Gideon, if you don't mind, and the pleasure is all mine," he replied, his voice thick as syrup.

"Come on," Mia said, grabbing my hand and giggling, giddy as a school girl. "We got some killer shopping to do!" She turned entering Diva's and I looked at Gideon who only grinned at me as I rolled my eyes, sighing in resignation.

Diva's is one of those stores that you literally have to trip into to find it. The entrance is unpretentious and nearly camouflaged by the other two stores on either side of it. They never advertise, and if you weren't in the know, you probably would never find it. Once you have entered the store, though, you have stepped into the Twilight Zone where every famous designer is represented. Some outfits are on contract to be sold and showcased only by Diva's, and some outfits are there simply to advertise who has purchased from them. Some of those outfits sit on a ledge that surrounds the display floor, with a autographed photo of the famous person who wore it.

I stand back and watch for a few minutes as Mia acts like a kid let loose in a candy shop. My mind was distracted, watching her ohh and ahh over items when I suddenly feel a blast of arctic air sweep through my soul. I shiver, wrapping my arms around myself to try to get rid of the feeling. For a moment, I don't know what happened, and then I hear a voice I most certainly didn't want to hear.

"Mia darling! How are you?" My eyes search the store, my hands balling into fists.

"Elena! What are you doing here," Mia asks, excitement filling her voice. I feel a hand on my arm, and I look over, seeing Gideon watching me intently.

"What's wrong," he asked in a low whisper. I couldn't answer him. It was taking all my power to remain still and not fly across the room and cause bodily harm to that woman. I was trying to focus on something, anything that will keep my mind distracted from the fact that she was here. And then, I heard my name. I closed my eyes, hoping I had only thought I heard it.

"Shana, darling," Elena said, the words sticky sweet as they dripped from her mouth, and my stomach churned in revulsion.

"Elena," I said coolly, turning to meet her. Her name was like poison on my tongue.

"Will you be attending the event as well? Oh, my." I watched as she seemed to have noticed Gideon for the first time. I inwardly rolled my eyes at the bitch. _He's over six feet tall, drop dead fucking gorgeous and is the only man in the building, and she didn't notice him before?_ She took a step forward and I unconsciously stepped in between them, as if to protect him from the woman I couldn't protect my brother from. She reached out a hand, ignoring me. "Elena Lincoln," she said, batting her over painted mascara eyes at him.

Gideon didn't take her hand in greeting which was one of two shocks I would get within seconds of each other. The second was when his hand wrapped around my waist and he said, "Gideon Cross, Shana's boyfriend." I couldn't help the evil grin that spread on my lips as I saw that Elena had just been slapped across the face with words alone. Mia was stone quiet, her jaw dusting the floor.

The four of us stood there, locked in a moment of time, no one making a move or saying anything. Finally, Gideon pressed his lips against my temple and said, "Love, we have to find you a dress, we have other stops to make today." I nodded at him, my eyes not leaving Elena's. He turned me away from Elena and we walked to the service counter to request a shopper's assistant. We were escorted into a private room where we sat down, one of the assistants served us tea and cookies before the models were brought in wearing a few of the first dresses we would see. Mia joined us shortly, and if I didn't know her any better, I would swear she seemed a bit angry with me.

"What the hell was that," she asked, plopping down in a chair next to me, all lady-like decorum temporarily gone from her inventory.

"Never you mind, Mia," I said quietly, admiring the next model that walked out. She was wearing a kelly green floor length gown that had extensive beading draping the bodice and a small train on the back.

"You know, she will tell mom about that and boy, then you will have to deal with her." I looked over at Mia and smiled.

"You have no idea how badly I want her to say something to mom." Mia looked at me, her eyebrows raised. Another model entered wearing a lilac dress, the upper part was silk, and had a intense neckline that dropped below the breasts. The bottom half of the dress sparkled with randomly placed beads and sequins. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Gideon smile. It was only for a fraction of a second, but I knew that would be the dress. I could almost smell the lust in the air.

_What the hell am I thinking? Have I lost my mind? We are friends. We are confidants. We are there for each other when we are needed. We are not a couple. Not anymore. Being with him... Being his was nearly as painful as the breakup. Keeping the whole thing a secret, had been accomplished, but it had nearly destroyed us both._

And then, it hit me.

What he had said.

What he had said to Elena.

What he had said to Elena, in public, in front of my talkative sister.

We aren't a couple, but this... Shit.

A new model walked in, her gown also floor length, extensively beaded, the upper portion, that bit that "covered" the breasts, was lace. The whole dress in Harlot Red, sheer where it really shouldn't be, and the "lace" was beaded. It was gorgeous. It was perfect. it came in three colors, Navy, Red and Black, and I was getting all three.

I had forgotten for a moment, my revelations over Gideon's words, and when I looked over to where he was sitting, he was gone. I must have been salivating so much over that red dress I had failed to notice him leaving the room. I wanted to find him. Images in my mind ran rampant as the only thing I could think of was _"Elena is out there and he is not in here."_ I didn't want Elena's claws in him, touching him. I didn't want her eyes to rove over his physique. I didn't want her mouth saying his name.

Most importantly... I didn't want her to know I had those fears.

I casually checked my watch and turned to Mia. "Hon, we gotta wrap this up, I will need shoes and such, and Gideon still needs a tux." Mia nodded, grinning widely.

"Which gown did you get? I know a great place for shoes-"

"Would you mind terribly being that fantastic shopper you are and finding the right bits to go with the gowns for me?" She blinked at me.

"Like... be your personal shopper?" I nodded and grinned. "I would SO love to do that!"

"I thought you might." I reached into my purse, grabbing out my wallet. I reached in, withdrawing my Black Amex and handed it to her. She grinned, her hand out eagerly as I gently handed it to her. "I won't give you a budget, just, try to not bankrupt me," I said laughing. She promised she wouldn't, but joked that she wasn't sure how close to bankruptcy I could get.

We walked out of the room, and I handed her my list of the gowns I wanted. I watched her take the list over to the manager to settle the bill, and near the front door, I saw Gideon standing by the window looking out on the street, his hand to his ear, obviously on the phone.

Elena stood next to him, her hand rubbing his upper arm.

It looked innocent.

It was far from it.

Gideon was backed into a corner, trying his best to ignore her, make her move on, and she was caressing his body, because she wanted to. She didn't care if it made him uncomfortable. It didn't matter that he was trying to forget that she was there. She saw what she wanted, and she was determined to get it.

I was furious.

I was angry.

I was not going to stand here and take this.

My hands were clenching and unclenching, and I was trying very hard to remain in the realm of "doing what is right" while not giving in to my need for spilled blood.

Elena looked over at me, a sick, twisted grin on her lips, as her wondering hand went up caressing over his shoulder and around to his back. I saw him stiffen, and then his eyes found mine.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: It should be noted I don't speak Italian. The only thing I know in Italian is Italian Dressing. That being said, the Italian that is in this chapter is brought to you by Babelfish. Insert commercial here. If it's wrong, it ain't on me.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

When I was a kid in school, I had a tendency to get into trouble. I didn't want to, but I always seemed to find it. It's attraction to me was not as deeply rooted in me as it was in Christian, but it was still there.

Once, after a very bad bit of trouble, Papa Cari took me aside and had a long talk with me. We had gone down to the pier, and sat there, talking. He told me stories of him and my dad and what they did when they were kids. He told me how my dad had been a jokester, and a trouble-finder. Like I was.

"Your dad, he was a good soul," he said at one point, his eyes watching out to the horizon. I waited, quietly, patiently, for him to tell me what he wanted to say. It was rare when Papa Cari told me stories about my dad, and each time I treasured it close to my heart. He, of course, knew tales that no one else knew, growing up with him. They had been close when they were kids, my dad, being a bit older, had been the protector, and Papa Cari had been the one who looked up to his older brother in awe. Kinda similar to me and Christian I think, and maybe that is something else we share.

"He tried to make sure no one was bullied, and no one was treated unfairly. But, sometimes, well... You can't please everyone all the time," Papa Cari said, sighing in a memory. "You have that. You are a lot more like your father, I see more of him in you every day. But, Shana, sometimes, there are fights you can't win. And, sometimes there are fights you shouldn't be in. But, sometimes there are times when you have to take a stand, despite what everyone else says."

He had closed his eyes and gone quiet, and I closed my eyes too, and together we had listened quietly to the water lapping at the pylons. It seemed hours before I heard him break the silence.

"Those are the hardest times. When you know you are right, and no one else wants to believe you, you have to take your stand. You have to stand up for what's right. You may get hurt, others may get hurt, but the truth must be fought for and brought to the light. Do you understand?" I had nodded, though at the time I wasn't sure I did.

I wonder now, if he will remember his words to me.

I wonder how mad Momma Grace will be with me.

I wonder how much my bail will be this time.

I wonder how much of a bruise will be left on Elena's face and how long it will take her nose to heal.

I wonder how they will get the blood out of the carpet.

I wonder how long Elena will remain unconscious.

"What the hell happened," Christian hollered. I blinked, looking around confused. I didn't remember coming to Christian's apartment. I don't remember leaving the boutique. I looked down, and found my hands were clenched tight, my fingers white. I tried to unclench them, but they were sore and stiff.

"Look," I heard Gideon say. His voice was struggling to stay calm, and doing that in the state that my brother was in, had to be a feat of epic proportions. "We were shopping, and I had to take a call, and this... woman came to be near me. Next thing I knew, Shana was like... a pit bull in heat. She just, came out of no where, and slugged her."

"Shana knows Elena. She has never, not ever, gotten into a physical confrontation with her. What would have happened that would have made her do it now?"

"Drop it, Christian," I said, my voice harsh, my mouth dry. Both men looked over at me, and Gideon rushed to my side.

"Shana, are you okay?" I smiled at him and nodded.

"You have no idea how okay I am," I said grinning.

"Mother is going to kill you, you know," Christian said, running his hand through his copper hair. I looked up at him and smirked.

"Let her. I have my reasons." Christian stared at me, and then began to pace in front of me.

"Shana," Gideon said, his voice a hush above a whisper. I turned to look at him, his blue eyes watching my closely, concern etched deep on his features. "Are you okay? Seriously?"

I smiled and raised a hand to his cheek, he closed his eyes for a moment, leaning his cheek into my hand. When he opened his eyes again I ran my fingers through his hair and nodded.

"Gideon, honestly. I am fine. It was so... euphoric. Bliss. It was... God! It was..." I grinned at Christian who only shook his head at me. "Brother, dear, I highly doubt Mom and Dad will know anything about it unless Mia says something. So, I will see you tonight." I stood, and Gideon stood with me, his eyes drifting from me to Christian and back. I know what he's thinking. _"Is she really okay?"_

I head to the elevator, but pause and call back to my brother. "Hon, you better save me a dance tonight."

"Not with your left feet," he retorted.

"Oh hell! No you did not! Since we didn't do a round-about at Claude's, then you owe me a dance. Maybe even two." I watched as he rolled his eyes at me, and I giggled entering the elevator, knowing I had won that small battle.

The doors closed and I punched in the code for my floor, and stood grinning like a cat. Gideon stood nearby, and from the reflection off the polished brass elevator doors, I could see he was watching me carefully.

"See something you like, Mr. Cross?"

"You could say that," he replied, his reflection grinning.

"Hmmm... You know, I was thinking about something we were discussing earlier," I said. I could feel goose bumps rise on my skin and am still in a... high state of bliss. God! This feels so damn good! I should have hit that bitch a long time ago. And maybe, done it often.

"Oh," he said, his voice taking on a shade of... intrigue. "And what was that?" The elevator doors opened and we stepped out.

I inhaled deeply, my smile not leaving my lips. It felt great being back in my residence. My sanctuary. It's similar to Christian's, minus the second floor, the Playroom, and one Elena Lincoln, who seems to be able to walk into Christian's place whenever the fuck she wants. Here, in my place, she can't and she wont. And, now that I know exactly how good it feels to strike her down... Maybe, just maybe, I will send her a invitation to come visit me whenever I want.

I turn around and face Gideon again, who is watching me with weary eyes.

"Will you tell me what happened? Who was that woman?" I turn and look at him, seeing concern in his eyes.

"Her name is Elena Lincoln, and there are things that can't be said about her. I made a promise a long time ago to not say anything." We walk over to the kitchen, and I open the fridge for something light to snack on. A small plate of cheese and pepperoni were sitting on a shelf in the fridge and I picked it up, setting it out in between us. I sat on one of the bar stools at the breakfast bar, and Gideon took the other seat.

"I'll be perfectly honest with you, the woman freaked me out. Like she had every right to be there, touching me. I was..."

"I know," I said, looking up at him, wanting to run my fingers through his black mane of hair. "That was kinda why... I'm sorry she bothered you."

"I'm sorry she pissed you off." I shrugged. I looked around at the apartment and realized that it was getting late and I didn't have any clothes for the night.

"Your stuff will be delivered shortly," he said, reading my mind. "You were... in a different world after you hit her. I just wanted you out and away from it. Mia said she would get everything else, and it will all be delivered here."

"Thanks hon. I..." I looked down at my hands again, not as white as they had been, and they no longer resembled the shapes of fists. "I don't remember hitting her. I remember you looking at me, and then being in Christian's place."

"Yeah... I couldn't remember the code for here. He was home and let us up. Are you sure... You are okay?" His eyes were soft then. Soft and caring with a touch of worry. God! I need some alcohol. No. Correction. I _want_ some alcohol in my system. I grab the vodka from the cabinet, and two tumblers. I fill the tumbler's one third with ice, and vodka. Then, I grab some pomegranate juice from the fridge and fill the glasses, handing one over to him, and I take a deep swallow of mine.

"Tonight will be fun," I said in a low sigh. He grinned at me. "Elena will be there, I have no doubt."

"After today," he asked, furrowing his eyebrows. I nodded.

"Charity event. She shows up every year. Mom is throwing it, and Elena is mom's best friend."

His empty glass hit the counter harder then he had intended and he jerked at the thud of glass on granite.

"She is... your mom's best friend?" I nodded, popping a cube of cheddar in my mouth. "You laid out your mom's best friend in a high class boutique?" I nodded again, emptying my glass. "Because of me?" I nodded and shrugged.

"Because of her actions towards you, yes. But, you have to understand that... Well... It's been a long time coming."

He nodded. "Things you can't tell me because of a promise." I nodded again and he took my hand in his. "Then I won't push you or ask you why. But, if you need to, I am here."

I offered him a small, quiet smile. "Thanks." He nodded again and then raised my fingers to his lips for a soft kiss which he placed upon my knuckles.  
"I am surprised they aren't swollen. Are they sore?" I shake my head no, and he only shakes his head and grinned. "My hero."

My outfits arrived not long after we had gotten back to the apartment, and Stevenson arrived with a tuxedo for Gideon. Apparently Mia had called him and asked him for assistance, which had been the reason he wasn't at the apartment when we had arrived. I was very glad she had thought of that, because I felt like a fool, having laid out Elena and forgetting Gideon's wardrobe needs. I won't even think about what happened after I hit her, the time missing and what Gideon went through. I am confidant it was a black-out due to the adrenaline rush. A rush that left me wanting in more ways then one. We both headed off to our rooms to prepare for the evening.

As I stood under the shower, letting the water cascade down and wash away any lingering bit of Elena. I tried very hard to put all thoughts of her into a dark corner of my mind and just relax. I thought of the lilac dress, and the gorgeous new pair of Jimmy Choos that Mia picked up for me. Stepping out of the shower, now nearly fully relaxed, I went and brushed my teeth, frowning in the mirror over the state of my hair. I had planned on getting it done at the salon, but the plans had changed due to... some bitch troll I wasn't going to waste time thinking about.

There was a knock on the bathroom door, and I called out to see who was knocking. "Ma'am. Franco is here to do your hair," Stevenson said. Franco? How the hell...? "Mr. Grey sent him here after he was finished working with Miss Steele." Ahhhh... I grinned and sent a quiet thank you to my loving brother.

"Give me one second and then let him in," I said as I threw my robe on. Stevenson opened the door, ushering Franco in, bringing with him a chair. "Franco!" I exclaimed, and he came forward, kissing each cheek.

"Shana! Non ho visto te in eterno! Oh bella ragazza! What shall we do with you?" I grinned at the Italian.

"Franco, think you can work some magic today?" He smiled at me, holding me at arms length, his eyes dismantling my hair, giving it a schooled appraisal.

"Oh yes! Competing beauties. It will be fun, no?" I grinned and winked before plopping down on the chair and closing my eyes as Franco went to work.

I love Franco. He can be so creative, but unlike many hairstylists, you don't need to talk to him to fill up the air. He can work steadily, his creative mind working away.

"Finito!" Franco exclaimed, standing back and smiling, full of pride. I stood up, turning to look in the mirror and smiled.

"Oh Franco! È bellissima! Hanno superato te stesso!"

"Grazie. Grazie. Quando hai tanta bellezza per cominciare posso solo aumentare esso." I smiled, blushing at his words, and he finally left me to finish getting dressed, Stevenson showing him out.

I looked in the mirror, smiling at how the lilac dress flows over my curves. I slipped on the lovely killer heels, pat my hair, and nodded at my reflection. "Let's go make some men weak and flustered," I said grinning. I picked up my small clutch and head out to find my date.

Entering the great room, I see him leaning against the breakfast bar, phone to his ear. I stayed back, admiring the well built shape in a decently cut tuxedo. It is such a great fit, it's hard to determine if the suit was made for the man, or the man was made for the suit. He turned then, maybe feeling my eyes on him, and smiled, his eyes roving over me. I watched him end his call, and slowly approach me. His gait was slow and predatorial.

"You look amazing," he said, his voice low and lustful. I blush as his fingers slowly reach up, the back of his hand brushing lightly against my cheek.

"You look mighty fine yourself," I said as I reached up to straighten his tie. "Everything okay," I asked, nodding towards his phone which was still in his hand.

"Yeah," he replied hesitantly. "They are starting to freak out, I believe."

"Freak out?"

He nodded. "Having disappeared in the middle of the night and randomly checking in via cell. I should go back soon though."

"Yeah," I sighed, wrapping an arm through his. He guided us to the elevator and pushed the button to call the car. "Oh! Wait! I nearly forgot!" I ran back towards the kitchen and grabbed a box Mia had dropped off earlier. Picking it up I grinned as he looked at me questionably. I opened the box and handed him one of the two masks that were within.

"Ahh, yes. We will need these," he said and smiled at me. The elevator arrived and we stepped inside. As we descended, I was rather amazed that I was looking forward to this event. I wasn't sure if it was because of my date, or because it will be the first in a long time since I spent time with my family. Or, it maybe because I may have another chance to deck the bitch troll again.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: The mask that Shana wear tonight can be seen at pinterest dot com /killasshandra/another-shade-of-grey/. Be sure to take out the spaces when pasting.**  
**I want to also send a shout out to Bronze Goddess for directing traffic this way, and to Gobears1 and Greyfan 79 who have both been devouring todays chapters and sending me encouraging thought words, and plenty of questions. **huggers!****

**Now... Back to the Show!**

* * *

The drive to my parent's residence was uneventful, and Gideon had to deal with a few issues on his phone. He has assured me that his phone will be turned off once we get to the event, and I smiled knowing that it will probably be silenced, but knowing Gideon as I do, I don't think he knows how to turn it off.

"I want to thank you," he said, breaking the calm quiet of the car as our limo waits in line to drop us off. He wrapped his fingers around mine and I looked at him questioningly.

"For what hon?"

"Well, when I called you, I was... I'm not sure how to explain it. Kind of depressed, lonely, missing something. I know I was hurting, missing Eva. When I called you, I wasn't even sure why I was doing it. I mean, I know you said that if I ever needed to, to just call, but... well, I didn't think you would fly across the country."

I smiled at him, and squeezed his hand. "You don't need to thank me for that."

"Well, I'm not," he said and then quickly amended his words. "I mean, I am, but not just for that. The last few days, just doing..."

"Just letting you hang around and not be called upon to do much just be?" He nodded.

"It's allowed me time to think, and just adjust. Without any pressure." I smiled softly, understanding. He and I are both driven to succeed, each for our own reasons. The upside to that is living a life full of everything you need and being able to afford nearly everything on the planet. The downside, though... is having very little time to enjoy the upside. People calling you for all sorts of reasons, not to mention your legal team always trying to make sure everything you do or that is done for you or your company is done lawfully.

I have a great team that works with me. Please note: I said _with me_ not _for me_. I have steps in place and mostly they are followed, for when a issues arises and I can't or don't want to be contacted. Such as right now. The Legal Eagles and Diana know I am off the radar and so they aren't in touch. I can actually keep my phone at home, on the charger and not worry about missing a call. Gideon still needs to learn how to do that.

"Sometimes, that's what we need. You seem more yourself now, not as... lost as you had." He nodded and then turned to look out the window. Our car was next at the door. "You ready? How... How do you want to play this? You can enter incognito, or we can let them know who you are."

"I think I am ready to be seen in public," he said with a wink and I was glad of that. Glad he had found his footing and felt more himself. With him nearly settled, and Christian back with Ana (for however long that lasts...) I could go back to my life soon.

The limo pulled up to it's spot, and the valet opened the door. Gideon was first to get out, and then turned back, reaching a hand out for me. I gladly accepted it, and stepped out. Neither of us had put on our masks, and immediately the cameras, which had been flashing for every arrival, seemed to have reached a crescendo of popping flashes. The paparazzi started throwing questions at us, which had been expected, and despite their best efforts, most knew that they would receive no answer. No verbal answer, that is. The point of their questions, and the camera flashes, is to catch someone off guard, get it on film, and then make assumptions.

"Ms. Grey! Over here! Have you and Gideon Cross made a truce?"

"Mr. Cross! Are you planning on a business venture here in Seattle?"

"Mr. Cross! Is it true you proposed to Ms. Grey?"

"Ms. Grey! Ms. Grey! Have you reconciled with your family?"

We both exhale a held breath as we make it inside and the paparazzi have moved onto their next victim. I look at Gideon and grin and then put my mask on. It's a lovely sterling silver wire mask with moonstones and Swarovski crystals. It's not new, I've had it for a few years. I will assume that Mia raided my old bedroom to find it for me as I haven't seen it in a very long time Gideon's mask is a simple black leather one reminiscent to a Zorro mask. I should note that he looks damn hot in it.

Once the masks are on, he hooks his arm, offering me it, and I wrap my arm around his and together we move inside to where my parents are greeting the guests as they arrive.

"Need I remind you about your truce," I whisper to him. He looks down at me and grinned.

"No. I know our promise," he said, leaning forward and placing a light kiss on my temple. I smile at that gesture and then my mind flutters, reminding me once again that we are not a couple. _We have good reasons why we aren't and I need to keep that in mind._ What I wouldn't give to be able to tie up and gag that little voice in my head, if only for a few hours.

"Shana," my mother exclaimed as she saw us approach her. "You made it! I am so glad! I have missed having you around!" She pulls me in for a hug and a peck on the cheek before standing back to inspect my outfit. "Oh you look so lovely! That color does wonders for you." I blush and try to get her mind off me.

"Mom, Dad, I would like to introduce you to a friend of mine, Gideon Cross. Gideon, these are my parents Grace and Carrick."

"Mr. Grey, Dr. Trevelyan-Grey, I am glad I finally get to meet you," he says, extending his hand to each of them. I kept my smile in check knowing that he probably knows my parent's names from a background check, if not done on me, then on Christian.

"And how do you know our daughter," my father asks and I tried to hide another smile. He loves to try to be the protective parent, and though he is a outstanding lawyer, he sometimes seems lost in the parental role. Or maybe all fathers are like that...

"We battle over property quite often. She's got a golden touch when it comes to some properties, I do admit. Sometimes I think she lets me win a battle or two just to keep it interesting." I laughed and pushed him along, telling my parents we will see them later. "It is the truth, you know," Gideon said, a laugh tickling his throat.

We walked through the house, heading to the back of the property, where the event is stationed. My mother knows how to throw a party, and for Coping Together, she holds nothing back. A live band, a singer, several tents, a couple of dance floors, champagne, wine, outstanding gourmet food, the works. It always amazes me all she does for this event, and how many people look forward to it every year. She throws two major parties, and she is a sly dog when it comes to invitations. If you are invited to attend the Coping Together event, and you make a nice sized contribution, you will be invited to the New Years Eve Gala. Her "high class" way of weeding out the moochers and wannabes.

I stood back, taking in the scene before me, and it's a few minutes before Gideon realized I had stopped before he turns around and comes back to stand next to me.

"Are you okay," he asked, wrapping a arm around my shoulder.

"Yeah," I replied softly, nodding. "I just... forgot what this was like." Home. Even with hundred of people here, it's still home. Inhaling deeply, I return the smile he gives me and I take his hand. "Come on, let's find our seats."

Together we walked toward the main tent where the dinner and auction will be served. I stop suddenly, inhaling a gasp before I run through the tent like a child. "Grandma! Grandpa! I didn't know you would be here!"

"Shana! Oh you silly thing," Grandma hugs me tightly, and I sigh in her arms. She lets me go and I hug Grandpa tightly before introducing them to Gideon.

"Mr. and Mrs. Trevelyan, it's a honor and a privilege to meet you," Gideon said, and I could only smile.

"And exactly where have you been, young lady? Not calling or visiting." She is right, and I apologized for that. I know they aren't getting any younger, it's just so hard to come home sometimes.

"I will try harder Grandma," I said, feeling like a berated teenager. She moved on to Gideon, wanting to know everything she can about him. I smiled at him as he gave me a wink. He's a charmer, and she falls easily to his spell.

"I think you have lost your man there, hon," my grandfather said into my ear as he wraps a arm around my waist pulling me into another hug.

"I'm not worried," I said grinning at him. "Grandma and I worked out a deal. She can have mine if I can have hers." I winked, giving him a coy smile and he laughed, giving me a peck on the cheek in return.

"Alas, she's the love of my life, and I can't leave her. Besides, she knows how to bake my favorite cake."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Dammit. Losing out to a sugar fetish." He laughed deeply and pulled out my chair. I sat and Gideon joined me a moment later, after delivering my grandmother into her seat. I felt his fingers wrap around mine under the table, and I smiled, enjoying the feel of his strong fingers before a part of my brain woke up and reminded me that this is not the relationship I want.

I was about to say something to him when a shriek ricocheted off the walls of the tent. "Christian!" I turned to see Mia run to my brother and start up an excited conversation. I smiled, watching the body language of his date.

"Will you all excuse me for a moment? I have to go introduce myself," I said to my grandparents and Gideon who all nodded at me. I stood, and before I realize I am doing it, I gave Gideon a small kiss on the cheek before I walked towards my siblings. I approached just as Mia is trying to talk Ana into meeting her friends.

"Mia, before you show her off to your friends, I need to speak to her." Mia looked at me, and then to Ana, who seemed to be lost. I gave her a polite smile. "Miss Steele, would you mind?" She looks over at Christian a moment and then shrugs, joining me. We walk a few feet away before I break the silence. "How are you?"

"Mrs. Darqlee, I am well, thank you. How are you," Ana replied rather nervously.

"I am... well," I said, smiling as a waiter approached with a tray of champagne. We each took a glass and I inhaled a small breath. "Miss Steele, I... need to apologize to you," I said before taking a deep swig of the bubbly. Her eyes widened, and she took a sip of her drink.

"May I ask what for?"

"I wasn't honest with you when we met. And... I no longer use the name Darqlee. Well, mostly," I said. She tilted her head in question and I continued. "I was asked to look into SIP as a favor to a friend, to... confirm your safety." Her eyes narrowed at me and then she turned to look at Christian. "Before you travel that road, I have to tell you that Christian had no idea I was asked to check it out."

She turned back around at me, taking another sip of her drink. I noticed her hand was shaking very minutely, her body reacting to the news. I couldn't argue with that. I hate it when I am lied to, even if it is in my "best interest". Over her shoulder, I can see Christian watching us nervously.

"Who was it?" My gaze came back to Ana and she repeated the question. "Who was it?"

"If I tell you, you can't be angry with him." She raised a eyebrow at me and looked again at Christian. "Jason Taylor," I said, and she turned around rather quickly.

"How do you know him?" She demanded, her blue eyes wide.

"He used to work with me. Ana, he wasn't wrong. His concerns were valid, and my offer to you is still there. If you ever need my help, or just to talk you can always call me. Unless... you don't trust me, which could be the case after I apologize again to you for something I haven't told you."  
She emptied her glass of champagne before asking me to continue. I finished mine and as a waiter passed again, and I exchanged my glass for another one, as did Ana.

"I... am Christian's sister." As I said that, Christian approached, wrapping a arm around Ana's waist. Her eyes watched me, searching me, and then looked at Christian.

He nodded, smiling. "My older sister," he said.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: This is by far, my most favorite chapter to date. I do hope you enjoy it as well.**

* * *

"Is everything all right," Gideon asked, leaning into my ear as I sat back down at our table. I nodded, finishing off my champagne. I let a low sigh escape my lips as I set the empty flute down before turning to him.

"I will tell you later, but I think it's okay now." I smiled as I watch Christian and Ana make it across the tent, coming to sit at our table. He is different. He has definitely changed, and it is obvious he is deeply in love. My heart fluttered, watching his eyes grace over her, seeing a light in them that had never been there before. They were right. They had all been right. She is different, and she is very good for him.

"Penny," Gideon says, whispering in my ear. I smile as I turn to look at him. "Shana, what's wrong," he says, lifting a hand to my cheek. I felt it then, the tears in my eyes I didn't know I had. I quickly batted them away, smiling and shaking my head at his concern. I lean in, kissing him on the cheek and whisper in his ear.

"My brother. He's happy and in love. It's just..." He pulls back, glances over at Christian and then returns his gaze to me.

"Not something that had been expected?" I shook my head in reply and he smiled, leaning his forehead against mine. "Come dance with me?" I pulled back and looked at him, searching his face. I furrowed my brows at his question and he smiled, repeating his question as he stood. "Come dance with me?"

"There isn't any music," I whispered at him, but took his proffered hand anyways. He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close, and then guided us to the dance floor. The band, seeing two dancers swaying in the center of the room, took our hint and began playing Moon River. I sighed, pulling in close to him, resting my head on his shoulder as he glided us along the floor.

The night went very well from that point, most of the event unremarkable, save when the auction came and Christian got into a bidding frenzy with Dr. Flynn. I was half tempted to egg Gideon into throwing a bid in just to aggravate them, but held myself back from that evil twisted thought.

As happens in time, when fed great food, and too much alcohol, there comes a time to excuse yourself and powder your nose. Ana had just left Christian, and I found myself needing to follow suit. I was slightly confused as I saw her change direction and head to one of the other tents. Despite my need to use the ladies room, I turned and followed her path.

"I'm sorry, I don't know who you are," I heard Ana say as I came within earshot. After a minute, I heard Ana gasp sharply, and I peeked into the tent, seeing Ana staring at one Mrs. Elena "Broken Nose" Lincoln. I quickly throw a hand up to my mouth, holding back a laugh as I see that the mask she had worn covered not only her eyes, but her nose and hair, hiding the black eye and broken nose she received earlier in the day.

"I'm sorry I startled you," the bitch said to Ana, who clearly was not happy to be standing near her. She waved her hand at one of the seats near them and Ana haltingly sat down. "I'll be brief, Anastasia. I know what you think of me... Christian's told me." I blinked hearing that confession. There was a pause in her words, and I saw her look away, behind where I stood. I followed her eyes, hearing her words as I saw what she had seen. "Taylor's watching us."

I see both Taylor and Sawyer standing nearby, close enough to intervene, but too far to hear the conversation. Taylor is a wizard when it comes to reading body language. He can read lips too, but he doesn't have to. He knows what your body is going to do before you do, and his skill at deciphering that has made him in the top of his class. Not number one. He's too smart for that.

"You think this is funny Anastasia? You didn't see him last Saturday!" I turn back to the two women, my mind being brought back to the present.

"I'm laughing at your audacity, Mrs. Lincoln. Christian and I have nothing to do with you. And if I do leave him and you come looking for me, I'll be waiting-don't doubt it. And maybe I'll give you a taste of your own medicine on behalf of the fifteen-year-old child you molested and probably fucked up even more then he already was. Now if you'll excuse me, I have better things to do then waste my time with you." I watched as Ana turned and left, leaving both Elena and myself staring at her, our mouths a gape.

My eyes follow her out, heading towards Taylor, and I see Christian arrive, looking somewhat relieved. Ana turns away from him, and I see him look into the tent, and then turned, following Ana. "Smart move, brother," I whispered. I looked back, seeing Elena still sitting at the table, her hand holding a goblet of blood red wine, her eyes aflame. She is plotting, I can tell. What's better, is that she is oblivious to my presence.

"I don't know what is better," I said, my voice thick as honey as I stepped out of the shadows. She doesn't flinch, but I see her eyes find me, and for a moment, a fraction of a instant, I see apprehension grace her features. "Me handing you those divine bruises you had to cover up tonight..." I turn my head looking out the way Ana had left and then looking back at Elena. "Or watching Anastasia hand you your ass and your walking papers."

"Shana," she said, rising to her feet. I gave her a half nod and a grin in response. "I did not come here to cause you problems or-"

"No, at least that wasn't your main objective to being here tonight," I interrupted. She glared at me, her finger tips turning whiter as she gripped the goblet tighter. I slowly approached her, watching her closely. Behind me, I can feel Taylor's eyes on both of us. "Do you know why I left Seattle," I ask her, my voice low and silky. A version few ever heard, and one, if it is said in your presence, you pay attention to, even if it's the last thing you want to do.

"No, though there are some theories out there," she said, a sick grin forming on her lips. She said the words, and gave me the grin to plant worry and indecision in my mind. If I didn't know the rumors, or know this woman, my mind would be going over each thought, each item, trying to figure out who heard what.

"Yes, I know," I replied, venom pooling in my lips. Her left eyelid fluttered, but I didn't respond to that. "I left, because I had made a promise. A promise to remain quiet about a illegal injury to my brother." She changed her stance at my words, gaining confidence. It was clearly readable that her ability to make me leave my family, to cut them out of my life was now a victory she could claim.

"That is... very interesting," she said, taking a long sip of her wine.

"Enjoy that wine, Elena. It may be the last time you will get a chance to drink." Her eyes peered over the rim of her glass at me. "I am through lying. I am through hiding. My brother has found someone who not only loves him and cares about him, but who won't take your shit and calls a apple a apple. Your days are numbered, Elena. And when you fall, not only will I be there... I will help push you over the edge."

She lowered her glass slowly, and I could see the contents within vibrate, letting me know her hand is shaking, even if it's too minute to see with the naked eye. "You wouldn't dare," she whispered, her voice dry and venomless. I grinned and leaned forward, she would have to strain to hear my next words.

"When I left, while you were here, planting ideas, falsifying tales about myself and my absence, you forgot to keep tabs on me. You didn't pay attention to anything I was doing, who I was talking to... or what properties I was purchasing." Her eyebrows furrowed deeply. "There is this great thing about being young, and rich. You have time and energy to take deeper, bigger chances. Even if some are beyond risky, or some are... simply for revenge." I felt Taylor and Sawyer behind me. Their shadows added to the fear that is starting to stink up the area I stood in.

"When you leave here, you need to seriously count your eggs. You have lost Christian. You have lost my silence. But what else is important to you? What else do you have that makes you... you? And then, when you have that answer... I want you to consider one more thing."

"And what is that," she asked, trying to keep fear from her voice. She failed.

"When all the banks and investment firms started failing... Who bought them out?" Her face remained impassive at that. For a moment. Then she frowned. I loved that frown. I could stare at it for hours. It is the first step to "Oh my god... no..." I grinned at her and turned to leave, but then stopped, and stepped towards her again. Her mind was loss in the thoughts I had already planted in there, but there was one more thing I had to do.

I leaned forward, I could feel fear surround her, and I was so enjoying this. This was almost as good as that day I walked into JP Morgan and bought out some bad stock they had recently acquired, per a favor of mine. "When I am done, when you have fallen and are left like the piece of shit you are, there is one thing you will say to me, and it will be the last words you will ever be allowed to say to me." I whispered in her ears, my lips so close to her I could feel my breath bounce off her ear back to me. "You will say, 'Thank you Mistress'."

* * *

To say I was in the middle of a delightfully wonderful high when I returned from the ladies room would be a understatement. It would be like saying the Grand Canyon was a small creek, or the moon was just a pebble in the sky. Gideon approached me as I reentered the tent, and immediately began to glide me to the dance floor. "Come Fly with Me" was being played and I so knew the feeling. As we twirled around, I saw my father dancing with Ana, saw how comfortable he was with her, and it just made my mood that much better.

"Shana, did you... take something while you were gone," Gideon asked, his voice barely a whisper. I pulled back a little to look into his eyes, to find what he meant.

"You mean, did I take... like drugs while I was gone?" He looked left, and then right, and then as his eyes returned to me, he gave one, quick shallow nod of his head. Normally, to accuse me of this, would have had me... Would have had me arrested for my actions that would have followed, but I only shook my head. "No, dear. It's a natural high, I can assure you. I have two witnesses that can testify to it, if you would like to ask them." And, actually, I really would like him to ask them. I pointed out Taylor and Sawyer were standing. Gideon looked at them and then back to me. "Go ahead. I have to get my dances out of Christian anyways. He still owes me." Gideon nodded once, and then released me, turning towards the guard dogs.

"Mr. Grey, I believe you owe me a dance," I said as I approached him, separating him and my mother. He gave my mother a peck on her cheek and then turned to me, a eyebrow uplifting as we started to dance.

"What did you do," he asked quietly.

"I have no idea what you mean, dear brother," I replied as innocently as I could, but my lips lied as I felt them curl into a evil grin.

"It's written all over your face, Sha." He spun me in time with the music, his face trying to decipher mine.

"You know, when I was first told about Miss Steele, I thought everyone had gone crazy. And then, when I arrived here, and saw the state you were in, I will not deny the fact that I was livid that some girl could do that to you." I felt his muscles tighten at those words, and saw his jaw shut tight, grinding his teeth. His fingers on my arms gripped a little tighter then they should have, but I continued on. "However, I overheard her conversation with Elena a few minutes ago, and dear, may I say that I think you have found the perfect woman for you?"

He stumbled in his dance steps, but quickly recovered, his stride becoming more confident as he continued to lead me on the dance floor. "Do tell," He said, looking around the room for his date, who was now dancing with Gideon. I felt his body tense again and I brought his attention back to me.

"What's to tell? You said it yourself. Hell, everyone said it to me. She's different. I'll like her. Hell, after I heard her words to Elena, if you don't marry her and make her a permanent part of this family, I will." He looked down at me and laughed, his volume causing some of the nearby dancers to stumble.

"You have changed your sexual preference? I am sorry to say that she is heterosexual and I may have to kill you if you try to take her from me," he growled. I watched as he watched her twirl on the dance floor, saw his eyes soften and a small smile lift his lips.

"Tell me, Chrissy. Say it so I can go home happy."

His feet never stopped moving, and his eyes didn't leave her, but his words, when he said them, undeniable. "I love her."


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: First: I have to say THANK YOU! to quite a few of you who have been totally awesome in reading (and reviewing) my little tale. So, a very loud shout out to Bronze Goddess, GoBears1, Foggy Nights, shandy96, and greyfan79. You guys rock my world!**

**Second: This chapter changed a bit from original plan. I hated changing it... But Leila came in and screwed everything up. So, we'll see what happens. I HAD planned on a sweet... okay, tarty chapter for 20, but...**

**Three: Thank you EVERYONE who sent me a note letting me know if you would prefer a really long chapter with all the lemony-ness in one chapter, or to break it into two chapters.**

**Also... there is something odd going on with my publishing, where my spacing is not being saved properly from Doc Manager to Publish, so... I have figured out a small way to make it work until it's fixed, or improved. Now, on with the show!**

* * *

Our limo pulled away as the fireworks started to explode in the air. I was overly satisfied by all that had happened tonight, and for the first time, I felt free of... Of the feeling I had always had when I was at home, when Elena had been around.

Gideon sat next to me, quietly watching out his window, his thoughts as quiet to me as he was. He had barely said anything to me when he had come back from talking to Taylor and Sawyer. It wasn't a good sign, that I knew, but until now, it really hadn't bothered me. I must be coming down from the high I had gotten dealing with the bitch troll.

As the car drove on, I watched his profile, the street lights dancing with the shadows on his face, showing both sides of his coin. The light revealing the sharp, dark features, and the shadows showing off the soft, caring side. I loved both sides.

"Stevenson," I said as I called out to our driver. I saw his eyes look up at me in the rear view mirror. "Take us to the Conservatory, please," I said and he nodded. Gideon looked over at me, a question easily sitting in his eyes. "I want to show you something." He nodded once, and then turned away again. The air between us was getting cooler, I shivered, feeling goose-flesh rise on my arms. I adjusted my wrap, and leaned back, closing my eyes as we drove on. My bitch troll high was definitely gone, and all I felt was a cloud of darkness rising in the future.

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* * *

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"Shana, we're here." I opened my eyes, surprised I had fallen asleep. I was disoriented for a moment, and then smiled, seeing the old green house looming in front of us. I wasn't even out of the car when a golf cart with a green security light drove up to us.

"I'm sorry folks, but you will have to move along. The Conservatory is closed." I smiled, at the older African-American man as he got out of the cart. He was dressed in a well-worn out dark green landscapers' uniform that was more grey than green from age and use. His name, on a badge on the left side of his chest was so old, you couldn't even read a name anymore. It didn't matter.

"Hey Frank, sorry I didn't call ahead." The older gentleman looked at me, and then raised a flashlight at me, uncertain.

Gideon leaned down and whispered, "You still have your mask on." I laughed, and then removed the wire mask, revealing myself to Frank.

"Shana? Oh my Lord! It's been too long!" Frank came over and gave me a tight hug and I laughed, returning the embrace.

"I'm sorry Frank. Let me introduce to you a dear friend. Gideon Cross, this is Frank Perkins. He has known me... half my life. Had to teach me how to deal with the consequences of my actions."

Gideon held his hand out, and Frank shook it, grinning. "What she means to say is that every time she got in trouble, she did her community service here with me."

Gideon grinned, nodding. "Taught her lessons in life, I hope?"

"More like she taught me," he replied, winking. I raised an eyebrow, not sure what he meant. He laughed at my quizzical look, crossing his arms and leaning back, rocking on the balls of his feet. "Oh, I learned early on that you were rather smart, and intuitive to all things money related. When you were excited about something in the news, it was interesting to note how quickly that item made money. So, while I spent time with you, letting you talk your ear off to me, I paid attention. Made myself a nice nest egg to retire on."

"But you are still here? I mean..." It was night, he was the only security/grounds keeper on the whole property. How could he... unless he lost it all.

"Oh, didn't I ever tell you that you should always do what you love? I love this place. Always have. It's where I met my wife and fell in love. It is home to me." I smiled at that, glad to know he was happy. "I'm guessing you would like to show the place off, huh? It's lovely at night. You don't see all the neglect in the dark," he said sadly. "I'll let you go. If you need me, you know where to find me."

I watched him leave, his words rolling around in my mind. What neglect?

"So, you were quite the troublemaker back in the day, huh?" I looked at Gideon and shrugged, blushing.

"Not on purpose, most times," I tried to explain. He only laughed and shook his head.

"Not all of us were saints, you don't have to tell me twice." I grinned, knowing he was only messing with me.

We left Stevenson with the car and I directed Gideon towards the main building. I wanted to show him some of my favorite places, and tell him... things. As we walked, I became more and more distracted by the state of... neglect. The old building was dying. The glass panels were shoddy at best, some completely missing, replaced by taped cellophane. It was easy to hear the wind as it rippled through the building, and the flooring beneath our feet was treacherous for heels; tiling was either broken or missing.

All of this was bad enough, but the worst of it all was what was not there.

"I need to get out of here," I said, struggling to keep my tears back. Gideon only nodded, taking my hand we practically ran back to the limo. I jumped in, and before Gideon was in, my tears broke free, and I cried. Gideon pulled me towards him, wrapping his arms around me, comforting me as I struggled with what we had just seen. "I... I... I don't understand," I managed to say between sobs. "How... Why..."

"I don't know, but, funding for a lot of things have been cut to the quick in the last decade... maybe..." I know he was trying to comfort me. I know he was trying to tell me a possible, probably a very truthful answer. But I know it was not what I wanted to hear. I cried for a few more minutes, and then nodded. I dried my eyes with Gideon's handkerchief, and looked up to Stevenson's reflected gaze.

"Home," I said, my voice controlled and tight. Gideon kept his arms wrapped around me, whispering hushes in my hair. As we left the Conservatory, I took a long last glimpse of it before nodding to myself, coming to a resolution. I will fix this too. I wasn't here to stop this neglect, or to fix it, but I can now. This devastation I can also blame on Elena. Because if it hadn't been for her, I would have known about this. And this... was the final straw.

"Are you okay," Gideon asked, his voice warm and light, soothing my tears. I nodded, pulling away from him a little. I wiped at my tears again, watching as Gideon reached forward into the tiny cabinet in front of us. He picked out two tumblers, and poured us each a brandy. He handed mine to me, and I had to wrap both hands around it because my nerves were not allowing my hands to stay still. I took a sip, letting the heat of the liquid flow and warm me from with.

"Thank you," I said as Gideon leaned back, taking a sip of his brandy. His eyes watched me over the rim of his glass and he nodded at me, silent again. I sighed, taking another sip and then turned my head away from him and back out the window.

My eyes watched the landscape as we drove and I inhaled deeply, and then exhaled, slowly, clearing my mind and my consciousness. I set the half-finished glass down into the cup holder on the door, and then pushed the button next to it to raise the privacy screen that separated us from Stevenson. My hand clenched tightly around the handkerchief Gideon had given me and I turned to look at him. His eyes met mine, and I turned my whole body to him. I needed his undivided attention, and hoped he understood what would be happening next. "What I am going to tell you... I ask that you not tell anyone else."

He nodded, his hand reaching for mine. "I promise, I'll keep your secrets."

I nodded and then inhaled again, "I'm counting on it. I..." I paused, inhaling deeply, my consciousness battling my heart. "I have always prided myself in my ability to... to keep promises." I looked up and saw him nod. I bit my lip, willing the words to be released from the battle within. I told him I would tell him and now... Now is the time. I released a deep shaky breath, and then I said the words that had imprisoned my free will for years. "When I was a kid," I said, closing my eyes. "I noticed a change in Christian."

Those first words were the hardest to expel from my soul. After that, it was easier. The words flowed freely, like a dam that had burst. I didn't pay attention to Gideon's responses, his facial changes, the fact that the vehicle had come to a stop. I just spoke the words, the stories, the tales... almost everything that had happened. I told him about Christian's scars, his haptophobia, and everything I knew about Elena. But it didn't stop there. I told him about the actions I took, the plans I had made, the purchases I had bought and bartered for to bring about her downfall. In the end, my words had stopped, my throat was dry, my tears were gone... and Gideon... he was stone quiet. I looked down into my hands, which sat in my lap, his handkerchief nearly shredded to pieces. I couldn't look at him. I wouldn't look at him. He now knew some of the dark parts of my soul, though not all, but enough to scare away the average human.

"I don't know what to say," he said quietly, and I nodded, understanding. What could he say? What could anyone say when you have just told them you have spent almost all your life on planning the methodical destruction of another human. I felt his fingers comb through my hair, tucking some stray strands behind my ear. "Does he know?"

I shook my head. "Not yet," I said, my voice hoarse.

"How..." Gideon's voice stalled in the air between us, and I looked up at him. His face, normally smooth and seemingly carefree was tense, his jaw tight and his eyes were searching. For what, I wasn't sure of. I saw movement near his lap, and watched as his hand clenched and unclenched, his knuckles white. "How could she abuse him, and he doesn't know it was... wrong?"

I shrugged. "The guise of the lifestyle, I guess?"

"Ridiculous!" His voice echoed off the glass in the car. The strength behind it took my breath from me. "The lifestyle is for consensual pleasure and pain. Submission of a child is... " His words faltered, and his eyes came to meet mine.

"And, what do you know of that lifestyle," I asked, my voice low and I tried to keep it soft.

"It doesn't matter," he said, turning away from me. "We are home, shall we go in?" The conversation was over. He had distracted and changed the subject, ending it. I looked out the window, where his gaze had drifted to, seeing a few more of my vehicles, and my bike. Stevenson must have had them all taken out of storage and prepped.

"Yeah," I said, opening my side of the door. He got out of his side, and I walked around the vehicle to join Stevenson and Gideon. It had been a long night, and I had spoken too much of my history. I even went overboard, telling Gideon about Christian, something no one else has ever known. And he's fucking Christian's enemy!

We waited in silence for the elevator. I was worn out, my bitch troll high completely gone, my promise broken, Christian's secret told, and Gideon, standing there, stoic and silent. The doors opened with a DING! and before we could get in, Christian and Taylor were exiting fast, dragging Ana behind.

"Sha! Fuck! Come with us," he said quickly, nearly running to his car.

"What the hell, Chris!" Taylor paused between us, and Ana looked as frazzled and confused as I did.

"Ms. Grey, please," Jason said. "The building has been compromised." I looked at him, I was having trouble comprehending his words, and then my gaze went back to Christian who was climbing into his R8. I felt fingers wrap around my hand, and I looked down, and saw Gideon's hand holding mine.

"I'll take her," he said to Taylor who nodded, and then headed towards Christians car. As I climbed back into the limo I saw Taylor hand Christian his credit card. "Do you know where Christian is headed," Gideon asked.

"No," I said, my brain having a hard time piecing everything together. I looked up, and saw Stevenson's eyes watching me in the mirror, awaiting directions. "The airport," I said, my voice cool, as if I was in control and knew what the hell I was doing.

* * *

**A/N: In this chapter, I used the Capitol Conservatory, which should be stated was officially, and permanently closed in 2008. It is awaiting demolition, though there is/was a group trying to save the building from disappearing.**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Wow. So I struck a wrong chord with quite a few readers over Chapter 19.**

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**~ Yes, Shana told Gideon about Christian. And, she is not happy with herself for having done so. Shortly afterwards, she was mentally beating herself up for having given him that ammo, should he wish to use it on Christian. She knows when the shit hits the fan it will be totally her fault.**  
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**~ Yes, they are headed to the airport. Why? They have business in Vegas and in New York, and Vegas is closer to Seattle then New York. Need another reason? How about... because I wrote it that way.**  
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**A couple of words to a few...:**  
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**Nan, I was not happy when Christian bathed Leila, BUT... it shows he is human and he does have a heart. Somewhere. Buried deep... I'm pretty sure... whether or not the bathe scene will be mentioned... not sure yet. We'll have to see what happens.**

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**Guest #1 and #2, making a comment, but hiding who you are seems rather rude... BUT, I allowed your comments to remain. Gideon IS Christian's rival, AND SHANA'S. Let us not forget that.**

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* * *

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"The airport," Gideon asked, turning towards me. I nodded, and turned my gaze back to the window. "Talk to me Shana," Gideon said, but I couldn't look at him. I was tired. I was tired and worn out, and I just didn't want to think about anything more tonight. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the window. "Cross," he said, and I assumed he had answered his cell which must have been on silent. "Yeah, one sec. Here Shana," he said, handing his phone to me."

"Who is it," I asked though I knew who it probably was.

"Your brother," he said and with a heavy sigh I turned away from the window, taking the phone from him.

"Yeah," I said into the device, closing my eyes as I could feel a headache quietly begin to peck at the back of my brain. I reached for my brandy as I listened to Christian.

"Sha, look, don't go home tonight."

"I know," I said, finishing the glass, handing it over to Gideon. He raised a eyebrow to me, and I nodded, indicating I wanted more. "What the hell is going on?"

"Leila. She... vandalized Ana's car and broke into the penthouse."

"Who the hell is Leila and how the hell did she do that," I snapped, reaching for the freshly filled tumbler.

"She was one of my subs," he said quietly, and I groaned, rolling my eyes.

"You and your god-damned lifestyle!"

"Sha, I'm sorry. Look, we are heading to a hotel. Taylor is going to make a reservation and let us know which one. I'll call you and you can join us there," he said and I just shook my head and rolled my eyes.

"I have other plans. Look, let me know what happens."

"Where are you going," he asked.

"Not sure yet," I replied, placing the half empty glass to my forehead. Either Vegas or New York."

"What the fuck Sha? You're leaving?"

"Hold on a sec," I said, pulling the phone from my ear I called out to Stevenson. "Doug, I need a pharmacy."

Doug look up at me in the reflection of the mirror and nodded. "Yes Ma'am," he said, switching lanes and pulling off the nearest exit.

"Are you okay," Christian asked over the phone and I felt Gideon's hand on my thigh. I looked up and saw concern etched on his face.

"It's just a headache, I think, but I want the meds if it will be more." I said, looking at Gideon, and telling Christian. Gideon nodded, and I saw in my mind's eye, Christian doing the same nod. "Look, Gideon and I both have business to take care of in Vegas and New York. It's time we took care of some of it," I explained.

"I understand," he said, and I could hear him release a held breath.

"I'm not going away for good," I told him, hoping he would believe me, but he probably didn't. "I'll be back in time for your birthday."

"Ha," he exclaimed, making me smile.

"I don't care if you like them or not. It will be the first one you get to share with Ana." Stevenson pulled up to a Walgreen's and parked near the door. "Look, I got to go. My cell is still in Escala, so I will get another when we land. I gotta go hon."

"Okay," he said with a deep sigh. "I'll let you go, but call when you land."

"God you sound like a old man," I laughed at him.

"I am old," he said. I smiled hearing the grin through the wire.

"Fuck off. If you are old, what am I?"

"Ancient," he chuckled.

"Goodbye Chrissy," I murmured.

"Have a good flight, Sha." We hung up, and I handed the phone back to Gideon.

"Another headache," he asked as he accepted his phone, tucking it into the pocket inside his tuxedo jacket.

I shrugged. "Just another day in the life," I said as we entered the store.

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* * *

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The good news is that my headache hadn't grown by the time we pulled up to the tarmac. The bad news was that the flight would probably change that. There was a high chance I would be as pathetic during the flight as I was on the flight to get Gideon from New York. I hate that fact. I also hate how it would affect Gideon.

"Ma'am," Stevenson said, pulling me out of my thoughts. I looked up at him, seeing him turned in his seat facing me. "I have to let the pilots know where you are going so they can file the flight plan."

"Right, sorry." I turned to Gideon, letting him choose.

"Vegas, I think. Good way to finish off this vacation," he said, looking to me for confirmation to the decision. I nodded, turning to Stevenson.

"All right, I will go let them know," he said, getting out of the vehicle. We watched him head up the steps into one of my corporate jets, and I leaned back, resting my head on the back of the seat, closing my eyes and just tried to relax.

"I'm sorry about all this," I said quietly, my mind rolling through the events of the day, the whole day. How many different ways could one person fuck up in a day? I broke Elena's nose, I threatened her, and then I told her my future plans for her, and to top it off, I broke a confidence, telling Gideon of Christian's past. "Did you get a hold of Angus?"

"Yeah, Taylor called him shortly after Grey left. He headed for a hotel, waiting for us. I'll call him when we land, have him fly out tomorrow." I nodded. It was a good plan. "Hey, look, Don't worry about all this... crap that is happening. It's rather...mellow compared to some of the crap I've dealt with in the past."

"I'm so... I don't know. Angry? Upset? Pissed?"

"Isn't pissed the same thing as being angry?" I sat up and gave him one of my patented glares.

"No..." I said, elongating the o. "It's angrier, but with a 'P'." Gideon laughed, and behind him, through his window, I could see Stevenson approaching us. "Looks like we're up," I said, nodding to where Stevenson was. Gideon turned and saw, then nodded.

We vacated the car and headed for the jet. It was late, but not early enough for dew to start collecting on the grass around the airport. The winds were relatively calm, and when I inhaled, I could smell the familiar scent of jet fuel.

"Ma'am, they said you can board anytime, but they will need at least thirty minutes before being ready to take off. If you don't mind, I will go park the car in the garage and return, unless you would like me to stay here," Stevenson said as he met us half way to the jet.

"That will be fine, Doug. If you could, stop at one of the shops on the way back? I really don't want to travel in this get up," I said, waving my hands at the lilac dress and heels.

"Yes Ma'am. I will see what I can find for you." I smiled, thanking him as he left. Gideon held out a hand, and I took it, letting him lead me up the steps and into the jet.

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* * *

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It was fifty-three minutes, not thirty, before the jet was able to move into rotation for take-off. By that time, Gideon had switched out of his tux and into a pair of Seahawk sweatpants and matching Tee-shirt. For myself, Stevenson managed to pick up a matching set of tee shirt and sweats for the Washington Huskies and a pair of Huskies flip-flops. I was in heaven. As we rolled out onto the runway (finally!) I leaned back into the leather seat, my feet propped up on the seat opposite me, and I could flex my toes now that they were removed from the killer heels. I looked over at Gideon, my mind reminding me repeatedly what I had told him.

He had been quiet most of the night, but after my revelations, it seemed there was a wall there now, seperating us. I feared that seperation more then nearly anything now. Especially with the knowledge he has. How could I have done that? I NEVER tell the secrets I know. I never told anyone about Christian.

The plane rolled down the runway, gathering speed, I held my breath, waiting for the moment... waiting... and... THERE! I grinned as I felt the Earth slip away from us. I closed my eyes, feeling a rush as the jet aimed higher. I released a long, slow sigh, and turned again to see Gideon staring at me.

"What," I asked, an eyebrow raised at him.

"You're like a kid," he laughed. I could only grin back, shaking my head because it was true.

"I love to fly," I shrugged, a bit of laughter still sitting on my tongue.

"So I can tell." He looked towards the back of the plane where the bedroom was, and then returned his gaze back at me. "Are you going to try to nap?"

"No," I sighed, wishing I could. "Too much on my mind, besides, the flight won't be too long." Gideon nodding as he stood and stretched. "You can lay down if you want," I offered. He came towards me, picking my feet up off the chair, and then he sat down, resting my feet in his lap. His fingers started to massage my feet, and being the magician he is, he knew exactly what parts of my feet hurt the worst from those damn heels.

"No," he replied slowly. "I don't think that would be too wise." His nightmares. Of course. Not a great place to have them. I nodded, understanding.

"What's on your mind?"

"You, actually," I said, watching him carefully.

"Oh?"

I sighed. "Yeah..."

"Anything in particular?" He asked just as he found a knot at the ball of my foot. I groaned as he worked it out.

"May I get you anything," the flight steward asked, interrupting our discussion. I considered alcohol, but because of the late hour, I chose to be wise.

"Just a V8 for me," I said, looking to Gideon.

"Make that two." The steward nodded, heading to the galley. Gideon stared at me, his left eye twitching. He does that when he has a question he isn't sure he wants to ask. Or when he's bluffing at a round of poker. I've never told him, and he doesn't know I know. One secret worth keeping, cause it can be so profitable. "A male flight attendant," he asked, a suspicious grin playing on his lips.

"No. A male flight steward." He smirked at me and I could only roll my eyes, my breath coming out as a huff. "On last minute flights, especially at night, I request male staff. It's much safer for a male then a female, in the middle of the night, in a different city where nothing is familiar."

Gideon nodded, his mind going through my words. "I can understand that. Makes sense." Just then, his magic fingers hit a spot that did not welcome his touch and my calf exploded in the pain of a full blown cramp. My leg twisted straight, and I gripped onto the arm rests of my seat as he searched for the muscle that was cramping, he found it quickly, and began to knead it, hammering out the cramp until I was able to bend my leg again.

The steward returned with our drinks, and I tried to compose myself, but my breath was ragged, as if I had just run a marathon. He set the drinks between us, on the table that pops out of the side of the cabin. Then he laid down two long, white pills. I looked at them, and then at the steward, who had frozen in his spot.

"What. The. Hell. Are. Those," I asked, knowing damn well that this piece of shit better not be passing me contraband.

"Miss Grey, it's Midol."

"Why the fuck would I need Midol?"

"Um," he started, his head turning to Gideon, seeking back up, and then looked back at me. "I am sorry. You were having a cramp. It helps. Everyone thinks it's just for... you know... that time... But it will help leg cramps. My sister uses it, when she runs. I'm sorry, I'll take it back." He leaned forward, reaching for the pills, but Gideon stopped him.

"Thank you... Phillip. That was smart thinking. She will take them," he said, turning to me, nodding. I closed my eyes and sighed, nodding.  
"Sorry, it's been a rough day. He's right. It was good thinking, thank you."

"Not at all. If you need anything else, let me know." I told him we would and he returned back to the galley. My gaze turned to Gideon and I murmured a thank you to him, and he shrugged in return.

"At least it's not a headache," I said with a small laugh.

"If we could, I would trade a cramp for a headache any day I can help with cramps." I nodded, feeling his fingers continue to work my feet and my calves. I closed my eyes to help me relax so maybe it wouldn't cramp again, sighing deeply, feeling the tension drip away.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: The Vegas Chucks that Shana has can be seen here: pinterest dot com /pin/554083560375111611/ (Again, besure to remove the spaces that are in that link.)**  
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The morning sun slid through a open space in the curtains, it's beam aimed right for my eyes. I groaned, rolling over, turning my back to the window and pulling the blanket up to my ear. I may have shut my eyes off to the world that is awake, but I couldn't stop my nose from smelling the delicious aroma coming from a different room in the suite. I tried to fight the temptation, but in the end, my growling stomach and dry throat won out.

I threw back the covers and sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing my face to force the sleep away from my thoughts. I sat there for a few minutes, my eyes closed, just trying to organize my brain, but it was useless. I was hungry, and I can't think if I am hungry. Yawning, and scratching my head, I moved out to the main room of the suite.

"Morning," Gideon says, grinning like a Cheshire Cat, mug of coffee in his hand as he sat in front of a... buffet I knew I was tired, and it was morning, but I'm pretty sure that there were over twelve different food items on the dining table.

"Coffee," I grumbled. He raised his mug, using it to indicate another mug on the table where a empty chair and empty plate awaited me. I wrapped both hands around the cup, and when I raised it to my lips, I knew that he remembered how I like my coffee. I could smell the caramelized sugar that had been melted on top of the mocha latte. I took in my first sip, and relished the flavor the same way a wine connoisseur savors a 2005 Domaine Bouchard Pere et Fils Pinot Noir.

"Better," Gideon asked when I set the half empty mug down. I nodded, opening my eyes to choose something to settle my angry, hungry stomach. There were eleven platters on the table, each with a different choice, some hot, some cold. There was also one dish that was still covered under a warming saw me stare at it, and barked a laugh. He reached over, and lifting the lid, made me a very happy woman. Under the dome were four beautifully golden blintzes, covered with a small slather of sour cream and then dusted with sugar. I grinned and then looked at him, and saw his beautiful smile on his lips.

"You remembered," I exclaimed, and he nodded, laughing as he set the dome down next to the dish. I practically jumped up from my chair, diving across the table to get to these wonderful crepes. I picked up a small bowl of fruit, and then sat back down, ready to devour my meal. Gideon, of course, just sat there grinning, drinking his coffee, and every once in a while, taking a bit of his pancakes and bacon.

"Of course I remembered," he said, as he lifted up his cell phone that had been next to his plate. It was most likely on vibrate, which is why I hadn't heard it, but watching his expression, I wondered what he was frowning at.

"Bad news," I inquired.

"Hmmm? No... not bad news, exactly," he said, and I watched as his mind drifted away from him, deep thoughts catching a prevailing wind.

There was a knock on the door to the suite a few minutes later, and stretching back to peek around a door frame I tried to see who was there, but failed and nearly tipped my chair over._ "Shana Minnie Grey! How many times do I have to tell you a chair has four feet? Use them."_ I heard my mother's voice echo in my head and I stifled a giggle as I set the chair back down. A moment later Angus walked into the main room, and went to Gideon's side, handing him four pieces of paper without saying a word. He then, just as quietly, left us.

I watched as Gideon looked over the papers, giving them a slow glance over, obviously reading it word for word. After a few moments, he nodded, set the pages down, and then patted them.

"Everything okay," I asked, washing the last of my blintze down with a sip of orange juice.

"Yeah," he nodded. Then he pushed his plate away from him, and sat watching me, his hands coming together in front of him, his fingers steepling together. "Shana, about last night," he started, but I growled, cutting him off. I really didn't want to think about my ridiculous actions from then. "Hear me out, please," he requested, his voice calm. I eyed him for a moment and then nodded, picking up my latte and finishing it off.

"About last night... You told me things... Things you probably shouldn't have," he said, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the largest understatement of the year. "I know that you trust me, and hope that either I will forget what you said, or that I will keep the secret. I know that you have a fear that there is a chance that I could use the knowledge against your brother." I nodded. He was right. They have... had a truce, while in Seattle, but we aren't in Seattle anymore. He could tell anyone... hell, he could tell everyone what he knows about Christian.

"It would be horribly wrong for me to let you worry that I would say anything." He paused again, and then with the swift movement of his arm, he cleared enough space for him to settle the paperwork down and then brought his head back up and his blue eyes locked with my hazel ones. I watched as he picked up a pen that had been next to his plate, (He loves to do the cryptograms in the morning. Says it awakens his mind...) and then I watched as he put his signature on both pages. "This is a NDA, stating that anything we speak about, or I learn via your family, whether accidental or intentional, I will not discuss to outside parties, the media or others. I also had Angus sign a new one, that includes conversations or situations you and I are in, or you or your family is in."

Gideon stood up from his chair, picked up both pages, and walked over to me. He laid the pages down in front of me, and then leaned onto the table. "I am not requiring you to sign it. I wont make you sign a NDA, nor ask you too. You can, if you want to, but it's not a condition of our friendship," he said, handing me the pen. "But, I do need you to sign here stating you observed me signing this." I looked down at it, and then back at him. I felt... dislocated. I must have been in shock, hearing his words. I could feel my eyebrows furrowing, slightly confused, because this was something I just did not see coming.

"Give me a moment to read it," I asked, my voice trying to be louder then a whisper but failing. He nodded.

"I would expect you to. Take as much time as you need," he said, moving back to his plate. I watched him for a few minutes more as he picked up his newspaper and sat back in his chair.

My eyes pulled away from him and I carefully read the contract. As my eyes focused on the text, my mind ran the gauntlet of "What the Hell?". I blinked, trying to focus and read. After a few minutes (and a dozen "What the Hell?" comments) I was finished reading it, and it was a outstanding document. Absolutely no loop holes.

"Before I sign this...," I paused, pen stilled over the contract, eager to dance over the parchment.

"Yes?"

"Why? I keep asking myself that, and I have to know. Why?"

"Why? You mean why did I sign the NDA?"

"Yeah," I nodded. He folded the paper down so he could see me and then tilted his head, as if the words were floating about his head. "I guess, well, Christian and I are rivals. We're like two dogs over a bone. Hell, you and I are the same way." I nodded, because his words were true. "I like being rivals, enemies of your state. It... fires me up. I have to focus and plan where you or he might be, what you might want for this land, that house, or whatever it is that is in our tug-of-war games that week. I feel... alive when we battle."

"So... why the NDA?"

"Because, despite everything, if we didn't do a NDA, you would wonder. You would question my every move, my every thought. And if I didn't sign a NDA, I'd lose you." He paused, his gaze moving out to the wall high windows and the strip below. "I don't want to lose you again. I care about you. I do. We managed to keep our friendship and... If that's all I can have, then it will have to do."

I nodded, understanding now. "I care about you too," I said, lowering my eyes and setting the pen back to the contract. The ink flowed freely until I my signature laid on the line that hovered above "Witness" and "Date". I handed it back over to Gideon, my mind still in shock. He had had the advantage. I had screwed up, and screwed up royally. I knew that if Christian had ever found out it would strike him like a bullet to his chest.

The second NDA was meant for me to sign, but only if I chose to. Within three seconds, I had signed and dated the paper where they sat floating above the "Contractee's Signature". It was a NDA protecting Gideon. I would say that he wouldn't need a NDA for me, that I would never tell anyone anything, but my actions last night would prove that that line of thinking was now a lie. If I could tell him one of Christian's secrets... and he is my brother, whom I love dearly and have always protected, why would Gideon think his secrets were safe with me.

In the end, we both had signed all four pages, each pocketing two, and then we sat there, quietly, him finishing his cryptogram, and I was peeling the skin off a grape.

"Where did you sleep last night," I asked, breaking the silence. He looked up at me, his teeth wrapped around the tip of the pen.

"In the other bedroom," he said, not removing the pen from his lips. I popped the peeled grape into my mouth, and looked around the suite. It was typical "Gideon" in style, a bit quiet, a lot of grandiose. No... not "typical Gideon". It was the "typical Gideon" the rest of the world knows. It is, in reality, nothing like him. Quiet and reserved. Powerful and controlling. Thoughtful and caring. That is Gideon.

"I can't believe I am going to say this... but I have to go shopping for some clothes and a phone." He nodded, a smile playing on his lips.

"I called Mia, your new 'personal shopper'," he said, standing up from the table, walking over to a stack of shopping bags I hadn't noticed. "I had her access the shops in my hotels and pick out stuff you would need. So, your fear of shopping doesn't have to be conquered today," he laughed, patting the bag on the top of the pile.

"It's not a fear of shopping," I grumbled. "Hating shopping and fearing it are two entirely different things." I got up fro the table and walked to where he stood, seeing a small fortune in synthetic, and non-synthetic gear. I sighed, shaking my head.

"Don't give me that. Just accept it and say, 'Thank you Gideon'." Exhaling a breath in defeat, I did as I was told.

"Thank you Gideon." He grinned, chuckling.

"Go, take your shower. Then we will get you a phone, and then, maybe we can go play in the sandbox." I smiled, thinking that maybe, this time it could be a partial vacation for both of us.

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I felt refreshed and rejuvenated after my shower, and, after laying out the items Mia had picked out, I was so glad she was my sister. She knew me, knew my style (and lack thereof), and what I loved. She had managed to find a pair of jeans that were now my newest, favorite pair. They fit perfectly, were lose exactly where they were supposed to be, showed off my hips, hugged my thighs, but not too tightly, and they felt like they stretched when I moved.

For tops, she outdid herself. Camis, tanks, tees, and light-weight sweaters. All of which I loved, and all in shades were beautiful against my skin. In the end, I chose to wear the red silk tee that hung off one shoulder, reminiscent of a specific style created in a 1980's film. I loved it.

I smiled, when I had opened the shoe box, glad, again that she knows me so well. Inside were a pair of custom painted Converse All Star High Tops, with a scene of the Vegas strip painted on them. I was in love. I sighed as I slid the shoes on, ever so glad they weren't heels. Any day of the week, any week, in any month, I will always desire sneakers as opposed to heels. Even kitten heels.

I went back to the en suite, brushed my teeth, and I desired to put my hair into a pony tail, but I couldn't find a sing hair tie, or anything that could be used as one. There was a small collection of some of my favorite makeups in a tray on the sink, and I used them, making for as close to a normal morning routine as possible. Finally satisfied with my appearance, I returned back to the main room, hoping to snag a last bite of bacon, but was saddened to find the food had been removed.

Gideon wasn't in the room, but the room he had said he had slept in had it's door mostly closed. I could hear him in conversation, so either he was on the phone, or he was talking to Angus. My bet would be the phone, probably dealing with whomever had called during breakfast. I tried to not listen in as I waited, but his volume was rising, as was, apparently, his temper.

"No, it's done," he said, his voice booming. Suddenly, there was a large, thunderous crash from his room, and I could sit on my ass no longer. The last loud crash he had needed stitches afterwards. What had he done this time?

I entered the room slowly, he was not in sight. The remains of the flat screen TV were now scattered on the floor, bits of live wires popping in the air. _Oh please tell me he didn't throw his fist through that,_ I thought. I turned and saw him leaving the restroom, his hands in a towel, and I was glad when I saw he was only drying them, not using them as a bandage. I approached him slowly, taking his stitched hand in mine, and after a cursory glance, I made a tsk tsk sound, lightly shaking my head.

He looked at me, and then down at his wound. "You popped a stitch," I said, showing him. He looked up at me, and in his eyes I saw pain. Not the pain from the wound in his hand, but something more, something deeper. "Gideon, what's wrong," I said, raising a hand, running my fingers through his inky black hair, his head leaning into my touch.

"Don't ask me right now," he said, and I nodded, understanding.

"I don't think I have to restitch this, but I do want to put a bandage on it, just in case." He nodded, throwing the towel on his bed.

Together we left the suite, Angus contacting maintenance about the damage in the room. The damage would be cleaned up, and the television replaced hours before we return, I have no doubt about it. We stopped at the concierge, where I requested a bandage and placed it where Gideon was missing a stitch. I then raised his hand to my lips, giving it a light kiss and then looked up into his eyes, which I swear were a shade darker then normal.

"All fixed," I said, and he smiled, and leaned down placing a soft kiss on my cheek.

"Thanks," he whispered, wrapped his fingers around mine, and we headed out into the Las Vegas afternoon.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: I wanted to first, thank all of you, my readers. It's been more fun writing with a audience then just writing. Thanks!**  
**I also would like to correct something about my comments on a earlier chapter regarding feedback/reviews:**

**I do like feedback.**

**But, I wont be told what to write.**

**It's a sad thing in the world of fan fiction... People want to read more and more about characters they love, but they don't want writers to stray from the story they know. And, unfortunately, a lot of fan fiction writers follow that. They will take a story word for word, and then add a sentence here or there and say, "It's my story".**

**If you enjoy what is written, that's wonderful. If you don't, you don't have to read it. **

**For me, I write because I like to write. The bonus is when others choose to read it.**

**~ Killy**

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As a rule, it's business first. So, the first thing we did as we walked away from his hotel, was head to a shop to pick up new cell phones. Phones _plural_, because as he explained to me during our stroll, it had been his phone that had destroyed the television.

Angus and Stevenson were not a happy couple, walking behind up, both in their MIB suits and shades, and, to be honest, I was not thrilled either.  
"What is it," Gideon asked, squeezing my hand pulling my gaze from my thoughts to his incredibly impossible blue eyes.

"The twins," I said pausing where we were, I used my head to point at them. He looked up and beyond me to see what I meant, and I watched as his lips narrowed into a smooth, invisible line.

"I'll be right back, he said, releasing my hand, and I turned, watching him as he approached our shadows. After a few minutes, the three men nodded in agreement, and the shadows disappeared. Gideon returned to me, pulling his sunglasses from where he had tucked them into the V of his linen shirt, he slid them on, making his hotness caliber climb even higher. _Damn, _I thought, my legs shifting. "They'll return later, in something more appropriate," he said, reaching for my hand again.

We reached the phone store, and within a hour, I was finally able to retrieve messages, and contact both Christian and Diana.

"Shana," Christian exclaimed, his voice thick with concern. "I told you to call me as soon as you landed."

"Yes, I know," I said, rolling my eyes and shaking my head. "If I had been conscious, I would have."

"Wha-? Are you okay? What happened?" I smiled, hearing his berating switch to deep concern. No matter what he says or thinks, he does have a heart.

"We're fine, perfectly safe. I fell asleep on the plane, and Gideon took care of me. I didn't wake up until this morning. I just now got a phone." I heard a grumble on the other end I couldn't understand. "What?"

"I said that that fucker better keep you safe." I closed my eyes, inhaling a deep, slow, long breath, exhaling it with cool control.

"I. Trust. Him." That was a solid truth. It was a truth before I woke this morning, but it forever became so much more when he handed me his signed NDA. I looked over at him, pacing and talking in his own, new phone. Apparently his conversation was going as well as mine, his free hand making quick, sharp movements to help make points in his conversation.

"What's going on Shana," he said, his voice low and cool. "What is it you aren't telling me?"

"I have a few more calls to make hon. I will talk to you later," I said, running my fingers through my hair, feeling the moisture of sweat on the back of my neck. Desert + Long Hair = Bad Idea.

"Shana," Christian whined, but then changed his mind. "Have a fun time. Call later, if you need to."

"I will hon. Laters- Oh! Hey, when does Elliot get back?"

"Umm... not sure, one sec," he said and I heard him muffle the phone, repeating the question. "Ana says a week. It could be sooner."

"Awesome. Look, his voice mail is full, if you see or hear from him before I do, can you tell him I have a job for him?"

"Sure. Is it anything I can help with?" I think for a moment but nothing came to mind. "Not yet, but... I may need you for something later."

"Special project," he asked, the intrigue in his voice was thick. I grinned. "Yep," I said, the 'p' popping loudly.

"All righty then. Call me later. Not tonight. I'll be on the boat." I agreed, and we finished our call. I looked over and saw Gideon had moved quite a bit away from me, his body movements harsher and faster. Whoever he was talking to was getting a good vocal lashing. I was a bit glad they weren't here in person, because they may have left the conversation black and blue.

"Grey Holdings and Development, Diana speaking," said the woman on the other end as my second call connected through.

"Hey Diana, how are you holding up?"

"Ms. Grey! Oh man am I glad to hear from you. I couldn't get a hold of you earlier," she said, frustration leaking through her voice.

"Yeah, sorry about that. Kinda left my cell in a place I couldn't retrieve it from. But I am here now. What did you need?" Diana started in a rush, her words precise, crisp, and her list in order from immediate needs to non-important. After fifteen minutes, her concerns and questions were met, and she seemed satisfied. "Anything else," I inquired, my pacing paused as her answer hesitated.

"Ma'am, I was contacted this morning by Mr. Welch about an attempt to access information you flagged."

"Which information," I asked, hearing my voice low and hard. I heard her riffle through some papers before she answered.

"The message I was told to give you was, and I quote, 'Poachers attempted to saw logs in the forest.' That's all that I was told Ma'am."

"Thank you, Diana. I will take care of it," I said, my mind running at a marathon pace. I turned around, nearly bumping into Gideon. He steadied me, and I ended my conversation.

"I need to get to one of mine," I said to him. His eyes traced over my face and he nodded, placing a hand on my back as we walked to the curb, hailing a passing cab. The first one that passed us was full, but the second stopped, and we got in. "Neon Nights," I said, giving him the name of the closest of my hotels. The driver nodded snaking the cab back into traffic, heading for the hotel.

"Everything okay," Gideon asked, knowing it wasn't.

"No, but it will be." He nodded, and smiled, leaning back in his seat. "What are you grinning at?"

"You and me. We can't get away, can we?" I chuckled at that. It was true.

"No, apparently not." I looked down at my message list, going through the list I hadn't touched in two whole days, whistling under my breath and shaking my head.

"What?"

"Two days," I said, shaking my head and showing his the number.

"How the fuck do you have... a hundred and forty-eight messages in two days? How is that even possible?"

"I don't know," I said, shrugging. "Kinda makes me not want to take a vacation."

"It's probably the reason why you haven't before," he muttered, his hand rubbing his chin.

The ride to Neon was smooth and short, as are most rides in Vegas. The driver pulled up to the door, and Gideon paid him. The door man pulled the door open for us, and I nodded at him, thanking him before heading to the concierge desk.

I kept a passive look on my face as I approached, but inwardly, I was not happy with the person I saw at the desk was tall, too skinny, her breast were surgically enhanced by the science fiction realm of possibility. Her teeth were neon white and her blonde hair was so over bleached it battled with her glowing teeth over which could claim the title of most brightest. Beyond all that, there were two other things that I saw about her that made me thoroughly question who ever the hell approved of her hiring. Her skin was brown from over usage of self-tanning, and her name on her name tag...

"Hi, welcome to Neon Nights, how can I help you," she said, giggling as she faked a Marilyn Monroe voice.

_Oh. My. God. Who the fuck did this?_

I was livid.

I was fuming.

I was pissed beyond all mortal understanding.

I was so angry that I couldn't move and all forward motion had stopped. I watched as Gideon approached her, leaned onto the counter, and to my horror, flirted with her, giving her a glance at his perfect features and white teeth. I heard him ask her to fetch, and yes, he used the word fetch, the hotel manager.

I pulled out my new BlackBerry, my hands shaking with adrenaline. I sent a quick text to Diana demanding all financial records of the hotel, and the personal file of one "Kitten Creame". I felt a shiver run through my spine as I typed out her "name", disgusted beyond reason.

The information I requested starts pilling up in my inbox, and as I read each page I hear a deep, hearty voice boom across the lobby. "Oh my Lord! Mr. Cross!" I look up and see a rather rotund man with a horrible, greasy comb-over waddle quickly across the lobby, hand outstretched. Gideon turns to the new fan, gives him a cool smile and shakes his hand. "Oh you are like, like my idol sir! I have always wanted to meet you!" The hand shake continues, Gideon trying to remove his hand from the sweaty palm and not succeeding.

I finished reading the recent report on Neon Nights, and groan inwardly, disgusted at how one of my smaller hotels had slid down to the worst of the worst of my properties.

"You are the hotel manager," Gideon asked him as he was finally able to pry his hand from the man's grip.

"Yes I am, yes I am," he said proudly, tucking his thumbs into his waist band, rocking on his toes.

"No he isn't," I said coolly Gideon turned to me, a smirk visible only in his eyes. He was having fun. I was pissed, and he is having fun. _Well, of course he is. He has hotels in the area too, and your loss is his gain,_ my thoughts yelled at me.

"Yes, I am the hotel manager, Miss," the man said and I laughed. Did I say I was pissed? I was. Past tense. Now, I was nuclear.

"No. You. Aren't." The man looked at me, and then back to Gideon. Why, I don't know, and to be honest, I didn't care. This man was done. "Let me introduce myself," I said, slowly approaching him. "You may call me Ms. Grey. I am your former employer."

"I... I don't understand." He stood before me, no longer rocking on his toes, and the light of happiness he had carried when he saw Gideon, it was extinguished.

"Neon is not one of the largest properties on the strip, nor one of the more flamboyant. It wasn't supposed to be. It was supposed to be a smaller place with better service, where everyone could feel welcomed and at home. That is not how it feels." I walked over to "Kitten". "Who the fuck hired her?" I said, pointing a finger at her.

"Um... that... I did, ma'am," he stuttered. I nodded, knowing that it was the truth. Of course it was. I saw Gideon backing away from the little dramatic scene I was in, then leaned back onto one of the supporting columns in the lobby. He was relaxed, smiling and enjoying the show.

"Would you care to explain how our profits dropped 34% since you hired her? Or 53% since you became manager? Or, why the purchases for specific necessities dropped lower then normal considering the guests we have had on record?" Numbers. I can do numbers. I can do numbers while threatened with death, injury or stupidity.

"Uh... what 'specific necessities ?" He asked as he reached into his his front pocket and pulled out a red bandanna He wiped the sweat from his face and I snarled in disgust.

"Cleaning supplies you fool. You have ordered less supplies, meaning that this facility is even filthier... and I can't believe I am saying this, but it's filthier then you."

"Now you wait-" He tried to make a stand. He failed.

"Hold your tongue!" I hollered, stepping towards him, getting in his face. I did not want to touch him, I don't want to deal with the lawyers right now. But, stepping so close to him, I found the last straw. "You will not speak," I said, my voice low and deadly. "If you say one word, utter one sound, I will have you arrested. You, sir, are done here. You may not go to your office. You may not return to the premises. Your personal property will be delivered to the 19th precinct and you can pick it up there in the next two hours, _AFTER_ you have passed a breathalyzer and drug screening. I already know you have been drinking in the last few hours, the stench is leaking from your pores. Failure to get your items, means you forfeit them. Failure to take and pass the tests cleanly means you forfeit all rights, privileges and benefits of a Grey Holdings Employee. Nod that you understand." He stared at me, his eyes wide, his puny brain incapable of understanding. "I said, NOD!" His head moved down, and then slowly came back up. "Get out," I whispered. I didn't need to say it louder, I didn't need to point to the exit. He was done, and he knew it.

I turned back to "Kitten" who stood quietly behind the desk, her jaw slacked in shock. "You're fired," I said quietly. She nodded, reaching below the desk, and pulled out a rather large bag. If this were any other facility, I would have searched her bag. I resigned myself to the thought, as I watched her head towards the door, that anything she would have pocketed from working here, I would have thrown out anyways. I watched as she left through the front door, passing a happy couple grinning as they entered. They looked around, and the spark in their smile faded.

"Hi," I said, smiling a toothy, welcoming smile. "Newlyweds?" The bride nodded, smiling, raising her left hand and wriggling her finger, showing me her new band of matrimony. "Congratulations! Do you have reservations here?" The groom looked around, and sighing a disappointed breath he nodded.

"Yeah, Mayberry," he said, offering his name for the reservation.

"Mr. and Mrs. Mayberry, I am sorry to say that this hotel is closing for some emergency repairs." I hated saying that, but it did seem to brighten the groom's mood, and I knew that this was probably typical of most of our guests here. I know I had felt the same when I walked in. "However, I am pleased to inform you that because of this unfortunate incident, I can get you the presidential suite at any of our other facilities."

"Or at any of the Cross hotels," Gideon said, smiling as he approached us. My heart smiled as he came to stand next to me.

"Really," the bride gasped, her excitement boiling over. She almost clapped her hands and turned to her new husband, giving him a pathetically sad set of puppy dog eyes.

"Well," he said, his left hand reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck. "She really did want to stay at the Ivory Tower..." I grinned, and smiled.

"Then that is where you will stay. On the house." I quickly called the Tower and had them send over a limo to pick up the couple and their items, and soon they were on their way to a fabulous honeymoon they will hopefully never forget.


	23. Chapter 23 - Lemony

**A/N: Lemons trees do apparently grow in Sin City.**

**A WONDERFULLY loud shout out to my friend Bronze. She is like... the bomb.**

**This is... my first lemon. Hopefully there aren't too many seeds. If you review... please be gentle.**

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It took seven long, busy hours before we left Neon.

I had contacted all of my resorts, dealt with their managers, arranged for all the paying guests that had been staying at Neon to be moved to their choice of Grey _or_ Cross hotels, and I had to arrange for the police to come and remove the non-paying guests. Twenty-six non-paying guests. My attorneys, who tried to talk to me but I had been to busy, were going to have a field day.

"Hey," Gideon said as he peeked into the office I had taken over, knocking on the door frame. "You okay?"

"No," I said, my eyes closing as I thought of the last two days.

I felt his fingers wrap around mine, and I opened my eyes as he turned my seat, turning me away from the piled desk I had been working from. "Come on, let's get you out of here," he said, his voice soft and inviting.

I don't know if it had been his gentleness towards me, his kind voice, or even the way he had helped me throughout the day, moving clients, finding them places if I couldn't or limos to shuffle them in... Whatever it was, I really didn't care. What I did care about was when he help me rise from my chair, we were pulled into a hug, a hug I needed and gladly welcomed. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders as I wrapped mine around his chest, and we each pulled each other into a tight, wholesome hug.

I closed my eyes, enjoying just being in his arms again, and inhaled deeply, taking in the pure Gideon scent. He smelled of control, strength and kindness. He had the edges of power and hard work floating around him. I had heard his deep inhale of his breath and knew he too was dismantling my scent. I smiled, feeling his cheek lay on my scalp for a moment, and then he kissed my crown and pulled away.

"Come on, it's been a long day and I know you are craving a shower."

"And food," I said, my stomach rumbled, seconding that motion. He frowned, and I knew that he realized we had missed lunch.

"And food," he said, agreeing. We walked hand and hand through the dark lobby, locking the front door behind us. He helped me get into the limo Angus was driving, and we made our way back to his suite.

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* * *

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As usual, or so it seems, I fell asleep in the car. I woke being carried by Gideon, as we just arrived at the door to the suite. Stevenson opened it without us having to stop, and Gideon walked over to the couch in the main room, setting me down.

"Thank you," I said as a yawn escaped me.

"Are you doing this on purpose, Ms. Grey?"

I smiled as I looked into his vibrant blue eyes. "Doing what?" I asked coyly.

" 'Falling asleep,' " he said, moving his fingers as he made invisible quotation marks in the air. "So that I have to carry you."

"Maybe..." I said in a pathetically sad attempt at being sultry. He rolled his eyes at me and laughed a hearty chuckle. He smiled, reaching forward to brush some stray hairs away from my eyes, tucking them behind my ear. I leaned into his touch, sighing contently.

"Shower or food," he asked, and I had to think about that. No, I seriously had to think about it. I was exhausted. And hungry. If I chose food, I would probably fall asleep before getting a shower, and I felt disgusting. If I chose the shower first, I would probably fall asleep as I ate.

"Mmmm shower," I said, stretching, trying to wake up.

"All right, let's get you in there," He helped me stand, and walked me to the en suite of my room. He got the shower started as I leaned against the sink, not wanting to see how disgusting I looked in the mirror. I knew I had to be a sight, hot and sweaty most of the day, dealing with squatters and vagrants, crack addicts and prostitutes, not to mention the absolute filth that had been in Mr. Sweaty's office. I shivered just thinking about it.  
"Hey, you can't get in the showered while dressed," Gideon said, chuckling at me. I closed my eyes as I felt him stand behind me, his hands resting softly on my shoulders. I felt his breath on my neck, the tip of his nose pressed against the back of my ear. "Want me to help you get undressed," he asked, his voice low and husky.

"Just... help, I feel to disgusting for more," I whispered, a part of my brain in shock I had said that, intimating I wanted more.

"Just to help," he repeated, reaching down to the hem of my shirt. I watched our reflection in the mirror as he slowly pulled the silk shirt up, uncovering my breasts, and then over my head. I saw his smile as his eyes saw my black lace bra he had uncovered. He threw the shirt on the floor, and then turned me around to face him. He slowly bent down, getting on his knees, his hand softly trailing down my leg as he raised my foot, sliding the sneaker off, throwing it near the shirt. He repeated the process, removing my other shoe, and then stood, turning me around again to face the mirror. I watched as his hands wrapped around my waist, his fingers moving to unbutton my jeans.

He popped the button, and then very slowly lowered the zipper, making me feel each and every tooth in the zipper. His thumbs hooked into the belt loops and he slowly pulled my jeans down. I heard him inhale as my black lace thong was revealed, and I bit my lip, thinking over and over, _Shower. Just shower. Nothing more... Shower..._ The steam from the shower was filling the room, and the mirror I was watching us in was fogging up so I couldn't see his hands when they came up, and cupped my breasts. I leaned back against him as he unclipped the fastener in the front of my bra, and I sighed a relief feeling my breasts become free. I felt his body move as he threw the bra onto the growing pile of clothes he had removed, and I waited, my breathing shallow, for his help to remove the last bit.

"Think you can finish and climb in," he said, his warm breath battering against my ear.

"Huh?"

"I think you can finish getting undressed, and get your shower now, don't you?" My eyes opened, his words trying to push into my brain, but I couldn't understand... "I'll go order dinner. Hurry up now, before you run out of hot water," he said, smacking my ass. I watched him pick up the discarded clothes and walk out the door, closing it behind him.

"Wha-?" He just... He did, and then... What the hell? I closed my eyes, trying to calm down, I was confused, baffled, hot, bothered, and still dirty. Shaking my head, I took off my lace thong, the one thing he "forgot" to remove, and stepped into the shower. I leaned forward, my hands on the wall under the shower head, and just let the water rain down on me. I can feel, under the rippling of the water, my body arguing with my mind. I am tired, working when I had made no plan to, in the desert heat, in the filth, seen or not seen, it had thoroughly worn me out. And then Gideon has the fucking nerve to "help" me prepare for my shower by-

I suddenly felt large hands wrap around my waist, pulling me from the wall. I closed my eyes and leaned back, resting my body against his. "If you want me to go, just tell me," he whispered his lips whispered in my ear. One of his hands brushed my wet hair from my face. and I felt a light kiss on my temple. "If you want me to stop, just tell me," he whispered again. "I just... I can't help it, Shana. I've missed you," he said, his lips resting against my temple.

"Gideon," I sighed, and then stood, turning around to face him. He kept his hands on me, left them resting on my hips. I reached up, my fingers caressing his cheek. "You're still getting over Eva. She was-"

"She was, yes," he said, interrupting me. His hand held my fingers to his cheek, and he inhaled a deep, slow sigh. "She was important to me." He opened his eyes, then, his eyes like opals in the shower, the water and the light reflecting in them, begging me to get lost in them. "But you are more important. When you left... it broke something in me. I couldn't keep my mind on my work, I couldn't sleep... I was so glad, when you came back into my life. I love our relationship. If you only want me to be a friend, then... I can live with that. But if you ever want more, if you ever need more... then let me be that."

"Gideon... before... it was-"

"I know. I know, and it's my fault," he said, interrupting me again, but I felt my eyebrows pull into a V, encouraging him to explain. "I didn't know... Eva taught me how to do certain things in certain ways, and I know where we went wrong. I didn't trust us enough to let you be the person you are. Take today, for example. What would I have done, had that happened back then?" I thought about that for a moment, my back being massaged by the pounding shower head. Back then, we were still the way we are now, strong, young, demanding... Today, he stood back, helped when he saw a need, but he didn't step in and demand control. He let me do my job, and make sure my orders and demands were being followed. It hadn't been all about me and mine today... He had made it about me, and mine, and him and his and what we could do together, if we worked together when we needed to. If we needed to. I looked up at him, smiling softly.

"You have changed, Mr. Cross," I said, pulling a bit further away from him to look at him, as if in a whole new light. Hell, it was a whole new light. "Why... why didn't you say this to me before? Why now?"

"Well, two reasons, really," he said reaching down for the bottle of shampoo the hotel supplied. "Turn around," he said. I did as he requested, and felt his fingers gently scrub at my hair. "The first reason was because I know you, and... you would need evidence."

"Like today," I sighed, as his strong fingers massaged my scalp.

"Like today, yes," he replied. He turned me around, letting the water wash away the soap from my hair. I barely opened my eyes to see him spreading lather on a body wash poof. I closed my eyes again, waiting for his touch. I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips when his hand and the poof caressed my breasts, and then he made his own little patterns of sudsy paths as he slowly, and meticulously cleaned nearly ever inch of my body.

Nearly every inch.

I heard him open the miniature body wash bottle, but then beyond the sound of the water, I heard no other sound. I felt his breath against my lips and I heard him say in a husky wanton voice, "Kiss me." I didn't need to be told twice. I opened my mouth, planting my lips on his, and as his tongue met mine, I felt his fingers slide between my fold, the soap warm and heating as our kiss deepened.

His fingers were magical. They always knew where he had to touch, where my body needed his caress I bit down on his lip as I felt one of his fingers search deeper into me, the soap heating hotter and hotter. He had one hand behind my back, holding me, as my body arched to his touch. I felt his thumb circle my clit, I was hot and wet and he was making me hotter each time he touched me. I had to pull away, I couldn't breath.

I pulled back, my eyes opening, looking at him. "Wh-what is th-that stuff-ff," I stammered. He grinned.

"I will tell you after dinner," he said as his finger became two in me, pumping into me. I grabbed a hold of his shoulders, as I felt the first wave ready to drive me into oblivion. "Come, baby, I need to hear you. I need to feel you. I have missed you."

"Oh god Gideon," I cried out, digging my nails into his shoulder, as my back arched. I cried out, my body rocking madly as he directed my passion. The lights flickered, my brain fired off colors into the night as I slipped into a wet darkness.

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* * *

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I... felt... amazing...  
I was warm, and my body tingled... in places I didn't think could tingle...  
I felt fingers light gracing my face, my cheeks, my lips...  
There was... a sound... I tried to listen... to hear it... But I just felt so... good...

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	24. Chapter 24 - Lemony

"Hey... Shana..." A voice called my name and I smiled, stretching and long, back arcing stretch.

"Hmmm," I answered and I heard a heavy chuckle, and felt my body move. I opened my eyes finding myself laying on a bed, Gideon sitting next to me with a huge grin.

"Hi," he said, and I smiled in return.

"Hi... You look... very pleased with yourself," I said, and his grin grew wider and he barked out a loud laugh.

"You have no idea," he said, trying to settle his mirth. "How are you feeling?"

"I... have no idea. What happened?"

"What do you remember," he asked coyly. I couldn't quite understand his question, but apparently I missed something.

"Umm... we left the hotel... got our phones... went to Neon Nights..." I grimaced then, remembering now everything there. "We had a lot of work to fix there... came back here... took a..." I paused then, my mind starting to replay what happened. "We were in the shower... together," I said, my voice barely a whisper. At my words, the grin that had been on his face disappeared and in return, a stoic Gideon Cross sat next to me.

"You... regret it, don't you," He says, turning away from me. My mind wasn't all there, but that body language I know too well.

I reached out, my fingers gripping around his elbow, he stiffened at the touch, but didn't push me away. "Pause your thoughts for a moment, okay?" He, like my brother, always quick to assume that what they know is what is, not just what could be one of many possibilities. "I... don't feel, I can't center my thoughts. But... no."

His head turned partially towards me, asking me what I had said by repeating it back to me; "No?"

"No, I don't regret it. I am not one hundred percent sure what happened, but, no. I am... I don't even know which word to use to say how I feel about it." He turns fully toward me, uncertainty still lingering on his face and deep in his eyes. "I am certain of one thing, everything I am feeling, none of it is bad. Most of it's good. Some of it is amazingly good," I purred, and he grinned , twisting his body to lay along mine, planting a soft kiss on my brow, on the tip of my nose and then a longer, deeper one on my lips which pushed the still burning coals of our passion from earlier, driving a deeper need in me.

He released my lips, a shuddering gasp leaving me. "What the hell happened? What... what was in that soap," I asked, now remembering (and feeling) a need starting to burn and beg within me. "It... Damn I can feel it now. Still!"

Gideon ducked his head like a child, not wanting to be scolded for the predicament he was in. "Do you remember that trip? Our first vacation?"

I smiled, nodding, remembering our only vacation (save right now) that he and I ever managed to go on. Four fabulous fuck filled days of drinking, dancing and dicking around. Our first time on the beach... Our first time in the ocean... Our first time in a phone booth...

"Yeah, even the parts I forgot, I remember," I said with a lusty sigh, feeling a warmer tingle through my body.

"Do you remember that... well, it wasn't a restaurant then..."

"Oh god yeah!" I exclaimed, sitting up quickly. "They had that wickedly awesome Olla de Carne! And those fried stuffed plantains." Gideon nodded, and I paused, giving him a dirty look. "And there was a girl there that had the biggest crush on you..."

"No, she didn't," he argued back. "You say that about all the women I meet," he grumbled.

"Because it's true! Hell, every woman I ever saw that has sen you has fallen for you," I laughed, loving his denial of his own beauty. "But wait! You're distracting me," I pouted, giving him a loving push. "What the hell happened?"

"Do you remember that girl's grandmother?" Huh? Grandmother?

"The one with the soaps...? Oh my god... What did you do?"

His wicked grin grew, as he placed a kiss on my shoulder, his finger tip drawing lazy patterns on my chest, above my breasts. "You remember the soaps, then?"

"Gideon," I sighed, my nipples turning hard. I closed my eyes, enjoying his fingers and how they danced on my skin and my mind travels back to when the grandmother had given him a small sample. His fingers stopped moving, and I opened my eyes to see why. His eyes were mere inches from mine, his lips, so close I could almost taste them.

"Do you remember the soaps," he repeated, his words mere shadows of a whisper. I nodded, resting my forehead against his. "God Shana," he sighed, the words low and mournful.

"Tell me," I said, sitting up. He moved a bit, finally resting his head in my lap, his lips able to give my breasts a kiss or two, when he wanted. I smiled down at him, waiting patiently, running my hands through his hair, feeling the black curls wrap around my fingers as if they too missed my caress.

"After we split, I couldn't function. I would lay in bed all night, missing you, and then reluctantly leave it in the morning. I was late to work, I couldn't think, I couldn't plan... I bought a boat, thinking I could sail for a few hours, maybe it would take my mind off of us... but I forgot to tie her up, and she drifted off, getting stuck in a shipping lane in the middle of the night. It was a messy fine I had to pay and she had been crushed by a barge."

"Oh hon," I frowned, hearing how deep his pain had gone. Mine had been bad too... but I became more focused with it. It's where so many of my plans rolled together against the bitch troll. I explained that to him and he laughed. "What's so funny?

"You and me," he said shaking his head. "It's like, without you, I couldn't focus..."

"And without you, I couldn't release my focus," I said, nodding in understanding. "Two sides-"

"-Of the same coin," he finished.

"So... the soap?"

"Right, sorry. The soaps. Well, after I lost the boat, I just wanted to go everywhere we had been. I thought, maybe, that either you needed to do the same thing and I would find you, and we could... talk, or, I could get over you by doing the things we had done without you." I nodded, understanding. "I went back to that food shack, and the grandmother was still there, still making her concoctions. I sat down and talked to the old witch for hours. Her granddaughter interpreted for us. We ate, and talked, and... I don't know. I think, I had wanted, maybe hoped that she had something to help me forget us. Or numb it, but she didn't." I nodded, glad that she didn't, and my heart ached knowing he had tried to erase me like that. But then... I had done the same, tried to erase him, my thoughts, feelings, memories...

"I don't know how, or why, but we started to discuss ways I could purchase her recipes. After many hours, a lot of food, and a lot of bickering between the granddaughter and her grandmother, we came to a agreement. They sold me all the recipes, and I bought them a island."

"You bought a island? In exchange for some... black magic?" He looked up at me, his tongue licking at my nipple, as he nodded. "What the hell would you.. do with it?"

"Oh come on now," he laughed, his hands cupping both breasts, his fingers circling my areolas I released a soft sigh. I was wanting more, but I had to know. I had to hear what he had done. "It's still being fine tuned, still in the experimenting and test marketing stages..."

"What," I sighed, closing my eyes and arching my back as his lips kissed in widening circles around my nipples.

" 'Sinful Way to Heaven'," he whispered. I nodded, totally understanding that, being reminded now, with his every touch what had happened in the shower. How he had enjoyed me, or actually, how he had touched me and I had enjoyed it until I passed out from pure bliss. I gasped, suddenly, my eyes flying open as I looked at him, understanding what he was telling me.

"Oh my god..." He nodded. "But... I heard about that stuff," I sputtered, my mind reaching into the my stored memories, seeking the news articles I had read and memorized. "No..." I couldn't believe what he was telling me.

"Sinful Way to Heaven" was in the news, and it was only in the test marketing stages. With a new influx in the literary world of sexual pleasure, a new market had come out of the closet, so to speak. Oils, soaps, fragrances... Ways to stimulate other senses of the body to bring it to new heights of pleasure. Sinful Way had been all over the damned news and websites, people that had been chosen to test it were reported as finding sex to be better then it had before and that some of the effects of the products lasted for days and not hours.

There had been reports also about how the FDA was not going to allow the products to be sold or marketed in the United States. In today's age of social media, international news, and the world wide web, not "being allowed to be marketed in the US" was laughable. The parent company, Prince of Pleasure, LLC. admitted that they were still in test phases, and any item that was out in the open public was not there on purpose, but either from theft, shared from the test subjects, or were rumors.

I looked at him, laying there, propped on one elbow, his other hand resting on my knee, his eyes watching me. He knew I had remembered the items from the news.

"You and your memory," he snickered. I grinned, shaking my head.

"Seriously? You are 'Prince of Pleasure'?" He shrugged.

"It's a company, in a company, in a shell company, from a shell company, bought by another company..." he droned on.

"Which you own."

"Which I own, yes."

"And the soap? From the shower?"

"Ummm... a product that needs a lot of tweaking. You passing out in the middle of a orgasm, and not coming around for five hours, that will have to be fixed," he said as he ran his finger back and forth over his bottom lip.

"Five... hours...?" I said slowly, not sure if he was kidding, but he only nodded at me, a color of concern washing through his blue eyes. I gave him a weak smile, and my hand reaching for his, pulling it away from his lip. he leaned in towards me, and my eyes were glued to his lip. It was solid, with a hint of moisture sitting on it. It moved, shaping into a tiny smile, and my lips, parted, my tongue peeking out, wetting mine. I inhaled as my head moved closer to his, my lip gracing his with a light touch.

I felt his tongue lap at my lips and my tongue met his, we pulled each other into a deep embrace, his hand wrapping around my head, my fingers roaming up his chest, wrapping over his shoulders. The kiss was long and deep, as if he was trying to memorize it, imprint it in his mind so he will never again forget it. I was doing the same, feeling the length of his tongue, the way it flexed as it entered my lips. I moaned as he measured my mouth with it, tracing my teeth, pushing against my cheeks. I inhaled deeply, sucking his tongue further into my mouth, feeling it swell within my mouth. I heard him moan, but not try to move out of my need to have his tongue.

His hands gripped at my breasts as he slowly pushed me back onto the bed, his fingers circling my nipples, and then both suddenly were squeezed tightly. I exhaled a moan, allowing his tongue to escape, my fingers moving along his shoulders, squeezing the tight muscles as his hands squeezed and released my nipples. His lips, now freed from mine, moved on a path made from his kisses, to my ear, his tongue tracing it's shape, his hot, heavy breath pushing into my ear, making my body light with a new desire.

"What do you want," he whispered, nibbling on my earlobe. I felt one of his hands move away from my breast, gracing my skin as it moved south. My back arched, wanting to guide him to my need. My desire. My inflamed sex that has called for him, cried for him, missed him for too long.

"You," I moaned, my voice cried with need. I felt his traveling hand cup my mound, knowing he could feel the heat, the moisture, the primal need. He raised his head, his eyes piercing mine as a lusty grinned played on his lips.

"My my Ms. Grey," he said, each word between a kiss as his head slowly made it's way down to where his hand sat upon it's found treasure. I arched my back into each kiss, my body hot and needing. He inhaled a deep solid breath as I felt his nose rub against my mound. "You smell so delicious," he sighed, and I jumped when I felt his tongue reach out and drag up my lips. I looked down at him, lust darked his normally blue eyes so that they were the darkest of sapphires. He "tsked" at me, shaking his head, his hands both moved to my hips, and gripped them tightly.

His tongue licked deeper, tasting all of me, yet not touching my clit, which ached and throbbed, it's need crying out when he did layer it with a hot, libidinous breath. His hands held me down as I arched, and mewled, my desire wanton and uncontrollable. My hands clenched tightly into the sheets as I felt his tongue lick circles around my opening, he paused then, and I was panting, craving him, needing him, my release was near, but only he had the key.

"Gideon," I mewled, begging him.

"Don't come, baby," his husky voice said through my haze of passion. I didn't reply. I didn't need to.

I felt his two fingers slide easily into me as his mouth descended down upon my clit. I cried out, my body arching in a inhumanly degree as his teeth rubbed against the hot little beast that was the button for passion. I cried out as he licked and suckled my clit, his fingers driving deeply and slowly into me. I cried out, begging for release, but he denied me permission as he drove me madder with his need of me.

His mouth moved away from my nether lips, his kisses rising higher, but his fingers continued to drive into me, barely gracing my g-spot, but it didn't matter. I was too deep into the circles of passion. I cried out when his fingers withdrew from me, opening my eyes in shock, seeing his face hover over me. "Gid-deon," I panted, and he nodded at me.

"Come baby." Two words. Two words, and one quick, deep, filling thrust and I exploded in a orgasmic super nova. The world spun, and I could feel time rock, felt him rock deep in me, my body accepting him, needing him, giving to him everything that he every wanted or asked for. I felt him come, and as he did, I rocked into a second orgasm, impossibly more violent then the first, my legs wrapped around him, pushing him deeper, keeping him with me. He cried out, I heard sound, but would never know what he said.

There is a age old question of whether or not you can die from a orgasm.

The answer is, yes.

Repeatedly.


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: It's been a few days, and I have struggled with this chapter. It's on it's fourth re-write, and I think it's what it should be.

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* * *

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I stood quietly looking out the window, watching as the city prepared for the new day. The sky was a rainbow of purples and reds, the clouds thin and sun not yet risen. I had woken to a empty bed, my arm reaching for my lover to find he had left me in the night after an amazing round of sex. Half of my heart hurt, finding myself alone, the other half worried. My BlackBerry rang softly near the bed, reluctantly I left the window, and answered it.

"Grey," I said, and even I can hear how off my voice is.

"Ms. Grey, I didn't disturb you, did I?" I smiled, glad to hear Diana on the other end.

"No, no, not at all. What can I do for you," I asked, glad that my mind can focus on work and not on my empty bed.

"Ma'am, a certain package has arrived with it's escorts, but I was unsure if you want it here, or should I send it to your location?" Christian's birthday present, I thought, a smile on my lips. "I am not in Seattle right now, but it should be... Do the escorts need to have me there, to accept it, or can they hand it over to my security?"

"One moment, I will find out, Ma'am." I wait, patiently, in my mind seeing the scene unfurl as I give him his gift. "Ma'am? Their orders are to hand it to you personally. They also have to be filmed, both video and stills, of handing it off." I nod, rather impressed.

"Very well. Send them here. If they approve, they can ride on one of the jets coming out here today."

"Yes Ma'am." I ended the call, and went back to the window to watch the sun rise.  
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* * *

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When the sun rises in the desert, the Sin City is dusted with the beams of light, and the city sparkles like diamonds. Windows, neon, vehicles, they all allow the light to grace their surfaces and return it to shine as if in greeting. As I watched the glitter below, I felt warm hands wrap around my body, feeling Gideon as he brought my body to his. His lips laid upon my shoulder for a moment in a lingering kiss and I sighed, leaning back into him.

"Morning," he said, his voice thick with desire.

"Morning," I replied, smiling. "I missed you this morning, when I woke up," I said, sighing softly.

"I'm sorry Baby," he said, his arms tightening their grip on me and I know I heard sadness in his voice. "I just... I need to keep you safe."

"I know," I said, my voice soft.

"Baby, what's wrong?" I almost replied that there wasn't anything wrong, but he knew better. He knew it before I realized that something was wrong. There is something unsettling in the air, and we both can feel it.

"I don't know, but I think today may not be a good day," I murmured. He pulled me closer to him, his head nodded on my shoulder.

"What's your thoughts," He asked, his lips kissing my shoulder in between each word. I exhaled a heavy breath, shrugging.

"I don't know. Today would be a horrible day to have shit hit the fan, which means the chances of it happening are about one hundred percent.

"Shana, I believe the universe is knocking on your door, throwing down the gauntlet. Are you willing to take up the challenge?" I turned around to face him, running my hands up his chest, my eyes caressing his bright blue ones.

"Mr. Cross, is that a dare?" He grinned at me, laying a soft kiss on my lips. The kiss last longer then I thought, and it became hotter and heavier, I moaned, releasing my body to his fingers. He cupped my head, tilting my chin up as he moved his kiss down the line of my throat. I turned, facing him, leaning my body into his, his need calling to me.

"Ahem," I exhaled an aggravated sigh, Gideon, not moving his lips from my throat, growled at Angus who stood in the doorway. He was turned away from us, but there all the same.

"The next words out of your mouth better be worth your life," he growled. I sighed, and regained my footing. The moment was lost, but it would come again. It was that foreboding feeling of dread that lingered that bothered me more then Angus at the door.

"It's your brother, sir." That sentence struck me, and I turned immediately, fear gripping my heart. Gideon, always keen to my moods, wrapped a arm around me, holding me close.

"Baby, are you okay?" I looked at him, my mind running a thousand miles a second, thoughts, ideas, images, all throwing themselves back and forth, and I felt him grip me, hold me tighter. "Angus, get me some ice water. Now. Baby? I'm here. Shana, what's wrong?"

I didn't know. I didn't know and my heart was gripped tightly by the cold hand of fate. He ushered me over to the side of the bed, kneeling in front of me, running his hand through my hair. I don't know what the hell was going on, but I was suddenly and terribly afraid. I felt something against my lips, but I didn't want it. I had to figure out what was going on. What was terrorizing me. "Drink it," I heard, feeling a hand on the back of my head. I blinked, seeing a glass in front of me, and over the rim, the deepest pools of sapphire blue, concern pouring from them.

I sipped, the liquid within was cold and refreshing, and it snapped away some of the fear that has come to me. The glass left my lips, and I felt Gideon's strong arms wrap tightly around me. He was hushing me, and we were rocking softly. Whatever had just gripped me, it freaked him out as well.

"Sorry," I stuttered, trying to regain my calm.

"What was it? What's wrong?"

I shook my head. I had no answer and no reason to explain it. "I don't know. I just don't know."

"We'll reschedule the meetings for tomorrow. You need rest. I'll call a doctor, make sure you are okay," he said, and I smiled. Listening to his list grow, his fear and concern showing how much this man cared about me.

"No," I said, pausing him. He stopped mid-sentence, his mouth frozen on a word. "I have to be back in Seattle tomorrow. Everyone is flying in this morning, so, the day will go on as planned."

"Shana. I don't... " I nodded.

"I know, but business carries on. I woke with a bad feeling. I thought it was because you weren't there. It's something different though. Whatever it is, we will battle through." He leaned forward, pressing his forehead to mine, wrapping his fingers around my head, holding me close.

"I don't like this," he said. I nodded, understanding. I didn't like it either. Whatever the hell it was, it scared the shit out of me.

"Gideon, you fucking cock-sucker! Get your ass out here and face me" A voice called from the main room. Gideon's grip on my head tightened for a fraction of a second before he exhaled a powerful breath.

"Damn bastard," he said, releasing my head. He sat down next to me, wrapping his arms around me, kissing my neck, and I knew he was doing all he could to not face his brother. "I should have had them install a panic room in these suites so we could hide."

"Oh honey, hiding will do no good."

"It will keep him alive," he mumbled, and I had to giggle at that. "Fucker doesn't get it. He's a lazy shit that takes everything he thinks he's entitled to, and demands more." His eyes opened wide, his gaze taking all of me in. "Stay away from him," he said. His voice was low and controlled, and for a moment, I was unsure what he said, or how he meant it. "He tries to take everything that is mine. Shana, I don't want him near you."

I raised my hand, the back of my knuckles caressing up his jawline. "Baby, do you really think that he even has a snowball's chance in hell of even drawing my attention, let alone distracting me from you?" He ground his teeth, the motion vibrating in my hand. He slowly shook his head no, but I could still see the fear of the possibility in his eyes. I kissed him softly on his cheek, then rested my forehead against his temple. "Go, deal with the rat. I am going to go throw some cold water on my face, try to get rid of this feeling. Then, we can do breakfast?" He smiled at me then, nodding. I stood and let him go, watching him leave. I knew he didn't want to deal with his brother.

I went into the en suite, grabbed a hand towel from the shelf next to the sink, and turned the cold water on. As it poured into the basin, I thought over the difference between his family and mine.

Mine is full, and happy, everyone content with each other, and despite our individual issues, we have done well, and love and care for each other. Should a need arise, I know that they would be there for me, as I have come when they had a need. Gideon... he has a teenage half-sister, who is a sweet kind of kid, and who, hopefully, she will become more like him and not like the others. His mother, a rich socialite who can't focus on anything unless the spot light is on her. I know, that sounds cruel, but I call 'em as I see 'em.

His father? Long gone, a victim of suicide, a side effect of greed, theft and lies. He died when Gideon was a child, his mother married her current husband not long after. All of this, historic fact, easily found after two seconds on the internet. Information on his half-brother... That's a bit different. Christopher, the ass in the room now, he is... something else. And I don't mean that in any good way. He's a greedy, lecherous piece of crap that tries to keep close tabs on his brother. Apparently he managed to finally track him down to Las Vegas, or, maybe he was here coincidentally. Big sandbox to play in, girls galore, and gambling, yeah, he was probably here before we were.

Everything, and I mean absolutely everything that Gideon does, or touches, Christopher tries to corrupt and/or take from him.

_Stay away from him. He tries to take everything that is mine. Shana, I don't want him near you._

A warning to me.

A warning I don't need.

Gideon doesn't know Christopher and I have already had words.

I run more cold water over the towel, and squeeze out the excess, and then softly put it against my face. I pat it, inhaling the cool air from beneath it. I lowered it, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I leaned closer to the mirror, seeing the very first of "laugh lines" at the corner of my eyes. I rolled my eyes, muttering about time. Exhaling a deep sigh I close my eyes and think back to the feelings that had overcome me such a short time ago. A shiver runs through me, making my hands shake. Maybe it was Christopher. Maybe that's all it was. I nod at my reflection, making myself believe that that had to be the truth.

I brushed my teeth and ran a hairbrush through my hair before tying it up into a pony tail. I kept telling myself, "It was only because of Christopher."

"What was," a husky voice asked. I jumped, turning to find Gideon leaning against the doorframe, having changed from his pajamas into a well worn pair of jeans and a black tee shirt. Damn he looked hot, the tee shirt only enhancing his well cared for physique. Oh god what I could do to this man... if only there was time.

"The dread from earlier. It had to be because of him." He cocked his head to the side, looking up to the ceiling as he ran his thumb over his delectable bottom lip. A lip that was begging to be bit. _Stop it! Work first!_ "That could be," he said after a moment. "What... are you looking at," he asked, his eyes darkening.

I approached him, a small smile pinching the side of my lips. "Mr. Cross, you look downright fuckable," I said as he lowered his lips, taking mine, I groaned into his mouth as he kissed me deeply before pulling back.

"We have a busy day," he mumbled. I nodded, wishing I could be in two bodies, Business Bitch and Sexy Shana. "I will make the day worth the wait," he said as he pulled my body into a glorious hug, his arms wrapped tightly around me. God, this man could destroy me.


	26. Chapter 26

****Eight hours later****

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I sat in my chair, the long table I was at had a slew of various personnel from various parts of my hotel industry. All members in this room had been drug from their homes and their offices, thrown on a plane, and flown to Las Vegas where we had to set up a emergency meeting to fix the debacle of Neon Nights. Over a hundred people in the conference room in the White Tower. Yelling, shaking fists, pointing fingers. I was sore, tired, hungry, and my headache, which I felt fifteen minutes ago, was growing. And the feeling of dread had returned.

It was deeper now, stronger, and I couldn't shake it.

The door to the conference room opened, and I looked across seeing Diana standing there. She saw that I saw her, and she nodded her head. Finally some good news. I stood from my seat, my head feeling heavy, and I gripped the table, afraid I would fall. My mind said it was because of the headache. Or the heat. Or the bastards around me, trying to gain ground by proving they were better at yelling pointless crap then the next guy.  
Unfortunately, no one noticed me stand.

I tried to speak into the room, to find that apparently I had become invisible. Despite my head, and the spinning of the room, I climbed up on the table, hoping to gain attention.

"ENOUGH!" I hollered, and amazingly, I was heard. It took a few seconds for everyone to understand it was I that had cut through the noise. "Forty-five minute break! Go, eat, gather your thoughts, and when you return here, you will remember that this is MY business. These are MY hotels. It is MY name you wear proudly. You will remember this, and enter back in here to PLEASE ME and not out shout anyone else! If you can NOT do that, do not come back. I do not have to sign MY name to YOUR paycheck if you decide you don't need to respect me, is that clear?" I saw heads bob in understanding, and they knew they had long crossed over the wrong line. "Get out and eat." I pointed them to the door, and waited, standing tall and unmoving until the last had left, the door closing behind them.

I turned around, to see Stevenson standing nearby. I reached out a hand, but collapsed finding darkness before I hit the floor.

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* * *

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"Hey there," a warm, milky voice said to me as I opened my eyes.

"Gideon," I returned, smiling, so glad he was near. I looked around, seeing I was laying longways on the seat in the limo, my head in his lap. "What's going on?"

"Baby, your head. How is it?" I closed my eyes, feeling the pain.

"It's not as bad as it was," I confessed, and he leaned down, placing a soft kiss on my forehead, running his fingers through my hair. "I have to get back to the meeting," I said, trying to sit up. He gently placed his hands on my shoulders, settling me back down to my prone position.

"Diana will make sure it will get done," he said. I furrowed my brow, my headache twinging at the act. "There has been a emergency, and we have to get back to Seattle," he said, his hand pausing in a soft stroking of my face to look deeply into my eyes. I inhaled a soft breath when I saw concern and apprehension in his eyes.

"What happened," I whispered, the words having to be forced out past my lips.

"I will tell you," he said, his words just as soft. "But, Baby, I need you to eat something first."

My eyes grew wide at his words. What the hell? "Just tell me," I hissed.

"I will. But you haven't eaten, and I want you to be able to take your pill." For my headache. I nodded, understanding. He reached over next to him, where a deli sandwich had been sitting. He helped me sit up, and then held me as the world tumbled. "Slowly," he said. I couldn't nod. He was right. And he was right about the headache. It had quadrupled the moment I sat up.

"The airport," I asked as he handed me the sandwich. I didn't pay attention to the sandwich. It tasted like cardboard with mustard with a aftertaste of metal. The headache was a bad one if it was also screwing around with my taste buds. I forced myself to eat, though my stomach was arguing and my head was pounding. Gideon was trying to comfort, his hand lightly rubbing my back, his eyes watching for any change.

He handed me a bottled water, and I drank it as I ate, watching him pour milk into a tumbler that we had poured brandy in not too long ago. I smiled, watching him tilt his body up, reaching into his front pocket of his jeans, pulling out the bottle of codeine we had gotten a few days ago. He set the two aside and waited as I finished as much as I could of the sandwich.

"Did you eat," I asked between bites.

He nodded, ducking away from my eyes. "Christopher wanted to talk. So I met up with him while you were in your meeting." I ate half my sandwich but could eat no more, so I rewrapped it with the wrapper, and handed it back to him, shrugging. He gave me a small frown as he took it, and then handed me the bottle of codeine.

I held the bottle in my hand, tilting my head back, closing my eyes, not wanting the pain to grow bad enough for the pills. I knew it was a a futile wish, but I had to try. It grew anyways.

"Why are we going to the airport," I asked. He handed me the glass of milk, arching a eyebrow intimating I should take it. I opened the bottle of pills, dropping two into my palm, I popped them into my mouth, taking the glass from him. He nodded and I swallowed the milk, washing the pills down. He took the glass from me, giving me a soft smile, and raised his arm. I laid back, resting my head back onto his lap, waiting for the pain to subside.

"Taylor called," he said quietly, combing his fingers through my hair, the feeling comforting and calming.

"Hmmm? Why? Are my parents okay?" His hands paused for a moment, and I waited. He ground his teeth, sighing.

"Your parents are fine. It's your brother... he's missing," he said, his voice tight and low. I sat up quickly, my head spinning. "Baby, slowly," he said, his hand reaching for me. I leaned forward into my lap, grabbing my head.

"What... what do you mean he's missing?" My head pounded, the migraine tripling in size at his words. "Do my parents know?" My mind was rolling, I couldn't think, and even in this darkened limo, the light was becoming too much. As if that wasn't the worst, I could feel the codeine working on my body, the space around me thickening.

"Yes, Baby. They know. Taylor will meet us at the airport and we will get to where everyone is awaiting word. Are you okay?"

"No..." He pulled me to him, letting me curl up onto his lap. He held me and comforted me, his voice soft against my ears. His words caressed the air around me, telling me we will find him. Everything will be okay. He held me close and I knew that he do what ever he could to fix it. This had been it. This had been that dark feeling of dread we had been running from all day. This nightmare of my brother missing. "We've got to find him," I said, curling deep into his arms, letting the codeine take me away from this horrid reality.

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* * *

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.

"Shana... Baby...," I felt arms wrap around me, holding me closely. "How's your head?" I grunted in response, not wanting to open my eyes.

"It's not gone," I managed to say before I coughed, my throat dry. I felt him move, and then felt the rim of a bottle against my lips. I drank the cool liquid, nodding when my throat felt better. "Where are we?"

"Just getting ready to land."

I would have nodded at his answer, but, to be honest, I was afraid it would invite the headache to grow. "Could you find some Excedrin," I asked him and felt him nod.

He left me to lay on the bed in the tail end of the jet, my mind rolling over and over his words. My brother was missing.

My brother was missing.

How could he have gone missing?

Where was he last seen?

My brother was missing.

Who had he been with?

What had he been doing before he had disappeared?

My brother was missing.

I reached for my BlackBerry which had been on the nightstand next to the bed. I turned it on, ignoring the large number indicating how many messages it had stored for me. I hit the speed dial for Christian. There was a high chance he was on the phone with Welch, or the police, or someone who was on the scene... Was there a scene? His phone didn't even ring once before it went to voicemail. Obviously his phone is as full as mine, so I turned it off. It won't be too long and we will all be together and I can find out everything at once.

Gideon knocked on the doorframe as he entered the small bedroom, glass in hand. He handed my a little foil pouch that was made for traveling, with two Excedrin in it. I opened the pouch, and broke the two pills in half before throwing them to the back of my throat. He handed me the short glass of what turned out to be apple juice, which I gulped down.

"Shall we go to our seats for the landing," he suggested, standing with his hand out to me. I nodded, taking his hand, the fingers warm and firm as they wrapped around mine. "It will be okay," he said as he helped me stand and pulled me into a tight embrace.

I was not going to break down. I was going to be strong, and firm, and get done what has to be done, and find my brother. I nodded, my cheek brushing against his black tee shirt. _God he smells great_, I thought and then berated myself for being selfish.

We had just sat down into the soft tan leather seats when I felt the tires from the landing gear bump back onto the Earth. I immediately stood up, swaying from my headache, but trying to push it aside. I had to focus. I had to be in my right mind, not a drugged one. I have to do whatever needs doing to find my brother.

I stood at the door, rocking on my toes, checking my BlackBerry repeatedly for a message, a call, for it to ring, checking the time, which seemed to be thirty-six seconds after the last time I checked it. My foot was tapping on the floor, and Gideon stood by, probably cause I was a unsteady ball of nerves trapped in a enclosed space ready to pounce as soon as the doors could open.

I saw Christian's limo near the GEH hanger, Taylor standing beside it. The plane finally came to a stop, and I popped the door open as fast as possible, releasing the folded stairs and practically ran out of the plane, down the steps to Taylor.

"What's the latest? I couldn't get Christian to answer the phone. What's he got planned? Where was Elliot seen last? Who was with him?" Taylor's eyes grew wide, his jaw opening, as if to say something and then he looked behind me, at Gideon, and then back to me.

"Shana..." No!

I raised my hand to my mouth, shaking my head. "Jason! Jason, you better not be standing there ready to tell me Elliot is... is..."

"No!" Jason said loudly, his hand reaching for mine. "No, Elliot is okay."

"He's... okay? They found him?" Jason looked from me to Gideon and back, and I didn't understand the look, and Gideon, obviously wasn't sure either, and then it hit me.

"No... No. No. No! No fucking way!" Taylor didn't let go of my hand, and Gideon embraced me, now knowing what we hadn't known before, what... what couldn't be possible. "No... No..." Jason stood there, quietly, holding my hand, and I was crushing his in denial. Gideon, he helped get me into the limo. He held me tightly as our car made it to Escala. Where everyone was waiting, hoping to hear something, anything, about my brother.

My brother Christian.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: There are a few sentences in this chapter that have been borrowed from Fifty Shades Darker by EL James.**

**Also, I want to say, since it reflects in this chapter a bit, a great writer, Aryea, has written a nice side story detailing what happened with Christian, Ros and Charlie Tango. The story is called "May Day For Charlie Tango" and I highly recommend it. **  
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* * *

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We entered Christian's home, and I was slightly surprised to see everyone there. Before I can scan the room, I am crushed by my mother, who has wrapped her arms around me in a death grip. Papa Cari steps up behind her, placing a light hand on her shoulder, and she let go of me.

"Hi mom," I said and she pulls me into another hug, kissing my cheek and then letting me go.

"Are you doing okay, Shana? Your flight?" My strong as steel mother, the keystone to the family, is lost and doesn't know what to say or do. None of us do.

"I'm okay. Headache," I said, shrugging. "The flight was okay." She nodded, and turned towards Gideon. I heard her thank him for being there, and I turned to my dad. "What's do we know?"

Elliot walks over to us, four beers in his hands, Dad, Gideon and I took one while Dad explained what little they knew.

"He was flying from Portland back here in Charlie Tango." I nodded, my mind focusing on the facts. "There has been no sign, nor any word from him in over eight hours. The search has been called off for the night and will resume in the morning, early." I nodded again.

"I assume they mapped the area where his last location pinged from," I asked, knowing how cell towers talk to your phone even if you aren't using it. Elliot and dad nodded. I exhaled a breath and turned, looking around the room. "How's Ana doing," I asked, seeing her sitting in front of the fireplace, another young man next to her, trying to help her.

"She's taking it hard," Papa Cari said, his voice shaky. I turned back to him and he shrugged his shoulder, raising a familiar arm to the back of his head, rubbing at his neck. "We all are, I guess." He turned and left us, heading for Taylor's office in hopes of finding out anything new.

"Ms. Grey, can I get you something," Mrs. Jones asked, her voice low and tired. I turned to her and nodded. "What can I get you?"

I raised my arms, her eyes watched uncertain. "A hug, Gail." A small smile lighted along her lips as I held the dear woman close. She was practically family, like Jason, and she cares as much for my brother as the rest of us. She pulled away, whispering a thank you, and left us, wiping tears from her eyes. I looked over at Jason, and nodded to him. He returned the nod, following Gail. She needed him more then we needed a watch dog right now.  
I felt a small hand on my waist and turned to see Mia, her eyes red and puffy. I pulled her into a hug as well, and she didn't hold back her tears. "He'll be okay. I know he will," I said to her, over and over, praying that my words would be true. They had to be. They just had to be.

"Christian!" I turned to my mom's voice, Mia pulled away from me, covering her mouth with her hand to hide a squeal. I watch as my mother runs towards us, and I turn, seeing Christian standing there, looking completely worn out, covered in dirt, carrying his shoes, jacket and socks.

"Mom?" he says, bewildered. He dropped his items, wrapping his arms around her small frame. My mother clung to him like he was a life ring. "Mom, I'm here," he replied to her whispers I couldn't hear.

"He's alive! Shit-you're here!" Dad hollers, rushing out of Taylor's office.

"Dad?" Mia squeals again and runs over to Christian, I watch his bewildered face as Mom, Dad and Mia all crowd him. I watch, frozen in place, mom asking him a million questions of where had he been? Why hadn't he called? Does he know how worried they had been? And he stood there, mumbling away apologies. His eyes meet mine, and I give him a nod. He shrugs as he returns it. I then move my eyes, looking over at Ana, and I watch as his body changes, softens, seeing her.

"I'm going to say hi to my girl now," he said, and my parents nod, parting for him. He walks between them, heading for Ana. Gideon held me in his arms as we watched the scene unfold as Christian and Ana assured each other they are there, and it isn't long before everyone is sitting down, listening to what happened.

Gideon stood, excusing himself to use the restroom, and when he left, I got up, gave a smile to Christian, who returned it with a nod. I left the crowded room, and out to his patio for some fresh air. I inhaled a deep, shaky breath, and closing my eyes, I released it. My body was tight with tension.

I leaned on the railing, looking up to the night sky. The city lights helped hide most of the stars, but there are still some that shine bright enough to always be seen. The night is clear, and the moon is New. No way a search could have continued, and despite that I had been angry hearing it said they had called it off.

"Hey, you okay," I heard from behind me, I shook me head no. "He's okay, you know..."

"I thought... I had thought it was you," I said, my voice cracking on my words.

"What do you mean?" I turned around to face Elliot, and threw myself into his arms.

"They said 'my brother was missing' and I thought it was you."

He pulled me away, and looked into my eyes. "Why did you think that," he asked, a eyebrow raised in query.

"Cause it's so fucking typical of you!" I snapped, hitting him on the chest. "You have been gone! For weeks! Island hopping with some chick! You haven't to calls, email... I thought you were gone, missing on some strange island. It's so fucking typical of YOU! And then... when he said it was Christian... I was so relieved you were ok! And then... I went through it all again! All the thoughts, fears..." He reached for me, pulling me back to him.

"Well, we're both safe now," he said softly and I nodded.

"I feel like a traitor," I whispered. He turned to look at me and I shrugged. "When they said it was Christian, for that first moment... glad it wasn't you. How horrible am I to have thought that?"

"I think it's a normal thing, Sha. But, just between you and me?" I pulled back from him and nodded. "If it had to be me or him... He would probably survive better then I would. He's always in control, like you, well... not like you tonight... Though you did have me fooled for a few minutes before he came in the door. Chris, he'd had luck and a angel on his side tonight. If it had been me, I probably wouldn't have made it." I inhaled, taking in a deep breath, and then let him go. We both went back to the railing, watching the city below us. "I was scared to death," he admitted after a moment. "I couldn't think, I just kept thinking, 'No.'"

"Me too," I admitted. "Look at how mom took it."

"I know! God she was..."

"Yeah. I am never going to NOT call her when something happens."

"No shit! She was all over him, but, in a good way, but... shit!"

"I... kinda feel sorry for him," I said, looking behind us, back into the great room where everyone was still talking."

"Why?"

"You nearly die in a helicopter crash... walk across the state, and just when you have gotten home, and want nothing more then to hold your love in your arms, you find your entire family, your sibling's boyfriends and girlfriends and some other people all crashed up into your place?" Elliot let out a hearty laugh at that and grinned at me.

"He did look like shit. But that look on his face...Gah!" I turned quickly to see Elliot smack himself in the forehead. "I wish I had a picture of that!" I grinned, knocking my shoulder against Elliot's. "Are you okay? I haven't talked to you in weeks."

I shrugged. "Things have been... different."

"Yeah... and the hunk with you is... security?"

"Hardly," I laughed. "An old flame rekindled."

"Ohhhh... I see... A story for later?" He asked sending me a wink. I nodded and looked back at the stars. "I am going to head back inside, get Kate and head for bed. Did you meet Kate?"

I shook my head no. "Not tonight. Tomorrow. At the house." He nodded agreeing that would be a better time then now. I gave him a tight hug, so glad he too was safe from the horrors that had rolled through my mind when I thought it was him who was missing. "I love you," I said to him, hugging him tighter.

"I love you too, sis. I've missed you."

"Me too," I said letting him go. He headed back into the apartment, and I waited, knowing Gideon would come find me soon.

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It wasn't long after Elliot had headed back inside before I heard the _swooshing_ sound of the patio door opening and closing again. "I wondered how much longer it would take for you to find me," I said, not turning around.

"Sha," I heard in the wind. I turned around, finding my other brother standing before me, and before I knew it, I had crossed the distance and wrapped him tightly with my arms. "Hey, it's okay," he said returning the embrace.

I pulled back, and looked at him, still bedraggled in what had been a expensive, custom tailored suit whose threads were barely keeping parts of it on his body. My eyes devoured each tear, each scrap, each dangling button, my mind taking the information and creating a false movie of how each bit came to be.

I wanted... I needed... My hands clenched at my sides, as I tried to hold them back. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to smack him hard for scaring us so badly. For risking his life. For leaving us behind. My mind roiled with how badly this could have been. Christian suddenly wrapped his arms around me, holding me as I cried. My mind wouldn't shut up, showing me all the ways this could have ended, some scenes with Elliot, some with Christian.

"Christian, let me take care of her. Ana needs you," I heard Gideon's voice, felt his hands wrap around my body and picked me up. He carried me through the door, it's _swoosh_ quieter, or maybe my sobbing was overwhelming the sound. I kept my eyes closed as we crossed the great room, I didn't need people to see me this way, this mass of tears and weakness. But I couldn't stop crying.

We had made it to the elevator, Taylor meeting us there. "Sha," he said quietly, and I pulled my face away from Gideon's chest. It was just a few inches, but I could see him, and he could see me. I sobbed, trying to swallow the pain in my throat. "It's your turn," he said, taking my hand. He opened it, and then placed a cool metal disc in the palm, closing my fist around it, before giving me a weak grin.

"Thank you, Jason," I whispered, and he nodded, pushing the button for the elevator, and stepping aside so we could go home.


	28. Chapter 28

I awoke in the middle of the night, sitting bolt upright in bed. My heart was pounding, and my headache that had not ever really gone away was still hanging on. I gripped the sheet around me, finding I had tangled myself in it and I was struggling to pull myself out. _Calm... Calm, just calm down... _The dream had felt so damn real. Had it been real?

I looked around my room... in Escala... I have to check. I have to know! I clawed my way out of the last of the sheets, running out of my room, down the hallway and out to the elevator. My patience was thinned, and I contemplated taking the stairs up the one flight, and just as I had made that decision, the elevator arrived. It felt like a hour before the doors opened, but as soon as they did I hopped in, impatiently waiting for it to take me up one level to Christian's place. It finally came to a halt, the door opening and I jumped, seeing Taylor standing in front of me.

"Everything all right, Ms. Grey?" It's three in the fucking am and this bastard is STILL in a fresh, crisp, clean three piece suit!

"Jason," I growled. He gave me a half nod, stepping back and letting me in. "Okay, spill, how are you dressed like that, right now?"

He grinned at me. "Security Detail Secret," he laughed, a twinkle in his eye.

"Bastard," I replied, giving him a jokingly soft push. I hear a piano, and turn back to him. "How long has he been playing?"

"About ten minutes," he whispered back. He laid his arm out in front of him, palm up, indicating I should go in. I wished him good night and followed the call of the music.  
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* * *

He sat, as he had in the past, his back to me, his head tilted up to the sky, his eyes closed. His fingers danced effortlessly across the ivory and ebony keys. The tune was... light and airy, and it offered a sound of hope. It was lovely, and I don't think I had ever heard it before. The song ended, and he scooted over on the piano bench. I smiled, wondering how he knew I was there.

I quietly padded over to him, and he began the tune again. "What is it," I asked softly.

"It's called Fairytale by Enya," he replied.

"It's lovely," I said, mesmerized by the tune. I sat and listened, watching him, not believing that a few hours ago he almost wasn't here. "Was it a dream," I asked when he came to the end of the song. He turned towards me and slowly shook his head.

"No, it most definitely was not a dream." His words were firm, but his voice had been soft.

"Are you okay?" I watched his darkened profile turn away from me, and then he stood.

"Come, if we stay here, Ana will wake up, and she needs her rest." I smirked, thinking to myself that he couldn't see my smirk in the low lights. We walked to his office, going to the wet bar where he poured us each tumblers of his Richard Hennessy Cognac. "To answer your question, I honestly don't know."

"I can understand that," I said, taking a sip of my glass.

"If Ros hadn't been there..." He said, his words drifting off into his thoughts. "I asked her to marry me," he said, the words soft, almost as if he said it only to himself.

"You asked Ros to marry you? But she-"

"No!" He said in a half bark/half laugh. "Not her you twit," he said, bumping my body with his elbow. "Ana."

"Ana? Damn you move fast," I said, a low whistle escaping my lips.

"I... don't know how everyone else will take it," he confessed, worried.

"You just survived a helicopter crash, a walk in the forest, being smothered by mom, and you are worried how they will react to this? Get some perspective man!" I finished my cognac, setting the tumbler down on the marble top of the bar. "As a matter of fact...I might be able to help you with that," I murmured, my finger doodling with a spilled drop on the counter.

"Oh?"

"Hey, I do talk to the other members of the family you know, not just you." He rolled his eyes at me and I continued. "I had a long talk with mom when I came back to Seattle. She praised Ana and said that if you told her you were flying to Vegas to get married, she would pilot the plane herself, so that is a yes. Mia is easy, she would be all for it. And... you may want to make this suggestion... let her plan it. That girl has style!" Christian laughed out loud, and we hushed, hoping to note wake Ana.

"What about Dad and Elliot?"

I shrugged. "Elliot is kinda... ummm..."

"With Kate," he said, nodding in understanding.

"Yeah... I guess you aren't the only one to have changed, huh?" He shrugged his shoulders, and I smiled. My brothers are finally growing up. "Elliot, wouldn't care, normally, I think... "

"There is a but in there," Christian said, arching a eyebrow as he raised his glass to his lips again.

"But... Kate is her best friend?" He nodded. Then his eyes grew wide. "Yeah..." He nodded, understanding.

"What about Dad?"

I inhaled deeply, and then shrugged. "I would suggest having mom work on him. With the short amount of time, the fact she has nothing to her name, is living practically rent free with Kate... and you..."

"He'll make a demand." It was a statement, and not a question. I could only shrug and nod. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

He looked at me, twirling his nearly empty tumbler in the air, watching me with a raised eyebrow.

"Hon, you only live once and you just got a second chance. I'd agree to letting you marry anyone, except for Elena. Even Gideon's dead Aunt Ruth."

"Now there is a subject I would like to discuss," he said, changing the subject smoothly. "What the hell is going on between you two?"

"Oh... You know. I broke her nose, she threatened Ana, I threatened her..."

"No, I mean between you and Cross. He's like a fucking puppy dog. Everywhere you go, there he is." I rolled my eyes at him, holding out my empty glass. He took it, glaring at me, filled it halfway, and then returned it, reclaiming his seat next to me. "Spill."

I took a long deep swig of the cognac, letting it burn a path down to my stomach as I gathered up my nerve. "Christian, I am going to ask you to... change your mindset about him."

"Oh really," he drew out, arching his eyebrow.

"I trust him."

"Doesn't mean I have to," He grumbled.

"Okay..." I inhaled, closing my eyes and biting my lip.

"What did you do?" I opened my eyes, seeing his peering at me in a look I haven't seen in years. "Shana, what did you do?" His voice was low and calm. It was a distraction.

"I trust him," I repeated. "And, I need you to remember that Ana is asleep."

"What. Did. You. Do?"

"I told him. About Elena."

"What about her," he growled, heat seeped from his body as he tried to contain his anger. He inhaled sharply, his eyes widening. "No... Sha, tell me you didn't. You couldn't. You wouldn't..."

"I trust him Christian."

"Wha-!?"

"ANA! Shhhhh!"

He lowered his voice, but not his temper. "How the fuck could you tell anyone? How could you tell him! Why did you tell him? Couldn't you just-"

"I. Trust . Him."

"I don't care if you fucking trust the fucking Virgin Mary! You PROMISED!" He moved from the stool and started pacing back and forth, his hands moving to his hair, gripping it tightly, muttering.

"I will tell you what happened, but you have to calm down."

"I fucking will NOT CALM DOWN," he bellowed.

I jumped out of my seat, standing in front of him, my finger raised into the "Number one" position. "You fucking will, or I will walk and that will be the end of that!"

"You wouldn't fucking dare!"

"When did I ever turn a dare down," I said, my eyes glared at him. He stared back at me, his breathing hard and labourous. "Hear me out. Then you can banish me," I offered, my voice low.

"Fine. Explain," he said, pouring himself a fresh glass.


	29. Chapter 29

"I was feeling so good, after Coping Together. I was on such a high, I wanted to show him my most favorite place. So we went to the conservatory. You remember it," I asked, watching my brother carefully.

"What the hell does that have to do with the price of rice in China?" Christian asked through clenched teeth.

"Well... The place is dead now. Slated for demolition... You remember how much I loved that place?" He nodded slowly, glaring at me between slitted eyes. "I had to get out of there. Seeing the shape it was in... it broke something in me. If... if I had been here, instead of trying to stay away from here, I could have saved the place. I would have made sure it would have stayed alive. So, when we left... I just... I... I couldn't keep it in me anymore. I couldn't protect you from her. I couldn't protect myself from her. And now, because of her, the Conservatory died. So, I told him. I told him, because I needed someone else to know what I had bottled up inside me. Someone that I trusted." I wasn't even sure he had been listening, or maybe hearing me. He just sat there, his fingers wrapped around his glass.

"But why_ him_? Why not, _anyone_ else?" He slammed his glass down, and I was surprised it hadn't exploded on impact.

"I trust him, Christian."

"Tell me. Tell me what you are holding back. Tell me why you trust him like that. Tell Me!"

"I will, but dammit to hell Christian, keep your voice down. Please? You said Ana needed her sleep," I said, hoping that this would settle him a bit.

"Okay, I think I am... okay. For now," he grumbled and finally nodded so, inhaling a calming breath, I continued.

"Okay, so, why do I trust him?" Christian nodded. "Well... see... Gideon and I... we've known each other for... well, years. We met in college, actually." I heard his sharp intake of breath, and turned to see his eyes burning into me.

"How-How did you know him that long and never said anything?" he stammered, anger sitting in his gut like a hot coal.

"Like anyone is going to know everything about me? You're my brother. I love you, but there is no way in hell you will ever learn everything about me, and, vice versa. But, unlike you, I don't need to know everything."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"You desire control and you bank information. Filing it away in the thought that maybe, someday it will come in handy."

"There is nothing wrong with that," he muttered, even though hearing me say it, it threw a different light on it.

"Anyways," I said, back tracking back to the original thought. "We met in college. I had him in a few classes, and we got along well. He was dating some chick then, who made it perfectly clear that she was his and he was hers." I closed my eyes, taking another sip of my cognac, remembering that bitchy, self-righteous attitude of his then girlfriend. "He was odd, in class. When we were in class, it was like he was free. He sat, took notes, passed me messages that were only subject related."

"What do you mean?"

"You know like... in American Lit he had sent a note while the professor was droning on and on and on about the background setting the author had written, what all the symbolism was supposed to mean. That even though the author wrote this, he actually was meaning this... Well, Gideon would send a note that would be like, 'Do you think that was what the author meant? Or was the foggy river banks just foggy river banks?'"

Christian nodded now, understanding that. "I hated when the teachers enforced their theories on stuff like that," he mumbled as he nodded his head.

"Yeah. So, that's what we were like. And he was very smart. Like you, and controlled in most things. And we would have these great theorologic talks. We just became good friends. Despite Corinne." Christian looked at me, his eyebrow hiked, looking for a explanation. "She's the catty bitch he had been dating. After college, well, we each went our own ways. I married Mike and Gideon started creating his empire. After Mike died, I went to New York. It was hard to do my business there, as you know. When I had my footing there, suddenly he was there. I mean, he had been there, but, now, every time I tried to make a business move, his company stepped in. Undercutting me, or over bidding me. Then some little puke who tried to advance his own career in journalism, started writing stories about me and Cross. How we were feuding, dueling over property, land rights, sky rights, and even suggesting that I was actually you, trying to extend your grip on the East Coast."

"That's why you started using Darqlee," Christian murmured, and I nodded.

"So... one day, he and I met up. We met in the middle of the night, in a dark bar on the West Side." I finished my glass, Christian filled it, and I set it down in front of me, my finger running along the rim of it, circling it as my mind tried to focus a bit more.

"So, what happened?" Christian asked after my silenced carried on far too long.

"Well," I started, taking a deep breath. I trusted Gideon, and I trusted my brother. They were rivals, but could be so much more. Or less, depending how the story is taken. Without knowing it, I reached down, sliding my hands into my pockets. The jeans I had worn the day before, that I had slipped on before running up here to check on him to make sure he was really okay. My fingers found what Jason had handed to me earlier. I pulled it out, looking at it as my thumb ran over front of it. _Enim fortitudo, tempe et fortitude Amicitia_, I thought before continuing. "We realized a few things..."

Christian sat waiting, watching. I saw his grip on his glass, saw his knuckles whiten, and then return to their normal color. He was trying hard to contain his feelings. He probably knew what I was about to tell him. "And that was...?"

"That... it was fun." I looked at him, watched him, but he seemed to not grasp what I had meant. "We... enjoyed the fight. The public bickering, the battle for land and property, the media choosing sides. But what we loved most of all... was hiding the truth."

"So... It was all... lies?" His voice low and disbelieving, he shook his head, looking away from me as he had said it.

"No, not _all_ of it." I took a deep swig of my drink, taking half of what had been in my glass. "I... Things were getting out of hand, and I liked my time with him, but, outside of that, it was getting harder."

"That would be the lies you were living to enjoy your need," Christian growled at me. He was right, of course. I couldn't look at him then. I could feel the cold in his core seeping towards me. A disgust for me starting to grow in him.

"We started fighting. Our arguments were... loud. And many were public. It wasn't any different then it had been before, except the words actually had truth behind them now." Christian looked at me, his eyes colder, piercing. They were searching for what I hadn't told him.

"What started the change," he asked, his voice low, tinged with ice.

"He... He wanted to stop," I admitted. Words no one ever heard, a truth I wanted to deny, but that's what it was. It was the truth. I got up and walked to the large windows that banked the wall of his office. I felt cold, staring out into the dark of night that enveloped the city below. "He wanted to stop. He wanted it to become public. To let it be known we were actually a couple."

Christian sat there, waiting for me to continue, but as I looked out into the darkness of the sleeping city, my mind drifted back to Gideon and I. The yelling, the arguing, the way when... more and more of what was said hurt as they cut deeper and deeper.

"What happened Sha," his voice was low, but he was no longer angry. His voice carried concern, and then hand he placed on my shoulder, it showed me that he was there. That he was listening, and that he cared.

I shrugged, leaning my head against the glass. "He asked me to marry him." I felt his fingers grip my shoulder tightly, felt his head rest against mine.

"What did you say," he asked. I am pretty sure he knew though, but wanted to hear it from me.

"The sex between us, it was fucking awesome. But all the other stuff... and the fighting... It was too much. I couldn't say yes." I exhaled a shaky breath and sniffled, trying my best to hold back the tears that were sitting in my eyes, waiting to fall. "I couldn't say yes, and I broke his heart."

"He was the one, wasn't he? The one that you fell in love with. You told me you didn't know you were in love with him though. Not until after your broke up." I nodded, my chest getting tighter from just thinking about the loss. That tightness that comes before you really start to shed tears. "Why didn't you go back and tell him?"

"Because... Because I was stupid, arrogant and I didn't want to admit I had been wrong." Christian pulled me away from the window, and wrapped me in his arms. "When I saw the light, and wanted to go back to him... He was dating Eva. And, I will admit, they looked like they were good for each other. So, instead of telling him the truth, I told him I missed our friendship and wanted to know if we could still be friends."

Christian slowly released me from his arms and we walked over to the small sofa that was in his office. We sat down and waited in the silence before either of us said anything again.

"We found that despite the time between us, and the break up, we still could be good friends."

"So...," Christian started. He paused and tried again. "That is why you trust him? Why I should trust him with this one secret that you had promised to keep?"

"No. Not because of our relationship." I looked down at my twiddling thumbs. _In for a penny, in for a pound_, I told myself. "Because of two reasons."  
"And they are," he asked, rubbing his lips with his index finger.

"The first reason is that after I told him about Elena, he created a few NDA's. One was that anything he learned about you, me, our entire family or our businesses, he wouldn't disclose it. The other was for me to sign, so that anything I learned or heard about his family or his business wouldn't be disclosed. And, you should know, he said I didn't have to sign it. I could if I wanted to, but I didn't have to." Christian sat at me and stared. His pulse was lower. (Visible motion from the vein in his neck making it easy to tell.) But beyond that, he wasn't making a move. It was like I had crashed the main server in his brain.

"He created and signed a NDA after you told him?" I nodded. "Wow." I nodded again. "What's the second reason?"

I paused then, not sure I actually wanted to say it, but in the end, I knew I had to. "Christian, if he asks me again, I'll say yes."


	30. Chapter 30

I yawned a big, loud yawn as I waited for the elevator door to open to my place. I had had such a horrible nightmare about Christian and Charlie Tango I had to rush up to his place to make sure he was still alive and okay.

The elevator stopped with a Ping! and I was home again. I walked to the kitchen before heading to bed, in search of a cookie, or something to nosh on, so that the alcohol I had shared with Christian wasn't sitting alone in my stomach. Opening the refrigerator I found it nearly empty, but that's what happens when you aren't around much and eat out most nights. There was a small bag of baby carrots, so I grabbed it, and some ranch dressing. I took a handful of the carrots, put them into a bowl, poured the dressing over it, and then headed for my room.

My room was dark and cold... I released a low, soft sigh as I placed the bowl of vegetables down on the table next to my bed. I sat on the edge, wondering what it would be like, how it could have gone had Gideon and I stayed together. Fighting and arguing all the time? Would we have still been sleeping in separate rooms anyways? He had said his dreams had gotten worse, was that because of Eva? If he had never met her, would they have stayed as bad as they had been?

I reached over, grabbing a small carrot, and bite through half of it, as my mind rolls over all the "what ifs".

When we had been in college, he had slept in his own apartment, without a roommate. He had said he liked his privacy and you can't argue against that. It had been there, during one of our "cram it or dammit" study sessions when he first scared the shit out of me from one of his nightmares.

We had been there for hours, knee deep in books, notes, computer files, pushing everything we could, reading everything we hadn't read. The good thing about a photographic memory is being able to recall what you have read. The bad thing is having not read it so it didn't clog up your mind. Some of my worst nightmares are when I dream I have to read some major contract and in the middle of the page I see a old Windows error message: Error! Memory drive is full. I mean, how much can the human mind hold? It's not like we can erase the useless crap.

So, we read and read, ordered in pizza and read some more. Somewhere after the pizza arrived, we had fallen asleep on the floor in his living room. I don't know how long we had slept, but I awoke to a horrific scream. I opened my eyes to see Gideon laying flat on the floor, his body twisted and frozen into a horrible shape. He was begging for mercy, for him to not be hurt. He was cussing out whoever it had been that was hurting him. It took everything in me to crawl over to him and try to wake him up. It felt like hours, later, but I knew it wasn't that long, before Gideon finally was able to leave his nightmare.

He was shivering, his body was covered in a cold sweat, and he tried so hard to scoot away from me. He was afraid of me, and he was afraid of what I had heard or saw. But, his worst fear had been what I thought of him now I had seen what happens to him.

_"Gideon, it's okay," I said, my hand holding his tightly, even though he was trying to pull away._

_"You shouldn't be here," he said, his voice low and harsh._

_I tilted my head to the side, my eyes trying to convey to him peace and my concern for him. "I won't tell anyone. You can trust me." He shook his head at me, denying anything good. "Listen, I know about nightmares. Not your nightmares, but of others."_

_"You don't know," he said, scoffing at me. He turned his head from me, his eyes studying his door to the apartment._

_"I do," I said quietly. He turned his head back to me, but lowered his eyes to the floor._

_"Tell me then," he said, as if challenging me._

_"My brother. He has nightmares every night. He dreams of pain, and abuse he suffered before he came to live with us. Every night he relieves it. Every night he screams out in pain."_

_"Every night?" Gideon asked, his voice low, but now his eyes were watching me, as if seeking to find the lie in my words._

_I nodded. "Every night."_

_"Mine... aren't every night," he said. I wasn't sure, but I thought I had heard a echo of awe in his voice. "What happens? How does he... How can he sleep?"_

_I gave him a weak smile and shrugged my shoulders. "Mostly, right now, he battles on. He sleeps for a few hours, and then does what he does. I swear he's going to kill himself will lack of sleep."_

_Gideon moved over, sitting in front of the couch, resting his back against the front of it. I crawled over to him and sat next to him, taking his hand and resting it in mine for comfort. He looked at the way our fingers interlocked, and I squeezed his hand. "You said 'right now'. What about before?"_

_"Well... he would sneak into my room and lay down on the floor, and hold my hand. He wouldn't have the dreams then." I squeezed his hand again, giving him a smile._

_"He's having the nightmares now though? Because you are here?" I nodded, watching him. His dark curls were plastered to his forehead, a side effect from the nightmare._

_"He calls me, sometimes. After a bad dream, begging me to come home." His eyes grew a little wider at that admission. "I don't go though."_

_"Why not? Don't you love him?" I run my fingers through his hair, fluffing the curls from his forehead._

_"Of course I love him. I will always love him. He's my brother." I looked deep into his blue eyes, wishing I could take the pain out of them. "But, I can't be there to hold his hand all of his life."_

_"But you want to," Gideon said softly, and I nodded._

_"I hate seeing anyone hurt."_

_"Shana, can I ask you a favor?" I looked at him, studying his face. It's lines were solid, as if set in stone. He had to ask me a question, and no matter what it was, I had to give him the answer, whether it was what he wanted to hear or not. I nodded. "Don't... don't ask me what my dreams are about. Please?"_

_That had not been what I was expecting. But it was something he could ask of me, and something I could give him. "I won't ask you. You can tell me, if you want, whenever you are ready to, but I won't ask you." He had smiled at me then. And to my slight shock, rested his head on my shoulder and fell back asleep, nightmare-less._

I grabbed the last carrot, and bit down on it, as I grabbed the now empty bowl and headed for the kitchen. I had made it to the hallway when I saw a dark figure standing before me.

"We're going to see how you like it," the shadow said, and to my horror, I recognized the voice. He stepped forward, and I stepped back, I was one step into my room when Gideon lunged for me. I ducked away, gathering my feet beneath me and reaching for the panic button next to my light switch. I had just touched it when he grabbed me, throwing me to my bed.

In half a heartbeat he was on me, his eyes open, but he wasn't there. I struggled against him, praying that I didn't hurt him before help came. He flipped me onto my belly, pulling at my jeans I was still wearing. I inhaled deep to yell out, inhaling the carrot that was still in my mouth. I started to choke on it, when his words hit my ears.

"You're going to know what it feels-" His weight was removed from my body, and my hands immediately went to my throat. I couldn't cough, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't call out. I pulled at the nearest body, my hands trying to do the "help me I am fucking choking!" motion, but no one was noticing.  
The room was getting dark, and I knew I wasn't going to last much longer. It was then that someone grabbed me from behind, pulling at me, their hands tight around me, just below my ribcage. I was pulled up viciously and suddenly the carrot flew out of my mouth, and I inhaled a harsh, shaky breath before darkness overtook me.

.  
.

* * *

.

.

"You are going to fucking stay the fuck there until the cops get here!" The voice that woke me was the fierce Dominant voice of my brother. I tried to open my eyes, and I must have made a sound, because Christian was suddenly in front of me, his hand running softly over my head. "Hey, Sha, are you okay?"

I nodded, feeling his lips press against my forehead. I saw behind him, Gideon, on his knees, head bowed, his arms behind him. "What...?"

"That fucking bastard tried to rape you," he growled, sending a death glare to where Gideon was. "The police are on their way. I want you to go to the hospital after they get here."

"What? Why," I asked, my brain trying hard to put all the pieces of this puzzle together.

"Because he fuckin' tried to rape you and because you nearly choked to death," Christian yelled at me.

And that was the slap to my face that I needed to snap all the pieces together. I struggled, but got up from where I had been laying down. I moved to get to Gideon, but Taylor and Stevenson turned to stand between him and me.

"Out," I said, the air raking across my vocal chords, burning a fire where the carrot had chosen to get stuck.

"Shana," Christian started, his voice low, trying to sound calm.

"GET THE FUCK OUT NOW," I hollered, making it clear no one should question me. Taylor took a step back and Stevenson had flinched. I glared at the three men who were not happy with the choices I gave them, and they slowly left my room. "Stevenson!" He turned around to face me, and I raised my open palm into the air, ninety degrees from my body.

Being that it was my apartment, and he was my JOAT, and that I paid his salary, I was unhappy when he looked to Christian for approval. Christian, watching me, neither nodded or shook his head, but left the room. Stevenson handed me the key to the handcuffs that I knew were around Gideon's wrists. He then left, leaving the door to my room open.

I walked over to the door, saw the three men leaning against the walls of my hallway, arms crossed. I closed the door, and went over to Gideon. He flinched at my approach, but I got down on my knees next to him. I had seen he had been shaking, but now, it wasn't just shaking, he was sobbing. Deep, heart wrenching sobs. I went to unlock his cuffs, when he pulled away from me.

"Don't," he said, his voice deep and pained.

"Gideon," I sighed, reaching again for his imprisoned wrists.

"Sha, please. Just..."

"Just what?" I reached up, running a hand through his sweat slicked hair. He tried to turn away from me, but the position he was in made it nearly impossible to go far.

"Let them arrest me. I... God I am so sorry," he sobs wracked his body and despite trying to pull away, I pulled him close to me, wrapping my arms around him, hushing him, letting him cry.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. And I wont let them arrest you."

"You should. I am no good for you. For anyone. All I do is cause pain," he cried. I slipped the key into the cuffs, unlocking them while he was distracted by his own condemnation.

"You know that isn't the truth," I said, holding him closely. He wouldn't return my hug. He wouldn't wrap his arms around my body. He stayed, on the floor, arms still behind his back. "This is how it got worse, isn't it? You weren't awake." He nodded his head against my shoulder, and I held him closer. His tears ran from him like a waterfall, and I could only sit there, holding him, rocking him, telling him I didn't hate him.

"You should hate me," he said, a sob cracking through his sentence.

"I will never hate you," I said, pulling his face away from my shoulder, my hands holding him, despite how hard he was trying to pull away from my gaze. "I will never hate you."

"Shana, I attacked you. You almost died. I... I..."

"I didn't die, and you didn't rape me."

Suddenly the door to my room was flung open with such force it hit the wall and bounced back. In that instance, there were three police officers in my room, guns aiming at us.

"Gideon Cross," one of the officers said. "You are under arrest for the attempted rape and murder of Shana Grey."


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: I wanted to give a shout-out to a few people: To all the wonderful people that finally got mehooked up in the FF Facebook group, thank you. Them chicks are wicked crazy! I love it!**

**To And1rea, for every single review, which has been so fun to read as she had just discovered my story and is filling me in on each chapter what she likes, questions, or finds totally crazy. Gotta love that!**

**To Foggy Nights, another avid reader who sticks around, I think, to see how crazy things might go. ((I think she's still in shock from the last chapter...))**

**Now, I would also like to greet all the new followers, readers, watchers and guests who have sat down and read a chapter or two. Welcome. I can not explain how much fun it is to have a tale you have written be read so instantly and enjoyed.**

**One last note... To the guest who said, ****_"I'm sorry to say but I really don't like Shana. She's not likeable in any way."_**** You know, I have thought about your words overnight... And I have decided that if that is the best bashing you could come up with after reading 30 chapters... Then I will take it as a compliment.**

* * *

Gideon immediately raised his hands into the air, and I turned to the police officer. I swore under my breath as I slowly stood and faced the uniformed men in my bedroom.

"Who filed charges?" The officer looked at me and then back to Gideon. I inhaled a deep breath, centering my thoughts. "May I see the arrest warrant," I asked, holding my hand out. Another of the three officers looked at my empty hand and then back to the one that was "in charge".

"Right, okay, first you are going to apologize for breaking down a unlocked door," I said, coolly as I pointed to the door that has one boot mark, and a broken hinge. "Second, you are going to explain exactly who was trying to "rape and murder" me."

"Ma'am?" I stood tall, my head cocked to the side, my eyes impassive as I waited for a response. The third officer, glancing at the man in the pajamas on the floor and then back at me, clearly awake, clearly not scare, and fully dressed. He looked over to his counterpart, knocking his head to the side like, "what is going on?"

"Okay, so, for the record, you are going to arrest a man, in his pajamas who was trying to stop me from choking?" I paused, walking over to stand where the spit out carrot had landed. "To stop me from choking on this," I said, pointing at the orange object on the floor. Two of the three uniformed men looked at the orange, partially chewed vegetable, then to Gideon, and then to me.

"Ma'am, you hit the panic button," Stevenson said from the hallway. I glared at him, and the cops all increased their grips on their pistols.

"Because I was choking. I couldn't holler for help now could I?" Stevenson looked at me, then at Gideon, and then he left. I saw Angus, Taylor and Christian all watching me from their spots in the hall. My eyes paused on Taylor's, and I flexed my hand, hoping he caught it. It's Taylor. I knew he caught it.

"Officers, we may have... jumped the gun here," Taylor said, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand, making himself look shy and a touch foolish. Christian stared at me, grumbling silently. I know, once this night is over, I will have to have a long talk with him. Again.

"Ma'am, I apologize for storming in, but you understand how it looked, and what we had been told in the hall?" I nodded, watching them relax their grips, holstering their guns.

"Gentlemen, if you will follow me," Taylor said, kindly asking them to get the fuck out of my room. The three officers left, the one pausing at the door, then reaching for it, to move it, testing what is left of the hinge. He looked over at me and shrugged.

"Sorry about that, Ma'am." I rolled my eyes, and as soon as they were gone, I crouched down next to Gideon, who was still holding his hands in the air. I slowly raise my hand to his, and softly pull them down into his lap. He hasn't looked at me nor moved.

"Hon? Gideon?" I whispered, reaching up and running my fingers through his hair. He doesn't move. He doesn't make a sound. I sank back on my knees, my mind trying to pull out a idea to help him. There has to be something, some idea, some thought, something that I read that could help... but I just can't think of anything.

I slowly rise to my feet, and he still doesn't move.

I reached down, taking his hand in mine, and I give it a small tug. He looks up at me then, but his gaze is distant. I tug again and he stands. I slowly guide him out of my room, praying he doesn't step on a splinter. Halfway to the guest room Gideon has been staying in we came across Taylor.

"Ma'am," he says, but I raise my finger to him, asking for a minute. He nods, and stands at ease outside the door. Gideon and I go within, and I close the door behind us. Still holding his hand I walk him over to the en suite.

"Go, throw some water on your face, it will help, okay?" He nods as if lost, and I have the sense of déjà vu. I walked back to the hallway to face Taylor.

His eyes were looking me over, his practiced gaze looking for any signs of trauma. After a moment, he stood, no longer searching, but still questioning. "Shana, are you okay," he asked, concern thick in his voice.

"Jason, honestly, I am." He looked towards Gideon as if he could see him through the walls. "He is... in shock. He has a sleep disorder. He can't help it."

"Was he really..." I shook my head no. "But you used the panic button."

"I know. I'm glad I did though. He would have never have gotten over it if I had died from that damn carrot. Jason," I said, lowering my voice. "Between you and me, I used the button because I didn't want to hurt him."

"So he was-"

"No!" I hissed emphatically. "Not on purpose. Trust me. Please?" He looked at me wearily before slowly nodding.

Still using his x-ray vision to watch Gideon he said, "I am going to stay here tonight," he informed me. I nodded, understanding. "Christian isn't happy, you know."

"Yeah. Tell me something I don't know," I said rolling my eyes. "Good night Jason. Thanks for being here," I said, giving him a hug.

"Night Shana. If you need anything, holler. And, no more carrots."

"Ha! Yeah! Trust me, I may be off carrots for life. And I love carrot cake," I said with a frown as I turned to go back into Gideon's room.

Closing the door behind me, I turned and saw Gideon, head hanging down, shoulders slumped, sitting on the edge of the bed. It hurt my heart to see him so... I walked over to him, his eyes still on the floor. I shuffled out of my slippers, and remove my jeans, sighing inwardly with a bit of relief. My sleep shorts had been a little crammed in my jeans, and now they are free. I crossed the few feet to stand in front of Gideon and then I slowly sat down on his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck, praying he doesn't decide to toss me to the floor.

I felt his arms wrap around me, his head cuddling into my neck. "Sha," he half whispered, half sobbed. "I am so sorry," he said, his words were whispers into my skin.

"Honey, it's okay. I am not hurt. I am fine, we're both okay." I held him tighter, letting him know I wasn't going to let him go. "Lay down with me?" He shook his head no, so we stayed this way. I held onto him, whispering to him, comforting him, running my fingers through his hair, helping him regain his footing in reality.

"Lay down with me," I asked again, thirty minutes later. This time, he slowly nodded. I slid off his lap, and together we crawled into bed. I stacked up the pillows the way I liked, and once I was laying down, he crawled in, cuddling up against me. A few moments later he was asleep, his breathing patterned out to a soft, smooth tempo, and I breathed a sigh of relief, closing my eyes, and welcoming sleep.

* * *

I stretched long and hard, arching my back until I felt a delicious "pop!" and smiled. I turned onto my side, opening my eyes to the morning. My good mood was broken when I realized I was alone. I exhaled a disappointed sigh, rolling my eyes and shaking my head. With little effort, I crawled out of bed, heading to the en suite for a bit of morning ritual.

I decided to head for the kitchen, thinking that is where I would find Gideon, but he wasn't there. Taylor nor Stevenson were around either. _Probably out for a run_, I thought. I grabbed a glass of orange juice and headed back to my room, trying to ignore the broken door. I took a shower, and prepared for the day. It was scheduled to be a long day, ending at the folk's place and Christian's birthday.

I was dressed, but was allowing my hair to air dry. I picked up my phone, checking messages. Lawyer, Lawyer, Diana, Doctor, Lawyer, accountant, Spam, Gideon, Spam, Lawyer... Gideon? I scrolled back up and checked it. The time received was 5:58am. Four hours ago. I frowned, as I opened it.

* * *

**From: Gideon Cross**  
**Subject: I am so sorry**  
**Date: June 18 2011 05:58**  
**To: Shana Grey**

**I am so sorry for everything. I would never intentionally hurt you, but how can I protect you from me? When I was realizing what I had done, and Christian was yelling, and Stevenson and Taylor were trying to keep him from killing me... I looked up, and realized you were... I dove for you. I had to save you, but they thought I was attacking you again. You nearly died because of me. I... I am so sorry.**

**Stay away from me. You'll only get hurt.**

**~ Gideon**

* * *

"Oh Gideon," I whispered, gripping the phone tightly and wiping the tears from my cheek.

* * *

He wouldn't answer his phone.

He didn't respond to emails.

He wouldn't reply to a text.

I sat on my couch all day long, trying to get a response, and instead, there was only silence. My heart hurt, all I wanted to do was curl up in bed and cry.

But, I didn't. That isn't something I do. No matter how much it's all I want to do.

I wanted to get on my damn jet and track down Mr. Gideon Cross and bitch slap him and ask him who the hell he thought he was that he could just leave in the middle of the night and then shove me into a closet to be forgotten!

But I couldn't.

I went to my room, stepped into my shower, and tried very very hard to not think of the shower Gideon and I shared. I didn't think about his hands on my body. I didn't think about the magic soaps he used on me and I didn't think about the fuck-o-rific orgasms he gave me.

Nope. Didn't think about them at all. Not once.

* * *

I got dressed, jeans and a tee shirt. My Vegas Chucks, and my wet hair in a ponytail no make-up. When I was as satisfied as I could be with my appearance, we headed out, Stevenson at the wheel.

As we pulled up to the my parents' place, I checked my BlackBerry again, hoping that there was a message.

There wasn't.

The drive was quiet. Of course it was. Stevenson was driving, I had the privacy screen up, and I was alone with my thoughts. Thoughts that wanted to spin and circle around Gideon.

The car came to a halt, pulling me out of my thoughts and I looked up to find we were already at the house. I exhaled a breath, steeling myself for the next few hours. Stevenson opened my door, and I nodded at him in thanks.

"I will bring the gift in for you Ma'am," he said, and I nodded again.

I walk to the front door, and as before, my mother swings the door open before I get a hand on the door knob. She wraps me into a hug and ushers me inside. To be honest, I have no idea what she said to me through her excitement. My mind just wasn't there. I saw Stevenson walk in with Christian's present, setting it down on the island in the kitchen before excusing himself.

My BlackBerry vibrated in my hand, shocking me so that I nearly dropped it, having forgotten I was still holding it. I looked, and there is a message from Angus. I opened it quickly, holding my breath.

* * *

**From: Angus Templar**  
**Subject: Safe Flight**  
**Date: June 18 2011 16:24**  
**To: Shana Grey**

**His plane has arrived safely.**

**A. Templar**

* * *

I exhaled a held breath, feeling a ounce better. He's okay.

The noise in the house is suddenly too much for me, and I needed some fresh air, so I stepped away from everyone and headed to the back porch. I walk over to the porch steps, sitting down quickly and very un-ladylike. _I have got to find a different mood,_ I think to myself knowing I could be throwing water on Christian's birthday with my current mood. I sigh deeply, resting my head on my knees.

"Who died," a voice booms behind me, making me jump. I shake my head, not turning around, and settle my forehead back onto my knees. Elliot comes and sits next to me, resting his hand on my back. "What's going on," he asked. I shrugged. "Who the fuck are you and where is my sister?" I raise my head and gives me a toothy grin.

"Go away Elliot," I begged.

"Nope," he replied, popping the P. "What's going on?"

"Gideon," I said, a disheartened sigh escaping with his name from my lips.

"Ahh," he said, rubbing my back. "Wanna talk about it?"

"Not while I'm sober," I muttered.

"Right!" Elliot stood up, and reached a hand out to me. I took it and stood. "Come on. Dad made a fresh batch of his lemon martinis."

"That will work on getting me drunk fast then," I said with my first smirk of the day as we entered the house. A lot more people were in the house now. A lot more then before when I had gone out. I shrugged at the lapsed time, and take one of the martinis Elliot retrieved for me. I watched as a wonderfully happy smile grew on his face. I turned to see where he was looking and saw his girlfriend Kate leaving the dining room.

"Christian's here," he said as Kate made her way across the room. I had to smile as she reached Elliot, grabbing his face and kissing him deeply. He inhaled a large breath when she finally released him and he wrapped a arm over her shoulder. "What was that for?"

"You didn't like it," she pouted, and I chuckled watching the two of them.

"Did I say I didn't like it?" She shook her head and kissed him on the cheek.

"How are you doing Kate," I asked, and she smiled at me, wrapping her hand comfortably around Elliot.

"Oh just fine. Just fine," she replied her face glowing. Just then Christian and Ana enter the room, and applause breaks out. I smiled, but noticed Ana's face. She's smiling, but her eyes are not on Christian but on something else. I follow her gaze and see who she sees.

"Shit," I mumbled, drinking down the martini in one swallow, the alcohol burning a path down my throat. "Elliot," I said, turning back to him, empty glass in my hand. "I need two more." He looked at the glass, then me, and back at the glass, nodding as he took it from my hands.

"Something wrong," Kate asks under her breath, coming closer so she could whisper more quietly.

"Yeah," I said nodding. "Yeah, something is definitely wrong."


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: I have borrowed a few lines from EL James' Fifty Shades Darker for this chapter. The story (most of it) is mine, the characters (save Shana Grey) is hers.**

**Also, a few of you know that I had an issue with this chapter. Sometimes we know what road our muses are taking us down. And sometimes, you just gotta hang on and find out where they took you. This is one of those. I knew exactly where this was heading until It took a left turn, pulling me along for the ride.**

**So, with that said, I want to thank Greyfan 79 and TheGrey'sfan 01 for their awesome assistance!**

**Now, on with the show!**

* * *

.  
Elliot returned promptly, hands full of fluted glasses full of champagne, and my martini. I grinned at him when I took, it. He had poured the two dad had made into a tall tumbler. I took a swig just as Christian stepped forward.

"Thank you, everyone. Looks like I'll need one of those," he said as he took two flutes of champagne from a tray mom's housekeeper was carrying through the room. He handed one to Ana, who returned a quiet smile to him. I couldn't help but notice her eyes kept returning to the corner, clearly uneasy that the bitch troll was here.

There was movement in the room, like a wave of water. Everyone wanted to greet the birthday boy and make sure he was okay from his ordeal the day before. I smiled, seeing how much he is loved and was glad to see the reflection of my smile on Ana's face. I looked next to me, seeing Elliot with the same smile on him as well. He looked down at me, and grinned, resting his left arm on my shoulder, his right holding his girl close. "Elliot," I muttered, taking another sip of the martini. "Later, I need to discuss something with you. Don't let me forget."

"You mean besides-" he started to ask.

"Yeah. Besides that." I saw some of the crowd thin a bit, and saw an opportunity. "Excuse me," I said, leaving him and Kate pondering as I approached the focus of the crowd.

Elena is upfront, trying hard to be the center of Christian's attention. I can't hear what is being said, but I can feel the difference in the air, and I can clearly see Ana. Her uneasiness to Elena obvious to a dead blind man. Ana's gaze rolled through the crowd, and I turn my head to see my mother, watching the scene with a frown.

_Crap_, I thought, torn between going to help Ana, or be near my mother.

"-good news. This beautiful woman, Miss Anastasia Rose Steele, has consented to be my wife, and I'd like you to be the first to know." The room lit up with life, friends and family excited about the news that many thought would never, never ever have been said by my brother.

Like a wave, the happy crowd moves forward, congratulating, whooping in cheers, toasting... And I noticed that Elena Lincoln has disappeared from the room. Mom and Dad move forward, and it is so obvious, the joy my mother has at being able to welcome Ana into the family. Ana is smiling, accepting hugs, and then, for a brief moment, she freezes, her eyes pinned to something behind me.

I turn, seeing Elena, standing as still as a statue, her mouth hanging open, a look of... horror? on her face. I pull out my BlackBerry, quickly taking a snapshot of the bitch, grinning as I save it to enjoy later. It was then that I noticed I had missed a call. I looked up, spotted Elliot who gave me a questioning look, and with my empty glass in one hand, I pointed back to the porch. he nodded, and I headed back out there, away from the crowd. I had just sat down on the steps as the phone rang.

"Gideon?"

"Hi," he responded, his voice low and tight.

"Hi," I said back, not sure what I could say, or should say. "Are you... okay?"

"Yes," he said after a short pause. "Shana..."

"Don't," I said, the word cracking in my throat. "Don't call me from across the country to say you're sorry for what happened." I closed my eyes, willing my body to stay calm. "I can't believe you left like that."

"I know." He was quiet. He sounded distance and lost, and because he was acting stupid, I couldn't help him. "Sha... I... I just, God! I just- I can't hurt you. And it's the one thing I can't stop doing."

"It was once and you didn't hurt me," I said, trying to keep my voice steady. I searched my mind and my heart. I needed words to say, to let him know I was okay, and that we could work on this, and together we could find a fix. We could make it better. We always worked well as a team.

"Come back to Seattle," I whispered, my throat cramping from withholding tears. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and looked to it as Elliot sat next to me, tall martini in hand. I took it from him, taking a long, deep swallow of it.

"Sha, it's better this way." he said, struggling through the words.

"You don't get to decided that," I yelled into the phone. A flock of seagulls nearby took off from the sudden volume of my voice. "Fuck you Cross! We decide that! We talk! We help! We decide! You don't get to just decide without me!"

I chucked the phone as far as I could, downing my dad's concoction, the tears falling as they choose now.

"What the hell is going on out here!" My dad said in his "Legal Voice".

Elliot got to his feet, and I could hear him talking to our dad. I didn't care what he said. I didn't care what anyone knew. I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around my chest and resting my head back on my knees.

Elliot wrapped his arm around me, holding me close. "Keep this up and you'll get another headache and ruin Christian's party," he said, his voice filled with care and concern.

"I know," I said with a shaky breath.

"So, what did the fucker do?" I shook my head, rubbing my forehead on my knee caps. "Come on... I know something went down, so just tell me." I raised my head up, looking out onto the lake. A low sigh escaped from me and I told Elliot what happened.

.

* * *

.

"Damn," Elliot muttered for the umpteenth time. "You're okay though," He asked, again. I nodded, again, finishing off yet another martini. "Damn." I rolled my eyes which made the world spin a bit. "Whoa! You okay?"

"Drank too fast," I said with a small smile.

"Uh huh. Too fast? Or too much?"

"There's a difference?" I heard a buzzing sound to that which was my phone. Elliot went off to find it while I decided I needed a refill. I stumbled back into the house, trying to act as if I hadn't drunk a damn thing, and failed, stumbling on the lip of one of the throw rugs mom fancies. I was able to catch myself in time, and as I stood back up, I saw Elena enter the dining room. _Bitch is up to no good,_ I thought to myself, following her in.

I make it just to the door when I heard her from the other side, "Ana."

Twenty feet into the house stumbling all over the place, and her voice makes me sober like an arctic shower. Elliot approaches me, phone in hand, but his eyes are asking me "What's going on?"

"Get everyone out of here, and tell mom to stay away from the dining room. Say it in a way that she HAS to come to the dining room," I whisper.

"I can do that," he says grinning without even asking why. I love that dork.

I re-open the door a crack, hearing Elena harassing Ana. "I wouldn't have thought of you as a worthy adversary, Anastasia, but you surprise me at every corner."

"I haven't thought of you at all," Ana replied._ Yes! Steele 1, Bitch ZERO!_ "Now if you'll excuse me, I have much better things to do than waste time with you." _Point for Steele!_

"Not so fast missy. What on earth do you think you're doing, consenting to marry Christian? If you think for one minute you can make him happy, you're very much mistaken." _Bitch, don't you make me come in there!_

"Sha," Elliot whispers at me, but I raise my finger to my lips, hushing him.

"What I'm consenting to do with Christian is none of your concern." _Come on Steele, you can give her a better comeback then that._

"He has needs - Needs you cannot possibly begin to satisfy." I almost lurched to go in the room, but this time Elliot held me back.

"What do you know of his needs? You're nothing but a sick child molester, and if it were up to me, I'd toss you into the seventh circle of hell and walk away smiling. Now get out of my way - or do I have to make you?" _Double Points for Steele! Crowd is on its feet!_

"You're making a big mistake here, lady. How dare you judge our lifestyle? You know nothing, and you have no idea what you're getting yourself into."

"What are they talking about," Elliot whispers to me, but I cover his mouth with my hand so I could hear the rest of it.

"And if you think he's going to be happy with a mousy little gold digger like you-" _A splash! I heard a splash!_

"Don't you dare tell me what I am getting myself into! When will you learn it's none of your goddamned business!"

Suddenly Christian is between me and Elliot, pushing his way into the room. "What the fuck are you doing Elena?" His voice was smooth and cold.

"She's not right for you, Christian." Her voice was suddenly a small whisper. Elliot and I had to stretch our necks to try to hear it.

"What? How the fuck do you know what's right for me," Christian yelled, the chandelier hanging over the dining room table danced from his vocal vibrations.

"You have needs, Christian." _Bitch, grab the towel, you are so done._

"I've told you before - This is none of your fucking business!" He roared so loudly that not only was the chandelier dancing on the ceiling, Elliot and I felt the vibrations of the doors we were holding.

"How many people do you think will show at her funeral," I whispered to Elliot who tried to stifle a laugh.

"What is this? Do you think it's you? You? You think you're right for me?" I look over at Elliot who is now silent, his face losing all it's color.

"I was the best thing that ever happened to you. Look at you now. One of the richest, most successful entrepreneurs in the United States - controlled, driven - you need nothing. You are the master of your universe."

"What the hell am I missing here Shana?" Elliot pulls me away from the door, making me face him. "What is going on?"

"I have a feeling, if you keep quiet, you will figure it out. And I can fill you in after." He stared at me a moment, and then we both turned back to the door. I want to hear her destroy herself before I finish her off.

"You taught me to fuck, Elena." And with that, Elliot ran out of the room. It was then that I noticed my mother close by, her footsteps firm. She placed a hand on my shoulder, pulling me away from the door. "But it's empty, like you. No wonder Linc left. You never once held me. You never once said you loved me."

"Love is for fools, Christian."

"Get out of my House." _Oh fuck. Run bitch! Run!_ I opened the door watching as my mother stopped, standing in front of Elena. The speed of her hand rising and smacking Elena was uncountable, however, the hit did manage to get recorded on the Richter scales six miles away. "Take your filthy paws off my son, you whore, and get out of my house - NOW!"

Elena grabbed her clutch, and headed for the door, where I stood, pausing when she saw me. I grinned, her hair was dripping from what could only be my dad's favorite concoction, her face paled further as I said in a low voice. "Checkmate."

I grinned as she ran from the house.

I heard my mom's voice, calm and collected, but still emanating power. "Ana, before I hand him over to you, would you mind giving me a minute or two alone with my son?"

"Of course," Ana whispered, then she headed towards me. I closed the door behind Ana, giving mom and Chrissy privacy, and then wrapping an arm around Ana, I guided her to a private section of the house so she could calm down. We slowly walked up to the private residences, and I let her into Christian's old room.

She sat down slowly, a sob escaping from her chest. "I'm sorry," she whispered. I reached for a box of tissues still on Christian's desk and handed it to her.

"It's not your fault, trust me," I said, sitting next to her.

"I ruined his birthday."

"Ana, you didn't. Look, there are a lot of people here who helped row this boat to sea, and you, dear, are by far, the most innocent among us," I said, feeling a pin-prick of pain in my head. _Wonderful. A migraine. What else could go wrong?_

She looked at me, her blue eyes nearly the same shade as Gideon's. "Us?" I nodded. "I don't understand."

I inhaled a slow, deep breath, exhaling it to confess my sins. "I've known... almost from the start." Her eyes grew wide and I had to look away to continue. "I found out when I followed him to her place once. They made me promise to not tell. Elena... convinced me of what would happen if I told. So, I didn't tell."

"What did she say would happen," Ana asked, her voice a whisper on the wind.

"At first? Mom would be mad. Mad at Christian, mad at me. After a year, I was almost at my breaking point. I was ready to tell mom and dad." I began to rub at the back of my neck, hoping to keep the pain down, praying it's a slow grower.

"Why didn't you?"

I shrugged my shoulders, looking away from her. "She said that we would lose Chrissy. That the state would take him and mom and dad would be investigated. That they might take us all." I looked up at her blue eyes and I couldn't stop talking. She was hearing what no one else had ever known. I could finally be free of this damned secret. "I was selfish and afraid. They are my only family and I love them. I can't live without them..."

"So you left?" I jumped at Christian's voice, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Why didn't you tell me this? All these years, why didn't you tell me any of this?" I looked away from him, my fingers rubbing at my left wrist. I wanted to leave, to not face his questions but his large figure was blocking the only exit out. "Sha!"

Suddenly he was on his knees in front of me, holding my hands, his eyes wide as they examined my wrists. I tried to pull my hands from him, but he held firm. "Let go Chrissy," I begged quietly.

"Talk to me." I shook my head, trying to pull away. "Shana," his voice was soft, his fingers slowly released my wrists.

"What happened, Shana," Ana asked, her voice quiet, and I saw her fingers wrapped around her wrist like mine had. _They know,_ I thought as an ice cold grip of fear reached down into my heart._ They know_. I felt her fingers wrap around mine and I looked at her, this little sprite of a human. She brought my brother out of the darkness and can see through me like I was glass. "What happened?"

"You remember how mad you were at me, for not showing for your graduation?" I looked up, watching Christian, seeing him grind his teeth at the memory. He never forgave me for not showing up.

"Yes... You had promised, and lied," he said, looking away from me. I watched as Ana reached a hand out to him, placing it on his shoulder. That touch, it was like it turned his fury off.

"I lied," I said, nodding. "But not about coming to your graduation." I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. I felt his fingers wrap around my hand, and I felt stronger. My headache was growing, but I could ignore it for now. Now is the time for the whole truth. "I flew in, and was met at the airport by a driver. I hadn't been around, I didn't know of a new driver or an old one. There was one there, at the gate, with a sign, with my name." Christian nodded.

"We got to the car, he loaded the luggage. I climbed into the back and relaxed. You know how I am, how easy I fall asleep in a car." He nodded, a small grin on his face. "When I woke up, we were at her place."

"But she was out-of-town. Some business or something, she had... told... me... oh fuck." I felt his fingers grip my hand tighter, and Ana touched his shoulder again, and he relaxed, nodding for me to go on.

"Apparently not," I said with a nod.

"What happened," he asked, his voice rough and quiet. I couldn't answer him. I couldn't say a word. "How... long...?" I swallowed, a knot in my throat made me feel as if I were choking again.

"Three days," I whispered.


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: Hey there! Okay, I have sat and sat and sat on this chapter for a few days, not happy with how it was working. So, today I thought, there was a different way to do it, but it could change the voice of the story.**

**Everything that is HERE is what I want, how it flows... **shrug** We'll see if it has ripples or is just going to be a riptide.**

* * *

**Christian's POV**

"Three days," she whispered.

"Three... days?" I asked, dumbfounded. My mind rolled back the pages of time, going back to the day before graduation. It had been a time of excitement and the end of an era. Once graduation was done, my life could really and truly began. I would be able to step out into the world as a man, and not a boy.

* * *

"Chrissy, I said I will be there," she whined through the phone. Her voice filled with excitement and laughter. "I promise, I will be there. I am finishing my packing now. My flight will land tomorrow morning and I will be there."

"I know you've been busy. Elliot said he was going to try to come, but it would be good to have you here." I missed my sister. She was my best friend, and when she had left she had taken some part of me with her. Elena had said I had been different since Sha was gone and she tried to beat it out of me. Make me back the way she had preferred.

"I am never to busy to come if you need me. I told you that. But... Chrissy, will she be there?" I bit my lip at that question.

"No. She said she has business out of town or something," I confessed. I had been angry when Elena had told me she wouldn't be around on this day. But, in a way, it was better, because my family would be there. Except Elliot.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow," she said, and I could just picture her smiling. Probably looking at a picture of us as kids, thinking back to her broken leg.

"I can't wait." It was true, I couldn't. It had been over a year since she had last been home, and we all miss her. I couldn't count the number of times I had walked through the living room, seeing mom standing in front of the fireplace, staring at a picture of her.

"Okay, gotta go hon. Love ya Chrissy!" With that, the connection was broken.

* * *

We had thought she would have stopped at the house before the ceremony, but she didn't.

Dad had waited patiently, for as long as he could, outside Music Hall where the ceremony was being held, before he came to take his seat next to mom as Pomp and Circumstance began and my class marched down the aisle. Her seat remained empty.

I sat through three hours of boring speeches from mindless twits, the teachers, a special guest, and she still hadn't arrived.

When it was my turn to give my speech, I stood and with patience and practiced air, I walked to the podium. I stood there for a moment, looking out onto the crowd. Hundreds of pairs of eyes looked towards us, camera flashes flashed in irregular patterns, and everyone was sitting quietly, yet anxiously. They wanted my speech to be said so I could close out the event and we could all go to our families and celebrate.

I looked out into the mass of people and saw my mother and father and Mia, sitting there. Mia was bored, and I didn't blame her. Mom and dad were holding each others hands, mom wiping away another tear and dad smiling so proudly. My gaze drifted to the empty seat next to them.

"When I was told that I would have the honor of giving the Valedictorian Speech at our graduation, many feelings went through me. I thought that I would be able to make my parents proud, I believed I could give a speech that might enlighten some of us here today, absolve some of us, or even create a new path for the future.

"Normally, there are three phases to a Valedictorian Speech, the first part is the "old lesson". The part of common sense brought down through the years that is forgotten until it is said in a speech. The next part would be the thanking of the staff, the facility, the parents, anyone who was there to get you to this part, who helped you finish this leg of your journey. The next part is adding in little bits of history from over the last few years that remind everyone that we weren't just friends or kids going to school together, but that we were, in a sense, family, and we will share certain memories all our lives."

My eyes remained on that empty chair next to my dad. My heart was no longer excited, and my nerves had calmed.

"That is how a normal Valedictorian Speech is." I picked up my index cards I had written my speech on, tapped them onto the podium, and then threw them to the ground. "But, like life, nothing is ever going to go as planned. You want an old lesson of life? Life is a bitch. You work hard, you demand respect, you understand no one is perfect, and, everyone lies. When you enter into the real world tomorrow, you are nothing until you make something of yourself. Everything you did in school, in academics, in sports, once you graduate, it means nothing. You are back to being a great big nobody.

"So, I won't thank anyone for helping me, because I did the work. I won't remind you of anything that happened back when we were in the fifth grade, because it will never help you with life. Once you leave high school, ninety percent of the people who were your friends will never talk to you again, because you have nothing in common. And that is what I leave you with. Nothing."

I walked off the stage, silence in my wake. I headed out the back door, ripping off my graduation gown, my Valedictorian cords, and that damned hat. I wiped fiercely at my face, tears boiled out of my eyes and my chest hurt. The one person in my life that I could trust with everything, lied to me and broke a promise. She had said she would be there. She had said she was coming. She said she had been packing. When she laughed on the phone, was she laughing at me because she knew I would be hurt? That she was setting it all up to hurt me?

It had taken months before I would talk to her again. She called every week, trying to get me to talk on the phone. She flew in and stayed with us for two weeks, just so she could mend our bridge. In the end, I caved to her, and believed it when she told about how sick she had gotten on the way to the airport. That she had never left New York. That she struggled with her health for weeks after, and, who was I to remain angry at her for being sick? I knew it was another lie, but when she looked at me, something different was in her eyes. She was haunted with a pain that I had assumed was because she hadn't made it to graduation.

I know better to assume.

* * *

I sat down next to her, her head bowed so I couldn't see her eyes. I reached over and gently took her hand from her lap, and turned it palm up so I could see the faint marks I never paid attention to. I never noticed it until she and Ana had sat side by side, both unconsciously rubbing at their wrists in the same way.

My thumb traced the lines and I whispered, "Tell me what happened."

The bed moved as Ana stood and turned towards us. She smiled that soft caring smile that drives right into my heart. "I will leave you two alone. I'll try to make sure you have privacy." She gave Shana a hug and then she gave me one, a long with one of her soft kisses on my cheek. Then she turned around and and as she left she closed the door behind her.

"Sha," I said softly, waiting for her to say what she has held back, what she has hidden for ten years.

"Chrissy," she sighed, her voice low and soft. "I... I don't think I can tell you."

"Sha... I have to know."

"Why? Why do you have to know? It wont change anything. It wont stop it from happening. It wont make you not hate me back then." She tried to pull her had out of mine, but I wouldn't let her. She helped me, and now I can help her.

"Please, Shana." She looked up at me, her eyes barreling into mine.

"What changes? If I tell you, what changes?"

"She's already out of my life in many ways. And now that mom knows... well, I think we can assume she is off the Christmas list." She smiled at that, and made me feel a little better. Not much, but a little. "Sha... was it... was it just torture? Did she... force you?"

* * *

**Shana POV**

"Sha... was it... was it just torture? Did she... force you?"

The question I was dreading. I lowered my head and closed my eyes. I could still feel his thumb on my wrists. I couldn't answer him. He was already hating himself for this that he knows now. This secret I had held.

"Chrissy, we each have our own hell," I said quietly. He listened, grinding his teeth in a contained fury. "What she did... it wasn't your fault."

"How can you say that?" He jumped to his feet, grabbing at his hair. "Of course it is! The whole damned thing! I made you stay quiet! Because of me you stayed away! Because of me, she did... did this," he shouted, waving his arm at my wrists. "To YOU!"

"Sit down!" I said, bounding to my feet. He sat down as if I had pulled back on a leash. "THIS," I said waving my arms around, "is NOT your fault! You were a victim! You were a toy to her! She would dress you up, or down, beat you, dictate to you, make demands and punish you per HER desire. When she was caught, she found a way to make others pay to keep the secret that SHE was a predator. I became her prey, but it's not your fault. She didn't go after Mia because I kept quiet and I stayed away, but it wasn't your fault!"

My hand flew to my mouth, and a cold streak flushed through my bones as I realized what I had said.

"She threatened Mia," he asked, his voice low and cold. He stared at me, and I bit down on my first knuckle, shocked I had said that, but I nodded, feeling that pain in my head grow. I pressed the palm of my hand to my right temple, feeling the pressure of the room change. Christian's anger and fear, his fury was building and he wasn't going to be able to calm down. "All this time... All this time. You hated her. You despised her. I should have known. I should have figured it out. How could I have been so damned blind!"

"Chrissy," I said, trying to stop him, but he bounded down the stairs, and I was afraid for him. He was, more likely than not, going after her. I rolled my head, trying to loosen my neck, which was aching from the tension, the stress, and the building headache, and then I spotted my BlackBerry. I quickly grabbed it, dialing Taylor.

"Taylor," he answered quickly.

"Do not let Christian near the bitch," I said in a crisp, clear voice.

"Yes Ma'am," he replied swiftly.

"I mean it. I don't care if you have to handcuff him to the bumper, keep him away from her!"

"Understood," he replied, and shut the connection.

I quickly dialed out another call, the pain growing faster.

"Grey Holdings and Development, Diana speaking." I grit my teeth, as a flash of a deeper, stronger pain starts in my head.

"Diana," I said, forcing the name from my lips.

"Shana? Are you okay?"

"I will be. Headache. I need you to do... three things... for me..." I was having a hard time, focusing, speaking, but she had to hear it. "Go for Project Frozen Bitch."

"About damned time," she said, and I had to smile, despite the pain. "What else?"

"Call Gideon, tell him I need him. And call my mother." I closed my eyes, curling up into the fetal position on the floor. The pain is intense, and the room is spinning. I feel like the sunlight streaming through the open curtained window is burning through my skull. I try to relax, turn my eyes away from the light, but it's so much.

I can hear feet pounding on the steps leading to Chrissy's room, each step driving a steel beam into the back of my head.

"Little One!" My mom is here! "Shhhhhh, how bad is it honey?"

"Mama, it burns!" She reaches to me, her hands each covering a ear and then she hollers out to the people below.

"Elliot! Cari!" I jerk at her loud voice, but she starts trying to shush me. The rods in my skull are starting to twist and continue to move forward, and I know if I touch my face I will feel them come out through my eyes.

"Mom, wha- Shana!" Just as Elliot said that, Dad made it up the last of the steps.

"Cari, she'll need her meds. Sha, honey, where is your purse?" I tried to shake my head, but that only increased the pain. "Did you bring one with you?"

"No," I whispered, before the lights went out. "Mama?" I could hear voices, but it's so dark, and it hurts.

"Little One, Mama is here. Baby? Cari!"

"Mama, it hurts," I cried, my hands holding my head as I am begging for it to stop.

"Their on their way," Dad says, getting down on his knees, a hand raised to help, but it hovers inches away, as if he is afraid to touch me.

"Mom," Elliot says, out of breath.

"Can you carry her downstairs? They'll never get the back board up here." Dad stands, backing into the corner of the small room, and Elliot picks me up, the motion causing more pain so that I scream out.

"I'm sorry Sha. I'm sorry," he mutters.

"Not... your fault," I stammered. Over Elliot's shoulder I see Mom and Dad following us. I push my head into Elliot's shoulder as another wave of pain flows through my skull. I hear my phone ring to the tune of Moon River. Gideon.

"Hello," my Mom says as she answers it. "No hon, she's can't right now. She is having a attack and we are rushing her to the hospital. Yes, yes of course I will let you know what happens. Of course. I will tell her. Goodbye."


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: First, I want to apologize to everyone that sent me comments. I have read every single one, and I am sorry if I didn't send out a personal response. Your kind words are what keep me going.**

**Second, a LOT of you readers really seem to like my OC Shana. That just thoroughly warms my heart. Shana is my all around OC. Whenever I write a story, I tend to use her. Some of her quirks are the same in the different stories, and some are unique to a specific story. With that said... I have 2 other stories written with her, but in a AU of Doctor Who. I have contemplated bringing those stories here, but am hesitant because I didn't want to ruin Shana in your eyes. If you know what I mean.**

**Third, yes, I am FINALLY posting this chapter. I have sat on it, because the next one seems a bit harder to write. but, I think that may be because a certain someone is pretty much ordered bed rest, and I will have to figure out how to make the time fly by.**

**Just a few more words: A few readers want to know if what Elena did to Shana is why she has headaches. The answer to that is no. Soon you will know how and why rainstorms are important to her, and when and how she got the headaches. Patience ;)**

**Now, off we go!**

* * *

I slowly opened my eyes, finding the room dark and quiet. All the pain that had burned through my brain is quiet and back in it's little hiding spot. I would be a fool to believe it was gone for good.

I closed my eyes, just to rest, but then I heard someone enter the room, bringing the wonderful smell of coffee with them. I opened my eyes, and saw my visitor sit down in the chair next to my bed.

"Smells good," I tried to say, my voice harsh and gritty.

"Hey," he said, standing up and coming towards me. He leaned forward, kissing my forehead. "Are you in pain?"

"No," I said, wishing I could have a sip of the coffee, or, any liquid. My tongue felt thick and dry. "Why are you here?"

He smiled at me, reaching over to brush my hair out of my face. "You said you needed me."

"I do," I said, smiling, remembering the call to Diana.

"Do you need anything?" I nodded. "Water?" I nodded again. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead again. "I'll be right back. Don't wander off."  
"I won't," I squeaked out through my dried lips, smiling as he left the room.

* * *

"She woke up a few hours ago, and I went to get her some water. When I came back she was asleep."

"I'm still thirsty," I said, and both my mom and Gideon jumped when I said that. They came closer to me, both smiling down at me. Gideon again pushed the stray hairs off my face and mom raised a cup with a straw to my lips. I sipped and was in heaven. "Thank you."

"Feel better Little One?" I nodded, grateful no headache argued with me. "It was a bad one this time."

"Yeah," I sighed. She nodded, and brought the cup back up so I could have another sip. "What did the doctor's say? Anything different?" Mom frowned at me and shook her head.

"No honey, nothing new." I nodded, not quite satisfied with the answer.

"Why does she get them? I mean, is there a pattern or anything," Gideon asked. I felt his fingers wrap around mine. That simple gesture made everything seem better. I lightly squeezed his hand, in a gesture that meant "I'm here with you". He squeezed mine back in return.

"No, it would make things so much easier if there was a pattern," my mom said, sending a soft smile towards me. "They believe that they are post-traumatic headaches."

"Post-traumatic," he repeated.

Mom nodded, running a hand through my hair. "She was in a accident," she explained with a small frown on her lips. "They believe that may have caused them."

"And sometimes they are just fucking migraines from hell," I said.

"Like this one," Gideon asked, and we both nodded.

"Mom, do you know where my phone is," I asked, changing the topic. I knew she probably did because she was the last one I remember seeing it with. _She probably won't let me have it, knowing I would probably try to call Diana even though I am supposed to be resting_, I thought.

"I have it," Gideon said, reaching into his back pocket and pulling it out to show me. I reached for it, and he shook his head no. "Nope. Not until you are discharged."

"I need it," I said with a sigh.

"Diana has things covered, and said she will call if she needs to. I am here, and... oh yeah, Taylor sent a message." I looked at him, raising a eyebrow, wanting him to give the message over. "He said, 'Caught, tagged and handcuffed to bumper.' Care to explain?"

I couldn't help but grin at that. "Maybe later."

"Shana, I will let everyone know you are doing okay. In the morning they want to run another CT Scan. If it comes out clean, you will be able to leave tomorrow."

"Thanks mama." She nods, leaning forward to give me another kiss on my forehead. I smiled when I saw her go over and hug Gideon, kissing him on the cheek.

"Thank you for being here," she said to him. We watched her leave, closing the door behind her.

"Thank you for coming," I said, turning to face him again. "Now that we are alone, we should talk though."

He grimaced as if I had just slapped him. "It may not be healthy to discuss anything right now."

"I'm hooked up to meds, it's perfect timing," I said, sticking my tongue out at him. He smiled in return. "Let's make a deal... If I start getting another headache, we can stop talking about it."

"Okay," Gideon said, nodding as if in thought. He stood, but when he did, it seemed as if he forgot why he stood up. He came over and sat on the edge of the bed, taking my hand in his. "I'm sorry I left like that. You were right," he said and I nodded, watching him.

"Gideon, we can work this out. I know we can." He looked away from me, but his hand held tightly to mine. "You once asked me to not ask you about your nightmares. I promised you then, and I still mean it now. I won't ask you. If you ever want to tell me, you can, okay?" He nodded raising my hand to his lips, kissing it lightly.

"Sha... I... I have to know something." I look at him and nod, squeezing my fingers in his hand. "How... how did I get into your room?"

"You walked in your sleep," I said softly. He exhaled a deep breath, dropping his head to his chest.

"I don't think I've ever done that before. Walk in my sleep that is." He stood from the bed and began pacing. I could tell that now he was scared. More scared maybe then when the cops came into my room. "How? Shana, how can you be safe if... if being in another room doesn't stop me?"

"Gideon, come here. Sit back down, and calm down." He came back and sat down next to me. His shoulders were slumped, and he was slouching in defeat. I raised my hand and settled it on his shoulder, and held my breath when he shivered at the touch. "Honey, we will find a way," I said softly. "Listen, we have been doing this your way. I have been letting you do things the way you think they will work, separate rooms, no staying together overnight... Obviously, it doesn't fix everything."

"What's the alternative? Separate apartments? Separate cities?"

"No dear. But, I think that it's time for us to try some of my ideas." He turned to me slowly, his eyes showed his fear.

"What... What kind of ideas?" Finally.

"We'll go over that after I get out of here, okay?" He nods, leaning forward to place a kiss on my forehead.

"You have some other guests that want to come in and see you, are you ready for visitors?" I smiled and gave him a small nod. "I'll go let them know," he said, standing up.

"Gideon," I said to him before he left. He turned to face me, and I smiled, his blue eyes returning my smile. "Thank you. For coming back."

He came back to stand next to, and his hand reaching up and his fingers lightly caressed my cheek. "Baby, leaving was so hard, I thought I was doing the right thing. Do you forgive me?"

"Kiss me and ask me again," I sighed. He smiled and leaned down, his lips lightly gracing mine. They were warm and moist, soft and welcoming. I sighed, and that allowed his tongue entrance. I felt his tongue dance along my teeth, marking a path that is his and his alone. I sucked his tongue in deeper and heard him moan. I released his tongue and he slowly pulled back, resting his forehead against mine.

"Do you forgive me?"

I smiled opening my eyes and found myself staring into his gorgeous blue eyes that were just a few inches from mine. "Yes," I whispered.

"I'll go let your family know they can come in." I nodded and he caressed my cheek again as he stood. I watched him leave and couldn't stop smiling, thinking, _God he is fine! And he's mine._

* * *

There was a knock on the door, and my siblings came in. Mia looked pale, but she smiled at me, running to the side of my bed and gave me a tentative hug. Elliot hugged me next, and his eyes held a smirk, and I knew that he wanted to make me laugh. Christian... He stood at the foot of my bed. He was tense and it was palpable. He stood there, arms crossed, teeth grinding away.

"Sha you scared me," Mia said, and I could do nothing but shrug and apologize.

"Sorry hon. You know how it is..." She nodded and hugged me again, wiping a tear away.

"Mia and I will go let mom and dad come in, okay," Elliot said and I nodded. They turned and left, leaving me alone with Christian. I admit, that I was apprehensive, having not spoken to Taylor about what had happened.

"She's still alive," he grumbled at me.

"Chrissy-"

"Stop. You had no right to call Taylor. He fucking attacked me and handcuffed me!" He spun away from me and moved to the window. "How could you protect her?"

"Christian, I was protecting you, not her."

"From what?" He yelled, his volume echoing through the room.

"Christian!" We both turned to see our mother standing in the open door. "You will not raise your voice in this room," she said in a low, controlled voice. Christian looked at her, and then to me, and he nodded.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. He came to stand next to me, kissing my cheek. "We will discuss this later," he whispered into my ear before he stood back up. I nodded once, and he stomped out of the room.

I watched him leave, and I heard mom release a long sigh. I turned my gaze to her and saw a deep sadness etched on her face. I knew that look. She had that look most of our lives, whenever she would want to hug, or hold Christian she would end up wearing that expression. She sighed, and came to sit on the edge of the bed where Gideon had sat earlier.

"How are you feeling?"

"I don't feel great, but I feel okay." She nodded. She gave me a small smile, and reached up and pushed a few hairs from my face.

"Christian told me your headaches are increasing. Why didn't you say something?" Her hand rested along me cheek, her eyes searching me.

"Mama, it's a headache," I said as if that should explain it.

"Little One, sometimes they just aren't headaches. Sometimes it's your body crying for help. You have got to promise me you will take better care of yourself, and you should start keeping a journal again." I nodded, understanding. "I'll be honest with you honey... This last headache scared the shit out of me.

"Me too," I admitted.

"Christian said you had had another episode almost similar to this one." I nodded, thinking about the flight to get Gideon.

"You've been gone awhile," she murmured. "How bad and how frequent have your headaches been?"

I shrugged. "I have only had a few bad ones. Bad ones that were almost as strong as this one. But the rest of the headaches haven't been regular and they weren't terribly bad.

"Well, that's good, I suppose. We'll get you a journal as soon as you get out of here. It couldn't hurt to have it. Might even help find a pattern we haven't figured out yet." Her eyes drifted off away from me as she went into "Deep Thought Mode". I smiled having not seen it in awhile.

_I remember one Christmas, mom was in the kitchen making buckeyes for Christmas when she suddenly stopped what she had been doing and stared off into space. Christian and I got a little scared after a few minutes when she still hadn't moved. Dad came in and told us she was fine. _  
_"Sometimes your mother will have this thought that just makes her stop what she is doing and focus on it. She's just in "Deep Thought Mode". In a minute or two she'll be fine, okay?" We both nodded, and true to his word, a minute later she was back._

"Shana," she started to say before pausing. My mother is a very straightforward, no holds barred personality. When she has something on her mind she will normally put it right out there in the middle of the room, no matter what the topic is. For her to pause like she is, holding back her words as if carefully weighing them, is... well, it's just not like her. "I have to ask you some questions that have been bothering me, but I am not sure that asking you here would be wise." I nodded, understanding, knowing now why she struggled to to say it. I have little doubt in my mind that her questions involve Chrissy and that bitch.

We both turned and looked at the door when we had heard another knock. The door cracked open and my dad peeked his head around it before he entered, closing the door behind him. "Hey honey. How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay Dad." He nodded as he came closer and placed a loving kiss on my forehead.

"You had us worried. But I am glad you are feeling better." He stood next to my mom, placing a hand gently on her shoulder. "I have to say, you calling your assistant was a smart move. I am glad you did that."

"So am I," I said, thinking I have to give Diana a raise.

"Okay, we should leave you to rest" Mama said. "Gideon wants to stay with you, is that okay with you?" I smiled and nodded to her. "I'll let him and the nurses know."

"Thank you Mama." She smiled and stood, Dad taking her hand in his. They each gave me a kiss and then left the room.


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: I wanted to send a thank you out to all my readers today. You guys are great. I love writing, but writing with a active audience, ok, that just rocks! A special thanks to Gobears, and Bronzy (feel better chica!) and to a special mention to someone who got beat down upon, but thoroughly shouldn't have had to deal with it, WordRunner. Also, to KCLM for sending a call out for hugs. I've been there. I know what it's like to need a hug and have to ask for one. I gotcha covered chica! **huggers****

**I hope you enjoy this entry. Now, off we go!**

* * *

The CT Scan came out clear. Again. So, true to their words, I was discharged from the hospital. My mother, to make sure I was perfectly fine, set some rules down, and my attending physician agreed with her, the bastard.

I was not allowed to fly for two weeks. Which, of course meant I couldn't go back to New York, nor Vegas.

I was not allowed to stress myself because of work for a week, so Diana was told to not forward any calls to me, and, in return, she was not allowed to take any calls from me.

My diet for the next two weeks was going to be hell. I am not allowed to eat pepperoni, salami, or jerky. No more cheddar and peanut butter sandwiches for two weeks, no soy products, no beans, pickles or olives and no alcohol.

As if that wasn't the worst part, I was also told I was not allowed to have sex for at least a week.

Gideon looked about as excited about that last bit as I was.

* * *

Mom had wanted me to stay at their house for the first couple of days I was out of the hospital, but I refused. I would much rather stay in my place in Escala with very few eyes watching me like a hawk, then at my mother's.

Gideon had stayed by my side the whole night, and listened closely, asking questions, and confirming what the nurse and doctor had said before discharging me. He gathered up my few items in the room, and when the orderly arrived, walked with us, holding my hand, as we were taken to the exit.

Despite my protesting, he helped me out of the mandatory wheel chair and into the car. He climbed in after me, and once he sat down, pulled me into his arms as Stevenson drove away from the hospital and towards home.

Once at Escala, he helped me out of the car, stood with me at the elevator, and escorted me to my place. Once inside, he guided me to the media room. I was surprised when I saw that a new sofa was in there, and it was a sleeper sofa. It had a blanket thrown over the side, and was piled with a half dozen pillows, just the way I like it. If that wasn't enough to put a smile on my lips, the popcorn machine was popping. I don't know who he had come in here and got the popcorn going, but it made me smile, smelling that delicious buttery smell. A scent that washed out the nasty hospital smell that had wanted to remain with me.

I settled down into my mad pile of pillows, Gideon shaking his head at me and smiling as he went to get us a bowl of popcorn. "What would you like to drink," he asked. I almost said a Riesling, and then remembered the rules.

"A soda is fine with me," I said with a sigh.

He came back from the wet bar with the popcorn and two sodas. He handed me mine, but I was surprised to see he didn't have wine in his.

"If you can't then I won't," he said with a sly smile and then kissed my nose. He crawled up onto the sofa bed with me, covering us with the thin blanket. I hadn't noticed he had retrieved the remote for the television, but once he was cuddled around me, he used the remote to dim the lights and turn the tv on. "What would you like to watch," he asked, his head resting against mine.

I didn't want to watch tv. It was the last thing on my to-do list. I'd much rather make out with the delicious man next to me, snog my brains out and find bliss deep in a orgasm... but we couldn't.

"Gideon, I know this may not seem like the best time for it, but can we talk," I asked, biting my lip, knowing there was a chance he wouldn't be happy.

"Are you sure you want to?" I nodded slowly. "Okay, what would you like to talk about?"

"Well," I started, and then paused. I turned my head to look at him, getting lost momentarily into his beautiful blue lagoon eyes. "I think that we should... make a rule that we don't go to bed mad at each other."

"That is a good idea, but, I have a feeling that we will violate that rule."

"I know, but we can at least try to honor it..."

He smiled at me and nodded. "Very well then. It's something we can aim for." He kissed my forehead and snagged a few pieces of popcorn. "Now, what's on your mind?"

"You are," I said, trying to not sound seductive.

"Mmmm I like that." I must have failed.

"Yes, I know, but, not like_ that_ right now." He nodded, understanding. He cuddled closer, his left arm wrapping around my shoulders, making me feel safe and loved. I closed my eyes, inhaling his scent. God he smelled so good. "I want to discuss sleeping arrangements." I felt him tense around me, but I knew he probably would have reacted that way. "What is your biggest fear about sleeping with me?"

"That's a... a big question," He said slowly. I nodded, and waited for him to hopefully find a answer he is willing to tell me. "I guess, beyond hurting you, which I would never ever intentionally do. I hope you know that," he said to me, pausing, his eyes wide and searching mine in hope that I did know that. That I did understand that.

"I know honey. I know that."

"Well, besides that, I think... I'm afraid you will see me. What happens when I dream." I nodded, understanding that. I remember the first time I saw it during our study session. I can understand this fear. I told him as much. "Yeah, but, I think they have grown stronger since then."

"One night at a time then." I inhaled deeply, held my breath, and when I was ready to ask my next question, the only thing that left my lips was that breath.

"Just ask it," he said with a small laugh.

I nodded, and just spit it out. "Are you opposed to wearing handcuffs in bed?"

He pulled away from me when I asked that, but it was to look at me, to see my whole face. "What do you mean," he asked quietly.

"Well, I was thinking," I began, hoping I wasn't opening a Pandora's Box. "If you weren't opposed to it, and still had this fear of hurting me, that... maybe you could, you know... go to bed handcuffed."

He rubbed his chin and his bottom lip with his thumb, carefully weighing that suggestion. "You know, I am not sure. I could try it I suppose." I smiled at that, hoping it will work. "Any other suggestions?"

"Well... _If_ we have to sleep in separate rooms, besides a lock on your door, I could use one on mine, and there are alarms you can get for the doors that would go off to wake you up." He smiled, laying back down and cuddling up against me.

"You have been looking into this, haven't you?" I shrugged. Of course I have. He ran a gentle finger along my jawline, and then brought his thumb up my chin and began tracing my lips. "God, I can't believe we have to wait a week."

"I know what you mean," I said, muttering silent curses at my mother and that damned attending physician. "So... Ummm... Are there any questions you want to ask me?"

"Oh, there's a few. But if I ask you something and you don't want to talk about it, hey, that's fine. I understand, ok?" I nodded, smiling. "When did you start getting these headaches?"

"That's a easy answer," I said quietly. I felt his finger entwine with mine, and I gave him a polite smile in return.

"Too hard to answer," he asked after a few minutes had passed.

"No... It's just something I try to not think about." He raised our hands to his lips, kissing mine before settling it down in my lap. My thumb rolls over some of his knuckles and he sighed deeply.

"You don't have to answer it."

"No, you should know." I took a sip of my drink, moistening my lips before I tell him. "You know that mom and dad adopted all of us?" He nodded. "I was the first one they got. See, my dad, my biological dad that is, was Papa Cari's brother. I was five when my parents died. We were going somewhere. I don't remember where. It was raining. I remember that the car hit something, and my dad lost control of the car. The next memory I have is waking up and being very very cold and wet. I remember crawling out of the car, and I wanted to find my parents. I was covered in blood. I was so scared. All that red blood, all over me, my hair, my clothes. The rain started to pour down, and it was thundering and lightning, and it washed a lot of the blood off of me. I don't remember if I saw my mom and dad after they died. It's not something I ever wanted to search my mind for. The headaches started shortly after the accident. They said I had had a severe concussion. About a year later they diagnosed the headaches as Post-Traumatic Headaches. I have had them ever since. Lately, though, they have been getting worse. Mom wants me to keep a journal to help keep track of them. Thinks we can find a pattern. I doubt it though."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know about your parents," Gideon said quietly, pulling me closer to him and kissing my temple.

"Thank you," I whispered. "Life is... weird. I mean, I wish I they had never died, but if they hadn't, look at all I wouldn't know. I would never have had the relationships I have with Elliot, Christian and Mia like I do now. Sometimes, at night, I think about that. Try to picture what it would have been like. I trace back my life path, all the decisions I made that were guided simply by knowing Mama Grace and Papa Cari and my siblings."

I leaned my head back onto his shoulder, closing my eyes in thought. Life could have been so different. "Sometimes, I think that if they had been around, I would probably have been more like Mia, or maybe more like her friends. Stuck up little snobs who expect the world from everyone without having to do a thing for it."

"No, I think you are wrong on that account." I turned my head, looking up to him. I could feel his heartbeat in his chest, a soothing rhythm. "I think that your drive to do things would have come from a different source, but I don't think you would have turned out like the little snobs."

"I don't know," I said quietly, my mind going through my choices again.

"You are a very smart, quick-witted, strong woman. That doesn't come from how you live. That's in your blood. What kind of person was your dad?" I had to pause for a second. No one had ever asked me a question like that before.

"Papa Cari used to talk to me sometimes, about my dad. Normally after I would get in trouble. He used to tell me I was like him," I said, thinking back to the quiet talks on the dock, just him and I. "My dad used to find trouble easy, he would say. And that he loved to joke around. Sometimes, when he would talk about him, Papa Cari would get this look on his face... He said my dad was a protector. Made sure everyone was treated fairly."

Gideon nodded, kissing my temple softly. "Like you," he whispered to me. "What about your mom? What was she like?"

"I... I am not sure. I know she had been a foster child. That she left the system at 18, and married at 19. I don't know if dad's family was happy about that. Papa Cari would always brush over it quickly, ya' know?" He nodded again, quietly listening. "I do know they were madly in love with each other."

"How do you know that," he asked, his fingers softly stroking mine.

"Mama Grace told me. God, I had completely forgotten about this." I took a sip of my soda, and smiled. "I had had the chicken pox I think. It was very late at night, and I had crawled out of my bed... I think I was seven or eight at the time? I remember going to the kitchen, and she was there, sitting at the table. She had a glass of wine, and she was staring at a picture. God, how could I have forgotten this?"

"What happened," he asked softly.

"I think she heard me come in, cause she turned and saw me, and then when I got closer, she picked me up and sat me on her lap. I... I don't remember what she told me. I remember she had said they had been best friends and that she missed her very much..." I stopped, upset that I couldn't remember what Mama Grace had said.

"You were ill, honey. That's probably why you don't remember." I nodded, and laid there, in his arms, closing my eyes. "I would have been amazing, if your parents had been around, helped you, raised you, taught you what they knew. But, if they had, who would you be now? I think you would still be the strong, powerful magnet you are now. Pulling people towards you, creating a amazing business, but, I think your drive, or your goal would have been different. And, maybe you and I would never be what we are."

"I know," I whispered. "Have I ever told you how glad I am you are in my life?"

"No, but you don't need to. I know it." I smiled, closing my eyes again as he placed another soft kiss on my temple. "And I am so glad you are a part of my life, Sha. I love you."

My eyes were almost closed when he said that. But now they are wide open. I sat up, twisting to see his full face. He sat there, watching me. There was a slight edge of shock registering in his eyes, but I had to know. I had to ask him.

"Do you? I mean, did that just, you know, slip out? Or, do you?"

"It... did just slip out," he said slowly, his face registering what he said, what he meant, and maybe, there was a little bit of him trying to figure out how to take it back, white-wash it. Say it came out sounding different then what he meant. "It did just slip out," he repeated. "But, I do mean it. I do love you. I know you may not feel the same, or ready to say it, and you don't have to be.

"Those words, people say them all the time. People have said them to me, and never meant it. Sha, you mean so much to me, more then just those three words. That's why I never said them before." I nodded, knowing what he meant.

"I never say them, until I feel it, I mean really feel it, in my heart," I said softly.

Gideon nodded, and I watched as something changed on him, on his face, in his eyes. "And you don't feel it for me," he whispered, rejection echoing in his voice.

"No," I said softly, my fingers reaching for his chin, raising his face to look at me. To really look at me and see my eyes. "No," I repeated just as softly. "I feel something much more in my heart then just those three words. I Love You."


	36. Chapter 36

Time does_ not_ fly by.

Six days. Six fucking days. Six fucking, long ass days. Six fucking, long ass days where I could not eat what I wanted, could not drink what I wanted, could not travel where I wanted, could not work the way I needed to and could not have sex with the sexiest man on the god damned planet.

Time does _NOT_ fly by!

The saving grace to all of this is Gideon. He has been there most of the time, only flying out yesterday to Las Vegas to deal with a issue that came up that couldn't be handled over the phone. He is to return tonight, and hopefully he won't treat me like a invalid like he has most of the week.

_"I am not treating you like a invalid," he said, not raising his voice, but remaining relatively calm and firm in his stance._  
_"Then what do you call it? I can't even go to the bathroom without you being there!"_

_"I am treating you like a Queen, if you must know."_

Bastard. Okay, he was right. Maybe they are the same, and I know he's been extremely patient and kind, and is suffering. He thinks I don't see it, but when a man walks into a room, kisses you on the forehead, and then heads to the en suite quickly, trying to hide a tent in his pants, you know he is suffering.

I have tried to help him, offered, and made a few attempts to orally fix his tenting issues, but he has solidly refused. "If you can't, then I won't," he replied every time.

Today is my sixth day since leaving the hospital. I have had no headaches, but my needs have grown to inhuman proportions. Gideon and I have decided that tonight, at midnight, the chastity belts come off. And damn it! I better have earth shaking, star rocking orgasms all fucking night, because I need it!

* * *

"Ma'am," Stevenson says, pulling me from my thoughts and back to the present. "Your family is here."

"Thank you. You can show them in, please," I replied, getting up out of my patio chair. He ushered them through the glass door, and stood to hug each one. Mia, Elliot, Christian and mom and dad. No mates, partners, or others, just us. We each grabbed a seat round the firepit, and Mia started up some small talk.

She is so good about that. She makes conversations go smoothly by simply effortlessly cracking the tension. Watching her, and then looking at Christian and Elliot, I suddenly realized how old we actually are. You never think that. He's my brother, she's my sister... but you never really consider how adult we all have become. But that is what we are.

"I want to thank you for coming here," I started, sounding as if they weren't even my family. The doors behind us opened again, I turned around and saw Stevenson come through, nod at me, and then went back into the apartment.

Christian looked at me, eyebrow raised in query. That's about the most he's said to me all week.

"We have a lot to discuss, and I want to get everything out in the open. Tell you what has happened, what is going to happen, and it's hard enough to say it once, let alone repeatedly. So, I have asked you all here. John Flynn is here, in case anyone needs a break and needs to talk to a professional." Christian started to say something and I raised my hand, pausing him. "I am going to talk about what's been going on with me. But, and I want this to be clearly understood, I would like it if you spoke about what's been going on with each of you, but you don't have to.

"We are family, and we have secrets. Not all secrets have to be told, but, I am going to tell a vast majority of mine. Secrets and promises are what drove me away from you and from Seattle. Not that I didn't love you, because I do. You're my only family. I have loved you all so much, all my life. Being away hurt deeper then I thought it would. But it wasn't just me that I hurt when I left."

"What's going on, Little One," Mama asked, and I nodded, ready to talk.

"Before we start, there is wine, and soda over there, feel free to get what you want. I do highly suggest a glass of wine," I said, pointing to the patio kitchenette. While they were getting drinks, Stevenson came out carrying a small wicker basket and quietly stood next to me. Everyone returned to their seats, some watching Stevenson with a odd expression on their faces. "Last bit before we start, if you could please place your cell phones in the basket," I said, and Stevenson leaned forward offering it to them.

"Why the hell should we do that," Christian mumbled loudly.

"Because you are going to give me your fullest attention. Mom, if yours goes off, he will let us know." My mother nodded, dropping hers in first. Mia, with a shrug, plopped hers in carelessly, and Elliot and dad also followed suit. Christian was the only holdout.

"I am constantly in touch with my companies, and need this," Christian tried to say.

"Put it in the basket," I replied, my voice firm, my eyes narrowing.

"Or what?"

"You really don't want to go there, Chrissy." He stared at me, teeth grinding away, his eyes ice cold. Finally he shrugged and tossed it in the basket and Stevenson walked away. "Thank you for co-operating," I said with a tiny touch of sarcasm. He growled in response.

"Okay, now that that's taken care of, I guess I should start, eh?" I scooted myself up in my seat and took a long sip of my soda. "All right, so... last week shit hit the fan and we all got dirty. It is time to talk about... well, everything," I said, watching Christian freeze at my words. It is with every hope in my heart that he talks to me after today, though I could be burning that bridge right here and right now.

"Mia, I know that you probably know nothing about what happened at Christian's birthday," I said, looking at her and she nodded minutely. "And, Elliot, I know that you now know some of what has been going on." He nodded in return.

I inhaled deeply, gathering the courage to say what hasn't been said all of these years. "Okay... When I was sixteen, I found out something about Elena Lincoln. She told me that I had to keep it a secret, because bad things could happen if I didn't. After a year, I couldn't keep it anymore. It was hurting me to keep this secret, and when she found out I was going to say something, she told me, convinced me that if I told mom and dad, that... well that the state would come in and take us out of the home and they would lose custody.

"Staying here, visiting, it became too hard. To hard to see mom and her best friend joke at the kitchen table, or hear about Elena's latest idea for her salon, to watch events unfold when she came over for dinner or whatever. So, I left. It made it easier, even though it hurt to be away."

"But, Shana, you... visited. Often. And then you stopped. What happened," mom asked, and I had to take another deep breath to explain. _God I wished I could have some alcohol,_ I thought.

"I flew in for Christian's graduation," I said, but the words came out as whispers.

"No you didn't," Mia said, puzzled. "You said you were sick."

"I know what I told you," I said, nodding.

"So... you weren't sick," mom asked, and I shook my head no.

"What happened," dad asked quietly, his word solid and stern, echoing back to his "Legal Voice".

"I was met at the airport by what I assumed was a new driver of yours. I fell asleep in the car on the drive to the house, but when I woke up, I was at Elena's house." I looked at Christian, tears sitting in my eyes. I have no idea how to continue, how to say what they need to know.

"Why didn't you tell us you were in town? Why didn't you come to the graduation," my dad asked. I suddenly had no way to know how to answer the questions.

"She couldn't," Christian said, standing up and coming towards me. He took my hand and held it tightly. "Elena is involved in an... alternate lifestyle. That is part of the secret she didn't want exposed. Shana knew everything, and her returning, scared the crap out of her. So, she had her picked up and brought to her house where she..." He paused, looking down at me, and I only nodded back, not knowing how much he knew. "She tortured her for three days, threatening to do harm to the family and most especially, to Mia." His hand gripped mine tighter, and I could only nod at his words. "Shana had to promise to not say anything, and that would keep Mia safe."

"How... how long have you known this, Christian," my mother asked, her words being forced through her teeth as she struggled to maintain some composure.

"I only found out about that at my party. But, my security chief found video of that weekend." I turned quickly, my hand going to my mouth in shock. He can't... No. No. No! No he can't! "I haven't watched it all," he said, wrapping his arms around me. _"All."_ But he watched some... I stood, facing him, and he pulled me into a embrace. "I'm sorry you went through that. I am still angry you didn't let me go after her, but I will get over that," he whispered. I nodded, and my tears started to fall. I quickly found myself surrounded by the loving arms of my family and first the first time in a very long time, I felt free.

* * *

After the ice was broke, Christian explained what he wanted the family to know. I knew he couldn't tell them everything, and I would never have expected him to. Flynn came out and joined us not long after that, and about a hour later Stevenson came out with my mother's cell phone, letting her know the hospital was calling her. She and dad so that they could get to the hospital with Flynn left shortly after and it was "just us kids".

With the parents gone, there was another subject I wanted to approach with my siblings. That took another few hours, and then Stevenson came to the patio with a rather large box, still wrapping in birthday paper. I grinned when he put it in front of Christian.

"Listen, before you open this, you have to understand that this took a LOT to get." He nodded, looking at me with questioning eyes.

He slowly (too slowly for my taste) removed the ribbon from around the box, and then gently tried to remove the tape holding the wrapping paper in place. This treatment lasted about twenty seconds before Elliot jumped up and shouted, "Open it you old man!" And then he ripped the paper from the box, Mia giggling at the two boys as they started fighting over the wrapping paper and not the gift inside.

"I swear to God! You break it I am ripping off your balls," I shouted. They paused, looking at me, and then settled down, Elliot taking his seat and Christian opening the now unwrapped box.

"Holy fucking shit," he said when he peered into the box. He looked up at me, a huge grin on his face. "No fucking way," he said, and I nodded. "No fucking way," he repeated, and I nodded, my grin growing. "No fucking way! How the hell did you find one?" he asked as he carefully pulled it out of the box, Elliot coming forward to help. "No fucking way," he said again.

"What is it," Mia asked, her eyes glued to the object. It was a silver and white chest with two amber glass beads on top. Christian carefully opened the chest to show a bottle of Hennessy Beauté du Siècle Cognac and four glasses with a gold leaf trim. "Oh, just some alcohol."

"Not just "some alcohol", this is... the ultimate in cognacs. How the hell did you get it?"

"Nope, you don't get my secrets, little boy." He smiled and walked over to me, wrapping me into a tight hug.

"Thank you," he said, and the way it came out, I don't think he meant it was just for the cognac.

"You're welcome Chrissy. Happy Birthday."


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: Why hello all you eager reading beavers! And how are we doing today?**

**Shout outs to SOME of the readers: pookiebear3, Katie Pettigrew, Fluffy Empress, Foggy Nights (is it wrong that every time I see your name I instantly read it as FROGGY nights?), Bronzy, of course, Ana Eva Cross Grey, Gobears and Beverly. Thanks for reading and encouraging, and making it so that I am not just writing for me anymore, but for you as well. You guys rock!**

**Also, I wanted to let everyone know that in 10 days I will be moving, so my chapters may come to a pause until I hook it up at the new place. Don't worry, It will be the last thing packed, and the first thing unpacked. Also... I think I will have to get an "antenna" thingy to pick up wifi on my desktop. So that could be the other thing delaying me.**

**Now, on with the show!**

* * *

I sat quietly, the flames of the fire pit in front of my flickering away, and off in the distance, a storm is coming forward. I smiled, inhaling deeply, able to smell the scent of rain in the air. I was alone now, everyone having gone home, their minds now filled with the information Christian and I had shared. I exhaled a low breath, thinking about what he did know now. How we will have to discuss it at a later time. Once I am more prepared to deal with.

Moon River began to play on my phone, and I answered it with a smile. "Hi."

"Hey there beautiful. I'll be there shortly. Plane just landed," Gideon said, and I couldn't help but smile, glad he was on his way back.

"I'll be waiting," I said, hoping my desire carried through the phone.

"MMmmm, I'll hurry," he said, and I grinned knowing now that he had heard the desire.

I called Welch after talking to Gideon, realizing for the first time, that I hadn't heard from him during this last week.

"Welch," he answered.

"It's Grey," I said, waiting for his, "Yes Ma'am," reply.

"How are you doing, Shana," he asked, making me sit up in my chair.

"Better... And not so much. How are things on your end?"

"To be honest, Ma'am, difficult." Okay, there is the Ma'am part... "What can I do for you?"

"I want a copy of the tape you found," I said, and heard a sound on the other end that sounded like he dropped something.

"You know about the tape, Ma'am?"

"Yeah," I replied, trying to keep my voice steady. "Also... I want to know how much and of what my brother saw."

"Yes Ma'am," he sighed. He knew he now had new issues to deal with. Bigger issues.

"And, Welch..."

"Yes Ma'am?"

"From now on, any and all information or video you find about me... You will contact me and make sure I know it exists before I find out through another source."

"Yes Ma'am. I do apologize. I-"

"That is all," I said, cutting him off, a subtle way to let him know how pissed I am.

"Yes Ma'am. Good night."

I closed my eyes when he hung up, glad that this did not create a new headache, though, had this been a month ago, it probably would have. I was not going to let Welch or this information, ruin my plans for the night. Tomorrow I will deal with them, but not tonight.

Another rumble of thunder rolled through the air, louder then the last, and the wind picked up a little bit more. I inhaled deeply again, smelling the sweetness of fresh rain, a touch of salt, and dirt. God... just the smell alone could put a smile on my face.

"Ma'am," Stevenson called from behind me. "Your brother is here." I waved my hand, letting him have admittance. My eyes stayed closed, my body still absorbing the oncoming storm. I heard noise to my right and opened my eyes to see which of my brothers chose to come back and sit with me.

"Hey," I said, giving him a soft smile.

"Hey. I... wanted to apologize. About the tape and being angry." Christian sat on the edge of the adirondack chair, elbows sitting on his knees, his body leaning forward towards me. "Sometimes I am just..."

"In the moment," I supplied and he nodded. "I know. Having Jason stop you... wasn't a great idea, but it was the only one I had at the moment. If I could have, I would have chased you down myself."

"Yeah, that would have been a sight to see, huh? For years Elliot would rag on it." I grinned, nodding.

"How... did you know?" He looked at me, his grey eyes piercing me.

"It was, it was the way you were running your fingers along your wrist. Ana does that. I do it, or I used to. It... becomes an unconscious habit, I think. If your wrists are tied to tight, or the cuffs are tightened too much. You and Ana, were sitting there, in my room, talking, and you each were rubbing your wrists. That's how I knew. Sha, you said she had you for three days..."

"Yeah," I said quietly, catching myself rubbing my wrists like he said.

"I am going to ask you something," he started, his voice low and hesitant. I watched him, waiting for his question. "Do... you do anything, uummm..." He paused, swallowing an effort to ask me his question.

"Do I do anything BDSM-ish?" He smiled and nodded. "No hon, I don't. Why?" He reached over, taking my hand in his and turning it palm up. Even my the dark light of the fire pit, you could see the marks on my wrists.

"Sha, these should not be as prominent as they are, not for three days ten years ago." He traced them again and then released my hands back to me.

"I don't know what to say. I mean, I almost don't remember what happened there. I remember being there, but not... Not all that happened there."

"You know... your anger and pure hatred for her over the last few years, it makes a lot more sense now." I shrugged.

"That anger... it fueled a fire within me, Chrissy. I...," I paused, sighing deeply. "I used it to plan her destruction."

"What... do you mean, 'I used it to plan her destruction'?"

"You know... how Linc are separated?"

"Yeah, a couple of weeks ago. Why," he asked, watching me carefully.

"He wanted to file for divorce. I had him hold off on it. Told him to just do a separation doesn't have to be anything legal yet, and to go spend a week or so at my casinos. I would comp everything..."

"Why would you do that? How well do you know him? I mean, the man has a major gambling problem."

"Really?" I asked sarcastically, feeling a evil laugh tickle my throat. "So sending him to Vegas was a bad thing? And I guess I shouldn't have given him a huge line of credit, huh?"

"Shana..."

"What? How was I to know he couldn't stand on his own feet in a poker tournament? Or that he sucks at Craps? That he doesn't understand the way to win at Roulette or Blackjack How was I possibly going to know that every business Elena had was co-owned or owned outright by her husband for tax purposes? I guess I should have stopped his line of credit when it became more then the some of everything he owed, huh?"

"Shana."

"Ohhhh... did you know that Elena had opened a few new BDSM clubs?"

He furrowed his eyebrows at me. "Yeah... Why?"

"Well... she needed staff so she contacted a few people who sent her a few leads for... 'hostesses'. Shame her background checks were faulty."

"What? What do you mean faulty?"

"Lies. Fabrication. Fiction. Every single person she hired passed her background checks despite the fact that they were all call girls, female and male escorts. And someone has tipped off the police." I sat grinning, watching him take in the information I was relaying to him. "Did you know that she and Linc had a prenup?"

"They did?" I nodded. "Okay, Sha... what did it say," he asked, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, that all property would be split 50/50 and that no one would receive alimony unless the opposing party was arrested." I laughed at that, a rumble of thunder echoing my laughter. "You know what the best part about that is? That part she insisted be put in there. I guess knowing Linc's penchant to gamble, she assumed he would be arrested for fraud or theft, or something of that nature."

"Wow. That's kinda..."

"That is not all I have planned, hon," I said, interrupting him. "All her stocks, well, somehow or another, managed to have been invested with a ponzi schemer or three. Well, maybe more then that. When the banks and investment firms were going down... I bought out a large chunk of them. Needless to say, the cash she hid from the government, it's mine. Her properties, her business, they are mine. Her husband, he's leaving her and she will have to pay him alimony because of me. That, dear, _that_ is how I am causing her destruction."

He sat there for awhile, going over everything I had said. I don't know if he couldn't comprehend what I had said and confessed to or if he was in total shock that I could do so much.

"You know," he said finally, his words careful and measured. "I once heard one of Elliot's friends say that he would never try to cross swords with me. I remember Elliot telling him, 'Christian would kill you for sure. But the one you really have to be wary of is Shana.' I had always wondered if I had heard him right."

We sat there quietly for a few minutes, watching the sky flicker from distant lightning. I kept checking my watch, eager to see Gideon.

"So, did you and Ana set a date," I finally asked. He smiled, his eyes taking on the shine of love. It shocks me sometimes, when he gets that look on his face. It's so... "anti-Christian". So not like him. This is the guy I always knew he could have been. A smile on his lips, a twinkle in his eye, his voice is even softer. God do I love Ana for finding him. For finding this Christian and letting us know him.

"Yeah," he replied, his voice light and smooth. "Three weeks from now. July 20th."

I nodded, setting the note in my BlackBerry. "And Dad?"

Christian rolled his eyes huffing away. "You were spot on when we talked about it. He's demanding a pre-nup."

"And... Ana?"

"Oh, she is willing to sign it. She probably wouldn't even read it before signing," he said, standing up sudden'y and pacing in front of me.

"But... you don't want one?"

"No."

"Why not?" He spun on me quickly, but I raised my hands to the air, quieting him for a moment. "Wait, I'm not saying yay or nay, just asking."

"Because she would never take it anyways. Besides that... if she leaves me... God Sha, you saw what happened to me. And that was after knowing her for a week. A WEEK. If she left me, she might as well take it all. I would be worthless without her."

I got up from my chair and walked over to him, hugging him. "I'll have a talk with Dad," I said.

"You will? I am not sure what it will do, but I would appreciate it."

"Of course," I said, letting him go and walking over to the railing, looking out to the city. He came over and stood next to me. I knew he was watching the storm front just like I was, only for a different reason.

"Oh, before I forget. She wants to know if you would have lunch with her tomorrow?"

I nodded. "It would have to be a late lunch... around three or so. I have to meet with Diana tomorrow."

"How are things working out on that end? I mean, you have never been away from work like you have these last couple of weeks."

"Tell me about it," I said sighing.

"Are we... okay?" I turned to look at him, saw his grey eyes searching my face, my eyes.

"Yeah hon. We're allowed to fight every once in awhile." He smiled, the corners of his lips just barely lifting. "It was not your fault. I don't want you to ever think it was, okay?"

"Part of it was," he murmured.

"No hon. You were a kid. You were manipulated, as was I. You did not abuse me. You did not set me up to go to that house. It was not your fault." I hugged him tightly, and felt him nod against my neck.

"I love you Sha," he said the words partially muffled by my throat and shoulder.

"I love you too hon. I always will." I released him from the hug and he stood up, doing that manly "damn allergies" thing they always try to pull off. "Now... I need you to go away. Gideon is on his way and, I don't think we will care who is in the room when he gets here."

"Shit, something I don't need to see or know about," he said, making a beeline for the door. "I'll tell Ana three o'clock," he yelled back as he entered back into my apartment. I smiled, turning back to watch the storm and wait eagerly for Gideon.


	38. Chapter 38 - Lemony

**A/N: Be kind in your review if you review... this one was actually a hard one to write.**

* * *

A flash of light ignites the clouds for a moment, soon followed by a crackling rumble. In this part of the country, thunderstorms are often rare events, and we average about ten storms a year. When they come, especially in the Spring and Summer, it is a sight to see. Most of the lightning stays in the clouds, the bolts dancing with each other in the sky. Sometimes, the lightning will light up the whole city for a fraction of a second, the clouds letting their presence be known.

I could stand out here all night long, watching the storm travel through. Hell, I have stayed out here before, battling the elements to be close to the power of the storm. It's intoxicating, mesmerizing and powerful. Another flash of light in the sky, closer this time. I close my eyes, waiting for the rumble and when it comes, it vibrates through my spine. I stayed there, standing with my eyes closed, feeling the atmosphere around me.

A smile tickles my lips as I felt two hands come up slowly from behind me, cupping my breasts. I felt his warm moist breath against my neck as his lips laid light kisses there and up to my ear. His tongue licking my earlobe before sucking into his mouth, softly biting down on the flesh.

"Hi," I purred, feeling his fingers flex around my breasts.

"Hi." I leaned back into his touch, feeling his body meet mine at every curve. "God I have missed you," he sighed, his fingers pinching my nipples through my silk babydoll top. He softly ran his hands down the front of my top, and then sliding under the hem and back up, his large hands now cupping my breasts, flesh to flesh. I inhaled deeply, feeling a moisture grow between my legs and the flutter of nerves in my belly.

His lips are mapping my neck, claiming his territory one kiss at a time. He randomly chooses to nibble at my skin, pinching my nipples when he does. I bite my lip as I feel his growing hard cock touch me just above my ass. I push back against him, hearing him growl with need. His lips move to my shoulder, nibbling and kissing as one of his hands leave my breast, traveling down and sliding under the waist band of the denim skirt I had chosen to wear.

My hand reaches behind me, cupping his head to bring him closer, and I hear him inhale when his fingers find I have recently been waxed. "Shana," he groans and I can only smile, grinding my ass against him, inviting his hands to continue. His fingers slide further, and I feel his tongue lick my neck, his lips smiling as he feels how wet I already am for him. "God, you're so wet, baby. I have to have you," he groaned just as the rain finally started to drizzle down. He bites down on my earlobe, his fingers sliding up and down my slit. "You want to do it out here, don't you? In the rain," he asked, his voice thick with lust.

I nodded, answering his question, releasing a groan as his fingers find my clit, circling it and rubbing it, making it respond to him. "Baby," he said, his finger going deeper, entering me in a slow, smooth movement. I arched my back, pushing into his hand. "Baby, I need you," he says again and I nodded, because I needed him too. "This time, it's going to fast and hard, I don't think I can hold back."

"I don't want you to hold back, love." He groaned, resting his forehead against my head, his fingers still caressing and pulling my nipple, and his other hand claiming me as his.

"I promise, the next time, it will be slower. I just-"

"Fuck me Gideon," I said, my voice low and raspy, my need as great as his.

"Grab the railing, baby," he growled as a bolt of lightning ricocheted among the clouds. He flipped my skirt up, revealing my ass and he leaned forward, whispering in my ear, "No panties, Ms. Grey." I grinned shaking my head no. I held onto the railing, my breath caught in my throat, waiting. I waited to hear the lustful sound of his zipper as he would pull it down slowly. I waited, but it seemed that except for the drizzle from the approaching storm, all of time stopped. I looked over my shoulder, watching him, as he stood there, his eyes closed.

"Gideon?" I stood back up, turning to him, unsure what is going through his mind, or why he stopped. "Baby?"

"I'm sorry," he whispered, shaking his head.

"Baby, what's wrong?" He didn't answer, he just stood there. I waited, but the longer I waited, the more afraid I was becoming. Afraid of what ever it was that crept into his mind to turn him from hot and lusting to... well, to whatever the hell he is right now. I will be brutally honest and admit that I was becoming scared. I have never seen him do a total 180 like that. I wrapped my arms around him, feeling his arms wrap tightly around me. "What is it? Talk to me," I whispered, running my hands through his hair.

"I... need you, you are all I thought about, have thought about. I was hard as a rock nearly the whole flight, eager to come back to you."

"You are here now. I am here, what is wrong?"

"I don't want to hurt you." His eyes were downcast, so I placed my fingers under his chin, raising his head until I could see the beautiful shade of blue his eyes held.

"Love, you won't." He didn't believe me, and I was having a hard time understanding that. "Do you trust me," I asked, running my hand softly over his chest.

"Of course I do. You're the only one I trust," he said quickly. Too quickly for it to have been a lie, or a half truth. Hearing that, it made me want him even more than I already did.

I nodded, "So you would believe me and trust me if I said you were hurting me? And you would stop?"

"In a heartbeat Half a heartbeat But I never want to hear those words." I nodded again, leaning forward, kissing him lightly. I let him go, freeing him from our embrace, but I took his hand in mine, guiding him back inside. "Sha?"

"It's okay. We have all night, I want you to go inside and take a nice, hot shower. I will get you something to eat, and then we can start all over again.

"But... I know you want to do it in the rain." I looked out the patio door as the rain was finally released from the sky, pouring down hard on the patio. It was as if it waited for us to go inside.

I turned back to him, smiling, and kissing the corner of his mouth. "Yes, yes I do. So, you owe me one. Now, you go on upstairs. I'll be along in a few. Use the shower in my room. I had your stuff moved there while you were gone."

"Sha..."

"Don't start with me. You said you would try." He rolled his eyes at me, nodding. "Now off you go."

Before he went, he leaned forward, kissing me on my cheek. "Don't be long," he whispered and then headed off to shuck his clothes and his travel dirt. I smiled, my eyes following him, but something in the back of my head was pushing on my brain, and this time it wasn't a headache. Something else is going on, something he isn't telling me. I tried to shrug off the feeling, at least hold it off until later. I am going to feed my man, make sure he is comfortable and then fuck his brains out. Afterwards I can deal with everything else.

I walked into the kitchen, my body aching from the need that had almost been fed. _Soon,_ I thought. I piled a plate with some cubed cheese I had prepared earlier in the day, added some sliced strawberries, and finished it with some p pepperonis I got two wine goblets down from the cabinet, filling one with Chardonnay and the other, with white grape juice. I know he won't drink the wine if I can't, and I still have another week before I can.

Just as I loaded my arms with the edible delights, my cell rang. I rolled my eyes, placing the goblets down and answering it. "Grey."

"Ma'am, it's Welch." Why do I even have caller ID if everyone still wants to tell me who they are when I answer?

"Yes?"

"Ma'am, is Mr. Cross nearby?" I felt my eyebrow raise, his question befuddling me.

"He may be in the shower. I will have him call you back. Is there anything you need from me? Or to tell me?"

Silence hung between us before he finally said something. "Ma'am... Earlier today you said that you wanted all information about videos, or the like," he mumbled. This was very unlike him. Welch is a consummate professional. Nothing ever makes him blink twice. Or so I thought. Until today. First, when he called me Shana, which he has never, ever done. Second, when he didn't contact me about the video, and now, this time, he's hedging around something.

"Yes," I said, drawing out the "s" as if I was saying it with a forked tongue.

"Ma'am, I have to confirm some information with Mr. Cross, and then, then I will have to talk to you. To discuss what we have found."

"I will have him call you soon," I said, hanging up on the poor man. I put my phone back on the charger, and headed towards my room.  
Just as I entered, I heard the water turn off, and inhaling deeply, I could smell his body wash in the air. I sigh deeply, reveling in the scent of bergamot, oakmoss and peppercorn. Who would have thought that a man could smell that damned sexy.

"May I have a nibble," he says, bringing me back to earth. I grin, seeing him standing before me, nearly naked, a towel barely hanging onto his waist.

"You may if I may," I said, surprised at how raspy my voice sounded that moment. Gideon stepped forward, inches from me, taking the wine glasses from my hand, and setting them down on the dresser, and then taking the plate from me, and setting it down as well.

He took one step closer to me, his body touching mine. His hands reaching up, cradling my cheeks as he sought an answer from my eyes. "You promise, that if I hurt you, you will tell me?" I nodded as he leaned in, his lips lightly laying on mine. I inhaled, surprised at how soft his felt. "Baby," he whispered to me, his lips and tongue marking what is his. "I want you to have a safe word."

My eyes flew open and I pulled back from him a half step. "Why...?"

"So that I know that I am hurting you, and you aren't just saying to stop." I looked at him, wondering why he suddenly is so afraid. "If you don't want to, it's okay. I will stop whenever you tell me to." His hand reached out, his fingers lightly tracing my jaw.

"If you feel more comfortable with one, then I will choose one." He nodded, pulling me close, holding me tightly against him.

"I don't want you to have to use it," he whispered softly. I wrapped my arms around him, nodding my head into his chest.

"I know love. I will use the word apples. Okay?"

He nodded, tilting his head down and raising my chin up to him, where his lips found their mate again. "Thank you."

"Anything for you," I said, letting his lips dance with mine, his tongue laving against them, begging for entrance. My lips parted with a sigh, his tongue entering as his fingers sought out my hardening nipples. I groaned as he pinched them lightly, his tongue tracing my teeth. He groaned as I sucked on his tongue, pulling it deeper into my mouth as I unbuttoned my skirt, letting it drop to the floor.

I released his tongue, feeling him moan as I did. He pulled back, lifting my top up and over my head, smiling at my newly revealed breasts. He lowered his head, placing a soft kiss on the very tip of each nipple, then stood, placing another soft kiss on my cheek. Before I knew what he was doing, he quickly picked me up, my legs over one arm as he cradled me with his other, and he carried me to the bed. He gently laid me down on top of the duvet, his lips finding mine again, giving me a quick, breathless kiss before he climbed onto the bed.

He laid next to me, propping himself up with his one arm while the other lightly stroked up and down my body, barely touching it sometimes, but leaving paths of gooseflesh behind. My body listened to the call of his. His fingers could twirl above my skin, his shadow being the only thing that touched me, and my body would react as if the touch had been tactual.

"Tell me what you want," he said, his voice light, thick with want, but soft of sound.

"You. I want you. I need you," I said, my eyes watching him, my body preparing for him. Having been ready on the patio, and then coming to a screeching halt, I was more then ready. More then needy. "Gideon, please."

His mouth moved down, and with a quick inhale, he sucked my nipple into his mouth, the vacuum effect sending a ripple of need in my core. His hand moved to cup and caress the breast not being ravished by his mouth, his thumb drawing circles over the nipple. I raised my hand to his head, running my fingers through his hair as his lips caressed and formed my nipple into the shape he wanted.

"What do you-mmmmm... want," I managed to ask, arching my back to encourage his lips to continue. His hand slowly caresses my skin as it moves down my body, past my navel, his mouth releasing my now pointed, and very teased nipple, moving to the neglected one. His fingers reached the apex of my thighs, the entrance to my needs just as his teeth bite harder into my nipple.

Instinct made my back arch and my hands fist in his hair. His fingers stroked up and down, and then his thumb circled my clit, as he blew on my bitten, erect nipple. I clenched my teeth, as his thumb pushed into my clit. "Gideon," I moaned. His tongue and his lips moved to lick and impress kisses in the valley between my breasts. I tilted my head back, increasing the arch of my back. My body was calling for him, but he was taking his time. He was driving me slowly to the state of frenzied need.

His lips moved further south, as did his fingers. slowly, I felt the tip of his finger touch the very entrance to my core. I could, at the same time, feel his breath, the air tapping on my clit. I was ready. I was in need. I needed his touch. I need his lips. I needed his tongue. I need him to enter me in every way he desired, claim me as his and letting me claim him as mine. My body hungered for him. It ached for him. Electric was in the air when he was around because together, we were a match set. I wait, knowing that he was going to touch me within. He was going to taste me. I would be dancing on his fingers and on his tongue. I waited for it. I was eager for it. I needed it. But nothing happened.

I didn't understand what he was waiting for. I was ready. I was more then ready. I was in wanting, and he wasn't giving. I opened my eyes, and as they found his, his fingers entered me, and his lips sucked my clit into his mouth as he had done with the nipple.

I screamed in ecstasy.

I had been ready.

I had been in need.

Nothing had prepared me for that instant climax.

The orgasm rolled through me like a storm. My skin was electric, his touch was magnified. His tongue lapped and circled my clit, his finger joined by a second, and together they dove back and forth into me, pulling my climax. Driving it forward.

How long it lasted, I don't know, but my back hurt from remaining arched, I was dizzy, and my throat was dry. He slowly removed his fingers, guiding them up to my clit as my back finally relaxed, laying flat on the bed. I opened my eyes, catching my breath as I finally began to come down from the height he had taken me to. I saw him then, his eyes level with mine, his body suspended above me. His arms were keeping him there his, hands now holding him up, each palm flat on the bed next to my shoulders.

His blue eyes were there, watching me, his pupils large and black, like a black hole, they were drawing me in and all I could do was nod. "Yes," I said, but to what? I don't know. It didn't matter, the answer was yes. He slowly lowered himself down, his lips seeking mine, and I could smell and taste myself on his lips, on his tongue. I exhaled a groan as I felt his cock, touch my entrance. "Yes," I mewled, knowing he would enter me. He would pump into me until he came, and I knew it was much too soon before I would be able to come again. That didn't mattered, he mattered.

"Yes," I moaned, and he thrust into me, deep and hard. He paused a second, and withdrew nearly all the way, and thrust again, harder, deeper and I crashed through a climax I didn't know I had building. On the third thrust, as my body rocked into his, with his, he came, shooting deeply and hard, releasing a loud groan.

"God, baby..." he murmured, collapsing on top of me. I wrapped my arms around him, loving this part the best, feeling his cock do it's small jerks of after shocks, feeling his heart beat next to mine. God I loved this man.


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: I will admit this chapter is a bit... odd. But, it is what it is. I hope you enjoy it.**

**To see some of the items described in this chapter, please check them out at pinterest dot com / killasshandra / another-shade-of-grey /**

* * *

I woke alone, in my bed, but I could still feel that "after sex" feeling wrapped around me like a bubble. I inhaled a deep breath smiling as I exhaled and went to use the facilities in my en suite. As I washed my hands after, I studied my face carefully in my new mirror. Yep, all glowy and eyes that won't quite focus completely.

_Damn he's fine_, I think with a "just got fucked" grin on my lips.

I went back into my room, heading for my dresser and one of my more favorite night shirts, a silk burgundy with floral print top that goes down to about mid-thigh. It's not sexy, but it's comfortable. I run my hands down the front, loving the feel of silk under my fingers.

It is then that I notice the plate of fruit and cheese and the two wine glasses are no longer where Gideon had put them. Having worked up a appetite, I headed to the kitchen, in search of food, and one sex god.

I heard him before I saw him, obviously on the phone. "No, I didn't know what it was or who it was from, but I had assumed it was from someone on her staff. It did have Seattle in the location... No. I received two. One to my cell and one to my email... The first thing I did was contact my IT guy, and have him tag it and bag it from our servers. Apparently when it hit my server it forwarded itself to the whole company... No... No... Yes, I can, or if you would like, I can give you access to it. I will set it up first thing in the morning... Yes, I'll have someone meet you there, just let me know when you are leaving..." I choose then to come out of the shadows, and I see Gideon freeze in his pacing as he sees me. "She just walked in. Would you like to speak to her?"

He holds his hand out to me, his eyes haunted with something, and now I feel butterflies flutter in my belly, not liking that look on his face.

"It's Welch," he said, and I inhale a quick breath. "I will get you something to drink," he murmured turning away from me as I put his phone to my ear.

"Grey," I said, watching him move to the kitchen. I watched as he paused at the refrigerator, his right hand resting on the edge of it, his head lowered and his eyes shut. The pose does not harken good news, and then I realised I hadn't paid attention to the man on the phone. "Welch, sorry, I wasn't paying attention," I said, turning away from Gideon and the refrigerator.

"Shana, I need to ask you something." _Shana. He called me Shana. Again. He never does that._ "I understand you took some... steps to strike at Elena Lincoln," he said.

"Yes, yes I did. Why?"

"Ma'am, she... She had a insurance policy, should anything happen, and I believe you activated it." Fuck. _See, this is why you never state your plans. Never point at your next victim and say, "You are next._"

I closed my eyes, my hand clutching the phone tightly as I forced out the question I have to ask. I don't want the answer. I want a time eraser that I can use to go back and erase the stupid mistakes. "Tell me what you know. What did she do?" As I asked the question, Gideon's voice came back to me.

_"No, I didn't know what it was or who it was from, but I had assumed it was from someone on her staff."_

_"It did have Seattle in the location..."_

_"No. I received two. One to my cell and one to my email..."_

_"Apparently when it hit my server it forwarded itself to the whole company..."_

Oh God.

I needed to sit down. I wanted to sit on the couch, but my legs wouldn't move. All they did was collapse beneath me and I found myself sitting cross-legged on the floor.

"Shana!" Gideon rushed to me, picking me up from the floor, looking me over. "Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?" I couldn't answer him. I barely heard him.

_"One to my cell and one to my email..."_

I had dropped his phone. I looked, Gideon still holding me. "I dropped your phone," I said meekly, he looked around and saw it just a few feet away. He picked it up and handed it back to me. Welch was still on the line, still talking I think, but I wasn't paying attention. I looked up at Gideon and then back to the phone.

"Shana?" His eyes were full of concern and worry.

"I... need to go to my office," I mumbled, staring at his phone. Gideon nodded, and reluctantly let me go. I stumbled away, wishing I had had some of that wine I had poured for him earlier.

I paused in front of my office, and slowly opened the large oak doors.

_"I had assumed it was from someone on her staff."_

It felt like I was walking in quicksand as I tried to make my way to my desk. I looked down, saw my fingers, the knuckles white from the strangle hold I had on Gideon's phone. I raised it to my ear, and found Welch was still talking away.

"I need a few minutes," I said, the words rough and low. I didn't care if he heard it. I ended the call as I finally made it to my desk, collapsing in my chair. My eyes stared at the phone, small technically marvel it was. My desktop PC was coming to life, waking from it's slumber. The monitor turned on, my company logo shining through.

I accessed my email, and there it was. Five emails. One from her. One from my company. One from Gideon's company. One from Christian's company, and one from Elliot's company. I looked at Gideon's phone again. He had said that he had already opened it. I slowly went to his incoming messages, and saw it there. I selected it, my heart stopping when a dark, shaky, grainy video started playing.

* * *

"Sha?" I felt a gentle hand cup my chin, turning my head to look away from the phone. I felt the phone move, and looked down, watching as it was taken from my hands and laid down on the desk.

"I... You will have to... recharge it," I said, my eyes not leaving the phone. Watching it lay there, dead to the world, at peace upon my desk. Vile piece of technology. Silicon, wire, copper and gold, all brought together to show me my past and destroy my future.

"Shana, let's get you-"

"You saw it," I tried to say, but I didn't hear the words leave my mouth. Gideon pushed my chair away from my desk, turning it so I could fully face him. He knelt down on his knees in front of me.

"Baby, let's-"

"You saw it," I said again, the words almost audible. It wasn't a question. I knew he had. It was why he was talking to Welch. His eyes peered into mine, and I couldn't read what they said, or how he felt. He slowly raised a hand, reaching for some of my hair that had fallen back into my face again. He softly tucked it behind my ear as he nodded. His hand moved from my ear to my cheek, and stayed there. I leaned my head into it, closing my eyes. "This... this was why you were afraid?"

He nodded. I lowered my head, I couldn't look at him anymore. I couldn't let him look at me. "Baby, listen to me. We have techies taking care of it, it wont go further then it has, I think. Or that's what they are trying to do."

_My email. My company. Like a virus, it went everywhere._

"We'll never get it all," I whispered.

"Maybe, but they are going to do their damnedest to try," he said, but I knew that it was only to try to comfort me. It's on the internet. It was mailed as a virus to everyone I knew. To everyone in my companies. To everyone in my brothers' emails and their companies. I wouldn't put it past her if she had sent it to all the news stations too.

I had to stand. I had to...I don't know what I had to do. I walked away from Gideon, moving to the windows that banked the side of my office. The city below was glowing and silent, a good percentage of the population was sound asleep. Off in their world of dreams, far away from this nightmare that is unraveling. When the sun starts to rise and they awaken from their slumber, they will get up, get dressed, have their morning orange juice, and then head off to their jobs. Their lives untouched and for now, they don't know about me.

I felt his body stand next to mine. I didn't hear him move from kneeling in front of my chair, but I could feel him next to me, smell his smell. His intoxicating, manly scent.

He had seen it. He had needed me so badly after the last week of not being able to have sex and so did I. When he came to the apartment, when he met me on the patio... He had been very randy. Until he had stopped. He couldn't make love to me. He had stopped, and he had changed... And it was because of this... this... video.

"How... how..." I can't even get the words out of my mouth. The words I don't want to say, the truth I don't want to know.

He placed a hand on my shoulder, "How what?" he asked quietly. I shook my head "no". I didn't want to ask the question that was begging me to ask. I didn't want the answer. At least not yet. "Shana, honey, I know what you're going through. I know what you're thinking."

"I don't think you do," I managed to say, keeping my voice as level as possible. He pulled me to him, wrapping his arms tightly around me, not saying a word. In his arms, I found a small peace. A tiny spark of possibility. But it was not bright enough to clear away the shroud of fear that was encompassing me. "Gideon... I need to get dressed," I said, my words muffled by his shirtless chest.

"What are you planning?" It was a fair question. But I didn't have a plan. I just needed to think. "Are... you leaving? Are you... running?" There was fear in his voice, his body had stiffened at my words. Sometimes he is too much like my brother and his fear of abandonment.

I pulled away from his chest, and shook my head. "I... need to think. I can't do it here." He ran a hand through my hair and then bent down, planting a soft, loving kiss on my lips. It was a perfect kiss. It was soft, sweet, it showed love and kindness, it was not needy or greedy, and I sighed into him, into this perfect kiss.

"I understand," he said quietly, releasing me from his kiss. His hands laid softly on my shoulders, his blue eyes begged me to swim in them. "Do you want me to wait here for you? Or, do you... know if you will be back?"

"I will be back later today, I just need to think. And, no. I don't want you to wait here." He nodded, pulling further away from me.

"I understand," he said. I watched as his body language changed, his shoulders sagging, and he was struggling to hold back from me. He was the epitome of defeat. I knew it, I could see it. I reached a hand out, taking his.

"I want you to come with me," I whispered, breaking the silence in the room. His eyes raised to me, questioning what he had just heard. "This... this... bullshit... This attack on me... I need to think about it. I need to think about what it means to me, to you, to everything. And I can't think about it right here. Not right now. But, it involves you as well. Will you come with me? I mean, if you... want to." I paused, my throat getting tight. There was the possibility that what we had, what I wanted, that it could be gone now. He may not want to come with me. Not discuss it. Not be a part of my future.

"I do," he said, coming back to me. He ran both hands down both my arms, taking my hands in his, and holding onto them tightly. "If you want me to."

"Gideon... I do. I need you to come," I admitted, and he pulled me towards him, wrapping his arms tightly around me. We stood there, wrapped in each other, but I kept my head turned away from my desk. Away from my computer and his phone. I can't think about it right now. There will be time later.

It can destroy me later.


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: To see the bike and helmets, you can check at pinterest dot com / killasshandra / another-shade-of-grey BE SURE TO TAKE THE SPACES OUT and add the dot.**

**I wanted to give a shout-out to all my readers. Every single one of you. The guests, the signed up, the reviewers, all of you. This story has grown to be more than fun to write, and I love all your questions, suggestions, etc. Thank you so much for coming and enjoying the tales from my world.**

* * *

We had barely spoken as we got dressed. We didn't really need to. He was watching me, his eyes constantly checking me, making sure I was still standing, still there. We had both put on our jeans, which I must say look damn hot on him. A pair of chucks for me, a pair of Gucci boots for him. We each donned a leather jacket and headed for the elevator.

Stevenson was no where to be seen, and to be honest, I was glad. I just wanted to get out of here. No questions, no looks... Just go. The door dinged, and we stepped into the elevator, heading for the garage. He watched me as we headed down, and I leaned back against the back wall of the elevator car. "Do you trust me?"

He smiled, leaning back against the wall as well. "Completely," he said.

"Just... remember that, okay?" He nodded, his hand reaching for mine. "When... stuff happens... I just want to, I don't know, shut down and run."

"I know what you mean," he said, his thumb running over my knuckles. I nodded, sighing deeply. his hand tugged at mine, and he pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me. He held me close, his chin resting against my forehead, and here, in this space, in his arms I felt safe and loved.

The car came to a stop, the doors opening, and I yelped in shock, seeing Taylor standing there, facing us, arms crossed.

"Shana," he said, his eyes traveling over me and Gideon.

"Jason," I sighed, rolling my eyes. "Why are you awake? Or, why are you down here?"

"Because I know you." He looked over at Gideon, nodding at him. "Mr. Cross, if you don't mind, may I have a few minutes?" Gideon looked at me, and I saw him set his jaw before he nodded. He squeezed my hand before letting it go, and then he walked over to my vehicles. When he was far enough away, Jason stepped forward, his eyes seeking beyond my layers, looking for the damage that has been inflicted on me. He does know me... It's not the first time and it probably won't be the last time. "Talk to me," he said, coming closer.

"You don't work for me," I muttered, rolling my eyes.

"I know, _Shana_," he said, emphasizing my name. He came closer, placing his hands on my shoulders. He moved his head, ducking to see into my eyes.

"Talk to me," he said quietly.

"No, Jason," I whimpered, feeling the tightness in my throat, and my eyes wanting to water. "I just need to ride."

"For how long?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "I have a meeting at three o'clock today. So, I will be back today. Satisfied?" He nodded, letting me go.

"Okay, and, if you need anything, you will..."

"Yes," I said, sighing exasperatingly. I took a step away from him, and then turned around, hand on my hip. "Jason, the next time you want to pin a GPS locator on me, ask me first."

"That obvious, huh," he asked, like a kid caught with his hand stuck in the cookie jar. I nodded, giving him a small smile. He leaned in towards me, lowering his voice, "Since Charlie Tango..." I nodded, understanding.

"Listen, just... Only access it if we aren't back by three. I just need to not be around... well, you know," I looked over at Gideon, who was checking his watch, watching us closely.

"I know."

"Thanks, now, may we leave?" He grinned at me, and waved me on. I turned away from him, heading to my parking area. Gideon's teeth were still grinding away, his jaw set as he kept his eyes on Jason. I shrugged, walking to the storage closet. I entered the code into the door lock waiting for the light to turn from red to green. When it did, I opened it, revealing a closet with a small selection of detailing supplies, and a few helmets. I grabbed two and closed the closet, listening to it lock as I turned around, heading over to where Gideon stood, his eyebrow raised.

"Helmets," he asked, and I grinned.

"You want the dragon or the wolf?" He reached his hand out, nodding at the wolf helmet and I tossed it to him. "It's got bluetooth and they are charged."

"Schuberths, huh," he said as he admired the paint job.

"Only the best," I replied, and then paused. "Gideon... "

"Hmm?"

"We aren't going to have a issue... with me driving, are we," I asked, praying that he knew what I meant.

"Nope. All I ask is that you need to talk, just remember I am here. That and, don't kill us," he said with a glint in his eye. I rolled my eyes, and then walked him over to my baby. A green Can-Am Spyder, custom paint and wheels. "So, your bike?"

"No, it's a reverse trike. See? Three wheels. You should feel safer," I said, though I knew exactly what his response will be.

"Can't be much safer, you are driving," we said in unison, and I rolled my eyes again.

We both climbed onboard, put our helmets on and tested the sound. I got the bike started, the rumble beneath me instantly made me more comfortable. Took away the harsh edge ot the sharp blade that video had become in my mind. Gideon sat behind me, leaning back into the seat, and not into me. I could feel his muscled legs on either side of me and it felt good. We had never ridden on a trike before, and the last time I was on a bike with him, he drove. It had been a fun weekend escape, which this was not. It was a escape, of a certain kind, but not for a weekend. A few hours, time enough to try to clear my mind and settle my thoughts.

I slowly drove us out of Escala's parking garage, and before we were on the expressway, Gideon had gotten used to how to move on the trike. With motorcycles, as a passenger, you don't move your whole body into the motions of the bike, you simply move from the hips. A trike is almost the same, and I could feel his leg muscles relax next to me.

"You can listen to any station you want," I said, through the helmet. "Or I can switch it so you can hear what I will play."

"I have no problems with your choice of music," He said back, the quality of the bluetooth made him sound as if we were in a room, and not on the road, the wind whipping around us. I started the music up, a preprogrammed list of "driving tunes", Linkin Park started playing. As "What I've Done" began, I entered the Alaskan Way Viaduct. It was late, and traffic was nearly absent, save a random car, street washer, or police car.

The music played on, the street lights pulsing to us, and I let my mind travel. Gideon sat quietly behind me. Every rare once in awhile he would break the silence and ask how I was doing. He is... a unusual soul, and normally a man who, like my brother, wants to have control of everything. Not to own it, not to say it was his, but simply so nothing will surprise him. Gideon, sitting quietly behind me, it was... very unlike , it was what I needed. It seems that the time he had spent with Eva had changed him. Not completely, it just allowed him to be free to be free.

We stopped for fuel, and a restroom break shortly before getting to the Fauntleroy Ferry. Gideon had spent little time in the convenience store bathroom, having gone in and come out before I finished fuelling up. He stood behind me as we waited, wrapping his arms around me, holding me close. As I relaxed, I realised I had been stiff, my muscles tensed. He placed a light kiss on my temple and I loved him for that. I loved him for what he was doing now. Riding with me, allowing my thoughts to roll through my head, to be there if I need him. The tank was full, the shut off automatic, so we got back on and drove to the ferry.

* * *

Ferries are slow.

Yes, I could have cut nearly a half hour in travel time off by not using the ferry, but that was not what I needed.

As the boat pulled away from it's dock, we got up and sat near the railing, Gideon had sat first, and then softly pulled me onto his lap. I laid my head upon his shoulder, his arms wrapping around me.

"Are you okay," he asked softly, his hands slowly running up and down my arm.

"I don't know," I replied with a shrug. I closed my eyes, my mind, once again forming a question that I didn't want to ask. "I... have a question, that I am not sure I want to ask."

"Okay."

"I will ask it, so it quits bothering me though."

"When you are ready, I will answer it," he replied softly.

"Will... it make things... between us harder now? I mean... do you think you will ever have sex with me without thinking about that... that video," I asked, the words were hard, solid objects I had to push out of my throat and past my teeth.

"Sha," he sighed, running a hand over my back, a healing caress. "The images, to me, are fresh, as if it just happened. But I know they were from a long time ago. And, you know how I am, how I can be, when we are having sex. I don't want to hurt you."

"You don't," I whispered.

"I remember, you know," he said quietly. I pushed up, looking at him, my mind rolling over what he said. His eyes, bright and caring. "I remember how you were, when you came back from that weekend." I nodded, remembering as well. "You took a week off of classes, you wouldn't let any of us come over, and if we did, you wore that nasty, heavy robe."

I chuckled at that. The guys always hated the "I am sick, go the fuck away" terry cloth robe. It had long sleeves, and a hood, and it was so long it dragged on the floor. "You still owe me a robe," I said as I remembered how it had been a victim of the end of the year bonfire.

"That I do," he said, grinning at the same memory. "That video, it changes nothing between us," he said, his hand holding my chin up, his eyes caressing me with kindness. "You were a victim. You didn't want it. You are a strong woman, extremely intelligent, and I love you. Will it change things between us in our sex life? We won't know until we know. You may have some limits, and I understand that. But, understand this, Shana; If we are doing something and you don't like it, or it makes you recall something you have got to tell me. Not afterward, but right when it's happening, okay?"

"And you won't be mad?" He shook his head no. "Even if it's right in the very middle of-"

"I won't be mad. If you don't tell me, then that is when I will get upset. Making love to you, it's special. Making sure you are safe, and not hurt or hurting, that is a honor to me. I would never knowingly hurt you. But, if you were hurting because of something we were doing, because of what had happened to you, that could destroy us."

"I don't want it to do that," I mumbled. He pulled me close to him, and I could feel his heart beating in his chest. So strong, the beats so true.

"We will get through this, he said, his lips kissing the crown of my head. "I love you Sha."

"I love you. I am so glad you are in my life." I felt him nod his head against mine, and I knew then, that no matter what, this would not destroy us.


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N: Greetings readers! Okay, for you Shana fans who still want to know what the heck was the metal object Jason gave Shana... A small glimpse of it, and a mention as to how it came about is in this chapter. So many of you have asked me, and guessed, and one person was nearly spot on as to what it was, but not why. So, congrats for being so inquisitive!**

**This chapter also marks the last one I will be posting before I move out of state. I ****_SHOULD_**** be back up and running by Sunday, but nothing is life is certain except death and taxes. **

**A quick shout out to a few people, **waves**: TheGrey'sFan01, greyfan 79, FluffyEmpress Carofenn, KatiePettigrew, FoggyNights, Bronze Goddess and two "newer" followers; tjett523, TatianaD.**

**A story isn't worth the paper it's written on if no one reads it. So, that you for making my story worth something.**

****Also** I need to state that in this chapter you hear a bit of the horror Gideon went through as a child. If you have not read the books by Silvia Day, this could be a slight spoiler to you. Also, some may not like reading about it. I can't help that.**

**Legal bit here: This story is written using characters and some situations created by EL James and Silvia Day. Most of the characters, and SOME of the story lines are there. Shana is all mine, as is the storyline around her.**

**Now, on with the show!**

* * *

Just under a hour later we pulled up the drive to a house that sat on the edge of a small private lake. The moon was full in the sky, lighting our way. There was no other ambient light around, the trees wrapping us in their protective numbers, the sound of nocturnal creatures were the night's lullaby.

I parked the Spyder in front of the house, climbing off it, and offering a hand to Gideon's whose legs seemed to have forgotten how to move.  
"You okay," I asked, trying to stifle a giggle. He looked at me, trying to look fierce, as he shook out a leg.

"It's like riding a damn horse," he muttered, and I could only laugh at him as I tucked the helmets securely onto the seat of the trike. "It is a fun ride, though," he said, his hand cupping his chin in thought. "It could be fun, each of us having one, riding the countryside."

"On vacation time we never take," I added. He looked up at me, and then closed the distance between us. He tilted my head up, laying his lips on mine. The kiss was a unspoken promise, it was soft and firm, loving and needing. It carried me to the edge and kept me safe. When he slowly pulled away from the kiss, he rested his forehead against mine, his breath quick and heavy.

"I would create a calendar for you, adding new days just to spend them with you," he said as I melted in his arms. "I love you Sha. I need you to know that."

"I do know it," I whispered to him. He gave me another quick kiss before pulling away and looking at our location. "Come, I will show you," I said, holding my hand out. His large hand took mine, his fingers wrapping around mine.

We walked around the side of the dark house, to the back where the private lake waited for us. It wasn't a large lake, no need for a boat even. It was good for looks, fishing and swimming and that was about all. The moonlight reflected off the water, creating a path, tempting us to go fora walk. Instead, I sat down on the banks, Gideon sitting next to me.

"What is it," he asked quietly. I tilted my head looking at him, not sure what he meant. He nodded his head, using it to point at my hand. I looked down and realised that I had been rubbing my thumb over the silver disk Taylor had handed me not too long ago.

"I didn't even realize I had it with me," I said shaking my head.

"What is it?" I held it out to him, and he took it from me, looked at it, and then at me. His eyebrows were furrowed, not understanding. "It's a quarter?"

"Well, yeah. It's a quarter."

"I don't understand," he said, handing it back to me.

"Him and me, and four others, we ran through a event. No, I won't go into details right now. I don't want to pull that phantom up too." He nodded, understanding that. "I will tell you... some time, but not right now."

"You don't have to tell me anything you aren't comfortable telling me. I will listen when you need to."

"Thanks," I said, watching my fingers caress the coin again. "What I will say is, that we made it out. One of the guys had had the coin, and I don't remember why, but he said that it went through it too, and that it represented us. All of us. There was strength in the memory and that the coin would help us remember how strong we were." I sighed, tucking the quarter back into my pocket. "I know, it sounds stupid."

"No, I didn't say that. I think he was right though. It would show you that you can be strong, you have been brave, and... it could be a good luck charm, or whatever. If it helps you, who's to argue?" I smiled, nodding, glad he didn't think we had been stupid. "Want to tell me about this place," he asked.

"It's my home," I said quietly. "It's where I lived, before my parents died."

* * *

We sat there for hours. The moon had set, the stars shone. Every rare once in awhile, we'd see a falling star, arguing who got to make a wish on it. The night breeze off the lake was cool, and after awhile I made a small campfire. We sat in front of it, me sitting in between his legs, his arms wrapped around me. We talked all night.

"Sha, I... I want to tell you something," he said as we sat, the fire now warm coals, the sun highlighting the sky into burgundy and purples, preparing to rise from it's slumber.

"Okay," I said, resting against him.

"You... you never ask me about my dreams," he said hesitantly. "I know that sometimes they have scared you..."

"You don't have to tell me, hon," I said, feeling apprehension in his body. I turned around, moving his legs so I could sit on his lap.

"I know. You're so great about that. But, I want to tell you. I think... it's time." I nodded, running my fingers through his silky black hair. "You know about my father?" I nodded. Everyone pretty much knew about his father. "He was liked by everyone. People were always happy and smiling around him. People always happy to invest with him, and then it turns out, he had stolen from everyone. All the investments were lies... and he was arrested for it. And instead of facing the charges, being a man and doing what was right, face up to what he had done to his friends, instead, he took his own life."

I nodded, leaning forward, resting my head on his shoulder, wrapping my hands under his shirt, warming them with his body heat. "My mother, of course, remarried not long after. In a way, I think she did it to erase his name from hers. She got pregnant right away, and I was acting out. I was a handful. I was angry, and defensive about everything.

"After Christopher came along, I got worse. When he got a little bit older, he started to imitate me. He started throwing things, pitching fits. My mom was pregnant then, with Ireland. They decided I needed therapy so they had a therapist come to the house. She had a doctoral candidate with her, and at first, it was okay. But then, my mother, dealing with her pregnancy and two boys who were both unstable, the therapist worked more and more with her, leaving the aide to work with me. I was left alone with him more and more."

He paused then, his eyes gazing out to the lake. The sounds of the morning were starting to come around; birds searching for food, squirrels looking for freshly fallen pine cones We sat there, watching the sun rise, Gideon remaining quiet. I wouldn't push. I wouldn't encourage him to talk. This is his story and he had to tell it at his time, at his speed, or even stop talking about it, and come back to it in the future.

"He said it was my age," he said, his voice a whisper. "That I needed to masterbate, that I would be calmer, less angry. He... touched me," Gideon's voice lowered, his heart pounding in his chest. I pulled my hands out from under his shirt, and he inhaled a sharp breath.

"I'm still here honey," I whispered, looking deep into his eyes. "You don't have to tell me anything else." I ran my hand through his hair again, and then wrapped my arms tightly around him, resting my head on his shoulder. He lowered his head to my shoulder, and I felt his body was shake. He wrapped his arms around me as he was fought against the sobs in his chest. I held him, telling him I was here, and that it was okay.

"He touched me, said he would show me how to do it right. That I was doing it wrong." He closed his eyes, his arms wrapping tighter around me. "He would make me cum," he whispered, the sound nearly invisible. "Every time. Said that proved I liked it."

There were tears in my eyes, my heart burning in agony hearing him tell me what he had gone through. "Did you ever tell anyone," I asked, not sure if the sound of my voice travelled beyond my lips."

"I did," he said, releasing a sob. "My mother took me to a doctor, to see if I had been abused. The doctor said there was no evidence to any abuse, physical or sexual." He paused again, fighting with his memory of the past. "My mother believed the doctor."

"I believe you," I whispered to him, and his arms wrapped tighter, burrowing his head into my shoulder. I felt a wetness on my shoulder, his tears falling from his eyes. I felt him sobbing harder, his body shaking as he fought his tears and his history. "Baby, I believe you. It wasn't your fault. Tell me you understand that. That it wasn't your fault."

I felt him nod his head, knowing that I spoke the truth. We stayed there, holding each other close, comforting each other.

* * *

"Do you come here often," Gideon asked as we walked towards the house.

"No, only times like now, when I want to be alone. I mean, well, sometimes alone. You're the first person that has come here, actually. That wasn't part of the family." He nodded, pulling me close to him. We walked around the property, his hand laying over my shoulders, my arm wrapped around his waist.

"It's nice, peaceful," he said, and I nodded.

"I... don't have memories here," I whispered, looking at the house in front of us.

"You don't?" I shook my head.

"I... don't have any of my mom or my dad." I let Gideon go, and turned around facing the lake again.

"How old were you, when they died?"

"Five," I answered.

"Very young," he replied, nodding his head.

"Chrissy remembers his mom, and things and he was four when she died. I lost the memories in the accident. They didn't know at the time, if it would be temporary or not, but I never got them back."

"The accident? The one you got your headaches from?" I nodded. "Do you have pictures of them?"

I shrugged. "I do, but, it would be like me having a picture of your mom. She's important to me because she brought you into the world, but there is nothing else there. Mama Grace is the only mom I know." He turned around, looking at the house again. "It's like a time capsule in there. Everything is the exact same way it was the day they died."

"Why... I mean if it doesn't really mean anything..."

I shrugged. "For me... it's kinda spooky. Shadows of a past life just hanging around... I had thought about selling the house. Not the land, not the lake, or maybe even tearing it down, building a new place... Papa Cari had a fit."

"Because of his brother," Gideon suggested and I nodded. We stood there, watching the lake, the fish nibbling at the surface, searching for food.  
"Are you hungry," I asked, realizing how late it was, how long we had been awake.

"Starving," he said with a grin, his belly rumbling in agreement.

"I know a place," I hinted, and he grinned, eager to see.

* * *

"Oh my god that was delicious," Gideon said, leaning back in his chair, patting his belly. The universal male signal of "I am full". I grinned, chomping on the last bite of my pickle. I had brought us to the Olympic Bakery & Deli. An old Mom & Pop kind of restaurant, with a few tables for dining in and a working bakery producing delicious confections. Gideon was slightly impressed that they also did a monthly wine tasting here, but muttered under his breath something about cheap wines, and local brews. I ignored that. Sometimes, he like my brother, were extreme wine snobs.

"Sha," Gideon said, his voice low, his hand reaching across the table to me. I placed my hand in his, and he smiled, bringing my hand to his lips. "Did the ride help you... with your thoughts? I know we haven't said anything about it..."

"Yeah... I rolled over a few options, and, I think I am closer to an idea of what to do," I said. He nodded, waiting patiently to know. I knew he wanted to know, but he wouldn't ask. "I considered my options, and I think I know what I can do."

Gideon nodded, and stood, leaving a rather large tip on the table, and reached a hand out, allowing me to take it as I stood. We walked back out to the parking garage, but before we could climb back onto the trike, Gideon wrapped his arms around me, kissing the back of my neck and then trailed his kisses to my ear.

"God you smell divine," he whispered, his breath tickling the me. I closed my eyes, sighing deeply into his loving hold. "How long of a drive back," he growled, pulling me closer to him. I could feel his greedy cock pressing against me.

"Just over a hour," I said, my voice as thick in need as his. "But I will have a meeting as soon as we get back."

"Don't make it a long meeting," he growled, his teeth biting down on my earlobe.

I turned in his arms, facing him, running my hands up his chest and wrapping my fingers around his neck. "Baby... I don't want to ruin the moment..."  
"But we should be going?" I nodded, and he smiled. "You know what I like about this bike of yours?"

I rolled my eyes, "Trike," I said, sticking my tongue out at him.

"Trike, bike, whatever," he laughed back, rolling his eyes at me. "I get to hold you the whole time." I smiled, and he pulled me into another wonderful kiss. I sighed into his lips, and we fought to break away, knowing we had to get back to the real world.


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N: Greetings all! I want to thank you for your patience as I have made another move in location. I believe I am settled in. Well, as settled in as much as I can possibly be, I should say.**

**I am currently on a borrowed laptop, and laptops and I do not get along well. I am going to try to struggle to write your next chapter here, so, hopefully you will allow me some lee-way in spelling, grammar spacing errors and the like.**

**Shout outs go to my two new roommates, Nikki and Jonica, and my old roommate and dear friend Sherry. I love you all and am glad you are in my life.**

* * *

Gideon held me close as we rode the elevator back up to the apartment. His arms wrapped comfortably around me his chin resting on my shoulder. We fit together as if we were born to be this way. The doors opened and we both released a sigh in tandem, knowing that we were back in the real world.

Stevenson stood in front of the elevator, his head inclined in a greeting to us. "Miss Rigg's is waiting for you in your office," he said. I nodded, thanking him as we entered the suite. Gideon, after placing a kiss on my forehead, headed for the bedrooms. I grinned at him, glad at least one of us will be getting some sleep.

I walked through the kitchen on my way to my office, grabbing a bottle of water on my way. I strolled purposefully, my mind focusing on the steps I would need to take, the contacts I would need to make, and the conversation I was minutes from having. I didn't have a full plan formed in my mind, but one was working on growing among my thoughts.

"Ms. Grey," Diana said as she stood quickly from her chair when I entered the room.

"Relax, Diana," I said sitting down at my desk. My computer came to life in front of me, the screen opening at the image I had last seen; my email. They sat there, a list of emails, all the same titles, all with the same attachments. There at the top, the four or five I had noticed last night. Below them, over a hundred more, all the same except the sender's name. A virus, spreading destruction through the web of the world. Sprinkled throughout the list, email requests from various media contacts. I groaned silently as I turned the monitor off. "How was the flight," I asked as I shrugged out of my jacket.

"Short," she replied with a schooled smile.

"Diana, I am glad you are here. There are a few things we need to discuss, however something new has changed my plans for this meeting."

Diana nodded, leaning back in her chair. She pulled out her tablet, prepared as always. The air between us quieted, settling heavily between us. "I did receive a email," she said, making sure her eyes could not see me.

"Everyone did," I replied, my mind not wanting to think about how far it has gone, who has received the email. "I know you have questions," I said with a heavy sigh, leaning back into my chair, watching and waiting for her.

"Two important ones, really," she said, lowering her tablet to her lap. I nodded, indicating she could ask away. "The first is, is it real? The second is, is it you?"

To be honest, the questions did not hurt like I had thought they would. I had thought they would burn, that my soul would feel as if it had been ripped into two pieces. I had assumed that the floor would open up and swallow me whole. But it didn't. Here I sat, uninjured and unpained. Should I have been in shock that the world didn't end with the questions? That my lungs still wanted oxygen? That when I blink my eyes, the world doesn't disappear?

I reached forward, picking up a pen from my desk. I click the top a few times and slowly nod, answering Diana's questions. "Yes." My voice was quiet, just above a whisper. I heard her intake of a sharp, slow breath. Obviously, that was not the answer she had been expecting nor prepared for. I closed my eyes for a moment, the images from the video coming unbidden to my mind's eye. I tried to relax from the image, the memory, the past... the future. It didn't matter, the effort was futile.

"What's the plan," she asked, her voice cracking through the silence. I opened my eyes again and see her, watching me, ready for my directions.

"Diana, this subject I want to put on the back burner for a moment. There is another reason I had actually wanted to see you about. Before all this... bullshit," I said, waving my hand in the air as if the issue were a pesky fly. She nodded, lowering her tablet and stilling her fingers.

"First, I need to thank you. The last few weeks have been rough. Not only for myself, but I know that you have not had it easy either. You took care of New York, and when I needed you, you took care of Vegas. I need to thank you for that." She blushed, shaking her head, muttering about how it was only what was needed to be done.

"I had... come to a decision over this last week while I was unable to do anything work related. Of course, it seems moot now, but I want to tell you it, and give you the ability to accept it, or not. If you choose to not accept it, I totally understand. If you choose to leave the company because of what has happened, I also completely understand."

"Ms. Grey-"

"Shana. Please, Diana, call me Shana."

She nodded, sitting up straighter in her chair. "Shana, you should know that that video changes nothing between you, me or what I feel about your company." I smiled at her words, nodding at her convictions.

"Thank you," I said, standing. I walked over to my wet bar, offering her a drink, which she kindly refused. I chose a bottle of orange juice and then walked back, sitting in the leather chair next to her, making it more even ground. "Diana, you've been with me from the start. You were there when the office was a closet in a half empty strip mall. You have stood by my side through the ups and downs, through the chaos and the disorder. You have been a rock through out everything and I want you to know that everything you have done has not gone unnoticed.

"However, as good as you are at your job, I no longer believe that your position in the company is appropriate." I watched her closely as her mind rolled through my words. She began to shake her head minisculely at first and I struggled to maintain my composure.

"I don't think I understand," she said quietly, obviously not wanting to examine what my words mean to her.

"Diana," I said, my words soft and precise. "I have begun a search for a new assistant." Her eyes grew wide, her tablet slipping from her fingers. I quickly reached for it, grabbing it before it could fall to the floor.

"Are... Are you firing me?" The question was soft, her lips barely moving to allow the words to form.

"In a way," I said, my voice steady and straight.

"I don't understand," she whispered, her voice cracking as she spoke.

"You see, it's not right that you remain as my assistant as you are much more then that. What I will be proposing in the next few minutes you can decide to accept or not. If you wish to remain my assistant, well... then I will accommodate that. With a pay increase."

She nodded slowly, unsure what her future holds. "I'm listening," she finally said and I smiled, leaning back into my chair.

"What I am proposing, you have to understand, is not something I ever thought I would do." I closed my eyes, taking a long, slow breath before saying the next few words. "I want to offer you a partnership." Despite my best effort, the words came out low and quiet.

I watched her face, but no recognition dawned in her eyes. Her features remained the same. "I don't understand," she said slowly and I could only smile in return.

"A partnership. You are my number one in everything in the company, but you need to be more then just my assistant. I am willing to give you a chunk of my business, but do not be mistaken. The chunk is not large. It is still my company. I am still the end all and be all over all decisions. But when I am unavailable, you will be able to make such decisions. Also, should you choose to leave, you will have to sign back to me the property."

"How... much," she finally said, though it was clear in her eyes that she probably was not fully comprehending what I was offering her.

"That's a good question. Fifteen percent of the company, a pay increase to $200 million a year, residences in New York, Las Vegas, Seattle and London. You will also have a security team, a jet at your convenience, and a assistant or two as you deem necessary."

"Shana," she said after a few minutes, but I raised my hand to pause her thoughts.

"Take as long as you need to think it over. In the mean time, we have other issues to deal with." She nodded, her hands visibly shaking as she reached for her tablet again. "Las Vegas," I said standing up. I walked towards the bank of windows that looked out upon the city. "That was a rude awakening. I am disgusted with myself that one of my businesses could have fallen into such deplorable conditions," I said, tasting bile rise up in my throat. My body shivered at the memory of the "manager" who had been in charge.

"It is definitely a major issue. Of course, it does beg the question." I looked at her, nodding. She knew as well as I did, if this could happen at one facility, it could happen to more. "And the next issue?"

"The video," I said with a deep sigh. "Diana, I am not sure what the best move would be on this, but we should have PR get in on this, give us our options." She nodded, her fingers moving like lightning over her her tablet. I sat back down, my elbows on my knees, my hands in my hair. "The video... it could be a bad thing, not just for me, but the company as a whole." I felt her hand on my knee and looked up into her questioning eyes.

"What is your first instinct," she asked.

I exhaled a long, deep breath, shaking my head. "To be honest," I said. "I just want to run." She nodded, leaning back into her chair. Her fingers began to move over her tablet again.I watched as I tried to center my thoughts.

"I have a idea," she finally said, looking up at me, a new confidence in her eyes. I nodded for her to continue. "You need time. Time out of the spot light, maybe time to move through this or past this video and it's effects." I nodded because she was right. "And, as it was pointed out with Neon Nights, we need to know how all the properties stand." I nodded again, an idea of where she was going with this forming in my mind. "Now you are a very visible person, especially in the company."

I laughed at that. "Not so visible. That asshole manager at Neon didn't recognize me at all."

"Really? That's interesting... I think that we could do a secret shopper event. Have you go in, test the facilities and relax."

"Well, you and I both know what will happen if we do that. Rumor will eventually have it where I am and what I am doing after we do a couple of places." Diana nodded, her fingers roving quickly over her tablet non-stop.

"How about... we get a team together as the "undercover inspectors" and they can arrive at each location a day before you. Kind of like a decoy?"

"I like it," I said, rubbing my finger under my chin in thought. My mind wanted to drift to how long the team would take, how long I would be "away" and, of course, what about Gideon. There was a knock on my office door, and I excused myself to answer it.

"Ma'am," Stevenson said, standing tall as I opened the door. "Sorry to interrupt, but your three o'clock is here."

"Thank you," I replied. "And Gideon?"

"Asleep, I believe Ma'am," he answered and I nodded, trying to repress a yawn.

"Tell her I will be a few more minutes." He nodded in understanding and closed the door, allowing us our privacy back. I turned back to Diana, whose fingers had finally stopped moving. I sat back in my chair, watching her closely. She returned my look, her eyes clear and non-judgmental. I smiled, glad she was here. Glad she had been here, with me, throughout the years.

"Diana, that video... It was me," I said quietly, the words like sandpaper. "It was... not consensual. I... don't know all that happened. I do know, though, that the video... it's seventy-eight minutes long. The problem is that..." I closed my eyes, every molecule in my body hating to have to go through this. "The problem is that there is probably seventy-two hours of the recorded crap. I know I was drugged for a portion of it, but I don't remember most of it."

She nodded slowly, concern etched on her face. It was real concern, not a worry about what it will do to the company or our people, but concern for me. "The IT guys are trying to find out where and how far it went," she said and I could only nod. "One of them has had a thought that he could release a virus, well, more like a anti-virus, that would only go where the video went and erase the video where ever it was found."

"Sounds dubious," I said, standing finally. "I have to wrap this up." She nodded, getting to her feet as well.

"I will work on a few ideas and carefully consider the options." I nodded, smiling at her. "Thank you. I don't know what I will decide but I do want to thank you. It's good to know that... Well, to be recognized," she said and I gave her one of my best smiles, drawing her into a hug.

"You deserve it," I said walking her out the door. Stevenson appeared behind me and when I turned to face him, he used his body to motion towards the patio, where Ana waited for me. "Would you tell her I will be a few more minutes? I need to use the bathroom."

"Yes Ma'am," he said. "I will inform her." I nodded and headed toward my room. I could have used one of the closer facilities, but this way I could check on Gideon.

I found him asleep on my bed, and I had to smile. He laid diagonally across the bed, one shoe still on, his jeans unbuttoned and unzipped, but that was as far as he had gotten before collapsing into the abyss of sleep. I watched his face, hoping to find peace among his features. Instead, his eyes were pinched, his eyebrows furrowed and his teeth ground together. This change in him was recent. I know, had he been this tense when I first walked in I would have known it. He was at the beginning of a nightmare. I climbed into the bed, my hands reaching for him.

"Gideon, I am here baby," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. Remembering what he had told me at the lake, I tried to use it for a advantage. My fingers reached for his face, the tips gliding softly along his cheek and down his jaw. "I am here, baby. I love you and I am here."

His body tensed, his muscles like iron. My fingers slowly and softly traced his features, my voice calling to him until, finally, after what seemed liked hours, his body began to relax. "I love you Gideon. I am here," I repeated, my voice unwavering, my touch not stopping.

"Shana," he whispered, his eyes opening and seeking mine. I nodded, giving him a small smile as he joined me on the same plane of existence. His hands reached for me, pulling me against him and I realized for the first time, how fast his heart was beating. It was evidence for how close he must have been to have been swallowed by another nightmare.

"I am here," I said again, feeling a sob deep within his chest. We held each other until I felt him relax back into the world of dreams. I pulled away from him, watching him as he settled back. His face was soft, no trace of trauma, no anger, no pain. I smiled crawling out from within his arms my need for the bathroom now more urgent then ever.

When I finished, I left the room after only checking on him once more. Sound asleep, his body relaxed, his mind at ease. I smiled softly, leaving him to rest, closing the door behind me.


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: Greetings all. Okay, I want to thank everyone for standing by, waiting and waiting for me to get internet hooked up. Good news, kinda... I HAVE finally gotten a job. It's not great, but it should cover some expenses. Including internet. In the mean time I will continue to write, and every once in a while, hoof it down to McDonald's and soak up some free wifi so I can load up a chapter.**

**The good news about the delay is that for your suffering, I am making the chapters a bit longer. :) On the bad news... my computer ate half of one of my chapters, but the good news is that I had already loaded it up onto FF. Yay!**

**That's all I gotta say about that, so, on with the reading. I do hope you enjoy this. And, for those of you who will be asking, I think Diana went back to her hotel room and drank everything in the wetbar fridge, and then called room service for more as her mind tried to comprehend what Shana offered her.**

* * *

Ana stood at the banister looking out onto the city below. The sun was high in the sky and the air was warm, but not quite uncomfortable. There was a breeze that tickled by, but that was not unusual. Skyscrapers are prone to the higher, cooler winds that are channeled through the labyrinth of city streets.

In this light I could see Ana clearly, her brown hair pulled back into a ponytail similar to mine, stray wisps dancing on the wind. She was close to my height, save that I was one, maybe two inches taller. She was also very thin, something I am quite certain my brother is trying to remedy.

"Sorry for the wait," I said, my voice cracking the silence between us. She turned, lowering her eyes, still a bit shy in my presence.

"It's all right," she said. "I didn't mind."

"Are you hungry," I asked as I came closer to the banister, my eyes searching the horizon.

"Yes, actually," she said with a giggle. "Christian was not happy I skipped a meal earlier, but was saving room for our lunch."

"Good, because I am hungry as well. Anything in particular you are hungry for, or do you have faith in my choice?"

"I think I can trust you," she said, a smirk tickling the corner of her lips. I was glad to see her shyness was wearing away quickly like the dew from a morning dawn once it's been caressed with the sun.

* * *

Stevenson drove us to the Tea Garden, which was a new concept, the restaurant tables were small and intimate, sprawling through three acres of meticulously groomed gardens. The center of the gardens housed the "kitchen" which looked like a large conservatory. In reality a portion of it was, housing some rare varieties of lettuces, heirloom tomatoes, and below, in the hidden cellars, a large wine room, and a separate room to grow mushrooms, which, were divine, or so I have been told.

We sat quietly, absorbing the ambiance, relaxing as our minds found peace. We were not alone in the garden "dining hall" but we also saw no sign of another table. A uniqueness of the Tea Garden was that you didn't order your meal. Each day there was a set meal, the first course arriving to your table as you do.

"This is lovely," Ana sighed, her large blue eyes soaking up the surroundings. We had a table that was tucked into the Russian Sage and Wisteria. Among the blue and purples of those plants, various wild flowers sprinkled the landscape. There was a light sound of bells, the wind seemed to have found random wind chimes to dance upon to create the mood music.

"It is, isn't it? I love it. You can't eat here when it's raining or snowing, but beyond that, it's... almost fairy tale like, isn't it?"

"Oh most certainly," she said, nodding quickly. "Must be a wonderful place for engagements. You know, popping the question?"

I nodded, smiling at the image of it in my head.

"Are you excited? About getting married," I asked, and she blushed, as she nodded.

"He is too. And nervous."

"Most men are, but he is a bit different then most. He never thought he would have a girlfriend, you know," I closed my eyes, picturing him and his nervousness about the future. He loves control, and now he was creating a future, and there is never going to be control in his future like he had as a single man. "But, I think that with you in his corner, the two of you may have a fantastic future ahead of you."

"Thank you," she mumbled. Her eyes looked down to her fingers, and I saw the destruction she was doing to her lilac linen napkin.

"What's on your mind, Ana?" She looked up at me, her cheeks turning crimson. I tilted my head and offered her my softest look, hoping to ease her mind. She released her strangle hold on the remains of the napkin, setting it down softly on the table, pressing it's creases with her fingertips, as if in apology.

"Do... do you think that I am after his money?" Her eyes begged me for honesty to the answer, and, I was glad she had decided to ask me. I smiled, reaching across the table, taking her hand in mine and giving it a soft squeeze.

"Hon, I know you aren't. And, I would knock the fuck out of anyone who thinks you are. I have seen the changes, how he's grown since you have been in his life. Mom has too. You have the both of us in your corner, and I know Mia and Elliot are there as well. You should not have to worry about having to prove anything because we know." She nodded, and offered me a small, soft smile. "You just need to continue to be yourself, do the same things you have been doing to Christian to allow him to continue to find himself. Above everything else, love him, and let him love you."

"Thank you," she said. Her smile grew and I shared her happiness at that.

"You are welcome," I returned with a matching smile. "That's what sisters are for. With that being said, Ana, I want you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to, or if you or Christian are ever in need of... well, anything, please know you can call on me. I'll never let anything stop me from coming back if I am needed."

"Do you think you aren't needed," she asked, and I had to pause to answer that.

"Sometimes I am, but sometimes, I don't know. I have... been out of touch with my family for so long. I have to get used to, well, being around them." She nodded, her eyes drifting out of focus, lost in thought. I let her be, waiting for her and whatever new question she had.

"Christian... he is glad you came back," she said finally, her eyes not looking at me. It was an admission she probably thought she shouldn't tell me. I am glad she did though.

"Has it changed things with you two?"

"Not exactly," she said, leaving a very pregnant pause with those words. After a moment, she continued her thought, and I tried to not seem too eager to know. "He is... well, he likes to have things done in certain ways, by certain people," she said haltingly. I nodded, knowing all too well how Christian is. "But you and Mia, when something happens when it involves either of you, he... changes. But," she said, raising her hand up, as if I were going to interrupt her. "He changes into a, well, he becomes energized. Like the other day when-." She stopped, mid sentence, her hand flying to her mouth, her eyes growing large.

"It's okay, you can tell me, or not, it is your choice," I said, as I started in on the salad that had been delivered to our table. It looked beautiful, but in all honesty, I hadn't a clue as to what it was, and I may have to leave a note about letting people know what they are eating. Not that you can come back and re-order it.

"I think... I should let you know... I got a email the other day. He saw it, realized before I did, what it was. He was on the phone for hours trying to track down how it was sent, who sent it, how come I got it..." She paused after that, watching me. I closed my eyes, shaking my head at the words. "If you don't want to talk about it, I understand."

"What's your question about it," I asked, feeling my voice as cold as the words had sounded.

"That... was from those three days, wasn't it?" I nodded quietly, exhaling a slow breath. "He's... been worried about it, the video I mean. And you, of course." I gave her a small smile, acknowledging her words.

"I've got a good team working on it. Chrissy shouldn't lose sleep over it." She nodded, a sign to me that he's probably had had a nightmare or two over it already. "Thank you, though. For telling me. It's creating a small mess in my life. But, not one I will succumb to. I am a stubborn woman, and these challenges, though I was terribly shocked about it at first, I think I can battle this dragon."

She smiled at me, nodding. "And, you will remember that you have a army behind you that will help you?" I grinned, nodding.

"I was a fool when I was younger. The great thing about getting knocked down as a kid is that you bounce back faster, and you can take the knock as a lesson. The bitch knocked me down when I was a kid, and I struggled to get back up. Now she's trying to knock me down again. I may be older, but so is she. I have learned lessons to help take down a dragon, throw them over a spit and have a luau. All she has left is smoke."

Ana grinned at me, and we both settled back into the reality of the restaurant, the ambiance, and we both decided in one way or another, that we would be good friends past this point. Who would have thought, this little mousy girl with big bold blue eyes would tame my brother, show him love, chase his demons away, and because of her, Elliot and Mia are both in love as well.

* * *

I was glad that the late lunch had actually been a light fair and that once we were finished, that we both lived in the same building. I was exhausted, and I knew there was a good chance I would fall asleep in the elevator before I got to my apartment.

Ana and I both rode the same elevator to our residences, allowing me to stumble out before she rode it the rest of the way up to Christian's place. I dragged myself through my door, stumbling my way through my home before finding my bed where I collapsed before falling into the deep abyss of sleep.

* * *

I awoke feeling a heavy weight laying across my chest, my body was suffocatingly hot. I opened my eyes, finding the room dark, Gideon sound asleep next to me, his arm thrown across my chest, his head on my shoulder, and his leg wrapped around both of mine. It was then that I noticed I was stripped naked. I tried to remember when I had removed my clothes, but I knew I had collapsed into the bed fully clothed. I smiled, thinking Gideon had to have woken and divested me of my clothes.

It was after that thought that I realized I had to figure out a way to crawl out of the bed without waking him so I could use the restroom and get something to eat. My stomach growled in agreement.  
Gideon's hand moved then, his palm cupping my breast, and I looked over at him, seeing his blue eyes watching me.

"Good morning," I whispered.

"I don't think it's anywhere near morning," he said with a smirk, his fingertips circling my nipple. My stomach growled again, and he moved, lowering his head to my belly and kissing my navel. "She will feed you in a moment," he said. I could only smile at him, my mind going forward in time to what he would be like if I were pregnant and then I quickly shucked that thought, hiding it in a box hidden deep in my mind.

"Are you hungry," I asked him, and he looked up at me, his eyes hooded in the darkness of lust. "For food," I amended. "I will need food if you have any thoughts to testing how awake I am," I said with a wink, and he moved his head up my chest, laying kisses down a path to end at my lips.

His kiss was always breathtaking. Like everything else he does, he made it fully about us. His lips were soft and kind. He opened his lips slowly, his tongue tracing my lips. I parted my lips, inviting him in. I was always hungry for his kisses, for his taste. He slowly pulled away from my lips, and I whimpered at his denial.

"You need sustenance " his whispered, resting his forehead against mine, his hand still not leaving my breast. I gave him a small smile and nodded because it was true. He disentangled his limbs from my body and I got out of bed. "God you're gorgeous," he said, his eyes following my naked body to the bathroom. I blushed, glad he couldn't see it in the darkness.

When I was finished in the bathroom, I came back into the bedroom, and found the bed empty. I grabbed my blue silk robe, and put it on as I made my way to the kitchen.

The kitchen was as dark and as empty as the rest of the apartment. I was slightly surprised to have not found Gideon in the kitchen, but was still not quite awake to wonder where he might have gone. I pulled out a skillet, and set it upon the stove. I figured I could make eggs, something quick and easy, and high in protein. I smiled, thinking of other forms of protein as I cracked open a egg, dropping it's contents into the skillet.

I gasped, startled when I felt hands wrap around my waist. Gideon pulled me to him, resting his chin on my shoulder. He inhaled deeply, his breath tickling my earlobe. "Smells delicious," he said.

"I only just started," I said, and he chuckled, kissing my neck.

"The eggs smell good too," he agreed.

"They'll smell burnt if you don't let go of me," I said, turning in his arms to face him, my arms resting on his neck. His eyes pierced me, searching my soul. I kissed him again, but it was a chaste, quick kiss, before I let go of him.

He didn't let go of me, though, instead resting his forehead against mine, his eyes closed, his voice soft. "I'll never let you go," he whispered with conviction. After another moment, he did release me just in time to flip the egg. I heard him behind me, move to settle down on a bar stool at the breakfast bar.

I found some frozen shredded potatoes in the freezer, and added them to the skillet. I chopped a small onion, quickly adding it, and dished them up to serve. I set the two plates down, added two glasses of orange juice and came around the bar. I stood next to Gideon, who arched a eyebrow at me in question. I grinned, and then climbed up onto his lap. With a arm around me, we ate, every once in awhile, he would feed me a fork full, and I would feed him. It was midnight bliss.

When our plates were empty, I didn't want to move from his lap. I laid my head on his shoulder, sighing contently. He wrapped both his arms around me, holding me closely. I felt his lips press a soft kiss between my eyebrows, and then he rested his head against mine and I felt him mimic my sigh.


	44. Chapter 44

Each city has it's own uniqueness when it comes to dawn. The sounds of a city waking from a night's slumber seem so different to me. New York is loud, the street hawkers starting early selling their vendor's fairs. The smells of various foods cooking on a multitude of different grills, skillets, hot pads, all seem to come together to entice your sense.

In Seattle, the early morning starts quieter, like a bear slowly waking from it's winter nap. The vehicle traffic is not as boisterous but, the sea traffic, that is a whole different story. Down at the market, there are the fish vendors, who welcome in the stock that arrives on the boats, the vendors' loud voices calling at each other, barking directives, calling shots, and tossing fish overhead. The tourists love to be there, though in the first few hours they choose to sleep in rather then see a early morning with burly fishermen.

The light of the city as dawn approaches can be spectacular In New York, the sun rises, but by the time you can actually see it crest over the buildings, it's late in the afternoon. In Seattle, the sun rises in spectacular flare. The best part, for me, is if you are up early enough, and are at the right altitude, when the sun rises, you can see it's light reflected off the peaks of Mount Rainier The golden light races to stream through the city streets, daring the day to rush forward and enjoy itself. This was always my favorite part. I had always loved to watch it, and it was one of those feelings you could ache for but never truly replace or recreate anywhere else.

I stood on my balcony, sipping my cup of coffee and admiring the morning sunrise when Gideon joined me. As he had last night, he wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder after placing a soft kiss under my earlobe. I leaned back into him, closing my eyes, soaking in the feeling of being, at least for the moment, perfectly, and wonderfully content.

"So, what's your plan for the day," he asked, his breath tickling the fine hairs on my ears.

"Mmmmm, well, I have to call Mia, and Welch," I said, turning around in his arms to face him. I smiled, seeing him in one of his tailored blue suits, everything precisely correct in their location save his neck tie that wasn't quite straight. I set my coffee cup down and reached up, straightening his tie. As I moved it in position I smiled, watching his eyes close, content to have this moment of pure domesticity.

"Thank you," he said as he placed a light kiss on my cheek. I wondered for just a moment if he hadn't purposefully made sure his tie wasn't straight just so we could have this moment.

"My pleasure," I replied, surprised at how good it actually felt to be able to do that. "So what about you? Your plans?"

"Well, I have to go look into a few properties I am considering," he said, a twinkle in his eye.

"In Seattle," I asked my voice pitching higher then intended.

"Yes," he said, nodding.

"I love you, but I swear to God, you pick a battle over a piece of property between you and my brother, I'll kick your ass."

He laughed at that, running his fingers through my hair. "No, I have talked to him about it already. He said he wasn't interested in it." I nodded, glad the two of them were able to work together. "I have a lunch meeting..." He said, his voice and eyes going distant for a moment. "Sha, I want to be honest with you. Not try to hide, or make anything look like I am hiding anything from you."

I pulled away from him a little, setting my eyes on his, but not far enough away so he didn't feel as if I was pulling away from him and his touch. "Honesty will always be the best thing. You won't have to keep up a storage of lies to back it up."

He nodded, and I saw his face settle into agreement. "The lunch meeting is with Eva," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Okay," I said, giving him a smile.

"Okay? That's it? You aren't going to... I don't know, go into a fit of jealousy?" I smiled at him, and leaned forward, rising to my tip toes and placing a kiss on his nose.

"I trust you, Gideon." He looked at me, his eyes amazed at my words, and apparently my ease with the subject. "So, I will see you at dinner then," I asked, mentally going over my schedule making sure I don't forget anything.

He nodded. "Most definitely " He pulled me into another embrace, and I wrapped my arms tightly around him before I let him go for the day.

"I love you," I said, the words solid between us, and his embrace tightened a hair more.

"And I love you, Ms. Grey. Don't you forget that." I let him go then, a smile on my lips as I watched him leave.

* * *

"Mia! You're up early," I said as I answered the phone. It had started to ring not a second after I climbed out of my shower. Dripping water everywhere, I was excited to talk to her.

"It's nerves," she giggled and I laughed in return. Starting your own business will keep you up late for weeks, and makes it harder for you to sleep when you need to.

"Use a gym, hon. You can burn off the extra energy, stay fit, and it can center your mind," I suggested. "It works wonders for me, Gideon and Christian."

"So," Mia started, dragging the sound out. "How was it? You didn't tell anyone yet, did you?"

"Mia! I told you I wouldn't." I grinned, knowing she would love a report. "Mia, it was delicious. Absolutely perfect. There was a small issue, but easily overcome. I think you should have a card on the tables, letting the guests know what the dishes are. How is the allergy thing going?"

"I had considered a menu card, it was still being tossed in the air, but I think you may be right. I think it's going well. Making them do the reservations online, and confirming allergies seems to settle the lawyer's interests, and the chefs seem to really like the cooking menus. What did you like?"

"Oh that salad, it was wonderful. There was a slight hint of heat, and then it was cooled delightfully so that it seemed I wasn't sure the heat had been there at all. And, you know me and feta cheese. It really was great. So, are you almost set for your grand opening?"

"I am scared to death, but yes!" I laughed at her excitement. "Have you figured out how to tell them?"

"Yeah, I think I would like to come for one more dinner, for the family, before the grand opening. And, Mia, with the restaurant, are you still wanting to help with the wedding?"

"Oh yes! I have so many ideas, a full book of everything. I want to get together with Ana and go over it, but I have been at the restaurant a lot lately." I nodded, fully understanding.

"Well, how about we do the dinner, say tomorrow night, give your place a bigger test, and you and Ana can go over things then. Maybe she could arrive a bit earlier." Mia agreed, just as giddy as always, and ever ready to tackle anything.

I told her I would invite the family to try a new place out, and let her go back to her work. It was so good to see her doing something she loved to do, and be able to help her achieve her goal. She was nervous, of course, of letting Christian know, because he knew, as I did, that the restaurant business was not a easy one to work at, and profits were slippery at best. But, sometimes when it comes to family, you just have to take that leap of faith.

* * *

I had just gotten off the phone when it rang through again. I sighed, wondering if I would be able to get dressed today, or if this would be one of those days where everything got done before lunch.

"Sha!" Elliot yelled through the phone, to which I had to pull away from my ear, the shout still ringing away.

"Damn it Elliot! How many times do I have to tell you that it's a phone, not a megaphone?"

"Sorry," he yelled back, and then the background noise settled out. Obviously he either stepped into his office, or his truck. "Sorry about that," he said more quietly.

"I swear, I am going to send you my hearing aid bill." He laughed his boisterous belly laugh, making me grin. "What's up?"

"Hey, we got those drawing done and wanted to go over them with you," he said, making me smile at the speed of his work.

"Awesome. I can get down to your site... in about a hour," I said, checking my watch. He agreed, and we ended the call. Today is appearing to be a much better day then yesterday and my spirits were high. I should have known it wouldn't last long.

* * *

Stevenson had chosen the R8, a sleek machine with the darkest tinted windows next to the limousine I hadn't noticed, as my hands were trying to access my mail on my BlackBerry. I had settled into the seat, and felt the car start, but when we hadn't moved, my eyes moved away from the screen of the phone and notice Stevenson's eyes watching me in the mirror.

"Is there a problem," I inquired.

"Your seat belt Ma'am." I nodded, and settled the belt over my shoulder and around my waist, tugging on it to confirm it was clicked properly. "Thank you Ma'am," he said, nodding, pulling the car forward slowly.

I watched out the darkened windows as we pulled out, groaning deeply as the media paparazzi ctivated a hundred flashes, filming my withdrawal from the building. I sunk back into the lush leather seats, wishing it was a dream, or a nightmare even, anything, maybe. Just... not reality.

"How long have they been here," I asked, Stevenson's eyes going back up to the mirror to see me.

"Since 4 am," he said, his voice steady. "Escala security alerted us," he said, his eyes going back to the road.

"Did Gideon have trouble leaving?"

"No Ma'am," he replied, and I nodded, glad his day was started without dealing with this. I sent him a quick text, letting him know to not return to Escala, and then called Taylor.

"Taylor," his leathery voice answered, and as always, it made me smile.

"Taylor, has Christian or Ana left the building yet?"

"Yes Ma'am. We know about the media. You... Are you just leaving now?"

"Yes," I grumbled, not happy that no one said anything to me.

"I am sorry, Ma'am. I thought you had left when Mr. Cross left." I could hear in his voice how he was going to berate his team later, but I couldn't find fault with his initial thoughts. Gideon and I had gone everywhere together, it was something that was easily assumed.

"We may change locations tonight," I said, trying to think of the logistics, and not wanting to run from my home because of some vicious bitch.

"I understand. If you will let me know when you make a decision, I will inform Mr. Grey."

"Thank you." I ended the call. My phone beeped seconds after I had finished with Taylor to find Gideon had sent a return text to me.

* * *

**From: Gideon Cross**  
**Subject: Media**  
**Date: June 30, 2013 19:08**  
**To: Shana Grey**

**Are you okay?**

**Gideon x**

* * *

**From: Shana Grey**  
**Subject: Surprised**  
**Date: June 30, 2013 19:08**  
**To: Gideon Cross**

**Yeah, was just surprised by the media.**  
**Considering a different place to sleep tonight.**

**~ S**

* * *

**From: Gideon Cross**  
**Subject: Sleeping Beauty**  
**Date: June 30, 2013 19:08**  
**To: Shana Grey**

**As long as it's still next to me I'll remain happy.**

**Gideon x**

* * *

**From: Shana Grey**

**Subject: Hmmm**  
**Date: June 30, 2013 19:08**  
**To: Gideon Cross**

**I'll keep that in mind.**

**~ S**


	45. Chapter 45

**A/N: Greetings my wonderful readers and all those who are struggling with me as I deal with internet issues.**

**A special thanks should go out to Sheery Peevyhouse for a small rescue when FF wouldn't allow additional chapters to load. Why the problem? Cause I am stupid. Yep. It's all on me this time. :)**

**NORMALLY I thank certain fans, reviewers, roommates and readers for being there for me, helping me, or your wonderful support.**

**In THIS A/N though... There is a change. Chapters 45, 46 and 47 (and possibly 48) Are going to have a special note:**

**To Bronze Goddess,**

**My rock to my scissors; Chica, you crack me up. Your Paging Dr. Steele has made me addicted to FF, and it is because of you that I have made some great new friends and followers, as well as pointing out great stories I needed to read. I love your pintrest additions, and your recipes are beyond awesome. **

**These next 3 or 4 chapters are dedicated to you.**

**~ Killy**

* * *

We pulled up to the construction site Elliot was working on sans the media. To say I was relieved would be to put it mildly. Never was I so glad to see upturned earth, bare iron I-beams and relaxing muscled men. Well... I am always glad to see relaxing muscled men.

As Stevenson parked the car next to a office trailer, Elliot exited, carrying two hard hats and a broad grin. He was followed by a tall, salon perfect woman, who looked far out of place on a construction site, yet who managed to wear a hard hat with a flare of style. "Shana," she said, her teeth perfectly aligned and brilliantly bright beamed at me.

"Hello Gia," I said, accepting the hard hat from Elliot. "It's been awhile."

Gia has been a friend of the family for quite a few years, and, one of the many women Elliot had chosen to date for awhile. Besides being tall and blonde the woman was, admittedly, a really great architect. She has done work for both residential and commercial, her firm winning awards nearly every year for her concepts. Despite her skills as a architect, it is her flirting that has always been a issue for me. And, if rumors hold true, and no one has ever countered them otherwise, she doesn't just flirt with the men of Grey House.

"Too long," she said, her eyes wondering over to Elliot. My gaze narrowed, watching as Elliot tried to ignore her looks, and I watched him take a step away from her as he turned around to usher us both into his trailer.

"Elliot, give Gia and I a moment, please." Elliot nodded, opening the door for Stevenson to walk through. Gia looked at me, tilting her perfectly coiffed head to the side, waiting in wonder for me. "Gia, how have you been," I asked, smiling politely.

"Oh, busy, here and there. Economy isn't quite what it used to be. However, it allows me to be more focused on the jobs I do have commissioned." I nodded, understanding that.

"Well, now that we both know how business is... Let me make something perfectly clear. If you plan on fawning over anyone, it will be me, and it is not something I want to deal with. You will not flirt, giggle or touch my brothers, is that clear?" Her hand reached up to her neck, her fingers twining around her diamond solitaire pendant.

"I don't think I understand what you are intimating," she said, her voice quieter.

"That's all right. I can demonstrate what I will do, if I catch you doing it," I said, feeling my lips turn into a feral grin. She shook her head, and for a moment I saw a flame of fear flit across her eyes and then she was back to the professional architect she was.

* * *

A hour later, we were finished going over her drawings, making changes, adding and subtracting items from the project. I was quite content when we were through. I loved being able to mark off items as "done" on a check list. Elliot and I stayed behind in his trailer after Gia left, discussing further the project and the dinner for the following night.

I sat down on the well worn-out leather couch that occupied a section of his office, mindful of the markings on it that could be anything, considering his crew; mud, oil, ink, etc. He perched on the corner of his desk facing me, looking not as confident as he normally is. "So," he started, drawing out the o sound, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "How long are you going to stick around?"

"You anxious for me to leave?"

"No," he said quickly and then grinned realizing I was mocking him. "No, it's just... I kinda miss you. The last couple of years, it's been, well, rather lonely. Mia in France, Christian being Christian and, well... you who knows where."

I smiled at him, my heart tugging at the thought that I was missed. "Well... I have this thing I have to do for work soon, and it will hopefully keep me out of the public eye so those damn videos can fall into a historical waste bin. But, I will try to stay in touch more. I don't want anyone to have the power like she has had, keeping me from my family, and, I am sorry for all we went through because of it." He nodded, and I was glad that we could understand each other.

"I'll be here for the wedding, and back and forth over time." I stood and he smiled as I hugged my older brother, glad he was in my life. He hugged me, and, as if he couldn't remember what he was suppose to do, he patted my back like he would Christian. "And, if you get to feeling lonely, you can always just call me," I said and he grinned at me.

"I am not sure that will happen much now," he laughed and I saw his eyes take on a shade of happiness. He was in love. He was as in love as Christian was and that made my day even better and my heart even lighter.

* * *

The day had seemed full on my mental schedule, each stop Stevenson took me too, I exhaled a breath I hadn't known I was holding, glad to find no paparazzi lurking about. Somehow or another it seemed that they honestly had no clue as to where I had gone, and I wondered which of my token saints I owed thanks to.

It was just past dusk as we drove through the heart of downtown Seattle, the traffic was finally starting to wane from rush hour to the "night traffic". Cars were no longer honking, the urge to get somewhere fast was gone, and I seemed to relax further into my seat as we drove on.

I realized, then, that I hadn't heard from Gideon since my texts to him when we had left in the morning. It is not like him, to not call or text no matter how busy he has been. But then... He was meeting with Eva. Or he had, at lunch. My mind wanted to roll over that thought, pull it out, see all the significance to it, make comparisons to the past, but I refused to allow that to happen. I didn't even want to ask myself, "Why is she in Seattle?" so I didn't.

I don't want to be a jealous, conniving bitch, and for most of my life, I haven't. Yes, I have been called a bitch, I certainly know how to be one, but jealousy is not a monster I wish to contain in the zoo of my mind. Jealousy makes you paranoid, let's you see things that aren't there, that some things or statements don't mean what they mean, and it's a hunger that is always craving more. Jealousy is what could destroy friendships and relationships and it was not something I want.

Gideon had a lunch meeting with Eva.

He had come out and told me honestly with a fear I might strike against it. He had been shocked when I hadn't.

I know that he loved Eva, he probably still does, in his heart, and I can accept that. Eva had done amazing things for Gideon just as Ana had for Christian, and I can't hate her for that. If she hadn't loved him, he would be a different Gideon. More like the Gideon he had been when we had first met.

I had loved him then, of course, but I was to stubborn and bull headed to see what was good for me. Or for us even. But, if I had seen it, if we had remained together, I'm not so sure he would have grown as he had with Eva. Learned to truly love, to not have to control everything. I sighed deeply, resting my head against the glass of the car thinking about him and all the what if's.

I had been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't noticed we had come to a stop until Stevenson opened my door, extending a hand to help me out of the vehicle. I peered around the car, realizing we were in front of Diva's but unsure as to why.

"Ma'am," he said as my hand reached for him. I stepped out, throwing a questioning look at Stevenson who only gave me a slight nod before indicating I was to go into Diva's. I looked at my watch, seeing it was just after six, and could read on the door their hours were clearly until five.

The door opened then, a tall thin woman. Her hair was a stylish close cropped hair cut, but it was a vibrant white. Almost as if to point out her age and flaunt it, along with her classic beauty looks. She stood before me, her smile wide and bright. She wore a dazzling dress, long and flowing, it was ruby red and it fit her as if it was design for her and no other. I knew her immediately. Marcia Stern, Designer to the Elite. The woman's style, grace and knowledge was limitless, and if this woman dressed you, you would never have to fear a walk down a red carpet.

"Ms. Grey," she said, her hands extended out to greet me. I gave her mine and she leaned in to air kiss both of my cheeks. "It's a honor to finally meet you," she said with a flourish.

"The honor is mine," I returned, offering her a honest smile. "But I am uncertain what is going on or why I am here."

"Ahhh," she said, a glint in her hazel eyes as she walked me through the doors. "I fear I cannot tell you, for I was only asked to help get you ready." I raised a eyebrow at her, but she only laughed as she clapped her hands together and a army of beauticians ran forward.

Over the next hour, I was waxed, clipped, prodded, poked, my nails were done, both mani and pedi, my hair was trimmed and styled and I was bedecked in the most delicious looking lingerie (Stern Style Originals) and all that was finished off with a gorgeous beaded lilac gown, also a Stern Style Original, of course, and a breathtaking pair of crystal beaded Louboutins.

I felt like a million bucks. Well, to be perfectly honest, that is about how much I was wearing, I thought, chuckling inside my head as I looked at my reflection.

"Gorgeous, just simply divine," Marcia said, glowing at my reflection. I returned her smile and thanked her and her team for all their work. "Now," she said, taking my hand in hers and walking with me to the door. "You must hurry along, Cinderella." She laughed, pulling me in for another set of air kisses and then practically shoving me out the door, but because it was Marcia Stern, she shoved with a flare of style.

As I stepped out, expecting the R8 and Stevenson, I was rather surprised to find instead a white stretch limousine and Stevenson was there, but now instead, he was in a tuxedo with a top hat. It wasn't the first time I have seen him in a tuxedo, but he looked amazing now. I always did have a thing for men and hats, I thought with a wry smile on my lips.

"Doug, you look smashing," I said as he greeted me. I saw a bit of pink rise to his cheeks as he bent in a half bow, accepting the compliment.

"Thank you Ms. Grey. You are a vision as well," he said and I returned his compliment with a partial curtsy. He helped me and my gown climb into the car, and I inhaled, finding a gift box on the seat.

"So... Are you going to enlighten me on what the plan is," I said as I gently laid the golden wrapped box on my lap, running my fingers along the red velvet ribbon that crossed it.

"No Ma'am," he said, his eyes reflected at me in his mirror. I smiled, then, well, a larger smile then I had been wearing since I stepped into Diva's. "You are to open that, though," he said and I nodded. I wanted to open it. I just wanted to open it near the gift giver, let them see the smile from the gift. But, I had a feeling that my smile could grow no bigger then it already was, so I slowly pulled the ribbon as we drove away from Diva's.

Once the ribbon was off, I unwrapped the box, my mind rolling around the possibilities of it's contents. That's one of the best things about gifts, besides the joy of giving them. It's the Possibilities. Everything and anything could be within, and many times once you open it, it's far far from what you had expected. Except, maybe, when Gideon sends gifts. His are normally far far above anything you could expect.

Once the gold paper was removed, the box opened to reveal three items. The first was a mason jar with white sand and a few sea shells. The second was a old green glass bottle with a waxed cork. Inside the bottle a small piece of paper was visible. I picked it up carefully, gently turning it in my hands, and then setting it back into the box with it's due reverence. The last item was a small Tiffany blue ring box. I smiled at it, picking it up to hold within my hands.

My fingers gently traced the shape of the box, going over the seam, and the bubble in the material that hid the hinge to the small box. I held my breath as I opened the box, finding a ring with X's intertwined with a golden rope design. I picked the ring out of the box, holding it in my hand. I wrapped my fingers around it and raised it to my lips. _A promise made is a promise kept,_ I thought as I slowly placed the ring on my ring finger of my right hand.

* * *

The car came to a stop, and Stevenson stepped out, walking to my door. The valet, however, opened the door and then stepped aside as Stevenson stepped up, once again extending his hand to me, assisting me as I climbed out of the car. I handed him the gift box, and then accepted his hand, smiling and whispering a thank you to him.

Once I was out, and my gown was resettled around my body, he handed the box back to me, and then offered his elbow for me to take. Apparently he was going to escort me inside, and I couldn't be happier.

We glided up the stairs at the entrance, I was supposed to keep my eyes forward, at the doors, but with a long gown, high heels and steps, I knew better then to remove my eyes from my feet. Within just a few minutes we were at the top of the dozen steps or so, and I exhaled a breath I hadn't known I was holding.

"You all right," Stevenson whispered, and I nodded bashfully.

"I had a fear I was going to make a spectacular fall in this dress," I confessed with a light laugh.

"I would have caught you," he assured me as we walked in and I knew it was true.

We entered the double glass doors, walking into a large reception area. We were at The Playhouse. The Playhouse was a old opera house that over the years had become a stage for Vaudeville, motion pictures, and then a regular movie theatre before the owners left the area, leaving the building to decay. A group of historians managed to save her though, putting her on historical registries and eventually finding a buyer that not only wanted to restore her original beauty, but also use it to become a five star restaurant.

Where there had once been hand painted murals and gold leaf, hand lettered signage, it was again. All the old murals were saved, or repainted thanks to a large selection of photographs that had been taken over the years. The garish dark red that had been the colors of the carpet and seating when it had been the opera house, the colors were reused again. Now, however, they were the cushions of the dining chairs and the tablecloths.

Stepping into the building you are instantly transported back into a time when this building was young and full of promise. It's one of my favorite places, but all old movie houses had that appeal to me.  
We walked into the main hall, and there, in the center of the room, stood Gideon, resplendent in a full tuxedo, tails and top hat. He looked edible. Stevenson paused, turned to me, and raised my hand to his lips. "Have a good evening Shana," he said and then gave Gideon a small bow before turning away.

Gideon stepped forward, extending a hand for me and I blushed. He took the box from me and placed it down on a table. Music rolled through the cavernous dining hall and he guided me towards the dance floor. He pulled me close, our bodies swaying to the light orchestra music and I leaned into him, inhaling deeply his glorious scent.

"You look lovely," he said, his body turning with the music.

"So do you," I replied, pulling my head away so I could look up at him. "This was a wonderful surprise, thank you."

He smiled down at me, and I watched as he raised my now ringed finger to his lips, placing a soft kiss on it. "I wasn't sure you would wear it," he said, his eyes seeking mine.

"Why," I asked, watching him closely. I had always loved the promise ring and what it had meant to us. I had been quite sure he had known that.

"Because of... how it was returned." I flinched, remembering how I had returned it, but nodded, letting him know I understood.

"That was a hard time," I said softly, as our feet danced together. "We were younger and not sure of anything. Now, well, we're different." He nodded, leaning closer and then I felt his warm soft lips on my forehead. I sighed at the tenderness of his kiss.

As the song we were dancing to came to a end, he turned me and walked me to our table, which now had our first course laid out on it, and I smiled, delighted to be able to sit in this wonderful location, soak up the ambiance, eat excellent food, and be with Gideon. He pulled out my chair for me, and I sat, and then he sat, a grin tickling his lips.

"You liked the box," he asked as we started in on the oysters that were laid before us. I nodded, picking up a shell and tilting my head as I brought it to my lips. I loved eating them in front of him. I knew how it made him hard, as he watched me slurp the meat down.

"I did," I said taking a sip of wine that he had chosen to go with the meal. "But, I did want to ask you about it," I said, lifting another oyster to my lips. I slurped down it's contents and watched Gideon as he swallowed hard watching me.

"Go on then," he said.

"The message in the bottle," I began and he nodded, a large smile on his lips. "Is it that one?" He nodded again, sitting back in his seat, his hand holding his glass of wine, slowly rotating it, stirring the essence inside. "How did you find it?"

"Oh, a little bit of luck, a smidgen of magic, and a couple of meteorologists and some beach combers helped me." I grinned at him then, so glad he was here. Not just here in Seattle, but here, with me.

* * *

Our first course finished and Gideon stood again, sweeping me away from our table, to dance another waltz on the floor, or as close to what one might consider a waltz now-a-days. He held me close, and I couldn't resist resting my head on his chest as I let him lead me in the dance.

He felt strong and powerful, his steps sure as we moved across the floor. His intoxicating scent mesmerized me as much as the fact that he bought the restaurant out just so we could eat a nice intimate dinner. And dance, I reminded myself as he spun us slowly around again. As the song ended he guided us back to our table, our next course sitting waiting for us to sit and enjoy it. Before he allowed me to sit he caressed the side of my face softly. I sighed, closing my eyes and tilting my head into his caress.

I felt his lips, warm, soft and moist lay upon mine. The kiss was reassuring. It had no need, no desire, no want in it. It was a kiss that said simply, "I am here. I love you." I felt the pressure of his lips pull away from mine and I opened my eyes, finding the deep pools of his blue eyes watching me.

"God I love you," I whispered and watched his lips curl into a smile.

"And I love you, Sha," he said as he sat. I couldn't help but smile, watching him, enjoying how the candle light from our table's centerpiece danced upon his features.

Together, we ate our second course, our eyes barely leaving each other. I know that the dish was a salad, but beyond that I couldn't tell you.

* * *

Our dinner went on in this pattern, a course, a dance and a kiss. With each course the kiss deepened and my need grew. I loved this man more then I ever thought I could have. He has shown his heart, his kindness, his love, his need, his strength and his will to me. He has stood tall with fire in his eyes to fight for me, and with his heart on his sleeve to care for me.

"You were afraid," he said, raising his linen napkin to his lips, dabbing at his chin like a true gentleman.

"I was," I asked, my fork pausing in the air. He grinned at me, nodding his head towards my hand. The one wearing his ring. "Oh," I said feeling a blush rise to my cheeks.

"What had you thought, when you saw it?" He pushed his plate towards the center of the table, and then settled his elbows on the table, steepling his arms to rest his chin on his fingertips.

"Well," I started, lowering my fork and pushing the plate forward as well. "When I saw the jar of seashells and the message in the bottle, I thought of the beach house." He nodded, and I smiled. That was what he wanted me to think of. The beach house and a stolen weekend after a horrible week for both of us, and everything between us had seemed to begun to grind into painful meetings, rushed sex, and verbal arguments that challenged the decibel readings of local municipalities. We had begun to hate the minutes we were together but we still loved the hours we had spent with each other. It was, if one were to describe it, a war of time between our hearts.

But, Gideon, being the man he is, he knew what we had needed. A man who can be amazing with details, who will make sure your favorite shampoo is at every hotel you stay in, whether it's from his chain or not. Who manages to know every name in your contact lists without too much hacking. (And he is one of the reasons why I recruit new hackers every year to help protect my servers.) This man, he knew when we had reached a breaking point and kidnapped me.

Well, kidnapped is a strong word.

I had been just leaving a meeting at the Bank of Manhattan and I had climbed into my Escalade, it wasn't until I had settled down into the leather when I noticed the driver was not one of mine. Fear had gripped my heart for a moment until I saw bright blue eyes glinting at me in the reflection of the driver's mirror.

He drove for a hour, half of the time I was yelling at him, fuming at the audacity of his ability to take me against my will. I had never figured out, and I didn't need to know really, how he had managed to turn off my cell phone and my laptop so that I was unable to send out for help. But who would I have called anyways? Apparently my "security" had assisted in the kidnapping.

After the first hour he finally pulled the vehicle over at a rest stop, and I climbed out furious at him. I had stopped yelling and thrashing around while in the car because it was useless. It had been a waste of energy. But once out of the car, I exploded at him, rushing towards him, my lungs filling with fresh oxygen. I wrapped my arms around him in a lunge, my legs tripping him so he fell. He pulled me down, but I twisted in the fall, making him land first.

My fist had slammed into his jaw and the painful fire that rushed through my hand indicated to me that the hit had been spot on. He had grunted, trying to grab my hands, hold me back from inflicting more harm, and he was losing his battle until I felt arms wrap around my arms and pry me from him.

I struggled in their grips but I wouldn't drop my gaze from him. I had watched as he slowly got to his feet, shaking his arms out and rubbing at his jaw where I had landed my best hit.

"That was good, now you know you can hold your own," he said walking towards me. I watched, my thought boiling in my mind over all the possibilities of what could happen in the next few minutes.

"What the hell are you doing," I growled, still held back by the men who had pulled me off of him. He nodded at both men and my arms were released, surprising me. I turned to look at both men and was shocked to find both were on my payroll. "Stewart, Taylor, explain yourselves," I said, forcing the words.

Taylor had stepped forward, his head bowed, his hands clasped behind him. "Sha- Ma'am, there is a plan and... He has a plan and we can't discuss the details."

"Taylor, pack your bags." I turned to Stewart who seemed to have become smaller then he had been a few minutes earlier. "And you have what to say," I demanded from him.

"Ma'am, he approached us with a plan to help you."

"To help me," I spat out. "Excuse me. Explain to me how kidnapping me and driving me to the middle of fucking nowhere is HELPING ME."

"Sha," Gideon started but I spun on him, raising my finger to point at his head.

"When I am ready to question you, I will be facing you. For now, you keep your damn mouth shut." I spun back to face my two security men, or two ex-security men to be more precise, pointing my finger at them. "You have violated not only your contract with me, but I personally feel violated. Your job is to protect me and instead you help someone, whether it is Gideon or not, you helped him to commit a felony."

It was then that my adrenaline had started to wane. My hand started to shake and I felt my legs weaken. I inhaled a deep breath, trying to regain my footing but it was a challenge I was going to lose. I finally turned to Gideon, who had stood patiently and quietly behind me, waiting.

"Why?"

He slowly approached me, his hands raised up in the "I am unarmed" position in front of him. "Do you trust me," he asked, his voice low and soft. I had looked at him, my adrenaline leaving me faster and faster and I just couldn't answer him. I shrugged as he pulled me close to him, allowing me a comfort as I wept, the end result of an adrenaline crash.

After that, the four of us traveled, Stewart driving the Escalade while Gideon held me, discussing his plans to get away. To hide from the realities of life for a weekend, to live on the beach, relax in a beach house, with no one knowing where we are, no one able to contact us, to just let us relax and recharge.

He had been right. We had had that wonderful weekend, relaxing together, walking along the beach, watching as the tide rolled in, star gazing at night, and the best part had been the love making. For the first time in a long time it wasn't just sex. It was slow, languid, luscious love making. We were in no hurry, and we had all the time in the world to explore each other and find all the ways we knew to enjoy each other as well as finding new ways. The weekend had been perfect.

On our last night, as we walked the shoreline, hand in hand, we threw a bottle into the ocean with a message. We had each written a wish down and slipped them into the small green bottle, corking it and then I dripped wax from a candle over it to protect it further. I had wanted the wish to travel long and far.

Gideon had thrown it with his well defined arm. It had sailed like a shooting star before it landed into the water, the out-going tide taking our wishes on their journey. With the bottle on it's way, we made love on the beach.


	46. Chapter 46

The music had begun again, this time the tune was familiar and unlike the other songs, this one was not just instrumental. It was Pieces by the band Red, and for the first time I listened closely to the words as Gideon sang them into my ear, holding my closely as we danced softly to the ballad.

_I'm here again, _  
_A thousand miles away from you_  
_A broken mess_  
_Just scattered pieces of who I am_  
_I tried so hard_  
_Thought I could do this on my own_  
_I've lost so much along the way_  
_Then I see your face_  
_I know I'm finally yours_  
_I find everything_  
_I thought I lost before_  
_You call my name_  
_I come to you in pieces_  
_So you can make me whole_  
_I've come undone_  
_But you make sense of who I am_  
_Like puzzle pieces in your hand_  
_When I see your face_  
_I know I'm finally yours_  
_I find everything_  
_I thought I lost before_  
_You call my name_  
_I come to you in pieces_  
_So you can make me whole._

The song cut through to my soul. He held me close, our bodies barely swaying, the song ended, but the music of our hearts keeping us moving. Gideon's grip on me tightened, and though I had thought it impossible, he pulled me even closer to him.

"I lost who I was when you left," he whispered into my ear, his heart beating almost louder then the words he was conveying. I felt his breath upon my forehead and then felt his lips press where his breath had just caressed. He pulled back, his hands reaching up to hold my face, his thumbs tracing my cheek bones. "I love you, Sha."

I placed my hands over his and gave him a smile from my heart. "You weren't lost, Love. I took you with me when I left." I looked down from his gaze and inhaled a breath, needing to give him a truth. A truth he probably knows but hasn't heard. I looked back up at him, my eyes reaching deep into his, searching his soul so I could bare mine to his. "I have always loved you. I've never loved anyone else."

I closed my eyes once it was said. The words were there, out there, and I could feel his body change as he absorbed them. His hands tightened, and his body pulled a little bit further away. I opened my eyes, finding his searching me.

"But... Mike," he whispered. I shook my head, not ready to tell him. I just wanted him to know that of all the men in my life there was only one that I had ever loved. "If you loved me, then why?"

I ran my hand lightly along his cheek, smiling as he leaned into the touch as I had. "Why did I say yes to him and not to you?" He nodded and I sucked my lower lip in against my teeth. "Because I was young and stupid and selfish," I said, turning my gaze away from him.

"And now?" I shrugged noticing our dining table had desserts waiting for us. "If I asked you now?" I felt heat rise to my cheeks, not wanting to face him or his questioning. "Shana?"

"Gideon, don't ask," I said, and he stiffened in my arms. "Wait, let me say something first before you think I am hurting you further, please?" His eyes turned away from me and his body was rigid, but he gave me a small nod. I swallowed a lump that had formed in my throat before I went on.  
"There was something I was going to discuss with you tonight, before this wonderful night happened." I gave him a weak smile, but he didn't see it, his eyes still shut and his face still turned away from me. "The stuff that is going on with that bitch troll, and the media, and my businesses... Diana and I came up with a idea that will keep me out of the spotlight for a few months, but, I will be on the road. A lot."

He opened his eyes slowly, and made a partial turn to face me. I saw his cheeks move, betraying the fact that he was, again, grinding his teeth as he tried to maintain his calm.

"Go on," he exhaled, the words barely perceptible.

"I wanted to discuss things with you about this because... Well, it will mean that every day I will be in a different location, if not a different city, hopefully incognito... And I know you will have to be in New York, or Las Vegas. It would be... a lot of time without each other."

He stood still, his aura was menacingly quiet, but he had to think over what I said, quietly understanding what I mean.

"And you don't want to have anything to do with me during this time," he growled and my heart dropped as if it had been frozen solid. I shook my head because he can't think that. He can't possibly think that I would want that.

"Gideon, no. That's not what I am saying." I took a step forward, and in return, he stepped back. He was putting up his defenses, protecting himself. "If you asked me, right here, and right now, I can only give you one answer. But, you have to know that I won't be around. That I will be all over the damned planet for the next few months and we would barely see each other. And, I know how you are. I know how jealous you can get. I can't be undercover and have you storming in demanding to see me... But, if you waited... a few months... if you could wait, the situation will be different."

"No." The word came out of him like a thrown dagger, the edge was cold and sharp, it's meaning firm and deadly. I backed away, as if the word/dagger had pierced my heart. He turned sharply, facing me, his eyes hooded and dark. Instinctively I clutched my hands into fists, and I felt his ring press into my hand. I ran my finger over it, letting it calm me. "I may have certain tendencies when it comes to protecting the people I care about, but that will always be there. Time will not change that. You have had it easier, because you have your own crew for security and you are wise to the world and what it's like for people like you and I."

He paused, running a shaky hand through his dark inky hair. He turned, pacing for a moment, and I let him have his time, let him choose his thoughts, his words. After several circles in his footsteps, he paused, his back to me. He bowed his head and his shoulders seemed to slump forward. My heart burned for him.

"No," he said finally, the words, though clear to my ears, was said in a quiet whisper. He turned back, raising his head and his shoulders. He was suddenly Gideon Cross, CEO and he was coming towards me with fire in his eyes. I stood my ground, I didn't shirk, and my eyes never left his. "I will only ask you this one last time. And you will give me a answer right here, and right now. I don't care what will happen down the road, I don't care where you will be or what the fuck you will be doing, but I will be damned if it happens without knowing the answer. Do you understand?"

His blue eyes danced in front of me, his gaze stern and deadly. I nodded and whispered, "Yes," but I don't know if he heard it or only read my lips.

Gideon Cross is a tall, foreboding man who gets what he wants and has what he needs. He handles all business, foreign and domestic, like a God on fire. It gets done his way, on his timeline, or you don't exist. He is meticulous in his planning, and sweet on surprises. He is Dominant in the workforce and at home. You do not cross him, steal, lie or cheat from him, and he almost never compromises. If you tell him no, in most cases you do not get a second chance to think it over. Thankfully, I know all of this first hand.

We stood there, quietly, time swirling around us as we waited each other out. I heard him release a hard breath and then felt his hand caress my cheek. It was only then that I realized I had closed my eyes. As I leaned into his caress I opened my eyes, seeing him with no bit of steel or rock in his façade. He was standing before me without any shields, open to the world, open to accept any pain or grief, and open to accept my answer.

"Will you marry me?" The words had been soft as feathers, and their meaning floated around us as before me I saw not only the man I loved, but all the future possibilities before us. I closed my eyes to the future, shutting the visions out and I felt Gideon's hand drop from my cheek. Where his hand had laid warm and lovingly, it was now empty and cold. I heard him turn away, but it didn't matter.

"Yes," I said. I opened my eyes, hoping he had heard them. He stood in front of me, his back towards me, but he was frozen in place. His hands were on his hips, his head half bowed. He turned back to me, his eyes wide, unsure of what he heard. "Yes," I repeated when he was facing me completely.

He rushed forward, his hands reaching for my face, his lips landing on mine, devouring my kisses as he crushed our lips together.

* * *

Being a CEO of a vast empire has it's positives and it's negatives.

Christian, proposing to Ana, a "commoner with nothing to bring to the table" has some issues to deal with, mostly, though, they involve my father who is insisting that they sign a pre-nup. Ana is willing, because she is a honest, sweet, loving girl who has never truly seen the dark side of the coin, except the nightmares Christian has dealt with, and, of course, the Troll Bitch.

Christian, because it's his empire, he can do whatever the hell he wants. He can take advice from his legal team, or not. He can accept the possibility that if Ana chooses to leave him in the future, (which, if you ask me, would never ever happen, unless Christian makes her. And if he does, well, then he will learn a lesson. But it won't be a financial one.) If Ana leaves him, she could attempt to take him for a huge chunk of his portfolio.

This is the worry that my father has.

Lawyers, sometimes, can't see the forest for the trees because they haven't cleared all the paperwork.

Momma Grace finally set Papa Cari aside, explained to him what happened during the week Ana was gone, and all the things she took with her. My father still grumbled, but, and he had admitted this, that if she wouldn't keep the toys, maybe he is being too harsh on her. He's still a lawyer. He's still suggesting that a pre-nup is advisable. The difference now is that he is _"advising"_ and _"suggesting"_ not demanding.

Being a CEO of a vast empire and promising another CEO of another, sometimes competitive vast empire, well... The logistics are simply cluster fucked.

If Gideon and I try to do this the way other families in similar situations have done things, our engagement could last over a year as our legal teams duke it out over a conference table in a neutral facility until they come up with a agreement all parties would be thoroughly satisfied with. Not happy, not content, just satisfied. Or, satisfied enough so that we could actually set a date to be married on.  
But, that was not what Gideon planned at all.

* * *

_Gideon Cross is a tall, foreboding man who gets what he wants and has what he needs. He handles all business, foreign and domestic, like a God on fire. It gets done his way, on his timeline, or you don't exist. He is meticulous in his planning, and sweet on surprises._

After I had said yes, he rushed towards me, taking my head in his hands, crushing his lips against mine, shocking the breath away from me. I reached up, thrusting my fingers through his soft, silky black hair, my heart pounding within my chest. The kiss felt as if he were marking me, branding me as his, and the way I was returning his licentious kisses, he probably felt the same way.

"Do you trust me," he asked between kisses. I had no breath to respond with, so I nodded. I felt his lips curl into a smile and I bit onto his lip. He released a low, carnal growl as I licked at where I bit.

"What are you planning, Mr. Cross," I asked as my kisses carried down to his throat, my lips covering his Adam's Apple, my tongue licking in circles over the area.

"Spoilers," he said through darkly hooded eyes. I smirked and he grinned, reaching down and picking up my gift box. I had not realized we had danced, or moved, back towards our table, but when he picked up the box, I saw that the desserts that had been plated were now in covered boxes, awaiting transport. When someone did that, or when Gideon had motioned for someone to do that, I hadn't a clue.

Gideon picked up both boxes of desserts and holding my hand firmly, as if afraid I would run if he let go, he rushed us out of the old theatre into the awaiting limousine.

* * *

**A/N: The song is Pieces by the band Red.**

**Also, Bronzy... quit reading my mind.**


	47. Chapter 47 - Lemony

**A/N: There are a few additional people I would like to thank that I haven't mentioned lately. This particular chapter is dedicated to not only Bronzy (Bronze Goddess), but also to Ana Eva Cross Gray, FluffyEmpress Carofenn, pookiebear3 and greyfan 79.**

**Also, at this time I want to thank and welcome all my new followers I got this week and last. If you don't know, my internet situation is iffy at best, and that is when I walk my tiny hiny somewhere to grab some free wifi. I am trying to make at least two updates a week. The end result means that my a$$ is getting smaller from all the walking. yay!**

**Please note... If anyone is following my pinterest page and does NOT want spoilers for the upcoming chapters, DO NOT GO THERE. I mean it! You HAVE BEEN WARNED!**

**PS: This one is a bit lemony... **

* * *

Gideon's fingers flowed smoothly over my body as our lips seemed to be rediscovering each other. I could feel his fingers trying to undo the zipper at the back of my dress and I giggled, shirking from his need to undress me in the limousine.

"I need you," he growled, after his third attempt at the zipper.

"I am not going to be caught naked in a limo, Mr. Cross," I growled back, my mind flashing through media headlines. I could see it, in my mind's eye, like the old black and white movies, a newspaper with "Naked Grey in Limo After Video Scandal" or "Shana Caught in the Act Again" or some such nonsense.

He nodded, and I think he understood, reaching for me again. His hand wrapped behind my head as he pulled me in to continue our lusty kisses. His other hand wrapped around the back of my waist, pulling me closer and holding me there as he kissed me deeper. My lips opened to his, moaning softly when I felt his hands cup my breasts. My hands roamed down his chest, feeling his well defined abs beneath his tuxedo shirt. I slowly unbuttoned his shirt, I could feel his heart pounding fast and hard, mimicing mine. He bit my lip, groaning in response to my touch. He pulled back, pulling my lower lip with him, I opened my eyes, seeing his blue orbs swallowed in the darkness of lust. He wants me, and dammit, I want him.

He was hungry for his need, and I was just as starved. As his lips were hot and soft against mine, his teeth nibbling every so often, shocking me with an acute pain that was instantly gone once he kissed where he had bitten.

My hands moved down his chest opening the shirt and pulling the tucked shirt out of his pants. I unbuttoned the pants, and slowly pulled the zipper down, feeling how tight his pants had gotten as his thick cock grew in his need of me.

"Sha," he growled, his voice thick with desire but the word seemed more like a warning. I peeled his pants back, once the zipper was down completely, and then my fingers found their way past the waist band of his boxer briefs quickly finding their prey. He inhaled sharply, releasing my lip. My fingers of my left hand wrapped protectively around his thick member as my other hand pulled the boxer briefs away and down from his cock. Gideon stretched, helping me lower both his pants and his underwear. He was hot and thick, his cock jumping in my hand as my fingers moved along it.

I heard a sound echo deep in his throat, and I leaned in, my lips pressing against his throat as my full hand squeezed his cock. He moaned a growl again, and I bit down on his flesh, feeling the vibration of his growl tickle my teeth. With my one hand full of his manhood, my other reached down, cupping and weighing his balls, rolling them back and forth in my fingers. My lips traveled up from his throat, my tongue licking before my lips, or teeth settled into his skin. As my mouth moved towards his ear, my thumb moved to rub the moisture from the tip of his cock. He growled again, but this time I nibbled his earlobe when I heard his sound.

"Sha," he rasped through clenched teeth. He was struggling for control, desire and need battling to be the conquerors.

"What," I whispered running my moist tongue up along his ear. "Tell me what you want. Tell me what you need," I said into his ear, my words soft, but my breath hot. His cock jumped in my hand, and I felt his balls shift in my fingers. I lightly squeezed his balls as my thumb teased at his tip again. "Tell me," I said slowly, my voice lower with a need of it's own. "Tell me what you desire."

"Sha," he said, raising his hand to me, and then he slowly, lowered them, not touching me.

"Tell me," I whispered again, nibbling on his earlobe. I could feel his jaw tighten, I knew he was grinding his teeth, holding back. "Tell. Me."

"You," he said, the nearly inaudible. I continued to lick at his ear, pulling on the lobe with my teeth.

"Tell me what you want," I said again, pulling on his cock. His whole body moved with that motion, and this time he couldn't hold back his hands. He reached up, grabbing at my head and pulling it towards his lips. I opened my mouth, his teeth biting my lip before his tongue searched my mouth for what he needed. I felt his tongue, the way it greeted mine, pulling me in. His kiss was so deep, so full of need that he took not only my tongue, but my oxygen too. I became light headed, his kiss so passionate.  
I pulled away from his kiss, his lips trying to follow me, but I held him back. "If you don't tell me," I said, my voice thick with lust. "I'll have to stop." The dark wanton look in his eyes lightened for a moment, before he reached out to me, pulling me to him. He cupped my breasts through my dress, my nipples hard for him. His touch was like fire, I could feel the heat of his palms through my dress and bra.

"What do you want," I whispered, his thumb circling my areola My hand snaked down his chest again, seeking the hot length that kept moving against me.

"You," he said clearly this time, which was followed by another gasp as my hand wrapped around his cock, tugging on it, reminding it of the place we had just been at.

"Be specific," I whispered, my tongue drawing paths up and down his throat.

"I want your lips wrapped around my cock. I want my cock engulfed by your luscious mouth." I nodded and smiled.

My thumb drew circles around the tip of his length, as it had moments ago, teasing the pre-cum. "Okay, but it comes with a price," I said thickly, my fingers gripping tighter on the last word.

"Anything," he groaned. He moved his hand from my breast, the shadow of a caress traveling down my side, to my waist, his hands cupping and squeezing my ass, and I hummed in delight, feeling his fingers demanding my flesh despite my dress. My lips moved further down, a wet path that went to his nipple, hard and dark on his chest. My tongue circled it, my teeth softly bit down, pulling at it, and I felt his response as his fingers gripped my flesh tighter.

My fingers tightened for a moment around his cock, and he inhaled sharply as if he almost forgot I held him. "Anything," I asked as my lips moved to his other nipple. He groaned, and that sound made the butterflies in my belly dance in delight. My lips released his nipple, my hand slowly and softly stroking him. I traced the shape of his jaw up to his ear, nibbling on the soft flesh it found, and then running my tongue behind his ear, his body tensing, his cock jumping again in my hand. "Don't come," I whispered, his body shivered, his cock becoming more active, and harder if that was even possible.

I could feel him struggle to hold himself together as I slowly ran my hand up and down his penis, feeling it reflex at my caress, my fingers mapping the veins that ran like spider webs around it. He was stiff, harder then I think I have ever felt him before, the veins rising higher. As I continued to stroke him with one hand, I raised my other hand to my mouth, breathing on it with my hot, moist breath. On my next stroke, as my fingers reached the tip, my thumb spread the drops of precum and my other hand cradled his balls.

Gideon inhaled sharply, his eyes growing wide, his fists clenched tighter. "Sha," he moaned.

"A girl can learn a few new tricks, Mr. Cross, if you give her a goal," I said with a wink. I felt his body struggle to remain in the seat, and I hadn't even really started on him.

My fingers rolled his balls in my hand, I closed my eyes as I smirked before I licked at the fresh drops of precum. I licked the tip again, his dew musky sweet. I continued to stroke him, slowly guiding his cock to stand tall for me, my tongue tracing a vein down to the root. I exhaled another hot, moist breath over his balls, and then sucked them both into my mouth, my tongue pushing at them, and my hand still stroking, his precum leaking more and more. I hummed in delight.

He grabbed a section of my hair, grabbing it tightly as tried to keep himself restrained. I released his balls slowly, letting one slowly drop away from my lips, and then letting the other join it. My tongue followed another vein all the way to the tip, humming all the way.

"Sha," he growled drawing the "a" sound as his hands twisted my hair. It was painful, but his pleasure is worth it. I slowed, licking at the tip, lightly stroking him until I felt his fingers relax in my hair.

When he finally seemed to have relaxed, and I felt his fingers loosen, I dove, my lips circling the tip of his shaft and drawing down, taking him deeply, my teeth softly grazing him. I inhaled, sucking him hard as I pulled back up, feeling his body tighten. His hands reached above us, grabbing ahold of the grab bar over his head, his breath hot and heavy.

"God Sha," he called out loudly as I moved with speed and diligence, my mouth wrapping him, my tongue delighting on him. I could feel him hit deep in the back of my throat and I knew I was torturing him, but I kept it up. "Sha, I can-can't..."

I immediately grabbed the hem of my long gown, raising it to my waist. "Gideon," I said, and he released the grab bar, his fingers clutching at my new, delicious Stern Style Original eggshell white lace thong, ripping it with feral delight. I climb onto his lap, straddling him. Just as I grabbed the bar, he thrust up, piercing me deeply, his hands grabbing at my hips.

His eyes were solid black, lust, need and desire overpowering everything else in his mind, and on his fourth thrust he came within me, hard hot and fast. I threw my head back, grinding into his thrusts, welcoming his hot seed, accepting his thrusts that did not stop despite his climax.

I came without warning. I had not expected to, this was for him, but he is the thunder to my lightning, he is the rock to my roll... he is the beat to my heart. He loves to make me come, he loves to take care of me, as much as I love to take care of him. He came a second time after my climax, and then his arms wrapped around me, holding me tightly, as if afraid I would disappear.

I could feel our hearts, beating at the same time, our breaths, hard, fast but slowing down. I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding his sweat drenched face to my breasts, kissing his forehead. I could feel him shudder in my arms, and I was unsure if it was from after shocks, or he was releasing some of his fears finally.

We stayed this way, holding each other tightly, his cock barely soft, staying within me as we continued on our drive. I didn't care if we had a destination or if Stevenson was driving us in circles. I just wanted to stay like this, in his arms, just the two of us alone in the world. No phone calls, no business meetings, no Bitch Trolls, just him and I.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, nor when he started saying something. Well, not saying, singing. I don't know when he started singing, I don't know if he sang the whole song, or just the one part of the chorus repeatedly, but I will never forget his words. He seared them into my heart, singing until the limousine came to a stop;

You make sense of who I am  
Like puzzle pieces in your hand  
When I see your face  
I know I'm finally yours  
I find everything  
I thought I lost before  
You call my name  
I come to you in pieces  
So you can make me whole.

* * *

The limo came to a stop not long after Gideon had managed to return his pants and shirt back to "normal", and I had to hold back a giggle as he tried three times to re-button his shirt before I pushed his hands away and redid the buttons myself. Tucking a man's shirt back into his pants while he is sitting down, in a limo or not, is quite difficult. For the man. Gideon grumbled as his cock began to harden, pushing at his pants as I "struggled" to finish tucking the shirt in.

"I know you are playing now, Ms. Grey," he grumbled, his voice low, husky from a fresh need.

"Who? Me?" I batted my eyelashes at him, acting coy, my hand resting on the growing member.

"Woman, you are in for trouble, if that is what you are looking for."

"Mr. Cross, you may not be too aware of this, but trouble is no stranger to me. I know trouble rather intimately."

"Do you now," he said, arching a eyebrow. I grinned just as a tapping came on the window of the door. "We shall find out soon enough," he said, a glint of devilment in his eyes as he opened the door. He handed me the gift box, and then took my hand, helping me out of the vehicle.

In front of us was one of his jets. A smaller corporate jet, one of five from his fleet, his logo ablaze on the tale of the plane, his name running along the body of the jet. No plane had looked phallic to me before, but now, whether from the ride to the airport, or because of the night, or maybe it was Gideon himself, but it was all I saw; the very large, branded manhood. I covered my mouth, trying to hide the giggle that tried to leave my lips. Gideon looked down at me, a eyebrow arched, and all I could do was shake my head, wondering how much alcohol I had drunk, but the few sips of wine with my dinner should not have me as tipsy as I thought I was.

"Are you okay," he asked and I nodded, as we climbed up the small set of steps into the plane.

"Gideon," I said, as I entered the plane, turning to face him. "Flying, I haven't been cleared yet."

Gideon smiled, pulling me close to him, resting his lips against my forehead. "Do you trust me," he asked again. I pulled away, looking up into his dark blue eyes, searching him. This was not the first time he had asked this today, nor the first time this week. "Do you trust me," he asked again, mirth having disappeared from his lips, but the love in his eyes remained.

"Always," I said. He nodded, escorting me to a seat by a window, and made sure I was buckled in.

"I will be right back," he said, and then turned, and left the plane. I wanted to follow him, ask him where he was going. Where were we going? But I didn't. Instead, I stuck to my conviction that the man I loved wants me to trust him, and so I shall. He had been gone only a few minutes before returning, a healthy grin on his lips.

"Everything all right," I asked him as he sat down next to me, buckling himself in, and taking my hand in his. He brought my fingers to his lips, kissing the ring I wore, and then simply held it in his lap, his thumb caressing my knuckle and twirling the ring.

"Everything is fine," he said as the steward closed the door to the plane. The steward looked over at us, and Gideon gave him a small nod of his head.

"And... how long will I be kept in the dark," I asked, nodding at the steward as he went into the galley.

"Oh, I don't know," he said, his mischievous eyes examining the ceiling of the plane. I felt movement then, and turned to look out of the window, watching as the plane taxied into position.

In no time at all, the plane was on the runway, gaining speed until it had obtained enough, and then the best part of every flight came when I could feel the release of the Earth. I sighed contently as the plane settled into it's flight turning to look at Gideon who was rubbing his chin with his thumb, smiling at me.

"What?"

"You just look so... enthralled." I blushed, shrugging.

"I love to fly," I said, though I didn't need to. He knew it. He has known it.

He smiled, leaning forward and unbuckling my seat belt. He placed a soft kiss on my cheek, and then stood, taking my hand. I returned his smile, accepting his hand as he helped me up. He guided me into the bedroom in the tail of the plane where he made love to me throughout our flight.


	48. Chapter 48

**A/N: I am so overly thrilled so many of you enjoyed the last lemony chapter! Thank you!**

**Now... a few of you **coughBronzycough** peeked at the pinterest page... So far, a few items on that will now be relevant to this chapter... but you don't HAVE to go see it. If you do... be warned: there ARE spoilers there. You have been warned. Because of the spoilers, I debated about putting the link up... but I will. Just remember... 1.) remove spaces and add the dot. 2.) There ARE spoilers there.**

**To my new followers, Welcome! If you enjoy this story, please besure to check out another few of great ones. Now, there are PLENTY of great ones out there, but here are two of my most recent faves:**

*** Paging Dr. Steele by Bronnze Goddess**

*** The Master's Muse by anisurnois**

*** Fifty Shades: Broken Hearted by SusieCC**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

I felt a light touch on my cheek and tried to brush it away. I knew I was sleeping and wanted to continue to enjoy the dream I was having. I heard a manly chuckle and then felt something warm and soft move across my lips.

I opened my eyes to peek at what was bothering and instantly became lost in the blue pools of my lover's eyes. His lips had been barely dancing on mine, and now with my eyes open, he took the dance deeper, his lips parting, his tongue tracing the shape of mine, requesting permission to enter. I closed my eyes, sighing, allowing him admittance. The kiss was a sweet, deep caring one. No rush, no desire, just a "God I love you" kind of kiss.

He pulled back, his tongue leaving mine, and I stretched and curled into him, nuzzling my head into his shoulder.

"It's time to get up, baby." I shook my head, burrowing further. He chuckled, running his finger along my jaw. "We have a big day ahead of us," he said.

"Do I get to know what we are doing?"

"Nope," he replied with a grin, popping the "p" loudly.

"Then I am staying here."

"Awww, now Shana, that's not like you, to throw a tantrum."

"I'm not throwing a tantrum. Trust me," I said as I sat up and he moved to sit as well. I scratched at my scalp, realizing it still had the pins and styling gel that had been put into it at Diva's. "You will know when I am having a tantrum. And why can't I know what we are doing?"

"Because," he said, getting up and putting on a pair of black, tightly fitted jeans. "It's my game and my rules. Besides, you don't want to ruin the surprise."

"You aren't playing fair, Mr. Cross," I mumbled, getting out of the rumbled bedding. My lilac dress and shoes from earlier were nowhere to be found. As a matter-of-fact, I saw no clothes at all for me. "Ummm, Gideon..."

"Yes," he said, his voice muffled as he pulled a white tee shirt over his head.

"I don't see any clothes for me..." I said, still looking around for some bag, luggage or box, as if one would magically appear.

He grinned at me, his pearly white teeth mocking me. "I know."

"What do you mean, 'I know'? You know damn well I am not going anywhere naked."

"I know that," he said with a laugh. He sat down next to me, taking my hand in his. His fingers twirled my ring around my finger. "I need to ask you something," he said, his eyes not moving from the ring, but his voice had lost all the laughter in it. It had become quiet and stoic again.

"Anything," I said, squeezing his hand tightly.

"You, you haven't changed your mind, have you? I mean, if you have, it's okay, I understand. I just... I need to know that you still would want to marry me."

And there he is, this man that I love. Mr. Gideon Cross, billionaire, CEO, Fortune 100, Pleasure God, Dominant, and... a frightened little boy who fears being left alone.

I raised my hand to his cheek, my heart thumping as he leaned into it. His eyes were closed, his breath, slow and low.

"Ask me again," I whispered to him. I felt him inhale deeply and then he pulled his head away from my hand, sitting up straighter. He slowly opened his eyes, nodding.

"Will you marry me," he asked, his voice barely a whisper, as if this were the first time he had asked me and he was unsure of my answer. Well, I guess that right now he isn't.

"Yes, love. I will marry you. You can ask me every day for a hundred days, and the answer will still be yes." He smiled, and I saw a wash of relief leave his eyes.

"Thank you." He leaned in, his lips closing over mine, but the kiss was neither deep, nor long, but it was a kiss of contentment. "Now, you stay right here. Someone will be along shortly after I leave."

"Leave?" I felt my eyebrows furrow deep, and I was confused at his words. Why would he leave?

"Do you trust me?" I rolled my eyes at that question, wondering how many more times this week he will ask me that.

"I dunno," I said, my eyes looking up towards the ceiling as I contemplated his question. "You fly me somewhere in the middle of the night, make love to me in the clouds, take my clothes away, and then are going to leave me, naked, on a plane? Really? Do I trust you?" He grinned, running the back of his fingers along my cheek. "Yeah, I trust you. With all my heart."

He nodded as he stood up. "Then stay here, it will only be a few minutes." I sighed, nodding that I would. After all, what choice did I have?

* * *

Gideon had been gone less then ten minutes when I heard a all too familiar voice in the forward cabin.

"Little One!" It... was my mother? Oh crap! It was my mother, and here I am, in a bed, naked, on a plane. Naked. Fuck. I closed my eyes, hoping I was dreaming, praying to wake up, but apparently I was on call waiting as my mother threw open the door, and marched into the bedroom, bright and sunny, her smile wide and giddy.

"Momma... what are you doing here?" She grinned at me, shaking a finger at me as if I had been a naughty child caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Well, I am, I guess, being caught naked, on a plane, in a bed... I groaned inwardly, knowing that no matter what Gideon has planned for the day, this part will never be lived down.

"Oh, I've come to help you," she said, sitting next to me, her happy grin not wavering.

"Do you know what's going on? What he has planned," I asked her, hoping that as my mother, she would let me in on whatever shenanigans he has planned and prepared for.

"Yes, as a matter-of-fact I do," she said, running her fingers through my throughly fucked hair.

"And... you are going to tell me," I pried.

She laughed, shaking her head no, her wonderful smile growing wider. "Sorry dear. We all signed contracts promising to not tell you."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She laughed as I had jumped to my feet, momentarily forgetting my lack of attire. I sat back down, wrapping a thoroughly tussled sheet around my body, growling under my breath at Mr. Gideon Cross.

"Sha, honey, I do need to ask you a question, but after you have calmed down." I nodded, knowing where she is going with this. I closed my eyes, and centered my breathing, calming myself to her satisfaction. "Ahh, that's better. Now, you flew before your two weeks were up, but only by a day or so... How are you doing otherwise? Any pain? Your eyes focusing properly?"

"No Momma, I am actually feeling good. I haven't even had the inkling of a thought of pain." She smiled, taking my hand in hers.

"You are certain?" I nodded, and she nodded in return. "Alright then. But you will let someone know as soon as you feel anything?"

I nodded slowly, a thought rolling through my (naked) brain. "Momma..." She looked at me again, concern sitting on her brow. "Before the hospital... they had been setting on me fast. Faster then they used to. I mean, every once in awhile I would have one that would strike out of nowhere... but these latest ones... Is there something wrong with me? I mean, could there be something, and no one has said anything?"

"Little One, all we can do is take it easy, watch for more, and hold our breaths. There is nothing showing up on any of your tests to say that there is anything. I," she paused, looking away from me for a moment before she continued. "I am just as worried." She ran her fingers through my hair as if trying to comb out my hair into a less then just-fucked look. "We shall continue with knowing you are doing well for now. And you will immediately alert everyone if you do feel one coming." It was not a question. Momma Grace has laid the law down. I nodded and smiled at her.

"Momma... why are you here?" She smiled at me. It was one of those sweet, loving, motherly smiles that she gets when she is completely happy. I'd seen it not too long ago, when Christian had announced his engagement to Ana.

"That is a secret, Little One, and one I intend to keep until a set time. And nothing you can say, or do, will wiggle it out of me. I will, however, say that I am here for a good reason." It was then that I heard another voice in the cabin, my eyes narrowing, my mind getting set to try to solve a puzzle.

"Hello... anyone here?" I looked up, finding Mia grinning like a Cheshire cat, holding a hanger bag. "Why look at you Miss Grey, all naked and sexed up, and not a drop of clothing anywhere. Good thing I came prepared."

My little sister Mia, never one to be shy, always the center of attention, but not because she craved it, or desired it. It was because she outshone everyone else in the room with her energy and excitement. She never held her thoughts back, and always seemed to speak her mind, and everyone accepted her the way she was, because that was who she was. She had never truly said anything about me that has made me flush with embarrassment. Until now.

I cannot believe she had said that while I sat next to our mother, nearly naked as a jaybird, in a room that smelled of wild sex. Well... Come to think of it... No reason for her to not have said it, since it was true. I was naked, and sexed up. But still... My mother is right _here_!

"And I suppose you too, have signed a agreement to not say a word to me," I sighed, defeated.

"Yep," she said, giggling as she popped the "p" loudly. She threw the bag of clothes at me and grinned. "Get dressed. We gotta get outta this joint so we can go do... stuff." I nodded, sighing deeply. Mia suddenly threw her arms around me, hugging me tightly, whispering in my ear, "He loves you. Have faith." I smiled, nodding, and they both left the room so I could dress.

* * *

The clothes she had brought were neither gorgeous, or mine.

A pair of long, cut-off shorts, the rolled cuffs reaching mid-thigh, a faded navy blue tee shirt, the collar having been cut off, so that if one part sat on my shoulder, the other traveled down my arm. She had brought underwear for me that was mine, but nothing was what I normally wear. A pair of old boxers and athletic bra.

My fingers held the boxers, and I had to smile, realizing that, whether she knew it or not, the old things hadn't been mine originally, they had been Gideon's. I had kept them after the very first time we had had sex. I grinned remembering that time as I put them on. Back then he had not been as refined in his ability to have sex as he was now, but then again, neither had I. We had been friends then, before he and Corinne had become a thing.

I was now dressed, save my shoes, but they were also missing. Shrugging, I left the bedroom, and found my mother and sister sipping flutes of champagne as they whispered quietly to each other in the main cabin. I coughed, and both turned to look at me, grinning.

"So, what now?" Mia smiled, reaching down into her large purse. The girl loved purses, but sometimes, her choices confuse the hell out of me. I was never truly one for a purse, preferring brief cases, or letting Stevenson hold onto my stuff, but Mia... the bag she had for today, was huge. Huge with a capital "H". You could easily fit half the state of Washington in it.

She pulled from her purse my pair of Vegas Chucks, and I was glad that she did have a penchant for large bags. I sat down next to my sister and mother, sliding my shoes on, the flight steward approaching me with a flute of champagne. I took it from him and lightly sipped, being cautious since I hadn't eaten anything yet, and wanting my senses for whatever the day had planned for me. Or maybe I should say whatever Gideon had planned for me.

* * *

We left the plane not fifteen minutes later, after my mother had received a call. Apparently, that was why we had sat there with the champagne. Mr. Cross was orchestrating the day, and my family, and they all seemed quite happy to allow him to do so.

The heat of the Nevada desert hit us like a wall as we exited the plane. I wanted to terribly turn around and head back into the cool confines of the jet, but I knew that was not going to happen. We quickly descended the stairs, and headed for a limo where Taylor stood waiting for us.

My mother and sister quickly climbed into the vehicle, but I decided to talk to Taylor first, pulling him aside.

"Shana," Mia groaned, annoyed, and I shook my head at her, raising my finger, asking for a minute. She rolled her eyes and then she closed the door from the heat.

"Jason," I said, in a tone he knew all too well.

"Shana," he replied, not looking at me but past me.

"What's going on?" He shook his head at me, drawing his lips into a thin line. I narrowed my gaze at him, watching him carefully, but he was buttoned up tightly. "Jason, something, anything..." He shook his head again. "Dammit to hell Taylor," I snapped.

He looked at me then, and I watched as his shoulders relaxed. He released a sigh, and I waited, stilling my breath for what he would say. "Do you trust me," he asked finally.

"With my life. You know that." It wasn't a question he would have to ask. I trust him with my life, as he had trusted me with his.

"Do you trust him?" I looked at him, waiting, but he said no more then that. _Do I trust him? Why is my trust being called upon? Why is it being asked repeatedly? Why is it... in doubt?_ "Shana, if you don't trust him, if you have anything that you don't trust about him, I will get you out of here. All you have to do is say the word. Do you trust him?"

"Yes," I said, the word solid, my breath light. Of course I trust him. I trust them all. I just want to not be kept in the dark. I said as much to Jason.

"I understand that," he said nodding. "Just have faith." He bowed then, his arm outstretched, pointing my way to the limousine. I sighed heavily and let him guide me to the vehicle. What ever was going to happen, was going to happen. The only way it wouldn't happen, apparently, is if I had no faith in my friends and family, and no trust in Gideon.

* * *

Being in Las Vegas, I had hoped to spend a few minutes on my phone, discussing with Diana where we stood on the situation here, letting her know I was going to not be in contact for a few days (thanks to Gideon, of course) and to see if she had made a decision yet on my offer to her. It puzzled me that I hadn't heard from her yet, but I topped that off to her business ethics, her careful consideration, and the fact that hopefully she was taking counsel from a lawyer and a financial adviser over the offer. A moron would turn me down. A fool would take me up on the offer with out seeking counsel. Diana was neither. What she was, however, was very quiet. As it turns out, though, I couldn't contact her via my cell, because _someone_ **coughGideonCrosscough** has absconded with my BlackBerry.

The drive took forever. Well, to me it seemed like forever, since I had no inclination as to our destination, how far it was, or how close we were. In the end, the car drove up to the entrance to the Piazza de Cross, a Italian themed five star resort and casino. One of his, of course, not one of mine.

The valet was dressed in attire similar to that of the Pope's guard of the 19th century. Even so, though, it still looked goofy to me. I always thought that they looked more like Court Jesters then "deadly" guards, but that could be me. The valet opened the door to the limo, greeting us in Italian, and gesturing for us to head into the hotel entrance with a long low sweeping bow. Mia giggled, saying she felt like royalty, my mother nodding in response.

We entered the lobby of the resort, the blast of cool air with a slight scent of salt hit us as we entered. I liked that little added touch, and made a mental note to tell Gideon. The lobby was grand, with a miniature Trevi Fountain in the center, and the reception desk looking like one of the cafes that line the streets. There were vendor carts, and sounds from the city piping through a speaker system, and a young woman approached us, handing us each a white Lily with a small tag on it that said, "Welcome to Piazza de Cross" in Italian and in English. There was even a artist near the fountain, who did complimentary caricatures for hotel guests.

I was amazed.

I was thoroughly impressed with this place, and I had only just entered the lobby. I had to give it to Gideon that he had won my respect on this property. He had had it before I entered, but now he had completely earned it, and I was not afraid to admit it.

In no time at all, we were greeted warmly by the manager of the hotel, who had a beautiful Italian accent. He was a friendly chap, mid-fifties, just on the outside of "almost fit" and he had a fantastic smile that made you just want to grin in return.

He greeted the three of us in a two handed handshake, waving us away from reception, insisting that he be the one to escort us to our rooms. Mia was giddy, and my mother was stone quiet, but her lips kept a smile and her eyes were aglow with contentment.

The manager escorted us into one of the six glass elevators, and as we rose up, I couldn't help but see how, from above, the lobby really did seem like the streets of Italy.

The elevator rose high, and I was so enthralled with the scene below our feet that I paid no attention to the levels we were passing. When the car came to a stop, you could no longer see out the glass walls, and when I turned around, I understood why; the elevator opened up directly into the suite.

The suite was like a renaissance dream. The walls were the shade of parchment, with hints of rose and green. There were miniature versions of statues from some of the greatest Italian artists and the ceilings were covered end to end with wonderful murals. There was a hint of salt and basil in the air, not enough to seem like a kitchen, just enough to tickle the nose and remind you of a memory long forgotten. The floors were Italian marble tile, with gorgeous throw rugs, and there was a small hint of music in the room, that sounded as if we were not far above the streets of Verona.

"Oh my god! This is _awesome_!" Mia ran from room to room, as excited as a five year old. My mother giggled, watching her. I couldn't help but smile as well. And, to be honest, again I have to give Gideon credit. He has definitely earned the respect from me. A part of my mind wondered how a hotel like this could have slipped my notice, or those I work with.

I walked to the windows, the curtains pulled wide, allowing the desert sun to shine through. Looking out, I could see some of my properties, and I felt my lip curl, seeing the Neon Nights sign not too far away, with "closed for renovations" in the marquee.

"What's wrong," my mother asked, her hand resting on my shoulder. I shrugged, but she stayed where she was, not accepting my shrug as a answer. "Shana..."

"I don't know. I feel... lost I guess. I don't have my phone, I can't call anyone or check on anything... I had to close down one of my hotels for emergency repairs... then, last night... and now... here... Mom, _look at this place_! It's fantastic! It's down right beautiful! It's better then any place I have, and I just... I feel pathetic being here." I leaned my head against the glass window, feeling the cool glass against my forehead.

"Little One, you are not pathetic. Maybe some of your places are not as opulent as this one is... but, you always said that too many of the hotel owners in Vegas were always after the bigger dollar, and you had devoted half of your places to be affordable for families." I nodded, but I still felt small. "Shana, you know numbers, correct?" I nodded again. "And, I know that you probably know some of his numbers too." I nodded again. "So, who's properties make more money?"

She knew that I knew this answer, and I shrugged with a half a grin on my lips. "It's kinda even money," I said.

She nodded, looking out the window. I knew she could see Neon Nights, but I don't think she knows about my disappointment over it. "So, your less expensive, more family oriented, more affordable, and still nice properties are taking in as much profit as his shiny diamond properties? There is nothing to be upset about over that. I know you have some high end properties here too, but, you have to admit, on the whole, you are both successful in what you have attempted to build, and you both have to be happy about that."

She was right, of course.

"So, dear," she said, turning away from the window and sitting down on one of the plush sofas. "What happened last night?"

I turned around, facing her, finding Mia sitting next to our mother, elbows on her knees, her hands holding her chin, eagerly awaiting my answer. I knew that they knew. They had to know, unless they were given the "trust me" crap from Gideon and crew.

I had inhaled, ready to tell the tale, when there was a knock... and I was confused... The room had no door. I followed the sound into the suite's kitchenette, and found a cupboard door where the sound was coming from. I cautiously opened it and found it wasn't a cupboard, but a door to a hallway where Taylor was waiting on the other side.

"Ma'am, room service is here, if you are ready for it." I must have looked surprised, for he backed up, allowing me access to the hallway. Down the hall was a small security suite, with CCTV with a camera shot of the hallway, the elevator, the door where room service was obviously waiting, a shot of the main room, and one of the roof. I nodded, and he said he will give then access, and I left him to his job.

I returned to where my mother and sister were waiting patiently. I sat down on one of the leather recliners, joining them in the wait. A young Hispanic male entered, pushing a silver cart that was loaded with chocolate covered strawberries, a bottle of Bollinger, and a selection of other fruits. The young man opened the bottle of champagne with a practiced hand, popping the cork, but not allowing it to fly out of his hand. He poured our three glasses, and then quietly left us.

"Delicious," my mother sighed, nibbling on a strawberry, and sipping the champagne. "Now, what happened last night?"

I took a long, deep swig of champagne, ignoring the bubbly effect, swallowing it hard, wishing it were a thick, hard liquor instead. _Hell_, I thought. _Why not?_ I got up, crossing over to the extensive bar along other side of the kitchenette. There was a cooler for wine, and a small refrigerator. Closing my eyes, I sent a small prayer to the Gods of Wheat and Rye as I opened the door. I grinned, finding a cold bottle of Bärenjäger, and one of Jägermeister and a six pack of energy drinks. I reached for the Bärenjäger and the energy drinks, and found a note attached. Swearing under my breath I read the note:

_Love,_

_I do quite understand your want to drink this,_

_and find no fault. But, I do hope that you don't_

_empty the bottle before we see each other in a_

_few hours. I Love You, Ms. Grey._

_Yours,_

_G_

"Gideon," I sighed with a smile, and nodded, promising the both of us that I wont drink it all, just one... or two glasses. Maybe three. I mixed my drink, and carried it back to where my mother and sister waited quietly. Mia narrowed her eyes at me, and my mother raised a single eyebrow, but nodded in understanding.

"So... what happened," Mia asked, exasperated. I took a long, hard swallow of my drink and then leaned back, feeling the warm liquid trickle down to my stomach.

"I believe you already know, and are only trying to appease me... He asked me to marry him." There. I had said it. It had been cold, quick and swift, but I forgot something. "Again." Mia had grinned and my mother nodded, but when I had said the second part, they both froze in time. Their eyes opened wider, slowly, Mia's jaw slowly gaping open.

"What do you mean, 'Again'?" I looked at my mother who had pulled herself up to sit on the edge of the couch, not leaning back, relaxing as she had been. Mia remained quiet.

"Again. It's the second time."

"When... was the first time?" My mother was... in shock maybe? Her voice was quiet, yet firm. I shrugged, taking another gulp of my drink.


	49. Chapter 49

A/N: Howdy all. Next chapter won't be up on a scheduled time. But I am trying to make sure it is. In the meantime... I have something a few of you have been wanting, AND a bonus surprise. IF I can post it on here, I will, if not, it will be on pinterest.

PLEASE enjoy this. I did. :)

* * *

"Really, I don't think that matters," I said, shrugging as I took another deep gulp of my drink, emptying the glass. I twirled the glass in my hand, debating on refilling it or not.

"So, you don't want tell us," Mia asked, leaning back and crossing her arms. "What happened? I mean, did you say yes or no?"

"When? Then or now," I quipped, getting back to my feet and going to refill my drink. I carried the bottle of liquor back with me, snagging a covered strawberry from the plate near my mother.

"Both," they said in unison, and I could only grin at the two women. They both giggled, my mother trying to restrain her mirth and failing.

"Well, the first time I said no," I sighed, leaning back into my chair.

"Why?" The question had been been a loud whisper from Mia.

"Because I was young and stupid. We weren't ready. I dunno. Maybe simply because the day ended in the letter 'y'," I shrugged. Mia rolled her eyes at my answer and my mother shook her head.

"But did you love him? Then?" I looked at Mia, my little sister. She isn't naive, not like she used to be. She knows that Princes no longer ride white stallions to come to your rescue, and not everything fits like a Disney puzzle.

"Yeah," I admitted, taking another sip of the honey flavored liquor.

My mother leaned forward, her hand taking mine. She squeezed it lightly, her eyes searching me as if she could look deep enough to be able to read the history. She turned to look at my sister, and I swear I could feel the air in the room change. "Mia," she said, and I watched as a look traveled between them, Mia standing after.

"I'll be back shortly," she said nonchalantly, walking towards me and placing a sisterly kiss on my cheek. As Mia left the suite, my mother tugged on my hand, and I got up and sat next to her.

"Now it's just the two of us, what is wrong?" I looked at my mother and shrugged. "You've known Gideon longer then we know, huh?"

"Yeah," I sighed, setting my glass down. "Met him in college," I said, and she nodded, running her hand through my hair.

"You know, it's amazing, being a parent. We were so lucky to have you kids, to help guide you into life. You get so used to having the questions of the children, where they come to you because of the questions of life. Or the stumbles, and we have to help pick you up and put on the bandages.

"But, then, you get so used to being the world of your children, it's a shock when you realize that they no longer tell you everything, or that they need you. But the hardest part is when you realize that they have a whole life you don't know about. Not a secret life, just... their adult life." I turned and looked at her and she smiled at me. "You kinda forget your children aren't children anymore."

"Doesn't mean we don't need you," I said quietly, and she smiled at me.

"I know. It's just... I wonder how much more has happened to my kids that I don't know about?" Guilt ran through me like a cold river in my veins as I recall both admissions of Christian and mine.

"Well, if we have time, I can tell you if you want. About him and I," I suggested, and she smiled her soft smile.

"We have time, but you don't need to. I would love to know, but it's not necessary." I wrapped my arms around her and gave her a hug. I picked up another strawberry, biting into it as we sat back and I told her about the history between Gideon and I.

* * *

Mia bounced into the suite just as Momma and I were gathering our wits from laughing hard about some practical joke Taylor and I had survived. Mia glared at us, her hands on her hips, toe tapping on the Italian tile. Momma wiped a tear from her eye and stood, motioning for me to stand as well.

"You could have called me to tell me to come back to enjoy the laugh," she mocked, trying to look stern as she crossed her arms across her chest.

"Oh Mia, hush," Momma said, wrapping her in her arms and hugging her tightly.

"So... Are we ready?" Mia inquired, her eyes searching my mother's, seeking an answer I wasn't supposed to understand. Momma nodded, grinning. Mia's face lit up, and she pulled out her cellphone, speed dialing a number. I watched carefully, but was given no clue as she simply said, "Send them up."

Within minutes there was a knock on the security hallway door and Mia hurried to it. Opening it, she allowed a new wave of a beautician army into the suite. They carried tool boxes that showed hair dryers, combs, brushes, curlers, and a vast variety of other tools. Following them was another squad, carrying dress bags and boxes that obviously hid shoes within them. I turned my attention to my mother who shrugged with a grin.

"I don't think he's going to give you a chance to change your mind," she smirked. I shook my head, grinning at her enjoyment of this.

"He can't possibly... I mean... How..."

Mia came forward, grinning. "He has a question for you," she said, handing me a paper. I looked down at it, and groaned after I read it.

"Is he kidding?" Mia's grin grew bigger and she shook her head no. I read the question again, and I knew who he was prepared for my answer. Well, maybe I could throw him for a loop. A small one, but if I had no control over anything else, I would on this.

I walked over to the kitchenette, finding a pen and the small little bit of "stationary" some hotels offer. A small paper pad and a couple of envelopes. I wrote down my answer, and folded it up, sliding it into a envelope and sealed it shut.

I went down the security hallway, and quickly found Taylor in the CCTV room. "Taylor," I said, as he turned toward me. "I need you to deliver this to him."

"I'll make sure he gets it," he said nodding as he took it from me.

"I need _you_ to deliver it," I repeated. He paused, looking at me, and I grinned, reaching into my pocket. I found the quarter easily and handed it over to him. "Your turn," I said, turning to leave him.

* * *

It took four hours for the army to tackle me, my sister and my mother. Once again I was poked, prodded, dressed, curled, painted, and shod. The shoes were custom made Louboutins that had a special crest beaded on the tall heel. The shoes were another set that would have made Cinderella jealous, covered in crystals, and pearls.

The shoes were the final touch.

The dress, that was the piece de resistant. It was white, of course, but then again, most brides wear white, unless they are bold. I am bold, and I do like color... But, I wasn't given the chance to look at gowns.

The cut of the gown was halter on top, which normally is not my favorite, but it fit like a glove and I didn't have to pull it up once and reposition the girls. The skirt of the gown was high in the front, and long in the back, the front falling to my ankles. The tulle of the gown was cut in strips, allowing it to flow easily as I walked. Surrounding the dress, hundreds of silk flowers and beads of crystal. It felt like a cloud, and despite the beading, it didn't feel like it had much weight.

I loved it!

I looked, if I could say so, amazing. Mia beamed (obviously she had picked out the outfit) and my mother cried. She came forward, arms out stretched, hankie clutched in one hand, her fingers reaching to curl through a few stray strands of my hair. I knew she wanted to hug me, but was afraid to "ruin the dress". So I hugged her, the dress be damned.

"Oh, if only your parents could see you now," she whispered as I held her tightly.

"They do, Momma. You do," I said. She nodded, but we both knew what we each meant. With a final pat on my back, she leaned away from my embrace, dabbing at her tears.

There was a tapping at the security door, and Mia opened it, letting in a remarkably fine looking Jason Taylor in a superbly tailored Armani Tuxedo. In his lapel was a sprig of Lily of the Valley and a few strands of crystal beads similar to my shoes. Mia whistled, eyeing him as if he were a candy buffet.

"Taylor, you look very handsome," my mother said approvingly. I could see his blush from where I stood, and was amazed that he had found no words to reply to the compliment.

He finally cleared his throat, nodding and said, "It's time." Both women nodded, turned to me and smiled. They left via the security hallway, and Jason approached me. "You owe me," he grumbled. I grinned, reaching up to straighten his collar even though there was nothing wrong with it. My hands ran down the lapels of his jacket and he gave me a smile. "You look lovely, Shana."

"Thank you, Jason. My mother was right. You look amazingly handsome." He blushed again, and nodded. "So, what's the plan?"

"Oh, I am not one hundred percent sure, it all depends on you." I looked at him, feeling a eyebrow arch. "Last chance, Sha. Stay or run, I'll help you either way."

I gave him a soft peck on the cheek, glad that the multiple coats of makeup I was wearing didn't stick to him. "Stay. But keep the car running, just in case," I said with a quiet laugh. He grinned in return, and then stuck his arm out, offering it to me. I wrapped my fingers around his arm, and he walked me to the glass elevator.

I was eager for the ride down, wanting to see the streets of Italy again, but inhaled sharply as they appeared. It was no longer similar to the city in the daylight, but now it was as if it was sunset, a mauve glow with hints of purples and yellow lit up the fountain and "buildings". There were flickering candle lights that seemed to have been tucked in every corner, vase and glass. Some even hung inside small jars from some of the trees in the "lobby".

We stepped out of the elevator when it came to a rest, and my breath left me for another moment as I took in the scene. There was music, it was light and beautiful. It had the scent of Italy, but for the life of me, I couldn't place it. The "street" was not crowded, but the people that were there, were friends and family members. Everyone held a small artificial candle, the flame a flickering light, but the hotel was in no danger of accidental fire. I smiled, thinking he was wise in this, and that it allowed the candle holders to still give me a hug as I passed them.

Halfway through the streets Diana stepped out, holding a very large bouquet of Lily of the Valley, Dendrobium Orchids and crystals. She smiled at me, tears running down her face as she handed me the bouquet. She leaned in, placing a kiss on my cheek and whispered "Yes" before she let me go. A small thrill of excitement ran through me and I couldn't hold back my grin. She stepped back and my father stepped forward. Taylor gave a slight bow to the older man, and my Dad leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss on my cheek.

"You look beautiful," he said, and I could see the battle he was having keeping his tears from falling. I reached up, plucking his handkerchief from the pocket of his matching Armani Tuxedo and dabbed at his eyes. His hand held mine for a moment, his eyes searching mine. "When did you grow up," he asked, and I could only shrug as he took his handkerchief from my hand and dabbed at my tears. I heard a sniffle and looked behind my father and saw my mother, tears running down her face. She shrugged as she cried, failing miserably to stop the tears until she just gave up completely. She came up along the other side of me and together the three of us continued the journey Taylor and I had started, walking towards the fountain.

As we approached, I saw a Justice of the Peace who, thankfully, was not dressed as as Elvis, and on one side stood Gideon and Christian and Elliot, and on the other stood Jason, Mia and his sister Ireland. Taylor, of course was not grinning, but still he smiled. He was not quite happy being the "Man of Honor" but it was the only thing I could think of to throw a wrench in Gideon's "perfect" planning.

I looked at Gideon, expecting to see him grinding his teeth on that decision, but instead, there he stood, in a tuxedo he was born to wear. It showed every perfect angle of the man, His height was emphasized, his broad, muscular shoulders were enhanced... But beyond the tuxedo, his blue eyes, were bright and unblinking as they watched me approach him. He was the man I had always known him to be. He was strong, intelligent, loving, kind, caring, and, Dominant. And, above that, there was still a hint in his eyes that made me think he was afraid I would turn around and run for the hills. And why should he not think that? After all, it wouldn't be the first time.

I stood in front of him, our eyes not leaving each other, alone here, in front of the fountain, my hand being placed in his. I had forgotten my father had been holding it, but now, it was clasped tightly in Gideon's.

His eyes watched me, never straying, barely blinking. "You look beautiful," he whispered, and I felt the deep blush rise to my cheeks. He lifted his hand to my face, his thumb caressing where the heat had risen to. He leaned down to kiss me, and I closed my eyes, eager to feel his soft lips against mine.

"Ahem, not yet," the Justice said, and I flushed, forgetting that he had been there, not hearing a word he said. I looked at Gideon, and he too colored, and realized he had forgotten as well. "The rings," the Justice said, and Gideon smiled, turning to Christian who handed him two rings. He handed me the one that was his, and then brought the one he held to his lips for a kiss before he began to slide it onto my finger.

He slid it halfway on, and then inhaled deeply. "Shana, you are the keeper of my heart. You are the companion of my soul. We have known each other for years, and you were smart when you said no before. If you hadn't, we wouldn't have lasted. You were right, and though it hurt me to let you go, it was what had to be done so we could grow and become who we are. You were my first love, even when I didn't know what love was. I love you, and I want to always be there for you. You make sense of who I am." The ring slid to it's home on the last of his words, and I heard my mother snuffle.

I took his ring, kissed it as he had, and placed it onto the first knuckle of his finger. I looked up into his eyes, and smiled.

"Mr. Cross, normally a bride is given time to think of the words to say to the man she loves as she shackles a ring onto his finger. A symbol to let all others know he is taken and loved and to back off. But you... You just had to have your own way and not give me time to think. And I love you for that. You are my heart. You are soul. You are my everything and I have loved you since we first met. Our past is long, but you are right. It wouldn't have worked until we knew who we are. We managed to remain friends, allies, and partners. Now, we can join our hearts together and love each other for the rest of our lives. Before we do, ask me. Ask me again." I paused the push of the ring, not setting it in it's home, and waiting for him. I wanted him to ask me, once more, hear his words, in front of our friends and family.

He grinned at me, the candle light reflecting off his teeth. "Shana Minnie Grey, will you marry me?"

I returned his smile, pushing the ring into it's home as I said, "yes." There was a sudden applause, and Gideon raised my hand, kissing the ring and then wrapped his arms around me as he kissed me unabashedly. I could hear the Justice of the Peace stammer that it wasn't time, that he wasn't finished, but as with all things involving Gideon, it was his show, and if he wanted to kiss his wife, then dammit shut up and stand back because he was kissing his wife.


	50. Chapter 50

A/N: Greetings all! I am thrilled to the response from the ceremony. I had a ton of people send me questions about the last 3 chapters, and I simply kept quiet and didn't respond back because your answers were all in that chapter.

For the one guest who was rather peeved about the fact that they got married before Ana and Christian... Feel blessed. I normally ignore guest reviews. However, this was also a thought I had thought about. (For about 15 seconds before I really didn't care.) But, in the end, I did touch on it in this chapter. After all, Shana loves her brothers and sister, and would never want to slight them on purpose. Also, on that same subject... Shana had no control over the situation. So, if you have a issue with it, contact Gideon Cross.

There is something else I should state about this chapter: It is not lemony. I know it's their wedding night... but, after staring at the screen for three days, constantly wondering how much and what I wanted to do for the bridal bed... in the end, I gave them their privacy.

Enjoy!

* * *

The reception was a whirlwind, of which few memories truly exist. But isn't that how most weddings are? The pictures help, but the actual event... There is so much in it, so much hope, and desire, need and excitement, that it's hard to remember at all.

I remember the dance with my father, but not the words of wisdom he tried to convey to me. I also danced with Elliot and Christian who seemed truly happy for me. And then the dances with Gideon. Once I was in his arms, I know my feet never returned to the ground. We danced as if we were the only people in the room. I know that there were certain things we were "supposed" to do, like remove my garter. ("I'll be damned if anyone else is going to see your legs, or have the privilege to covet that garter," Gideon had growled.) It was time to toss the bouquet, which I did as he twirled me in the air, the both of us laughing the whole time, watching the girls try to dive for it. I should have just handed the damn thing to Kate Kavanaugh, who practically killed herself and nearly put Ana, Mia and Ireland in traction.

The memories were made, but hard to bring to mind. What I will always remember though, is Gideon. Not just how he looked like a edible version of a billion dollars, because he always looked that way. No. No, what I will always remember is how free and truly happy he was. Every time he laughed, every head turned, smiling with him, though he paid no attention to anyone but me. He was gorgeous, vibrant, and thoroughly happy. And his smile, when he looked at me, made my heart leap.

Our friends and family seemed to be constantly tapping silverware on the crystal ware, demanding we kiss. And kiss we did. Never a chaste kiss, not this night. Each and every kiss was as deep and as full of love and need as the first in front of the flustered Justice of the Peace.

As the celebration went on, we tossed the rules of the Wedding Celebration out the window. We both declined to cut the cake, refusing to leave the dance floor. Gideon did release me a few times, needing to dance with his lovely sister Ireland, and with Mia. My mother and he glided like Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire across the floor, and we all had to step aside and watch in shocked amazement. As they danced, I looked into the future, seeing Christmas, New Years, and maybe even birthdays along with the random charity events, seeing their future ghosts gliding along all the various dance floors and my heart ached for these future events.

The music went on and on, and finally, Gideon picked me up and I shrieked with giggles, demanding to know what he was doing.

"Say goodnight, Mrs. Cross," he said, his eyes dark, his voice trying to hide a hint of lust. I was suddenly in need of him, the desire like a flame straight through the core of my being. I pointed to the DJ in the corner and he carried me there. I indicated my desire for the microphone, the DJ obliged and lowered the music.

"Everyone, thank you so much for enjoying this celebration with us. Please, stay and continue the party." I handed back the microphone and everyone seemed to crowd the way, and yet they left us a clear passage all the way back to the elevator. Bubbles and confetti were in the air and I laughed, feeling Gideon's lust as he hurried us to the elevator, not stopping to set me on my feet until the door closed and we rose to the suite.

The walls were made of glass, but it didn't matter. As soon as we were in he immediately began kissing me, and I couldn't help but pull his head toward me, running my fingers through his hair, encouraging his lips. The kiss was deep and needy. Possessive and demanding. But above all else, it was mine. His lips were forever mine. His heart will always beat for me, as mine beats only for him. I pulled out of the kiss, my eyes opening to see his. They were dark and lusty, but also concerned, questioning. I smiled a small smile, my finger rising to trace his lips.

"Sha, what is it? What is wrong," he asked, concern growing in his voice, his hands holding me tightly, more from worry then need now.

"I just want..." I paused, not sure how to say it.

"Anything. Anything. It's yours. What do you want," he asked, his eyes seeking the depths of mine, as if that was where the answer lay. I felt his hand rise to my cheek, his thumb lightly caress it. How in the hell did I ever desire this man, and why the hell did I ever say no the first time?

"This moment," I whispered, memorizing his face, his eyes, his caress. I counted his heart beats, memorizing each one so that I know that those beats, they are mine. "I just want to always remember this moment," I said, pushing all the love and care I have for him through my eyes and into his, sharing it with him.

He pulled me close, his hands wrapping around me, so it seemed we were one being instead of two. "God, Shana. Do you know? Do you understand what you do to me? How much you show me? How much... you make me feel?"

"Show me," I whispered, feeling his arms hold me tighter as I said the words.

The elevator stopped, and he picked me up, carrying me out and straight to the bedroom. He stood me on my bare feet, my shoes having been lost on the dance floor. He stood back a moment and then approached me, turning my back to him. I felt his hands shake as they lightly grazed over my shoulder. His hands moved to the back of my dress, his fingers struggling with the million buttons that ran down the back. I felt one pop off and heard him curse under his breath. I felt another pop and had to stifle a laugh.

"Baby, I'm sorry, I... these buttons..." I turned around and grinned at him.

"Gideon," I said, raising my hand to his cheek. He leaned his cheek into my hand, closing his eyes for a moment. "Rip the damn dress off," I growled, feeling the lust in my throat.

His eyes popped open wide, as if he wasn't sure what I said. "But... women keep their dresses... for their children," he stuttered.

"True," I said, nodding. "But in twenty years, fashion changes, your daughters will be stubborn and original just like you, and will not want my dress." He grinned, spinning me around again, and I felt the buttons fly off and the top of the dress released from my chest. He growled and I felt a clenching in my core as moisture pooled in my panties.

"God, I can smell your sweet scent already," he said, lust thick in his voice. I shivered in excitement and want for him. He pulled my dress wider, and I laughed hearing the stitches of the expensive rag shred and pop. "You looked beautiful in the dress, but you look gorgeous out of it," he said, his hands tracing my lace panties. Their designer name was as quickly gone from my mind as fast as they were ripped from my body.

I felt his warm fingers caress the cheeks of my ass, his fingers following it's curve and the length of the crevice. His fingers gripped my hips and he pulled me sharply against his still dressed frame. I gasped from the force of it, and groaned feeling his encased body still fully enclosed in Armani.

I felt his warm breath graze over the back of my ear, goose flesh rising on my bare skin as he whispered. "You are all mine." I swallowed, my mind going blank as I felt the warmth and truth of those words in the core of my soul.

His fingers moved along my body, not stroking it, but tracing the shape, his fingertips millimeters above the skin. Their passage disturbed the hair that rose from his voice. I shivered, feeling my nipples harden. His fingers traveled around to my front, and they ghosted around my breasts until they encircled my nipples. I moaned at his touch, closing my eyes wanting to lean back against him.

I felt his lips on my shoulder, and smiled as he kissed a path from my shoulder up my neck. He sucked my earlobe into his mouth, and nibbled on it before releasing it, and his tongue licked behind my ear. I didn't realize it, but I felt his fingers underneath mine; I had raised my hands to my breast when he began to tease my ear.

"Turn around," he said, his voice thick and hoarse.

I did as he said, facing him, allowing him to see all of me. I could feel his eyes as they took in every curve, freckle and hair on me. He took a step back, and I watched as a small grin tickled the corner of his lips.

"Well, Mr. Cross? Do you like what you see," I asked, restraining myself from crossing my arms.

"Quite," he said, nodding. He raised his right hand to his left wrist, undoing the cuff link, but I stepped forward, placing my hand on his to pause him.

"Allow me," I said quietly and he nodded with a knowing smile.

I removed his cuff links, and then slide his jacket off his broad shoulders. It was amazing how good he looked in the tuxedo. But then, he looks good in everything, and even better out of it. I laid the jacket on the chaise lounge that occupied the corner of the room, and returned to unbutton and remove his grey vest. I loosened his silver tie and he ducked his head allowing me to easily pull it over his head. I tossed it over to the chair, letting it laid on it's counterparts.

As I unbuttoned his shirt, I bit on my lip, thoughts wondering around in my head. Thoughts aside from the delicious sex we were about to enjoy. "What is it," he asked quietly. I shook my head, not wanting to ruin the mood. His hands settled on mine, pausing me. One lifted my chin, so he could search my eyes. "What is it?"

"You." His eyebrow raised, and a wicked grin lined his lips.

"What about me?"

"You are amazing, you know? How... This whole day. Everything. But, I... How did Ana and Christian feel? I mean, they got engaged first. We... didn't steal a spotlight, did we?" He smiled at me and leaned down, placing a soft, loving kiss on my lips and then resting his forehead against mine.

"And you call me amazing," he sighed with a hint of laughter.

"What?"

"You still worry about others before yourself." I blushed. "I have... something I should confess to you."

"Oh?" I felt a small tightening in my chest, fear wanting to form in my heart. After all, what could he confess to?

"I lied to you. Wait-" he said, resting a finger on my lips. "Before you jump to conclusions, let me tell you. I know that we want to never lie to each other, and that's good for the important life decisions. But, in order to pull this off, I had to lie. I didn't have lunch with Eva."

He removed his finger from my lips, and pulled me towards the bed. He sat down, and pulled me down onto his lap. "I was going to tell you this later, maybe tomorrow even, but now is good." I nodded and waited as patiently as I could. My subconscious wanted to yell at me _What else did he lie about? Who did he have lunch with?_ But I hit her over the head and dragged her body back into the unconscious closet until I could deal with her later. "I had lunch with Christian, your mother and Mia. I can't tell you all we talked about because I still have surprises in store for you, but, the timing was one thing I wanted to talk to your brother about.

"He had no problems with us being married first. He even said that it would help Mia if she helped me with the planning, giving her a chance to learn things before his wedding. He also said, and I quote 'I'm not all hearts and flowers, but I am sure you will do some things that I can improve on for Ana.' I don't think we have to worry about us losing our rivalry anytime soon."

I laughed, thinking that was one thing that most certainly wasn't on my mind at all. "I do admit, I like it better when you act like bickering brothers instead of warring moguls." He grinned, and my fingers played with another button on his shirt, releasing it.

"Are... you happy, Sha?" I looked at him, saw deep into his eyes, and yes, there was still that bit of fear in him, in that back corner of his soul. It may always be there. It may not. But I will always be here for him.

"Beyond happy, husband of mine," I said, reaching up and drawing his face to mine. Our kiss was deep and tender. His tongue licked at my lips, and as I opened my mouth wider, our tongues met, dancing, not demanding. He licked at my teeth and then I traced the shape of his. I felt his heart beating faster and harder and felt his cock twitch in the confines of his pants. Half of me wanted to quickly rip his clothes off as easily as he had ripped mine, but the other half wanted to take our time.

My hands finished unbuttoning his shirt as he kissed me. I let his lips, his tongue, his mouth explore and lead me where ever he wanted to go, allowing my hands to continue to remove his clothes. I peeled off his shirt, freeing his arms which began to explore me, mapping me as if it was our first time. His touch was light and loving, and every where he touched me, my body ached for more.

My hands caressed down his chest, towards his waist, where I unbuckled his belt and slowly removed it from the belt loops. It was agony to go slow, but I was letting his speed dictate. I unbuttoned his pants, unzipping him, but before I could think he had to stand so I could remove his pants, he laid me back onto the bed, my feet dangling over the side. He slowly pulled away from my lips, but his lips moved down my neck, and through the valley of my breasts before he stood, quickly dropping his pants and briefs.

I lifted up onto my elbows, admiring his physique. "See something you like, Mrs. Cross?" I grinned, hearing my words back at me.

"Possibly," I smirked.

He grinned, and moved towards me, and for the first time, with both of us completely naked, in a bedroom, I saw no deep lust, no dark need in his eyes. If I had taken a moment, if this were any other day, I would have paused him, and asked what was wrong. But I didn't. I didn't need to. There was no deep need to quench a lusty desire, there was love, and we had time.


	51. Chapter 51

I awoke hours later, Gideon sound asleep next to me, a smile sleeping on his lips, and it took everything in me to not touch or kiss his lips. I laid there, watching him sleep, frowning at the padded handcuff that was around his right wrist and attached to a bar that had been installed for our suite. I hated the fact that he needed that security so he could feel safe enough to sleep with me, but I hoped, that somewhere, some when down the road he could come to not need that. In the mean time, for us, he has decided this is the best for now.

I slowly crawled out of the bed, not wanting to disturb his sleep, and made my way to the en suite. I left the door partially open so I could hear if he called for me, or so he would know where I went should he awaken.

My mind rolled over the last day's events, and I still couldn't believe what he had done, what he had accomplished. It tickled my heart to know that Taylor had wanted to make sure that I had wanted to get married and if not, he would have made sure I got away. I grinned thinking that. Taylor is probably the only man on the planet that could have helped me get away, and hidden me from everyone. I did have one question in my mind about him, but haven't asked anyone yet. I am sure, quite sure actually, that Gideon had some reasons that Taylor had been with us, as our driver, as our Vegas head of security instead of Stevenson. I did wonder where Stevenson was, slightly surprised he wasn't here for any reason let alone he had become a good friend and confidant to me over the years.

I finished my duties in the bathroom, and headed for the kitchenette, hungry. I realized I hadn't eaten anything since the flight. A meal had been served at the reception, but neither Gideon nor I partook of it, refusing to leave the dance floor.

I found the menu for room service, and slow glanced over the menu, but had a hard time keeping my thought on it and away from the sleeping god in the bedroom. It's so hard to think, that my life could be so changed in so little time. Two months ago I was a single woman with a vast empire, competing with Gideon, and sometimes Christian. Living on the other coast, having little contact with my family, and carrying too many secrets. And now, here I am. A married woman, my husband a rich man in his own right, with his own vast empire... My mind wanted to roll over and sort through all the property we now owned together. I decided to not go over it. At three o'clock in the morning, and a empty stomach, that is the worst time to think about the financial world. Unless you are dealing with business in Japan.

"Hungry?" I jumped at Gideon's voice, my thoughts to deep in their own world to have heard him come into the room. He came and sat next to me on the sofa in the main room. He easily lifted me, placing me on his lap and then ran his fingers through my hair.

"Did I wake you," I asked as I curled into his arms, kissing his lips softly before he took the menu from me.

"No, but you should have," he said, rubbing his nose against mine. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. Just hungry," I said, but his eyes continued to search me for a deeper answer. "Why? What's wrong?"

"I just... I want to make sure you are okay. I know that the wedding and everything was... fast. I want to make sure that, well... that you've gotten over the shock of it." I gave him the softest smile I had. It was one of the few ways he knew I was okay. He leaned forward, kissing me chastely, and then, once again, he rested his forehead against mine. "I love you so much."

"And I love you."

"You know, that was a cruel trick you did on me," he said, leaning back and grinning.

"Oh?"

"Making Taylor your Man of Honor... Was that to aggravate me? Throw a wrench in the works, or what?"

I grinned trying to not laugh. "You had planned everything, and I had no say... I just... wanted to trip you up. That, and he really is a good friend." Now that Taylor was on the table for discussion, the other question on my mind pushed it's way forward. "How come Taylor was with us? Why not Stevenson or Angus?"

"Ahhh," He grinned, rubbing his chin with his thumb. His blue eyes were alight with mischief. "Stevenson has a different mission. You'll see him soon enough. Angus had requested some time off," he shrugged. She wasn't quite sure if that was a complete truth, or only a partial one. "It had been awhile since he saw his family. We'll meet up with him later. Now, what are you hungry for?"

"Wedding cake."

* * *

Room service delivered a half dozen slices of our wedding cake, and I sat on Gideon's lap as we fed each other, some times talking about what we should do next, what we can't do, and, where we would love to take each other. (As in travel to, not sexual. Well... both actually.)

"You know," I said, running my finger along my plate, scrapping up the last of the icing. "I have traveled all over the world, but I don't think I was ever a tourist anywhere, except the islands that one time."

Gideon grinned, leaning back, closing his eyes as if to watch a memory. "Me too. Would you like to go back there?" I smiled, thinking of the place, the people... and that magical soap of his. "Right," he grinned, obviously reading my mind. "I'll put it on the list."

We talked about things that we used to say when we were younger, when the world around us wasn't quite ours for the taking.

We used to sit in a booth at a small college diner not too far from campus, waiting for the other members of "our gang" to show up in their time. I smiled, thinking back to that. I remembered that that was how we first met.

* * *

"Look, just come along. You have been stuck here, your nose buried in that damn book for four days. All I'm asking for is three hours. Just come meet them." I raised my eyes from the "damn book" and glared at Jason. He knew how much I needed to study, and the professor had a thick distaste for me as it was. "Sha, it's three fucking hours."

I put the book down, carefully marking the page. "What will you give me in return?"

He stood in front of me, crossing his arms. He gave of the air of superiority, which normally worked for him. Except when he tried to play it off on me. I, in return, leaned back in my chair and raised my left eyebrow. I saw his eyes narrow a tiny bit in response.

"Fine," he said, shaking off his pose. "I'll owe you one."

"Two," I corrected.

"What do you mean 'two'?" I saw his eyes change as he tried to remember if he did owe me from a past favor, and then I couldn't help but smile, though it was a tiny smirk, as he remembered. "Damn it. Fine. I'll owe you two."

"Deal," I said, tucking my book into my book bag. As we left the library he gave me the time and place to meet at, and I agreed to meet him there, that I wouldn't forget, and I wouldn't be late.

We were to meet at Dusty's Diner, which looked like one of those old silver diner cars that have become some kind of icon institution for fast food. Not large fast food chains, but small collections of "Mom and Pop" places. Some were diners, some were doughnut shops, all were small, and almost all carried the 1950's theme.

Dusty's was six blocks from the campus, and it's popularity seemed to change every year. The year before it was popular, but now-a-days it seemed to have lost the gleam of favoritism. I had arrived earlier then I had agreed to, but this is not something unusual for me, as even as a young child I had wanted to always be somewhere early, not matter the occasion.

Being early at Dusty's though, it had a second reason for it. I could observe those who would be arriving, and see who was there, who Jason wanted me to meet, and try to figure out why it was important.

I entered the building twelve minutes early, and, as far as I could tell, I was the first one there. One side of the building had booths along the walls, and a bar counter for single sitters. I chose a seat in a booth on the "far" side of the building from the door. "Far" being a stretch in this description as the door was in the center of the building. Fortunately, the diner boasted a large menu and I used it to hide behind, awaiting the others who were to join us.

"What can I get ya," A waitress asked. She was a thin, middle-aged woman with a 1950's styled waitress outfit and bright copper hair that sat in stiff curls on top of her head.

"Nothing yet," I said, keeping my eye on the door. "I'm waiting for some friends." She looked out the window on my right side and nodded before leaving me.

I heard the ding of a bell as someone else entered the diner. I raised my menu higher and peeked over it to see who it was. The guy that had walked in had turned away from me, so all I could see was his broad shoulders, dark black hair and a very firm ass tucked into a really nice pair of jeans.

I had chosen, by this point in my life, to not date. I had a few male friends that wished I would change my mind, but I was firm on this point. This was not ego, nor vanity talking when I say this because they have all asked me. Repeatedly. The guys were all really nice, good guys because even though I said no, we still maintained our friendships. Of this I was more then glad about.

So, when I see this guy walk into this diner and I can't seem to take my eyes off of him, then that means something.

I watched as he sat down in a booth on the other far side of the diner, in a booth completely opposite of me. I knew that he too was as eager to be here as much as I was. He reached for the menu that was crammed between the condiment bottles and the napkin dispenser on the table and as he opened it he looked up.

He caught me watching him, staring at him. I knew I should have looked away, raised my menu higher, but I couldn't. I was frozen in time as if he were Medusa, and his bright blue eyes had magicked me.

I knew most of Jason's friends, but this guy, this wizard who could stop time, this guy who tight jeans were made for... I had no clue as to who he was and _Man!_ I wanted to know!

Suddenly the ding of the diner door broke me from the spell, and we both ducked beneath our menus, watching to see who had entered. I breathed a sigh of relief when it turned out to not be one of Jason's friends, but a older retired couple who were familiar to the waitress as she greeted them by name as they took their seats in another booth. I turned to look out the window again, searching for a sign that Jason and his entourage were on their way, but the parking lot was still empty.

"May I join you," A mild, warm voice asked and I turned to see Mr. Tight-Jeans standing next to my table.

"Um... yeah. I mean, yes, please have a seat," I stuttered, my hand waving to the seat opposite me. "Are you a friend of Jason's?"

"Friend...? No, I wouldn't quite say that," he replied, running his thumb over his chin. "Are you?"

"Yeah," I sigh rolling my eyes. "We go back a-ways," I said, putting my menu down and straightening my napkin rolled silverware.

"How far back is "a-ways"," he asked. His crystal blue eyes never left mine, and in a way it was very disconcerting. His voice though... His voice reminded me of Christian's. The way he would ask a question, knowing what the answer was that he wanted to hear and some how, no matter what, you had to give him the truthful answer.

The truth was never a issue with me. I always told the truth. Even when it wasn't the truth. If you listen closely, pay attention, it is quite easy to find loop holes in nearly every question, and that was one of my talents. For instance, say someone held up a blue crayon and asked if it was blue. Most people would respond, "Yeah, it's blue," and they could be right. To them it would be. To me, I would look at the question, in some cases repeat it, to know that there wasn't more to the question:

"Is it blue?"

"Yeah, is this crayon blue?"

Once knowing the question, I would answer it:

"No, it's not blue."

Is that a lie? To the crayon holder it could be. To me, it wouldn't be. How come? Because it may be a _shade_ of blue, but it could be Sky Blue, or Turquoise Blue, or even Tardis Blue.

Mr. Tight-Jeans, though, hadn't asked me a question with a loop hole. _How far back is "a-ways"?_

"Three years," I answered, my eyes itching as I realized I hadn't been blinking. I forced myself to blink, turning my eyes eyes from him and checking my watch. Jason was now officially late and on my shit list.

"Are you ready to order," the waitress asked, now that there were two at my table. Mr. Tight-Jeans and I looked back out the window to the empty lot and back to each other. He raised a eyebrow at me and I shrugged in return.

"Yeah," he said in his smooth as silk voice. "Two burgers, medium well. No onions. Do you like pickles?" I looked at him for a moment, slightly perturbed that because he hadn't asked me what I wanted. He hadn't asked, but he knew. I nodded. "Extra pickles and fries," he said, finishing our order.

"And to drink," she asked, not raising her eyes from her ticket pad.

"Two chocolate cokes, light ice," I said, watching him. He nodded, taking my menu and cramming it back behind the condiments. The waitress left us, taking with her the air of conversation. My eyes wander back to the window, looking again for signs of Jason. The lack of anything but a empty parking lot told me that he had no intention of showing up. His intention was more likely then not, to set up Mr. Tight-Jeans and myself for a surprise blind date.

"Did you know he was setting us up," the stranger across from me asked, his voice slightly guarded. Was I that transparent that he could read my mind? I shoved that thought away from me. He is only asking the question that is in his mind, I knew.

"No, I didn't," I said, the words harsher then I had meant to say watching him flinch at the tone in my voice. "I'm sorry. Look, we kinda got started off on the wrong foot. My name is Shana."

He relaxed, his shoulders dropping down to a more comfortable position, running his hand through his raven black, just-fucked hair. He nodded, giving me a half smile in return for the one I offered him.

"Gideon. What's your major?"

"Double major, actually. Business Management & Economics with a minor in Science Technology. Yours?"

"The same, actually," he replied, and my eyebrow raised to his response. We were interrupted as the waitress brought us our drinks, setting two straws she drew from her apron on the table before leaving again. We both reached for the paper covered straws, shucking the paper from them. Out of old habit I looked down the inside of the straw before depositing it in my drink. "Why did you do that," he asked.

"Do what?" I stirred my drink, mixing the chocolate sauce in. "You'll wanna stir that or your first sip will be all syrup."

He nodded, stirring it as I had and then took a tentative sip. "Look down the straw," he said, and then smiled, sipping some more of his drink. "This is good. Weird, but good."

I grinned and shrugged my shoulder. "Oh, I once had seen a small spider crawl out of a straw a friend had, and ever since then... I dunno. I just don't wanna find one without looking."

"Yeah, that would put me off straws for life, I think," he said, his eyes wide. I could see the mini movie of the image I just told him fly through his mind, and nodded.

"Do we share any classes together," I asked, surprised that I would bet we didn't. A guy looking the way he does... That should be something I should know about. But then, I always sit up front in the classes. I don't think I know anyone who is in any of my classes, I realized. Then, again, I am not here to be social, I am here for my education. I will need it to make my plans a reality and not just a flitter of a idea. "Eyes on the prize" so they say, and in my eyes, education is the best prize.

"Two, actually," he said, a small smile licking at his lips. "You always sit up front."

The waitress reappeared then, delivering our burgers, and we dove into the food and it fueled our conversation. We talked about our classes, our professors, joked over the best imitation of some of the professors before our conversations left the education field and turned to the more personal. I spoke about my family, and he spoke a little about his. When he mentioned his father, it was quick, stating he had died when he was little and his mother remarried. I noticed his body tensed as he said that and I allowed him to drop that part of the conversation as he wished. I don't need to pry, never do. Besides, everyone knew his father had committed suicide after it came out about his ponzi scheme.

We finished our meal, and he played the gentleman card by paying for both meals, despite my insistence to pay half. Walking back to our dorms, we talked about everything from movies, books, and even television. We shared a interest in television, if you could call it that. Neither one of us liked television and rarely watch it. We both believed that television, save for the use of advertisement and product placement, was a serious waste.

We came to the entrance to my dorm, pausing there as we finished our random conversation. He holds himself tall, giving off the air of patience and fortitude, yet his voice seems freer, and every rare once in a while I manage to see a small smile light up. That smile has a energy of it's own, giving him more life, making him seem more real. Finally, our conversation comes to a end, and he turns to leave, pauses and turns back to me.

"I was wondering... Would you like to go out again some time? Maybe a dinner, or another walk just to talk?"

I smiled and nodded. "I would really like that," I said, half my brain telling me I am here for a education the other half jumping for joy. He gave me that sparkling smile again, took my hand in his and brought it to his lips. And then he turned and walked away.

That had been the beginning of our relationship. Though it had ended a few months later, we had never regretted it. We remained friends, and "enemies" despite everything else. Even though we had to deal with a gloating, conniving, overly cheerful Jason Taylor.

* * *

To all my new followers, welcome!

The upcoming chapter... will be dark. Warning you now.


	52. Chapter 52

**A/N: Hello everyone.**

**Okay, this chapter... was a struggle. As you may know, when I write, I have a general idea of how and what I want to write, and then I let the words create the journey. Sometimes, though, the words chose to take the bumpier road. Most times, I am fine with that, and I take the ride. This time... it was a struggle.**

**There will be, in this chapter, a moment in time where there is a scene of rape. I will be marking that section with triple lines and italicizing the words. For those of you that do not wish to read that part, and I fully understand that, you will know where and when to skip. I will mark the end of the section by another triple line, which is where you can skip down to to continue reading.**

**I know that many of you will not be happy with me about this, but, I will have to deal with that. Like I said, the words created the journey. It was not my intention to write this, but after nearly a week, it seems I can't really write around it. Life is, after all, not all sparkles and fairy dust.**

**Another note: Spelling/grammer: I am trying to correct as I go along, but I had to post this using a computer at the local library, and for some reason, it doesn't do spell-check. So, for now, we suffer. **

* * *

I hadn't known I had fallen asleep in his lap until I was roused from my dreams of our earlier life. I turned to look at Gideon's sleeping face, and instead of seeing him sleeping peacefully, he was contorted with pain. His heart beneath my palm was pounding and his breath was as labored as if he was running a marathon. He was having, if not a nightmare, a definetely bad dream.

"Gideon?" I called his name, softly, hoping to rouse him slowly from his dream. I had fallen asleep on his lap, and right now it was not the safest place to be. Keeping the words low and soft, I tried calling to him again. "Gideon, wake up, Love. You are dreaming." I could feel his erection growing beneath me, a hundred thoughts running through my mind as fear started to awaken in my heart.

* * *

_Gideon's hands grabbed at me as he started cussing out his attacker in his nightmare. His grip was tight, his fingers like iron as they locked around my wrists. I struggled, trying to twist my arms out of his grip. He only managed to tighten his fingers tighter._

_"Let's see how you like it," he growled, as he pulled me toward him, trying to turn me around. I felt the first rush of panic run through my heart, my mind trying to think of a thousand ways to get out of his grip._

_"Gideon you are dreaming! You need to wake up!" I started saying it louder and louder, hoping to break through to him. A part of my mind was trying to remain calm, telling me that the CCTV in the main room would cause the security team to come running in, but, it being our wedding night, I knew that that particular camera was probably off. "Gideon! Wake up!"_

_I struggled against his grip, against his hard body, his mouth spewing out his hatred for his attacker, for the demon of his dreams. I could no longer afford to be cautious. If I didn't fight him, this would go somewhere dark, and Gideon would never forgive himself for it. It would destroy him, it could destroy us._

_"Not enjoying it now are you," he spat at me as he tossed me to the couch, face down. I tried to quickly rise, to move, but he was faster. He knelt over me, reaching for my arms again._

_"Gideon! Gideon! Wake up!" He had me pinned down, one hand clasped around my wrists, keeping my hands laid out in front of my head. I could barely move my head and I was struggling to breathe, to free myself and I was failing in waking him from his nightmare. I felt his hand on my ass as he flipped up the hem of the hotel robe I was wearing. "Gideon! Wake up! Gideon! This isn't you! You would never do this! Wake up!"_

_A old fear rose in my mind, a event that I forced myself to not remember. To not dwell on or to think of. His actions, here and now, were bringing up those memories as I began to panic. I kept yelling at him, praying that my voice would even carry down to the security suite. I was trying to free myself and keep my legs locked together. I felt his free hand trying to pry apart my legs. "Wake up!"_

_He bit into my shoulder and by doing so the pain made me lose the concentration on keeping my legs together. It was a fraction of a second, but he seperated my legs. I closed my eyes, a new thought rolling through as I felt his cock against me. "This is Gideon. This is the man you love. This is not his fault."_

_"Fucking bastard," he said in his dark, rough voice. "You destroyed everything I was. You hurt me like no child should ever be hurt. You will never hurt me again." He thrusted his cock deep and hard into me. The pain burned, but it was nothing like the pain in my heart._

_"This is Gideon. This is the man you love. This is not his fault. This is the man you love." I repeated this to myself, trying to ignore the brutal violation, praying it would end soon. I felt tears run fill my eyes as I muffled my screams into the couch._

_"This is Gideon. This is the man you love. This is not his fault. This is the man you love."_

_His thrusts were mechanical, rough and hard. When he finally came, it wasn't with warm joy in my heart, but with a cold relief that it was over. Before he withdrew from me, he leaned down on my stretched out, violated body and whispered into my ear._

_"I win you sick bastard."_

* * *

Gideon sat down on the edge of the couch a few feet away from me, falling back into a deeper sleep. I tried to muffle the last of my sobs, hoping to not wake him. Not yet. I cautiously moved my legs away from him and sat up. I rewrapped my robe around me, trying to tighten the sash and felt a sharp, burning pain in my left wrist. I looked down, seeing the bruises that were already dark shades of blue and purple.

I stood up from the couch, nearly falling as my body chose to not pay attention to what I had to do. My legs were shaking, and I was in pain, not just my wrists, and not just where he had entered me, but it seemed that even my soul was crying out. I forced myself to stand, willing my muscles to obey me, and I staggered to the door that lead to the security suite.

Each step was as painful as the last, and it felt like hours had passed, but I did make it to the door. I rested my head against the door, catching my breath. My right hand rested on the door knob and I managed to turn it and open the door. I shuffled through the doorway to the security booth just a few feet away.

The door was open, and a man I didn't know was sitting at the monitors. I knocked on the door frame, making him jump as he turned towards me. "Mrs. Cross? Are you okay?" He asked, standing up from his chair. I looked behind him, noticing that, as I had assumed, the one camera that was actually in the suite was turned off. All the others were active and doing their job. "Mrs. Cross?"

I shook my head, and looked back at him. "I need you to contact Taylor. Tell him I need him. Make sure he comes up through this hall way. Under no circumstance is anyone to contact any member of my family." I paused, trying to moisten my throat and gather my thoughts. "Tell him to bring a first aid kit," I added. He nodded and I left him, walking back to the door that seperated the security suite from our room. I didn't go back into the suite, though, instead, I turned my back to the door and slowly sank down, sitting on the floor and I wept.

* * *

It felt like hours later when I finally heard Taylor's voice and looking up, I saw him running towards me. "Shana! What the hell? What happened?" I looked up at him and shrugged, and then, the voice that had been on repeat in my mind saying, "This wasn't his fault" changed to "Be strong."

"Jason," I said, my voice rough as if parched. "I need your help." He reached out to me, helping me get back to my feet. I winced, my injuries crying to me.

"Why...? What happened?" He looked down at me, now noticing the bruises on my wrists, and his eyes roamed down my legs, and as I looked, I could see new bruises there as well. "What the fuck happened," he yelled, grabbing my left hand. I screamed out in pain, making him drop it in response. I cradled it, and looked into his eyes, making him focus on me, and not the damage.

"I need you to focus, Jason. I need you to not yell at me," I said, my voice low and harsh from my struggle with Gideon.

He opened his mouth, but paused the words. He slowly closed his mouth and his eyes, inhaled a slow breath and then nodded, opening his eyes again. "What is going on?"

I nodded, thankful he could control himself. I was struggling hard enough as it was to control myself, having to deal with him, a uncontroled Jason Taylor, would be impossible. "Gideon had... an episode." Jason looked at me, then at the door behind us, and back to me, his eyes growing to three times their size. He opened his mouth to yell something again, but then raked in his control again, and slowly looked me over.

"How bad was it?" His voice was steady and calm.

"Bad," I replied, raising my left hand with my right. He looked down at my wrists and swore with a whistle. "I think it may be broken."

"Fuck Sha!" He ushered me down the security hall, and into a small side room. The room was a multi-use room, probably used for meals and round table/shift change discussions. There was a table and a dozen chairs in the center, and a small kitchenette area along the one wall. We entered, and I reached for one of the chairs, collapsing in it rather un-ladylike.

He set the kit down on the table next to me, and pulled a chair close to sit facing me. He gently took my wrist in his, his fingers checking it over with ease. He raised my sleeves of my robe higher up my arm, noticing all the fresh circles of new, blue bruises. He shook his head, finding more of the same on the other arm. "Fuck," he muttered. "Dammit, we're going to have to get this checked out... x-rayed..."

"Jason, I can't go anywhere for that," I murmured. "If anyone sees me, they'll know. They will have to contact the police..."

"You need it checked out. I will... figure out something. Where is he now?"

"Still asleep," I said, shaking my head for no real reason.

"Shit. Sha... dammit!" He took out a Ace bandage and began to roll it around the left wrist while I closed my eyes, trying to recover more of my senses. "I thought you were taking precautions," he said finally.

"We were..." I answered. My voice was more of a whisper now, and my body was beginning to shake. "I... got hungry. He woke up, and found me in the looking through the room service menu. We ordered something, ate it, and... I fell asleep on his lap. We hadn't meant to fall asleep like that," I said with half a shrug.

He finished wrapping my wrist, and examined the other with a more cautious eye. "Yeah, I think this one is okay, but bruised. Are you hurt anywhere else?" I stared at him. He looked at me, blinked, and then his eyes slowly travelled down my closed robe to my waist before his eyes shot back up at me. "Sha! Tell me he didn't!"

"Jason, it wasn't his fault," I repeated

"Then whose fucking fault is it? The fucking sandman's," he yelled at me, rising to his feet.

"Jason-"

"Has he done this to you before? Besides that other night?" He demanded to know, his words hard and steady.

"No," I replied, shaking my head. "He said that it's gotten worse recently, but no, not this... bad."

"You should tell your mother," he said, his voice low as he stood, staring at the door to the hallway.

"I can't do that!" Has he lost his fucking mind? Does he know what that would do? What it could do? What could happen?

"Shana," he said, turning towards me, expelling a long breath as he ran a hand through his short hair. "I know it wouldn't be easy... but, what have you learned the in the last few months? About keeping secrets from your family?"

"This... this is different," I said, cradeling my wrist.

"Is it? Is it really?" I looked at him and shrugged. I was sore, tired, and I just wanted to go to sleep for a hundred years. "Look, do you want me in there, with you, when you go back?"

"No, I will be okay," I said quietly. He rolled his eyes at me. "I hope I will be. I... will have to tell him what happened, and that is what I am more afraid of."

"Not afraid of him, but telling him what he did to you?" I nodded. He walked back over to the table and packed up the first aid kit. Then he reached into his pocket, pulling out a small prescription bottle. "Stevenson gave me these, in case you had a headache. You need to go soak in a hot tub for at least ten minutes. Trust me, it will help."

"Thanks," I said, taking the two pills and tucking them into the pocket of my robe.

"I'm going to talk to Christian," he said as he walked with me back to my room.

"What? Why?" My voice was pitched high, a bit of new fear running through me. If he told Christian...

"Because, if this happens again, I will be there to help you. I'll get Stevenson or Angus to switch out. Christian will still have someone watching his back." I nodded, understanding what he meant, relief washing through me.

"Thanks," I said as he opened the door to the suite. He nodded, gave a cold look at Gideon, still asleep on the couch, and then closed the door quietly behind me.


	53. Chapter 53

**A/N: - Hi everyone, and a specially loud shout out to my newest followers!**

**Okay! A few things to start with...**

**Eva Tremell: Look, I know this is really really REALLY hard for you to understand, but this story, in THIS AU (Alternate Universe) Eva and Gideon only were together two weeks or so. They split up at the Six Knights concert. Eva flew off and is living with, happily or not, with the lead guitarist. That being said, AGAIN, let me say that if you want more of Eva in my story, there is this fabulous writer, she released a new story called ENTWINED TO YOU. You may want to check it out. I understand Eva is in it with some guy named Gideon Cross, and Shana Grey doesn't exist. **hint hint****

**Updating: When I first started writing this story, I wrote like 20 chapters the first week, and a certain Bronze Goddess became addicted to it, so instead of the one chapter every day or so, I loaded them all up here... Since then I have moved and lost my internet. I still haven't gotten the internet back up, BUT, I still write. I have to borrow a laptop, walk my skinnier and skinnier butt five blocks to the local library, copy and paste and post. I am trying to post twice a week... but it's getting harder. I will strive to fix that. (A Guest **hi Lizzie** wanted to know, and as you know, you can't respond to guests...)**

**Gideon Cross: Yes, I know. I know. He has a major problem. I know this. You didn't think it was going to be all ice cream and soda pop now did you?**

* * *

He was still asleep on the couch, sleeping in peace. His beautiful face was not contorted with pain or fear. He was truly at rest. As I stood there, watching him, a hundred thoughts were flying through my head;

_Let him sleep._

_Take the bath and pills and forget for a few hours._

_Wake him and hide the injuries._

_Lie to him._

_Tell him the truth._

_Run away._

All the thoughts were easy to say, but choosing one and following through, that is a whole different story.

I was so deep in my thoughts I hadn't realized I had walked closer to him. I found myself standing in front of him. Hesitantly I moved forward, softly sitting on his lap, curling into his chest like a cat. He awoke, of course, his arms wrapping around me, pulling me even closer to him.

A part of me, that little bit of humanity that remains primitive, that thrives on instinct alone, that part that triggers the fight or flight response, that part told me to move. To get away from him, to run, to find a place to be safe. I could feel my heart racing. Because of Gideon, or the instinct I don't know. Maybe from both.

"Hey," he said, placing a soft, tender kiss on my forehead. "What's wrong baby?"

"I... I have something to tell you," I said, wrapping my hands around his firm body. Most times, I do this to feel as closer to him. This time, however, I am also doing it to hide my wrists. "It's bad news, and... I'm afraid of how you will take it." A lump formed in my throat, the kind that comes before your tears. I swallowed against it but it only grew larger.

"Baby, what ever it is, we can get through it together." He pushed my away from his chest, and then placed his hands on my cheeks, his thumbs wiping away the tears that had fallen. His bright blue eyes were watching me softly, lovingly. "Have faith. Have faith in us."

I nodded, sucking in a shuffled breath. "This is... really bad news... and, I..." I swallowed again, the lump growing harder. "I need to know you will not react like I think you will."

He smirked at me. "You think you know me so well, do you Mrs. Cross?" I nodded, giving no other comment in return. "Well, how do you think I will react?"

"Well... first... you'll grip at your hair, try to deny, at least to yourself, that it wouldn't ever happen and then come up with the worst idea to help us get over it."

He was silent for a moment, his face losing the smile that had just danced on his lips. "What is the bad news?"

"You know I love you, don't you?" He nodded. "I know you love me." He nodded once again. "I'm not... sure how to really say this... But I... we..." I closed my eyes, finding it harder and harder to stare into the azure oceans of his eyes. I paused, trying to work up the courage to tell him.

"Sha, what ever it is baby, it's okay." I looked at him for a long moment hoping he was right.

"We fell asleep..."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "That's the bad news?" He asked with another smirk on his lips.

"No," I answered, shaking my head at him. "No, but it's what caused the bad news." He reached his hand up, tucking a few stray hairs behind my ear. "We fell asleep... and you... you had one of your nightmares again." The words were like whispers on the wind but I knew he heard them because his fingers stopped in the air, his attention no longer on my hair.

"I had another nightmare? Here? On the couch? With you... Oh God." He blanched, his face going so pale he was nearly translucent. "Sha... tell me that what you are saying, that it's not what I think you are saying. Please. Please," he begged. "Please! Tell me I didn't do it!"

I could feel his heart beat, gaining speed as each second passed. My heart burned, watching him as he took in my words. He pulled me close to him, rocking me on his lap, "I'm sorry, oh God Shana, I am so sorry." We stayed like that, me wrapped tightly in his arms, both of us shedding tears. I don't know how long we stayed like that, but his words went quiet, and I could feel the deep sobs wrenching free from his body.

"It's okay. We can... get through this," I said, praying my words were the truth.

"How? How can we get through this? How could you ever trust me to not do it again? I could never trust myself to not do it... Oh God! How-" His voice broke, silence hanging in the air. He tried again. "How... could you ever be with me?"

He paused, and I could swear the pounding of his heart no longer felt like a stallion's as it raced at the Derby, but thundered as if from a herd of stallions. His breath was faster, gulping for air, and I pulled away from him, realizing he wasn't breathing, he was hyperventilating. I raised my hands to his face calling his name, but he was lost, panic taking his senses. "Gideon, listen to me, you need to calm down. Shhhh listen to me," I said, trying to force my voice through the wall of panic.

I unwrapped one of his arms from around me, wrapping my fingers around his, holding his hand tightly. He returned the grip, and I slowly got up off his lap. "I am not going anywhere baby, but you have to come." I tugged at his arm, and he struggled to get up. When he stood, I only moved him a few feet away from the couch. "I need you to lay down, shhhh, it's okay. Jay down on your back, I am right here. Listen to my voice." He collapsed more then sat down, and I gently pushed on his shoulder until he was laying there, flat on the floor. "There, now close your eyes and listen to my voice. Shhh... It will be okay, just listen to my voice." I ran my fingers through his hair, around his hair and down his cheeks, all while I encouraged him to calm himself. He was slowly coming under control, but in my mind, it wasn't fast enough for me.

_I tried so hard_  
_Thought I could do this on my own_  
_I've lost so much along the way_  
_Then I see your face_  
_I know I'm finally yours_  
_I find everything_  
_I thought I lost before_  
_You call my name_  
_I come to you in pieces_  
_So you can make me whole._

I sang his song to him, his pulse decreasing to normal as my hands continued to stroke through his hair. I felt tears rise up in my eyes as I sang, and I pushed them away. _Later. I can cry later_, I told myself. I watched the rise and fall of his chest finally slow to normal, and when I finished the song he opened his eyes, cautiously watching me.

"Better?" He nodded, pulling himself up to sit cross-legged on the floor. He rested his elbows on his knees, covering his eyes with his hands. "I will be right back," I said softly, rising to my feet. He flinched at my movements, but I made as if I hadn't seen it. I walked to the kitchenette, my mind running in circles. My body ached and my wrist throbbed in pain. I wanted desperately to lay down in the tub as I had been told to do. _It can wait. Just a little longer. Gideon needs me and I need him._

I braced myself against the counter, closing my eyes for a second, trying to center my thoughts and put them into a box in my mind. Inhaling a cleansing breath I opened the well stocked refrigerator and chose four miniature liquor bottles. I opened one, quickly downing it before heading back to where Gideon sat. I dropped to my knees, holding two of them out to him, but he wouldn't take it.

I put two of the bottles into my bandaged hand, setting the fourth on the floor next to me. My bandaged hand shakes from the effort of holding the two tiny bottles. I reached over, taking Gideon's hand in mine. I wrapped his fingers around the two bottles. "Drink it," I said firmly and he did. I opened the last bottle, swallowing it down quickly. The burn of the liquid fortified me, relieving me of a ounce or two of stress. Stress or pain, actually. I'm not really sure.

"Are you feeling better?"

"I can breathe," he replied hoarsely, turning away from me.

I nodded, and forced my body to stand up, holding back a groan as my body resisted the movement. I took the empty bottles back to the kitchenette, discarding them into the trash bin. I leaned back onto the black quartz counter top as if to draw strength from the ancient stone. I felt a tear run down my cheek and I wiped it away. _Not yet. Just a little bit longer,_ I said to myself, but I admit that I had no idea what to do. If I broke down, if I cried again, it would cut through his heart like a knife. _I have to be strong. Just for a little bit longer._ I nodded at my thoughts as I turned around to go back into the main room and stopped.

Gideon was gone.

* * *

_Gideon!_ I felt the cold iron of panic flood through my soul. _Where did he go? Where could he go?_

I heard a noise from the bedroom and ran as fast as my poor body could go, seeking the source of the sound. The door to the room was open, and Gideon was no longer wearing his sleep pants from a moment ago, but a pair of blue jeans and a black tee shirt. In front of him, on the bed, was his suitcase. His face was grim as he shoved all his clothes back into the luggage.

"What are you doing?" I had to push each word out, my mind denying what I was seeing.

"The right thing. For once, in my fucking fucked up life I am going to do the right thing!" He didn't pause to answer, didn't look at me, he just kept packing.

"And wha-" My voice cracked, shattering my veil of control. I inhaled and tried again. "And what is the right thing?" This time my voice didn't fail me, coming out cool and calm, with a touch of hardness around the edge. He jerked his head and gave me a look that sent a shiver down my spine.

"I... I have to leave," he murmured. He turned away from me, and I had to struggle to hear what he said next. "This... you and me... I have to keep you safe. I... we... I am... a-"

"You are my husband," I said before he found the words or strength to finish his sentence. He shook his head violently.

"No." The word struck me like a slap in the face. "No. That... We should have never gotten married. You will never be safe. Not... not with me." I saw his shoulders shake and heard a deep sob.

"Do you love me," I asked quietly, biting my lip. He spun around to face me and I could see fresh tracks of tears that had fallen from his blood shot eyes.

"I have always loved you. More then loved you," he said. "Always."

"You can't leave," I said, my tears falling freely now.

"Sha..."

"Gideon, I love you. What happened... I know it wasn't your fault."

"How can you say that? Sha, I-" His voice broke this time, leaving the words hanging in the air. For a moment, the room was silent as he struggled to regain his voice. "I hurt you. I swore I would never hurt you. I wanted to keep you safe. I want to always keep you safe-"

"And by leaving? How does that not hurt me? How does that keep me safe?" He stood there, not looking at me, his hands clenching into fists and unclenching. He bowed his head and his shoulders sagged in defeat. He looked up at the partially packed suitcase and shoved it off the bed. He sat down on the edge of the bed, his back to me. He rested his elbows on his knees, his hands covering his face. I came to him, and sat down next to him on the bed, I reached for his left hand, and he gave it to me. I held it as I leaned my head on his shoulder.

"Don't let him win," I whispered. "Don't let him destroy you. You have battled him alone all your life. By surviving you have become stronger." I looked down at his hand in mine and my thumb drew circles on the back of his. "You aren't alone anymore. We can become stronger together. We just... have to be more vigilant. We need to create... some rules, and stick to them. Something like making sure you are cuffed when we go to sleep. I could... wear a panic button or something."

He nodded, shuddering. "We will become prisoners in our own home," he said after a long moment.

"Maybe. Maybe not," I shrugged.

"How can you sit there? How can you still love me after what I did?"

I shrugged. "I love you. And, I know you. I know you would never hurt me. I know it's not your fault." I exhaled a long, low sigh. "Besides that, there is that other thing."

"What other thing?"

"What happened tonight... I've survived worse."

He turned his head and I felt his chin on my forehead. "The three days," he murmured and I nodded conformation at his guess. "Do... Do you really still love me?"

"Always," I replied.

He rested his head against mine and released a long, slow sigh. "What happens now?"

"Well, I've been ordered to take a long, hot bath then take some pain meds and sleep." He nodded and I felt his fingers squeeze mine. "Will you help me? Join me in the tub?"

I felt his body tense, as if he had just gazed into Medusa's eyes. "I don't think that is a good idea," he said, struggling with the words.

"I didn't ask for your opinion, I asked for your company."


	54. Chapter 54

**A/N: Hello guys! OMG! Thank you for sticking through the last chapter. I am so glad you guys reviewed it, because I am/was so afraid of these chapters, but you have proven me right to stick through it. Thank you!**

**To the new followers, WELCOME! To all my followers, YOU ROCK!**

* * *

I sat on the edge of the bed trying to patiently wait for Gideon to call for me. He insisted on getting the bath ready for me, and I had allowed him to do it. Preparing the bath was a way to help me; it was one of many ways he could take care of me and with his guilt over "the incident", I had to show him that I knew he would take care of me. It would also be a small way to show him I still trusted him.

While I sat there, waiting, I pulled up the sleeves of my robe, taking in the vast array of bruises and their multiple hues. They started at my wrists, traveling up to just past my elbows. I sighed, rolling my sleeves back down, and gently cradling my left hand in my lap.

The suite's phone rang, and I leaned over to the nightstand to answer it. "Fuck!" I hissed with pain, having forgotten for that brief moment of my "possibly broken" wrist. I don't think it's "possibly broken" now. I would lay down some cool, hard cash on the fact it was either "definitely broken" or even "totally fucked up."

I leaned down, my "not fucked up" right hand picking up the dropped handset from the floor.

"-there? Dammit! If you don't-"

"Jason, don't get your noose knotted. I dropped the phone." I heard a long, drawn out sigh over the wire and shook my head. If I were a superstitious fool I would say that with a day like today, the honeymoon will probably kill us. "What do you need?"

"A few things. First, how are you doing?"

I grinned. "Better then could be expected, I suppose."

"Ha! Sha, with you I always expect the unexpected," he said with a laugh. "How's he doing?"

I looked towards the en suite. "Well... He had a panic attack, but I was able to calm him down. I stopped him from packing and leaving."

"He was going to leave you?" I wasn't sure what I heard in his voice then. I knew that he wasn't happy that I was still here, but to be a bit taken a back by the fact that Gideon wanted to leave, to protect me... That should have made Taylor happier.

"He's afraid of hurting me again," I explained with a shrug.

"Yeah..." He was definitely not happy with my decision to stay.

"Before you ask, though, he's preparing the bath for me. See? I can take suggestions." I paused for a moment, and he didn't respond. "Did you just roll your eyes at me?"

"Yes Ma'am," he replied.

"That reminds me," I said. "The pills you gave me, are they every four or every six hours?" There was silence on the other end for a moment.

"Every four hours." I nodded. "Did you take them yet?"

"No dad," I said sarcastically. "I didn't want to take them until after the bath."

"Oh yeah. Forgot about that."

"No problem. Can you send two more in the morning? With breakfast?"

"Already planned to. Anymore more questions for me?"

"Nope. I think that's it."

"Okay, now, for why I am calling; I got a place for the x-ray. He's local, not far from here."

"And they won't contact the authorities?" I crossed my fingers, or did so mentally, in hopes that we had this tiny bit of good luck.

"Correct. My buddy runs a health clinic. He said that we could come in at night after the staff has left, or in the morning, before they arrive."

"Thanks Jason." I replaced the handset back on the phone base and exhaled a sigh of relief.

"What did he want," Gideon grumbled, leaning against the door frame to the en suite.

"He wanted..." I paused, looking at him and realized I was about to tell something that he probably didn't know and it would hurt him. Then, again, what of anything of tonight wouldn't hurt him? He stayed where he leaned, his arms crossed, waiting. "He wanted to let me know that he found a place I could go to to get my wrist looked at. It needs to be x-rayed."

His eyes widened at my words; he walked toward me slowly and I could feel the fear that was seeping from him surrounding him like a cloud. "Why do you need an x-ray?"

"Because," I said, the strength in my voice long gone as the hours of the night had passed. "I'm pretty sure it's broken."

"If that's true, then we have to get you to a hospital." I shook my head as he reached for me. "Why the fuck not? You are injured. If it's broke, it will have to be cast."

"No. I cannot go to a hospital."

"Why not?"

"I can't," I said firmly, feeling the throbbing in my wrist growing.

"Give me one damn good reason why you can't! You have never been afraid of the hospital." My strong, handsome, wonderful if cursed husband can be so damned oblivious at times.

"Dammit Gideon! It's my fucking body and my fucking choice! I am not going to the hospital!" I jumped to my feet and I cried in pain from all my injuries. He was instantly at my side and helped me to sit back down on the bed.

"You are in pain," he said quietly as he pushed a stray hair behind my ear, his blue eyes seeking the depths of mine. Seeking from me the same that I am seeking from him, understanding the truth despite the stubbornness. "A hospital will fix it."

"Love," I sighed, closing my eyes to his. "if I went to a hospital, they would have to report what they would find to the authorities. You would be arrested." He was sitting on his knees, but now leaned back, resting on his heels.

"A broken wrist is not enough to have anyone arrested, I am quite certain," he said with a small smile. "I'm sure there are a hundred ways to break a wrist."

I sighed again, frustration had me wishing that this conversation wasn't happening._ I have to show him,_ I thought. _Well, he would have seen it in the bath_, I supposed. "You are right," I agreed, slowly rising to my feet. I untied the sash of my robe. "But this they would have to report." I released my robe, letting it pool at my feet.

"Oh God," Gideon gasped, seeing the damaged, the bruises, and the dried remains of his attack on my body. "Oh Sha... Sha... I'm sorry... I am... so sorry..." Fresh tears ran from his eyes as he seemed to catalog every mark on my body. After a few moments, he covered his eyes, shaking his head, the sobs so deep in him, his body shook visibly. I came to him and slowly got down to my knees in front of him. I gently removed his hands from his eyes, and pulled him close to me, holding him close as we both cried deeply.

* * *

When the last of our sobs dried, I pulled away from him, caressing his face with my finger tips. His eyes were closed, and I kissed his forehead, and then the tip of his nose, and then each of his cheeks.

"Gideon, do you understand, that this... this doesn't mean anything to me? That it doesn't tarnish my love for you?" He leaned forward, and I rested my forehead against his.

"I know that you say that... But it means something to me."

"What does it mean? To you?"

He released a deep sigh and reached for my hands, bringing them down into his lap. "I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt your heart or your body. But I can. I did." He kept his eyes on our hands, his fingers playing with my wedding band. "Shana, you mean so much to me... I don't know what would happen if I hurt you again. I... I don't think I could live with myself if I did it again."

"So we will strive to make sure it doesn't happen again." I clenched his fingers tightly in mine. Or as tightly as my hands would allow. I yawned, and he grimaced at me. I had wished it was a grin, or a smirk, half a small smile of his, but those will come later. I hope.

"It's been a long night for you." I nodded. "Let's get you in your bath and then into bed." Best idea of the decade. He picked me up and carried me to the bathtub.

"You'll have to run more hot water. It's probably cold by now," I said, trying to hide another yawn.

"Nope. These tubs are heated, so the water stays hot for as long as you need it."

I blinked at him. "They make those now?" He nodded his eyes focused on the bathtub in front of us. "Damn! We'll have to get them in all our homes," I said amazed.

"As you wish," he said with the first true Gideon grin I have seen on his lips all night. He lowered me into the tub, and true to his word, it was perfectly hot enough. He helped to lower me down, and then held my left wrist. He eyed the wrapping and then slowly unwrapped it, revealing darker bruises beneath it.

"It doesn't hurt," I said, obviously lying to both of us. "Are you going to join me?" He shook his head as he laid my now bare wrist into the water. "Why not?"

"Shhhh, just relax," he said, reaching for the loofah sponge, laying a coil of my rose petal body wash on it, and softly began to bath me. He was gentle and meticulous. Were I to really pay attention to things, I would swear he was measuring and cataloging each and every mark and bruise on my body. I realized as I closed my eyes to his ministrations, that he wasn't joining me in the tub as a form of punishment to himself.

"Sha," I heard as the water lapped at the shore. I smiled, but found I was alone in the small skiff, and the shore was further away than it had been just a moment ago. Gideon was there, on the shore, in a white linen shirt and matching pants that blew softly in the wind. "You're almost done," he whispered, despite the distance. I reached for the oar to pilot my small boat back to the shore, but the oars were gone. I looked down, seeing water as it was rising in the small boat now. I bit my lip as I looked for the shore which was even further now. "Shhhh, it will be all right," he said as the water rose higher. In dreams you could dream of water, but not feel them. This I knew from my many years of nightmares of them. But this time, I could feel the water. I felt it lap at my skin, I could feel it between my legs, I even felt the odd weightlessness it brought to the bones. "Shana, it's all right. I am here," Gideon said again, but I could no longer see the island. I wasn't far. I could swim. This far I could handle the fear, I thought as I steeled myself to swim away from the sinking skiff. As I prepared myself to push away from the wreckage, I felt strong arms wrap around me, holding me close. "I am here Sha. It's okay. I have you." I opened my eyes, realizing I had been dreaming, looking down at the tub as I was pulled out of it.

"Gideon?" He nodded, quietly setting me down on the toilet, picking up a towel and wrapping it around me. He took another and wrapped it around head. He picked up another, a smaller one, and then in a move that was beyond quick and easy, he lifted me and carried me to our bedroom.

He set me down on the bed, running the third towel over my legs and feet, drying me to his satisfaction. When he was certain I was dry, he set the towel down beside me, and dropped to his knees, looking into my eyes. "I will be right back. You will stay here? Not go anywhere?" I nodded, and he leaned forward, kissing my forehead.

He wasn't gone long, and when he returned, he carried with him a glass of milk and Taylor's First Aid Kit. He set the glass down on the bedside table, and next to it he placed the two pills I had been ordered to take.

"You aren't making me take them?" He shook his head at me as he reached into his other pocket. "Why not?"

"Because I would be a fool to have you take them without eating anything besides just the milk. So, you will eat this first, then have the pills," he said, handing me a nutrition bar. A "pocket breakfast" as Diana had called them once. How anything called "Chocolate Covered Cherry" be considered "nutritious" was beyond me. I tried to unwrap the bar, finding it nearly an impossible task with my injured wrist. "Allow me," Gideon said. I looked up at him as I handed it to him, his face as grim as before. He easily tore the seam and handed it back to me.

"Sorry, I should be able to do something that simple," I murmured as I bit in to the surprising good bar.

"It's no one's fault but mine, and I would be more then glad to make sure anything you can't do I will do until you've healed. It's my duty."

"Love, it's not your duty. This... small injury... it's nothing, really. I'll remember how to do stuff one handed again." He turned, looking at me as he re-rolled a new ace bandage he had taken from the kit. "I was a tom boy, remember? Injuries were... a daily occurrence. This particular wrist I have sprained, strained, and broken numerous times."

"There's a difference," He said, turning away from me again. "This time you didn't injure it; I did."

"That doesn't make it your duty, though," I said, finishing the nutri-bar.

"No, being your husband does." He turned back towards me, all the items he needed in his hands as he approached me. "I will try to not hurt you as I wrap it," he said, his blue eyes nearly opaque with kindness. "Take your pills," he insisted, sitting down on his knees in front of me. "Tell me of your dream," he murmured more quietly.

I put the two pills in my mouth, swallowing a large gulp of milk, following it with a smaller, more lady-like swallow before setting the glass back down.

"I dreamed I was near this tiny island, not on it, I was in a small boat. I heard you call to me, and when I looked up, you were on the island, but then I was further from it then I had been." He nodded, his focus on my wrist. "I had no oars to get back to you, but you kept telling me you were there. The boat... it started to fill with water. The more I wanted to get to you, it seemed it filled faster. I thought I would swim for it, for the island, but then I felt you around me."

"You were splashing water everywhere. I thought... maybe... So I had to pick you up out of the tub. I was sorry to wake you, but if it was a nightmare, I am not sorry." He wouldn't look up at me, his eyes focused fully on the bandage which he had finished wrapping._ Fear... There was something in his words, that he hadn't said... and now he wouldn't look at me._

"It wasn't a nightmare... not exactly. I mean, sure, I couldn't get to you and there was water... but it didn't feel like a nightmare," I thought about it for a moment, and then closed my eyes with a sigh, feeling the beginning effects of the narcotic. "Gideon," I sighed, opening my eyes to focus on him. "Don't leave me. Promise me you won't leave me." He came forward, and pulled down the blankets on my side of the bed. He gently lifted me and carried me over to it, kissing my forehead before pulling the covers back up over me. My right hand reached up for him, grabbing at his neck, holding his head down close to mine. "Promise me," I whispered in demand.

He closed his eyes and released a long, slow sigh before he nodded. "I promise, that until you demand I leave, I will always be with you." I nodded, closing my eyes. I slipped into the drugged oblivion, but before I let go and fell in, I heard one last statement from him I could never be sure he had said; "Unless I fear for you more then I can stand."


	55. Chapter 55

A/N: Greetings again! Wow! Lookie! 3 chapters in a week! Who thought that would happen?

Okay, this is in Gideon's POV, which, for me, is rare, but hell, some shit had to be said and now it was. Also... there is a guest appearance in this chapter... and that is all I will say about that.

This work is MINE. I have borrowed bits and bobs from Silvia Day and EL James. They claim and own all the major characters SAVE for Shana (and a bunch of minor ones). Shana is my own creation. Enjoy my work. Don't steal it.

* * *

Gideon's POV

It was only a few minutes before Shana dropped fully into sleep, and I left the room, slowly closing the door behind me. With a heavy heart I walked to the kitchen, reaching for the "adult size" bottle of brandy. I poured some into one glass, and some more into another, taking both glasses and the bottle back to the couch.

I sat, or collapsed is more accurate, on the leather couch, placing one of the glasses and the bottle on the coffee table. I took a sip of the liquid amber, and leaned back against the couch, closing my eyes, waiting for what was to come.

I heard the door open, the heavy foot falls of custom made military shoes branded for the corporate world. The steps came closer, and I heard the drag of glass on wood as the other brandy was picked up, and the squelch of the leather as he sat on the chair next to me.

"You knew this would happen," he said, downing half the liquor. I opened my eyes, glaring at him.

"I had hoped, that we could make it not happen. That-"

"You promised, Gideon. You swore it would never happen. You promised that you would take any suggestion and follow through. What the fuck happened?" I glared at Jason, and finally shook my head in defeat.

"I know..." How? How do I explain the monster I have become in my nightmares? How could I have... hurt her as I did? "Jason, what are we going to do?" Jason refilled his glass, shaking his head as he did so.

"What has she suggested?" I looked at him, thinking that surely she had voiced to him her ideas. "She hasn't said a word to me. Except to not say a word to her family and especially her brother." I grimaced at that thought. Christian Grey was as physically imposing and threatening as I am and I am not certain how either of us would fair in a fight.

"The handcuffs were working," I admitted as I refilled my brandy. He nodded, waiting for me. "She awoke and I followed her into here."

"Where the camera was turned off," he supplied.

"Were you on shift?" He shook his head, grinding his teeth. "It wasn't your fault either. You weren't-"

"I know. I just..." He finished his brandy, setting it on the coffee table.

"I know," I said, fully understanding his frustration as much as my own. "She wants an alarm she can wear. If possible, it has to be beautiful. Diamonds, platinum-"

"No," Jason said, interrupting my thoughts. I gave him my patented glare which he returned just as easily. "You still have much to learn about your wife," he laughed.

"Then teach me, Sensei," I said, arching my eyebrow at him.

"Your wife is beautiful, intelligent and a force on her own in the business world. Tell me, what kind of flashy jewelry does she own?" I looked at him, thinking for a moment and besides the two rings she has received this week, I couldn't remember her jewelry. He nodded, smirking at me. "Exactly. Something simple. She could use a new pair of stud earrings, maybe a thin ID Bracelet, which we can have engraved, of course. Maybe even a ankle bracelet." I nodded, taking in his words. I had a feeling he may even had these on order already. "Not just in case this were to happen again, which it will not, you understand. These could work for a few reasons, locator, alarm, etc."

"All right, make it happen," I said, nodding.

"I'm... trading off with Stevenson. I'll be with you guys for awhile. This won't happen again." I nodded, glad he had taken the initiative. He would never let it happen again. I was glad he would be here for us. For her.

"See if we can beg Gail off Christian's hands for the trip. I'll pay double for her replacement. Anyone he wants."

"Thank you," he said with another nod.

Words stopped flowing between us, my gaze drifting towards the closed door. In my mind, I could see her, curled in her sleep, her one arm wrapped around the other, protecting it, her long, dark hair splayed on her pillow like a halo as she slept. My heart burned, thinking once again of what I had done. The small blessing was that I had no memory of it, having been asleep. Blessing? Or another part of the curse?

"How? How could I have done that? How can she..."

"She is not someone who is- Who... She's always been different, G."

"Tell me, what was she like?" He looked at me, his eyes squinting as if measuring me. Or maybe he doesn't know what I meant. "Do you remember a time, when she went home from college in her Freshman year? She went home for a weekend and came back... different?"

He eyed me and then stood to his feet, walking over to the door behind which Shana slept. He opened it quietly, giving him enough space to peek in on her as a father would check on his child. He quietly closed the door and returned to his seat. He picked up the bottle of brandy and poured us each another glass of the amber liquor. I watched as he swirled the liquid in his glass, before he took a long swallow, his eyes fixating on me.

"I remember," he said in a low, sober voice. He took another long swallow and leaned back into the couch. "It's been so long, but every once in awhile I see her the way she used to be. I'll be honest with you, G; I have seen her more like her old self... like the way she used to be... since you two hooked back up. She..." He paused, his gaze traveling back to the bed room again. "I forgot how much life she had in her." He finished his brandy, slowly setting it down on the table as if the act was creating something, it's completion allowing his freedom to speak freely.

"She is different, that is true," he said, leaning back into the couch, crossing his leg over his other, his eyes looking towards the ceiling. "I have never met another soul like her, and I have met a lot of people. You are probably to someone as similar to her, but like... you are a fraction of what she is. It's hard to explain."

"I know what you mean," I said, nodding because his words were true. If I looked at the people whom I have trusted, liked or was even inspired by, they all seem to have a fraction of what makes Shana... Shana.

When she loves, she loves completely. When she fights, it's because she knows without a doubt that she or her cause, is right. When she is wrong, she admits it freely. Shana is willing to be proven wrong, provided you prove it, and she will accept your proof. When she is injured, she fights to remain standing, to make sure that everything is taken care of, and those around her are taken care of before she will step back and let her self be taken care of. She is not overly dramatic, needy or greedy. She supports various causes because they mean something to her, her family or her friends, not hust to raise some social standing. Whenever someone sends her a call for help she will run to their aid without making a demand, or assuming that the favor will be returned.

Shana's greatest asset, in my eyes at least, is her amazing kinship to her friends and their friendship. Without this trait I wouldn't be where I am today. If anyone has the chance to become friends with her, she won't give up on that friendship. Even if you betray her. It will take time and effort, but she allows the friendship to rekindle.

"Gideon... G, listen to me," Jason said, breaking my train of thought. "She is... different. She will hold it in, try to remain strong, but eventually she will need a release. You will have to let her have her time to deal with it when that happens. She... may cry, may scream or even call down the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, but when she does, you have to let her. Until then, knowing her, you will probably be her priority. She will do everything she can to make sure you are okay."

"Yeah... I saw that already. But... Jason, I don't understand it. I don't... understand her," I said, sitting forward.

"Yeah," he agreed with a touch of a laugh. "And that is who you love. As I expected, and very recently told her, with her I always expect the unexpected."

I stood and began to pace the pattern of the tiled floor. He was right. Again. I followed the pattern, stopping when I found myself in front of the closed door. I ran my hand through my hair, growling at myself, my mind and my body. I dropped to my knees, the weight of what I had done and the future becoming unbearable to hold up.

"I don't know what to do," I admitted. I heard my friend approach me, looking towards him when he squatted down besides me. He looked about half as lost as I felt.

"There are things we can do and things we can learn from. First, no more falling asleep without added security, whether that is electronic, restraint or personnel. Second, I understand you have a prescription. We can see if the dosage is correct for your body mass. You do have nearly zero body fat; that can make a difference in some medications." I nodded, understanding that; it's sound logic. "Also, we can keep a record of your dreams, sleep patterns, maybe find a pattern in it." I nodded again, glad he was here for both of us.

"What about Shana," I asked, my eyes focusing on the door again. Jason's eyes followed mine and I heard him release a deep sigh. He turned, looking towards me, rubbing his early morning stubble.

"Shana is a... unknown factor," he admitted, shrugging his shoulders. "In a crisis, she is calm, controlled and has eyes like a hawk. You saw some of that tonight. She'll do what needs to be done and deal later. I know she is in pain. I know her wrist is broken, pretty sure it is, at least. Is she in other pain? I don't know. Did the bath help? Only one person knows. What I do know... If she hadn't taken those pills, she would still be shrugging off her pain, making sure you are okay." He sighed again, shaking his head at me. "Best advice I can give you G, follow her lead. _But_ don't insist she deal with what happened or what could happen. Your wife is not a fool. She knows and doesn't need to be reminded of the issues."

"I hear what you are saying." I looked at the door and then back to Jason. I saw in him something different I hadn't seen. Seen or maybe noticed. Or, maybe it's only the first time he's showing it. "Jason, can I ask you something?" He nodded, his eyes not leaving the door. "What is it? I mean, really. What is between you two?"

He looked at me, his eyes measuring me as if we had just not met and not known each other for almost ten years. I waited, thinking that this time, this one time, I would finally hear what he has always hedged about.

"She saved my life," he finally said, his voice a whisper barely challenging the silence of the late night. "We made a pact to always be there for each other. And we always have."

"Then... why do you work for Christian?" I asked, thinking that someone with that kind of... reverence and loyalty would be ideal for her security detail instead of her brother's. "Why don't you work for her anymore?"

"Because she asked me to protect her brother," he stated as if that were obvious. His answer made me smile; it was typical Shana, taking care of others first. "All right," he said, rising to his feet. "I will work on getting the personal alarms and check with a doctor about your medications. It's only a hour or so before dawn; I suggest you go in there, use the handcuffs and sleep if you can."

I nodded as he reached a hand out to me, helping me rise to my feet. I thanked him and he turned to leave.

"Gideon, there is one more thing." I turned to face him, but he remained silent. I waited patiently, watching his face change with his thoughts before he nodded to himself. "When she came back from that weekend, she had changed. That's not unusual, not for someone who had been attacked or abused like that. Thing is, she never went back to the person she was. Oh, she still has drive and ambition, but now it was stronger. Deeper even. Everything she did, every accomplishment she attempted for... The need to win, to be in control. That's what changed."

I nodded. "I understand that need. I have to have control too."

"Yeah, but with her, it became more. It was... like it was oxygen for her." He paused, taking a long, deep breath before continuing. "When she went home afterwards, to stay a few weeks... Going home had been harder for her."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "She needed love and comfort, things her family could give her to help her heal, but... she couldn't tell them anything. She couldn't heal from it. When she came back to school, it took forever to get her to trust me again."

"But... why? I mean, you had nothing to do with it." He nodded in agreement. "How many people knew what happened?"

"Besides me? I don't know. As for her trust? I don't know. I don't know if she was worried about me hurting her, or telling others... Maybe because she thought it was easier to erase people from her life then to risk them hurting her. Or," he shrugged again. "Maybe it was PTSD. I don't know. Thing is... what happened earlier, with you... Look at how she's handling it. She's not cutting us off, she's not hiding and she's not running away."

"So... um, what do we do?"

He gave me a small grin, shrugging again. "Like everything else, we will have to follow her lead." We stood there a few minutes, absorbing what had been said and done through the long night, staring at the closed door.

"Do..." The words stuck in my throat. The fear, the one deepest in my heart since I awoke hours ago, the one ripping apart my heart since I saw the bruises on her, that fear, that thought... that question sat in my soul like a heavy chunk of frozen hell. "Was it wrong? Getting married?"

"Absolutely the right thing. Right now, everything says no and I know it doesn't feel right." He turned sharply at me, his face solid and stoic. "Man, if you were any other man, I'd kick your ass, chain you to the bumper of my car and drag your ass to the cops."

"And you should," I agreed with strong conviction. If anyone else had done what I had done, I would have done all that except the part about the police. I would have made sure they would never find the body.

"No," he continued, shaking his head. "Marrying her, it was absolutely the right thing to do."

"What if I hurt her again? I... I couldn't live with myself. Hell! I can barely live with what I had done now!"

"We'll do everything we can do to not make it happen again. Just remember, marrying her, it was the right thing to do. And I don't mean just for her."

"Thanks Jason," I said, and he leaned forward, giving me one of those "guy hugs" with two pats on the back and a shrug before he turned and left.

I checked my watch and then rubbed my hands over my eyes. I exhaled a deep breath and slowly opened the door to the bedroom.

* * *

She laid on the bed, lost in the deep sleep given to her by the pain medication she had taken. I walked over to the wall of windows behind the bed that opened out onto the postcard view of Las Vegas. I pushed the button along the side of the wall, automatically closing the blinds. It was predawn, but the sun was already indicating where it would rise and I didn't want Shana to wake too soon. When the block-out curtains had fully closed I check on Shana again, but she hadn't made a move or a sound.

I made my way to the en suite, relieving my body of the night's liquor but not my mind. I washed my hands, feeling the warm water glide over my skin, not noticing that my hands were shaking until I went to dry them. I leaned against the marble vanity, my fingers clutching the edge with a dead man's grip as I stared into the mirror.

A wrecked man stared back, unblinking. He was fit, his body carved by the hands of God. The black, think hair sat on his head, curled and styled yet considered sexy in that "just fucked" way. I grimaced at the man, thinking about how women loved to touch it, to just run their fingers through it.

The man's face was stern and dark; many people considered it a thing of beauty. The man's eyes closed and when they reopened I saw the blue eyes reflected back at me. They were cold, hard and dark; the eyes of a tortured soul. I leaned closer to the man's face, looking deeper into his eyes.

"Mesmerizing, aren't they?" I jumped at her words, turning to look at the vision standing in the doorway.

"They are empty," I replied, turning to face her. She walked towards me, stopping when she was within reach of me. I inhaled, smelling her familiar scent in the atmosphere between us; Jasmine and roses. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a simple pony tail and she was wearing her "around the house" clothes; her favorite yoga pants and a Crossfire tee shirt. She was barefoot and beautiful.

"They aren't empty," she said with a smile. "They are the windows to the soul. And I know your soul." I closed my eyes wishing she were not here. Wishing she was far away... Wishing she had never seen me like this.

"I did something... last night. I hurt her." The words burned me with my admission. "I hurt her," I said again, closing my eyes. This time the words were barely a whisper as I tried to hold back the tears.

"Ace, everything will be okay," she said. I felt her fingers softly caressing my cheek. "Do you love her?" She asked with a whisper. "Do you love her like you loved me?"

The question was unfair but my response was automatic. "No," I replied truthfully, the words burning as they left my lips. I opened my eyes and watched as she stood there, waiting. "No... I love her more... deeper. It's... hard to explain."

"Good. You and me, Ace, we were insatiable. We burned too hot and too fast." I nodded knowing what she meant. "You are dark and dangerous, but she... she was always meant for you."

"And you?" I asked.

"Me? Don't you know Ace?" I shook my head and she grinned, turning away from me, heading back towards the door. She began to close it behind her, not looking back at me. When the door closed I swear I could still hear her breathy laughter.


	56. Chapter 56 - Author's Note

This is a AUTHOR'S NOTE to inform you of a short delay.

On July 3rd I was in a 3 car accident, and I received the worst of the injuries, but I am recovering. Everything is bruised, banged up and sore, but I am STILL writing.

I still have to walk to the library to get on line (like today, my first day out) but I forgot to bring my latest chapter with me so I could post it for you. I do apologize.

Anyways, I will try again tomorrow, or the next day, and hopefully have something for you to read. Thank you for your continued enjoyment of this story and for your support. And, to my new followers, **wave** sorry you just found me at such a sticky time, but I hope to make it worth the effort.

All my love!

~Killy


	57. Chapter 56 - Story Continues

**A/N: Dear readers; First, let me thank you, again, for taking the time to read my story. It shines bright in my heart how well loved and accepted Shana has become to you, hell, to all of us. I am surprised at how this girl from my imagination continues to grow, and your friendly words of encouragement make me want to keep writing about her.**

**Second, I have some... "news" to report. As many of you are aware, I have been struggling with internet, but have continued to write, and post for you, though the postings have become further apart then I would like. Sadly, I fear, that for the next few weeks, the postings may come even further apart.**

**I was in a car wreck, my breaks going out as I approached a intersection where my traffic had gotten the red light, and the traffic to my right had been given the green light. I had no brakes, and while I tried to honk my horn, no one was able to stop in time, and my car hit two other vehicles at near 40 mph. Thankfully, the only one injured at the time was myself, though one of the other drivers did arrive at the hospital later as his injuries appeared. (No, he wasn't looking to get more out of it, it is what does happen, and I know it for a fact as the same thing happened to me when I was in a different accident (NOT my fault then) in April.) I have no broken bones (though I continue to bitch about that because I SWEAR my ankle feels broken!) but I have bruises on every limb, and some on both sides of my arm and legs. Steering wheel to the chest is amazingly NOT bruised, but it fuckin HURTS! I did "bump" my head, but no lump or bruise has appeared, and there was a worry of internal injuries, which a sonagram proved to not be the case.**

**I will recover. I am fine, a bit banged up, but otherwise fine. However... I cannot make my five block walk to the library for a bit, and for that I do apologize. My car, my wonderful, sweet, faithful car was totalled, and that injury has broken my heart, inflicting more pain then the bruises. Her name was Duchess, and she was a teal green, 1993 Ford Tempo and the last gift my grandfather ever gave me. I loved her deeply. I shall miss her terribly.**

**Also, since I posted earlier about the accident, I have been overcome with all the messages of well wishes for me and my recovery. Thank you EVERYONE! **

**The good news, if you are a glass half full type like I am, comes two-fold; 1.) I will no longer have to pay for car insurance. 2.) I will have more time to write for your pleasure.**

**As for this chapter... It's a peek into the darkness that Shana went through. I debated on writing it... but, as always, my muse chose for me.**

**With that being said, please enjoy this chapter, and if you don't... as you read it, think of this poor, old, bruised body, that with the help of crutches and a badly swollen left knee, and a splint on my right ankle, hobbling five blocks to the library just so I could post this for your pleasure. (That's right, baby. I know how to work the guilt department and milk it for every last drop.)**

**~Killy**

* * *

My thoughts were as heavy as bricks and no matter how hard I tried, I could not move them. I needed to put them together, to make them match, to connect them so I could think, remember. The harder I tried to think, to move the bricks of thought, the more my head hurt and the less I could do. I felt like I was swallowed whole by a cloud of syrup, movement was impossible and I couldn't hear anything. I managed to open my eyes, but I was still in the dark. As my thoughts began to stack together I realized that I wasn't in complete darkness. I could make out shades of objects in various hues of black.

My head felt heavy and my eyes burned. Blinking didn't help, and since it was so dark, I decided to keep them closed. My jaw ached for relief and I realized that I was gagged. I didn't know where I was and I was even less certain of who I was. All that I knew was I was in the dark and I was afraid.

* * *

I screamed in pain as I felt fire explode on my breasts. The fire burned from my body, not coming from just one place, but from many places; my beasts, my stomach, my legs. With each explosion of pain there was a sound. It was a sound I couldn't place. The sound was the pain, or the pain was the sound. I didn't know, but I tried to move away from the sound, only to realize that I couldn't. I was chained in place, my wrists burning a different pain. I prayed, when I could peice together the words, to be free from this torture, but it continued until I slipped back into the darkness.

* * *

My body screamed at me, pulling me away from the darkness of oblivion to the world of fire. The fires, the explosions, the ripping of my skin cried out, but the pain never stopped. I couldn't beg for peace. I couldn't ask for sympathy. All I could do was stay as I was, accepting the attack on my body and try to piece together my thoughts. But they were as tangible as the morning mist.

The explosions of pain began to come faster, the fires of pain running deeper, harder into my soul. My mind tried to ignore it, tried to focus and just when I had almost had a grasp on a single thought I felt a fierce pain that split me to my core. Something hard and metallic had been shoved between legs, burning me in a unimaginable way. I screamed, my mind tearing me away from reality.

* * *

"I knew you were weak and pathetic."

The words burned in my soul with the same fierce pain that had burned my skin. The voice was low and husky and femanine. I felt what I thought had to be her hand as it stroked down my body. I moaned, exhausted from my struggles and the pain and she only laughed, dragging her nails into my flesh, in all the spots that had burned from pain earlier.

"I knew I could get to you. I know it will bring me such deep, joyous pleasure to break you. You will be mine."

A new pain tore through me as a new, sharp pain dug into my thigh and I screamed as I fell into the darkness.

* * *

"Once she's fed, put her on the couch." I moved my head towards the sound, to the woman who had supplied my pain, but I couldn't see anything.

"Yes Mistress," I heard in response followed by a fast clicking noise that moved away from me. Darkness returned to me, and this time I was grateful it had.

* * *

I awoke to pain, though this time it was not like explosions on my body, but more like a numbing burn. I could hear voices nearby and as before, it hurt to try to understand what was being said as my body begged for the darkness again. I struggled to hear, to put some pieces of this painful puzzle together, knowing that if I were to get out of this, if someone found a way to free me from this hell, that the things I remember or heard could be of use later.

"It's the drugs, Mistress." The voice from earlier. Maybe.

"You said it would work," the statement was said by a cold, familiar voice followed by a loud snapping sound. Who was she?

"I do apologize, Mistress. Not everyone responds-" Another snapping sound stopped his voice.

"You should have told me that from the beginning!" Snap! "I have only one day left!"

"Mistress! I couldn't know-" Snap!

"Prepare her!"

"Yes, Mistress." That clicking sound from earlier moved away from me, but my body remained tense. The voice, the female voice I knew. The darkness and the pain had frightened me, but now, now I felt a colder, darker fear.

Moments after hearing the woman leave, I felt hands on my body, my limbs burned and cried out as feeling rushed through them like thousands of pins striking me at once. I was still gagged, and tried to speak, to scream, to cry for help, but when my body was pulled up from the horizantal postion it had been in, I fell back into the darkness.

* * *

As I climbed out of the darkness I could hear beautiful music. Vivaldi I think. It was classic and beautiful. It was being turned into something dark, twisted and perverted. With each beat of the music, I felt something enter my body. I was being raped in time to the music. My jaw cried in pain, my teeth clamped around a gag that allowed my mouth to stay open while someone fucked it. Someone or something else was being driven into me and beyond those pains, were the burning explosions that had returned. This time it two was also to the music.

I felt everything. The longer it went on, the clearer my mind became. I realized that now my body was becoming free of whatever drug had been put into me that had numbed me. The drug that had let me slip away from this hell.

I wanted to disappear.

I wanted to die.

I wanted Elena Lincoln to shut the hell up.

"You _will_ understand! You will not tell anyone about your time with me! You _will_ call me Mistress! You _will_ say 'Thank you Mistress'!"

Each strike, each thrust, each word was said in time to the music. I wanted it to stop. I shouted in my mind, pleading for it to end, to give in, to beg her to stop, to make them stop. I couldn't nod my head that I understood. I couldn't speak, I couldn't run. All I could do was cry as the violation continued.

She had won.

* * *

My body screamed as I was awakened by electricity as it boiled through my body, bringing me back to my hell.

"Remove her gag." I watched as a naked man came towards me from the shadows. He stopped in front of me, his cock high and hard. He leaned forward, unstrapping the gag that had immobilized my mouth. The pain from it's freedomburned and stung as if a bee danced within it. "Fuck her mouth."

He immediately opened my mouth, thrusting within it.

"You will call me Mistress," she said, walking behind me. He paused, pulling his cock from my mouth and waited. "Don't you have something to say to me?" Her voice was thick as cold honey. I felt her fingers trace down my naked back, her nails raking through the fresh welts she had created over the last few days.

"Yes... Mis-Mistress," I murmured, unsure if my voice had been heard. With a shaky breath I spoke again. "Thank you, Mistress." Tears streamed down my cheeks, ashamed of myself and afraid.

"Now, suck him off."

"Yes, Mistress. Thank you, Mistress." I replied meakly as he stepped forward and entered me again.

When I had finished sucking his cock, I was moved to a X shaped fixture in the room where I was shackled by my wrists and my ankles. He entered me again, and this time, when the explosions came to my skin, I saw how it was done. She was striking me with a flogger. Her strikes and his thrusts were done together, and when they finished, I thanked her. I was then removed from the cross, and placed upon another fixture, where it began again.

Finally I was taken back to the cross, shackled again, and fucked again, without the flogging. It didn't matter. I couldn't feel anything. The pain, the burning, his thrusts... I didn't even notice when he had stopped and pulled out of me. I did feel the slap as her hand whipped through the air striking my cheek. "Thank you Mistress," I replied through the shock. The man stepped forward, and unchained my ankles and then my wrists, their freedom tingling through my nerves as I fell to the floor.

"Get on your knees," she ordered as she walked towards me, her stilletto boots clicking on the floor. A man followed behind her, naked. I realized after a moment that he wasn't just following her, she was leading him with a leash that was attached to a collar. "Kneel," she said firmly. He dropped to his knees, his head bowed, knees apart, hands on his thighs, wrists turned up.

"Pay attention," she said to me, placing a leather crop under my chin, tilting my head to look up at her. "This is how you will always be while in my precense. Unless I say otherwise."

"Yes Mistress," I said when I realized she was waiting for a response from me.

"You will not look at me unless I say otherwise."

"Yes Mistress."

"You will do as I say, come when I call you. Do you know why?" I looked at her, confused. I was allowed to say "Yes Mistress" or "Thank you Mistress" but neither would work for this question. My hesitation fed her grin, and she smacked me hard across the face. "You will do this because I own you. You see, all slaves have a price, including you. Do you know what you cost was? What I used to purchase you?" I didn't, but she wanted to tell me. "Mia," she said.

My eyes whipped up to meet hers and I instantly felt a burn along my cheek as she had struck my with the crop.

"Do not look at me," she barked, striking me again and again and again. I was unchained, I should have run, but I stayed there as she beat me. The crop and her voice tore at me and I didn't know I was doing it until later, but I started thanking her. "Ahh, now that is so much better, she said with a husky sigh when she finished hitting me. "You will leave here shortly but you will pay attention; Mia is your price. If you don't want her to go through what you just endured, if you don't want worse to come to her-"

"What could be worse?" The words had left my mouth before I realized they were on my tongue. The crop followed my words, whipping me back into submission. The pain and my weakness were dragging me back into oblivion again. I struggled against the darkness as it began to win the battle. As I slipped further, I felt her breath against my ear, her words creating a new hell for me.

"What's worse? I could sell her."

* * *

"No! No! Gideon!" I screamed, bolting up from my nightmare, fighting the sheets that had me pinned to the mattress. My heart was racing and I was lost. The lights in the room exploded to life, blinding me for a moment. I saw him standing there, in the doorway for a fraction of a second and then he ran towards me.

"What is it? What's wrong baby?" He sat on the edge of the bed, and I crawled into his lap, wrapping my body around his, needing him to pull me into reality and away from the land of nightmares. My body shook with sobs that were born from deep within my soul and he held me, running his hand up and down my back. "Shhhh, Sha, baby, it's okay. It's okay." I shook my head at his words, the nightmare still had a firm grip on my mind. I tasted bile on my tongue and fought to free myself from his lap, barely making it to the commode in time.

He followed me into the bathroom, getting down on his knees, rubbing my back as I heaved. I felt him pull my hair away from my face and heard his husky voice mutter whisper soothing words until I had nothing left to give to the porcelain god. I sank away from the commode, and felt his hand on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and saw him holding out a glass of water for me. I drank it, washing away the taste in my mouth, glad he was here.

"Thank you," I whispered. He sat down on the floor next to me and I crawled back onto his lap, wishing for nothing less then for him to just hold me until the after thought of my nightmare dissapated.

"I'm sorry," he replied, wrapping his arms around me.

"Nothing to be sorry about," I said, shaking my head at his words.

"Yeah, there is," he bit, the words harsh and cold. "I... I never thought you'd... I never wanted me to be the reason you had nightmares."

I sat up on his lap, turning to look into his eyes, unsure what he meant. "You aren't."

"Bull shit, Sha! I'm not deaf! I heard you. You were telling me no. You were screaming at me." I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, calming myself down before I replied.

"You are wrong," I said, reaching for his hand but he pulled it away from me, so I reached up, stroking his cheek, watching him even when he turned away from me. "You weren't in my dream. It... I dreamt..." I couldn't even say it. I couldn't explain it, I couldn't bring the words to my lips. "You weren't in my dream."

He turned his head back, his eyes watching me. I could read his face as if it were the NASDAQ ticker going across it; He didn't believe me. "You said 'No Gideon'. Don't lie to me Sha."

I exhaled a stale breath, shaking my head at him. "I wasn't telling you no." He rolled his eyes at me, turning his head away from me again. "The dream was about that fucking weekend, okay? I dreamt I was there. That it was happening all over again. I was telling that bitch no and I was calling for you. I needed you. I wanted you to come and rescue me."

He turned his head back to me, his eyes searching mine for the roots of the truth. "The three days?" I nodded. "You are sure? That it wasn't about me? That you were-" I climbed off his lap and took to my feet.

"Some day, Mr. Cross..." I paced in front of him, so many things flitting through my mind. I reached down, picking up the glass of water he had handed me a few minutes before. I emptied it and spun on him. "Some day you will stop suggesting I am lying to you," I said and then threw the glass against the wall, breaking a few of the Italian marble tiles. I left the en suite, and ran to the bed, flopping down on it, and crying like I hadn't done in ten years.

* * *

I clutched at the pillow, using it to muffle my crying just as I had as a child, but this time I wasn't alone. My chest hurt from my sobs, which had been buried deep within my soul, hidden from the light of day. I didn't want to cry. I hate crying. I never feel more helpless when someone else is in tears, and here I was, creating a lake in my pillow.

I felt the bed move as he sat on the edge, his muscular body denting the mattress. I felt his fingers stroke lightly through my hair; the soft touch calmed my sobs, my body no longer shuddering from them. He laid a gentle hand on my shoulder, nudging me to turn so that I could look at him.

His face was as beautiful as ever, but now it reflected the hurt that I felt within me. He held his hand out, and I took it, crawling into his lap. He kissed my temple and then ran his thumbs over my cheeks, wiping away my fallen tears. I tucked my head into his neck as he wrapped his arms around me. I sighed, feeling that echo of safety within his arms.

"I hate it when you cry," he whispered as he kissed the crown of my head. "I feel so helpless." I wrapped my arms around him, my silent way of saying all would be fine. "Do you want to talk about it? The dream?"

I shook my head in reply; I prayed my voice would be there when I went to voice the answer I really wanted to give him. "You once asked me to not ask you about your dreams, and I won't," I said, glad that my voice was steady and smooth, not roughened by my tears. "I would like to ask the same of you." He nodded, understanding, his arms tightening around me. I pulled away from him, just a few inches, having to look into his eyes. I ran a hand down his stubble-roughened cheeks. "If there comes a time when you want to tell me, I will be there for you."

He nodded again, resting his forehead against mine. "And the same goes for you." I wrapped myself tight to him again, resting my ear to his chest, hearing the steady strong beat of the heart that loves me.

"Besides," I started, knowing that sometimes I am stupid, and say things that really don't need to be said, shouldn't be said, or, even sometimes there are those times when my subconscious is jumping up and down on the soap box hollering "Shut the fuck up you damned fool!" This is one of those times, when the words decided to leave my mouth when I should have kept them locked down in my brain. "If you want to know, you could watch the video." I felt the tears fall fresh from my eyes, and he held me tightly, comforting me like a child.

"You said you didn't remember," he said, his words low and deep with concern.

I shrugged. "I didn't, but it doesn't matter now, does it?"

"Everything about you matters to me." We sat there, quietly allowing the night to give us this time together. "Did... did you have this dream because of me?" I shrugged, having no answer for that question. No one would have the answer. "I'm sorry," he said, kissing the crown of my head again, his fingers still lovingly stroking my back. "I... didn't mean to... suggest you were lying. I know that... being with me can be... painful sometimes."

I sat up, my eyes searching his deep blue ones, and then taking in every inch of his face, reading the sorrow and despondance that was etched into it, seeing beyond just the beauty that everyone else sees. I ran my fingers over his brows, tracing the faint lines on his forehead, and then following his features, my fingers memorizing every inch of his face. I watched as his eyes closed to my caress, his breathing slowing to a faint dusting of air between us. My fingers followed the lines of his lips, the ones that can bring pleasure or pain, create worlds, or destroy them. I placed a light kiss upon his lips, pulling back to wait for his eyes to open, to seek mine.

"Do you understand that I love you?" He nodded, his eyes not blinking, seeking the depth of my soul as I had found his. "You and me, we have demons we have been fighting nearly all our lives. Do you know what is different now?" He closed his eyes, shaking his head in reply. "We are no longer fighting alone."

He pulled me closer to him, my head tucking into his neck again. I could feel his pulse, strong and vibrant against my cheek. His fingers still stroked through my hair and down my back, his touch soothing me in ways no one has ever done before. His carem his concern, and his heart showed me what I meant to him, but I wondered if he knew how much he meant to me.


	58. Chapter 57

**A/N: Hello fellow readers and new followers. Once again, I want to say THANK YOU! Your continued support and well wishes have truly made my heart glow with gold. It's nice to know that there are people out there, even ones I don't really know, that want me to get better, heal well and "publish later! we can wait!" You can, I am sure, but I... I can barely contain it.**

**To update, I am officially off the crutches, and the last two days I haven't used the cane. Most of the swelling and many MANY of the bruises have gone away, but not to worry, I still have plenty more bruises left. I'm a veritable rainbow of yellow, green, blue and purple. My right ankle has two positions it doesn't want to move too, but slowly I am sure I can fix that. There is a spot on my left knee that has no feeling, but the knee is still quite swollen, so I am sure when that finally goes down, it will be as normal as it should be. (For me, at least.)**

**Now... about my story... Yes, still writing a LOT... and, I had a thought... Some have asked how many chapters are left, will there be a sequel and other stuff, and I don't have answers. HOWEVER... Having read Entwined With You by Silvia Day (Book 3 of the Crossfire series)... I have actually pondered the idea of just ending this "book" in the middle of nowhere, with most of the story lines left hanging and say, "If you are entrigued now... Wait for book 2"... **

**But, then again, I am reminded by how much Silvia Day pissed me off by doing that with Entwined that I really don't want to do that to you guys, my readers. BUT, I will ask you what your thoughts would be on that, if I were really considering it.**

**As usual, the story line is mine, as is Shana. Most others belong to someone else, and I borrowed them to play in my world.**

* * *

I clutched at the pillow, using it to muffle my crying just as I had as a child, but this time I wasn't alone. My chest hurt from my sobs, which had been buried deep within my soul, hidden from the light of day. I didn't want to cry. I hate crying. I never feel more helpless when someone else is in tears, and here I was, creating a lake in my pillow.

I felt the bed move as he sat on the edge, his muscular body denting the mattress. I felt his fingers stroke lightly through my hair; the soft touch calmed my sobs, my body no longer shuddering from them. He laid a gentle hand on my shoulder, nudging me to turn so that I could look at him.

His face was as beautiful as ever, but now it reflected the hurt that I felt within me. He held his hand out, and I took it, crawling into his lap. He kissed my temple and then ran his thumbs over my cheeks, wiping away my fallen tears. I tucked my head into his neck as he wrapped his arms around me. I sighed, feeling that echo of safety within his arms.

"I hate it when you cry," he whispered as he kissed the crown of my head. "I feel so helpless." I wrapped my arms around him, my silent way of saying all would be fine. "Do you want to talk about it? The dream?"

I shook my head in reply; I prayed my voice would be there when I went to voice the answer I really wanted to give him. "You once asked me to not ask you about your dreams, and I won't," I said, glad that my voice was steady and smooth, not roughened by my tears. "I would like to ask the same of you." He nodded, understanding, his arms tightening around me. I pulled away from him, just a few inches, having to look into his eyes. I ran a hand down his stubble-roughened cheeks. "If there comes a time when you want to tell me, I will be there for you."

He nodded again, resting his forehead against mine. "And the same goes for you." I wrapped myself tight to him again, resting my ear to his chest, hearing the steady strong beat of the heart that loves me.

"Besides," I started, knowing that sometimes I am stupid, and say things that really don't need to be said, shouldn't be said, or, even sometimes there are those times when my subconscious is jumping up and down on the soap box hollering "Shut the fuck up you damned fool!" This is one of those times, when the words decided to leave my mouth when I should have kept them locked down in my brain. "If you want to know, you could watch the video." I felt the tears fall fresh from my eyes, and he held me tightly, comforting me like a child.

"You said you didn't remember." His words low and deep with concern.

I shrugged. "I didn't, but it doesn't matter now, does it?"

"Everything about you matters to me." We sat there, quietly allowing the night to give us this time together. "Did... did you have this dream because of me?" I shrugged, having no answer for that question. No one would have the answer. "I'm sorry," he said, kissing the crown of my head again, his fingers still lovingly stroking my back. "I... didn't mean to... suggest you were lying. I know that... being with me can be... painful sometimes."

I sat up, my eyes searching his deep blue ones, and then taking in every inch of his face, reading the sorrow and despondance that was etched into it, seeing beyond just the beauty that everyone else sees. I ran my fingers over his brows, tracing the faint lines on his forehead, and then following his features, my fingers memorizing every inch of his face. I watched as his eyes closed to my caress, his breathing slowing to a faint dusting of air between us. My fingers followed the lines of his lips, the ones that can bring pleasure or pain, create worlds, or destroy them. I placed a light kiss upon his lips, pulling back to wait for his eyes to open, to seek mine.

"Do you understand that I love you?" He nodded, his eyes not blinking, seeking the depth of my soul as I had found his. "You and me, we have demons we have been fighting nearly all our lives. Do you know what is different now?" He closed his eyes, shaking his head in reply. "We are no longer fighting alone."

He pulled me closer to him, my head tucking into his neck again. I could feel his pulse, strong and vibrant against my cheek. His fingers still stroked through my hair and down my back, his touch soothing me in ways no one has ever done before. His care, his concern and his heart showed me what I meant to him, but I wondered if he knew how much he meant to me.

* * *

I frowned at the splint that immobilized my wrist and hand as Taylor drove us to the airport to meet up with Gideon. The vehicle was silent; Taylor in his own thoughts, and me in mine. I leaned my head against the cool window, closing my eyes and thinking back to the visit at the clinic.

Taylor's friend, Doctor Peterson, had been friendly enough but it was obvious that he didn't believe the cover story Taylor and I came up with to explain my various injuries. We had decided that by saying they had occured during some self defense lessons Taylor was teaching me, it would easily explain the finger print bruises and the wrist.

Convincing the doctor was actually the minor issue of the day, having won the bigger battle at the hotel when we were able to get Gideon to agree to not coming with us. His argument against us, though, had warmed my heart. He had been very emphatic when he said it was "his right and duty to standby his wife during pain, illness or injury." Though it made me feel terribly loved and cared for by him, it did not sway Taylor nor myself into changing our minds.

My BlackBerry rang, diverting my thoughts and I smiled seeing the caller on the ID. "Hey! How goes everything, Diana?"

"Busy! I love it!" She replied with a laugh. I couldn't help but grin myself, hearing her energy over the phone.

"It's different, huh? Being part yours, knowing all your answers mean something bigger?"

"Oh it so is! I know I've said it a hundred times, but thank you."

"You earned it. More then earned it, I should say. Listen, we're on our way to the airport now, but I don't have a itinerary yet. I do know we are flying into New York today for a couple of days."

"Don't worry, I have the itinerary Gideon sent me." _Of course he would have sent her one_, I thought with a grumble. "No, don't even bother asking. I was sworn to secrecy."

"Yeah, I know how it is. It's fine," I said, despite how badly I did want to know. Gideon had been in total control of my life since the moment I said yes. A few things I wouldn't mind, but total control... Something I will have to get used to, _for now _or bring it up to him. I tucked that thought away, returning back to the conversation with Diana. "We'll be staying at his place while in town. Tomorrow I'll head to the office to sign off all that paperwork and anything else we have to go over. Then you can let PR do their thing; press release, company memo, whatever. _But_, Diana, don't release anything about the wedding yet. It will be easier to do the spot checking if we don't have the papparazi following us."

"Yes, I've been thinking about that..."

"Uh oh. You and your devious mind. Okay, hit me with it."

"Actually, I think you will like this idea. I would like to have two doubles. Have them move around town, get caught eating at various locals, keep security on them as if they were the two of you."

"That is a awesome idea. Get it done, but make sure they sign NDA's."

"Will do," she said with a cheerful lilt to her voice. I looked out the window and saw signs directling us to the airport.

"We're almost at the airport. Before I go, can you schedule Jackson to meet me at his earliest conveince?"

"Absolutely. He's been on stand-by for you for the last few days." I love working with people who do their jobs without having to be told to do it. It makes my life so much easier. Diana's also, now.

"Thanks Diana. Okay, got to go now. I'll see you bright and shiny tomorrow morning."

"You got it Boss. Have a great flight."

* * *

Gideon paced nervously in front of the steps that led up and into one of the Crossfire jets. I watched as he paused in his movement and I could see how eager he was to run to me, and I saw how controlled he was, struggling to keep himself from running forward.

Taylor's eyes watched me from the reflection of the driver's mirror. "You ready," he asked. I nodded. I was ready to get out of the vehicle, but was I ready for Gideon's reaction? Taylor stepped out of the car, walking over to open the door from me, Gideon not moving, watching quietly. I inhaled a deep, cleansing breath of air only to taste a bit of the Las Vegas dirt, smog and jet fuel. Taylor stood, patiently waiting, his hand reaching out to help me step out. I took his hand, my eyes never leaving Gideon, waiting to see his reaction when he saw the cast.

Predictably, his shoulders slumped, fear and worry crossing over his face. I gave him a soft smile as we approached him, stopping when we were within five feet of him. Taylor said nothing but he gave us a partial bow which clearly said "I will leave you for now but I am nearby" and climbed up the stairs, disappearing into the jet.

"Hey," I said quietly, his eyes not leaving the cast. "Gideon?"

He pulled his eyes from the cast, finally looking at me. My heart ached at the pain that had taken up residence on his face. He grimaced, grinding his teeth for a moment and then stepped towards me, wrapping a well defined arm around me as he placed a kiss on my forehead.

"Are you in much pain," he asked quietly, his lips staying where he had kissed me. I wrapped my arms around him and shook my head no. "I am so sorry," he said, the words a struggle to say them.

"Love, I have not blamed you for this and I refuse to hear another apology for it." He held me tighter. I felt his body move as he nodded his head in understanding. We turned to climb up the steps to the jet. I paused halfway up, turning around to face Las Vegas.

"Everything okay," he asked, his eyes searching for whatever it was that I had stopped for.

"Yeah," I said as I turned back, unsure as to even why I had paused. We finished climbing the steps, and settled into the jet.

* * *

**A/N: Again, I apologise for any typo's, as the library computer has no "spell check" and I have tried to catch most. If you do spot some, feel free to PM me.**

**Until laters!**

**~ Killy!**


	59. Chapter 58

**A/N: Greetings all. So... Guess who is aiming for "Dumb Ass of the Year Award"... The other day, my injuries were doing great, I was off the crutches, off the cane, off the splint, half of the bruises were gone, most of the pain was gone and you could barely tell I was limping... And then I went for a walk. Twisted my bad ankle on a rock and fell on BOTH knees.**

**Yep! Hi! That's me! Dumb Ass! Feel free to call me it. You each get one shot. Can't wait to hear from you.**

**In the mean time... a long chapter?**

* * *

The flight would be about six hours, with one layover to refuel. Oh, we didn't _need_ to refuel, but Gideon prefered the "Better Safe Then Sorry" rule of thumb. Since I loved to fly, it matter matter to me, one way or another.

I looked across the cabin, smiling at Taylor and Gail. Gail was stretched out along one of the leather benches, Taylor holding her close, absent-mindedly stroking her hair and curling some loose ends in his fingers. Every once in a while, he would bend his head down and lay a feather kiss on her temple. She may be older then him, but it wasn't by much, despite what everyone else thinks. She'd had a hard life and lost her first husband, both of which had aged her a touch prematurely. She never wears anything that would reflect on her age, nor much in any color that was beyond grey, white or black. I don't know if she does that because it's what Christian prefers for his staff to wear, or if she does it so no one takes notice of her. No one, that is, save Taylor.

She was sound asleep in his arms, her lips moving in her sleep. I tried to hear what she was mumbling in her sleep and grinned when I figured out she was making a shopping list in her dreams. Taylor leaned forward again, kissing her temple and then closed his eyes, smiling as he drifted off to sleep.

"Penny."

I jumped at the word, not realizing how far away my thoughts had allowed me to travel. I smiled at Gideon, his blue eyes watching me softly, as he sat down next to me, pulling me against him. I sighed, relaxing in his arms feeling totally and completely content.

"Not much," I replied. "I was just watching them."

He looked over at the sleeping couple. "Oh?"

I nodded, snuggling further into his arms. "Look at how content they are. Thank you."

"For what?" I smiled, loving him more then I should. It's so typical of him to not even know when he's done a good deed.

"For having Gail join us." I answered with a soft smile for him.

"You're welcome," he returned, kissing the crown of my head again. His eyes searched mine softly, looking for a answer he didn't want to have to ask. Oh, we both would, and probably often, but right now, as I watched his smile grow and I felt a contented sigh as his chest rose and fell, I knew he had found his answer.

* * *

As we made the final approach to La Gardia, I can honestly say that I had been a bit disappointed in the lack of sex that had (or had not) occurred tens and thousands of feet in the air. I understand his trrepidation, his fear of being alone with me, but honestly! We can not become a celebite couple _after _getting married!

The landing was perfect; soft as a feather floating down to the earth. We taxied off the runway, making our way on the tarmac to the Crossfire hangar where more of his fleet sat waiting to be called to use.

I couldn't help but watch out the window and for the first time realize how close his corporate hangar was to mine. I don't know if I had been so distracted any time I came here, or if it was that I subconsciously never paid attention to the fact that two buildings away from mine, his was there. For a moment I wondered who had gotten the location first? Did he follow after I had made the purchase?

The plane came to a stop and Gideon was already texting away on his phone. I turned to look at Taylor who was also texting away. I looked at Gail who was now sitting up next to her man. She gave me a grin and a shrug of her shoulders. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, returning her grin.

"Shall we," Gideon asked, standing up, offering me a hand. I took it, loving the soft tender way he held mine, and let him lead me off the plane. "Taylor, you and Gail can ride with us. Raul will be taking us to the apartment first." Taylor nodded, and we climbed into the limo, both couples holding the hands of their mates as we drove to the heart of New York City.

* * *

New York City. There are few places in the world that feel alive, as if the planet were more then just a hunk of rock floating in space. New York City is one of those places. The subway under the city thrums with life. It is the blood vessels in the body of the city, moving the life givers, the blood of the city, from one end to another. In the streets traffic flows and the city hums. Even in the darkest hour of the night she is still alive, though quieter. The thing I love most about the city is that from the very first moment I had arrived here, I felt like I was home.

The limo drove into the underground garage, finding the spaces left available for the plethora of cars Gideon owns. Once we stepped out of the limo, Raul and Taylor grabbed the luggage and carried them to the elevator with Gail and Gideon leading the way.

I couldn't help but smile, leaning back against the car, waiting to see how long it would take before they noticed I wasn't with them. As I waited, I realized my cheeks actually ached from the stretch of my smile. Was it possible I was even happier then I thought I was? Was Gideon?

The sound as the elevator door closing drew my attention back from my thoughts and I waitied patiently. The elevator doors closed completely and a half second later the elevator dinged as the doors opened again. Gideon looked out, raised an eyebrow at me and then came towards me as the doors closed behind him.

"Hey," he said as he stopped in front of me. I smiled, closing my eyes as he leaned down to kiss me. His lips were warm and soft and I nibbled on his lower lip as I inhaled his scent. Bergamot and musk flavored him. I sighed, parting my lips and with the silent permission his toungue slipped past my lips and flicked against my teeth. He groaned, his arms wrapping around me when my toungue stroked his. His fingers ran through my hair, his other hand pulling me even closer to him. He growled as he withdrew his toungue from my mouth, resting his forehead against mine. "God I want you."

"Good thing you married me then," I panted, my need as deep as his.

"Why didn't you go into the elevator?" I shrugged, unsure if anyone would have understood why when even I myself barely ubderstood why I did what I did. Why I do it as often as I do it. "I know that... today-hell! The last few days haven't been ideal, but I can make it better. I just... Please let me try."

"Gideon," I sighed. His eyes were closed but when I reached up to caress his cheek, he leaned his head, tilting it into my palm. "You don't have anything to prove to me. I love you, you know."

"I know," he sighed, his voice low and echoing the pain in his heart. "Just... don't give up on me."

"Never. I will never give up on you. You're my heart." He wrapped his arms tighter around me, and we stood there, holding each other. We were each other's rock.

"What did I ever do to deserve you," he asked, holding me tighter, afraid to let me go. This is my Gideon; strong, loving, caring and wise, fearful, alone and mine. It will take time, I know. But he will learn that my love for him is endless. He'll learn that with me he will no longer be alone. He will learn that he will have less to fear and that together we are strong. We are each other's anchor and support from this point onwards. Together.

"Shall we go in?" I looked at him for a moment, and then nodded. He furrowed his eyebrows at my response. "What is it?"

"You... asked why I hadn't gone in the elevator..." He nodded, relaxing his eyebrows. I gave him a small smile and took the plunge. I knew that he probably wouldn't understand... but at least I can give him the answer. "Do... people ever forget about you?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's hard to explain... Sometimes... I'm invisible. I know that... I... man, this is hard to explain."

He ran a hand along my cheek, kissing my forehead softly. "Do you want to tell me upstairs?" I thought a moment, and then nodded, thinking that the safety of his home would be easier to speak the words then the public garage, even though we were alone. Hand in hand we walked to the elevator, and halfway there he stopped, turning to face me. He took my hands, gingerly holding the one in the cast, and examined both closely.

"What are you looking for?"

"Where ... where are your rings?" I smiled at him, my fingers turning to entwine with his.

"In my pocket. Don't worry. We got them off without having to cut them." His eyes shot up quickly, an eyebrow arching, requesting a explanation. "My fingers were swollen. I managed to get them off before it became to late. If I hadn't, the doctor would have had to have cut them off."

He pulled my left hand softly to his lips, and then kissed my ring finger. "Thank you. I'm glad they didn't get destroyed. I've fucked up so much in the last two days... If they had been destroyed... I might have taken it as a sign that..." He shrugged. "It would make me wonder if this was a bad idea."

"You already think that," I sighed, my fingers playing with his wedding band.

"I know," he said quietly then shook his head as if denying a thought.

The ding from the arrival of the elevator called to our attention again and Taylor peeked out the opened door, giving us a look that even a blind man could read.

I rolled my eyes and released a puff of breath. "Yes, yes. We're coming." Without warning, Gideon picked me up, carrying me like a child. "What are you doing, Mr. Cross?" With my good hand I clutched at him, afraid he might drop me.

"Carrying you across the threshold," he replied with a grin.

"It's _not_ a threshold, it's an elevator!" My words had no effect as he continued to grin like a loon, turning us around to face the elevator doors as they closed. I glared at Taylor as he grinned, turning to face the buttons, inspecting them as if he had never seen a button before.

The doors opened, and Gideon continued to carry me, not stopping until we were in the great room. He kissed me lightly on the cheek, his eyes searching mine. He was a new Gideon to me; Always the strong, intelligent fighter, but now, that part of him that fears making a mistake, or injuring me, it's taken over a larger part of his personality. I saw that fear, that worry, but only for a second. As quick as I saw it, it was gone, and I leaned in, giving his cheek a soft, loving kiss.

I heard a cough behind me, and turned to see Gail and Raul standing in line, as if awaiting inspection. Gideon nodded at both, dismissing Raul after letting him know that we would both need a driver for tomorrow. Raul had nodded, congratulated us on the wedding and left.

"Mr. Cross? Mrs. Cross? Are you hungry? May I make you something to eat?"

"Gail, please. Feel free to call me Shana," I said, watching Gideon's reaction. I was pleased and slightly surprised when I didn't notice any reaction at all. My brother Christian, he would have ground his teeth in response, or he would have gotten really pissy. In either case he would have pulled me aside and given me a riot act over how I should and should not "converse with the staff". He could be a stuck up snob sometimes.

"No, Gail. We're fine. Go. Relax." Gail nodded with a smile then turned to leave. She paused, turning back, and I watched her eyes dart back towards the kitchen and then back to Gideon.

"Mr. Cross, what do you prefer to have for breakfast?" _Me_, I thought with a grin.

"Please call me Gideon," he said, giving me a smile. "As for breakfast, fried egg, over easy, hashbrowns, two slices of bacon." She nodded again and headed for the staff suites.

I stood with him, in the center of the great room, quietly looking around. It was my first time here in many many months, and it was just a slight shock that it was now "marital property". Ours. I felt Gideon's fingers wrap around mine and he guided me to the sofa. He sat down first, and pulled me forward, my knees landing on either side of his thighs, and I sat upon his knees. He ran his hands over my thighs, his eyes seeking mine.

"We are alone now. Safe and quiet," he said, his hands rubbing up to my hips. "You were going to tell me something?" I nodded, wrapping my fingers with his, holding both of his hands. "When you are ready, I am here."

I leaned forward, kissing him lightly, and then tried to figure out my words but I just couldn't figure out how to begin.

"You said you were invisible," he prodded, and I nodded.

"Do you... ever feel that way?" He shook his head at me, and I wondered if there was a better way to explain it. "Sometimes... I can enter a room... and no one sees me. No one hears me."

"I always see you. I always hear you," he said, raising a hand to tuck some of my hair behind a ear.

"Yes, you do," I said, feeling a smile stretch my lips. "It's... like in Vegas. I was in a meeting, and... no one heard me. I was there, but I was invisible."

"Do you... feel like that often?" I shrugged, feeling foolish with the whole thing.

"Nevermind," I said, shrugging it off.

"Are you sure?" I nodded. He nodded in return, and pulled me down, kissing me with his warm lips. He nibbled on my lip, and then his kisses led to my cheek and then to my ear, his teeth biting softly into the earlobe and then his tongue licking behind it. He exhaled slowly, holding me closer to him. "I have to get something," he said, the moisture of his voice tickling my ear. He slowly slid me off of him and stood, keeping my hand in his until the last moment. I smiled as he left towards the kitchen, and stood again, looking around his place.

As alike as he and Christian are, they are complete opposites when it comes to their homes. Christian's home is a penthouse on the top floors on one of his buildings and it was a uber-controlled, clinical location. The Ivory Tower in the Sky, as it were. From the outside looking in, untouuchable. From within, it was white or black. No other colors introduced or around, even the staff wore black and white. Black or white, save that one room...

Gideon's place, also a tower in the sky, except this time it was as if every room was designed for a bachelor's interior design magazine. There was the proper balance of natural woods, metals and earthly colors to set the initial feeling of a guy's sanctuary. The furniture, of course, was the soft, dark leather that swallowed you when you sat down. Even the air had hints of musk and pine.

I felt him before I heard him; He had walked up behind me, the feel of the room warming as he came closer. I turned around, smiling at him as he offered me a flute of champagne. I took it from him, offering up my lips for a kiss which he took with a grin. He didn't even pause, leaning down to take the proffered kiss. It was a standard, soft kiss, the kind that is familliar to married couples, and I loved every single bit of it.

"I love that smile of yours," he said, a finger tracing my lips, a smile matching it on his lips. It amazed me, sometimes, the many shades of blue his eyes had, and never, before now, had I realized that even blue had a version that was warm. He leaned down again, placing another kiss on my lips, the kiss travelling straight to my heart. "Sha, I have to ask you something."

I took another sip of the champagne, and nodded for him to go ahead. "That feeling, of being invisible... Do you feel that way around me?"

I smiled, shaking my head. "No, Love. Never with you."

"Not even downstairs? In the garage?" His eyes searched me, a tinge of hope and fear alight in his eyes.

"You were the first to notice I wasn't there," I reminded, my smile growing for him. "Now, if you don't mind, this is a conversation I would rather have some other time." He nodded, placing a kiss upon my forehead.

"What would you like to do," he asked, setting his flute down and reaching for mine. I drained it, and then handed it to him. He set it down on the table, the lip of the flute touching the other flute in a kiss symbolic of us. I gave a half smile, and then looked up as his fingers reached for mine.

"I would love a tour," I said with a grin. He looked at me, a question riding his eyebrows.

"You've been here before..."

"True. But it's changed since I was last here," I said, running my hand along one of the newer pieces of furniture. It was a small, square end table, only large enough to hold a knick-knack against a wall, under a unusual painting. The painting was unimpressive to me, but the knick-knack scratched at my curiosity nerve.

"Oh right. Yes, they changed this because of a photo shoot."

"Since when have you collected..." I fingered the porcelain figurine, Gideon turning to see what I was indicating and he gave a small, shy smile, walking towards me. He ran a finger along mine, taking my hand in his.

"I don't. Ireland said it needed a new home, and since nothing else in here was "right" it fit right in." I smiled at him, standing on my tip-toes, giving him a quick kiss.

"I am so glad she is more a part of your life. And that she makes you do goofy stuff."

"She makes me do "goofy stuff?" He asked, rising a eyebrow at me, pulling back away from me as if to see more of me to understand me.

I grinned, nodding. "Like this," I said, pointing at the porcelain figure. It was a early version of Odie from Garfield, sitting up, wide-eyed with his toungue sticking out. "Do you even know who this is?"

"Of course I do," he said, standing taller, sticking his chest out, as if he was offended. I tilted my head, crossed my arms and waiting for him to prove it. "Sheesh. You think I don't know Snoopy-Doo when I see him."

"Snoopy-Doo?" He nodded, and I couldn't help but giggle, and he crossed his arms, demanding I prove him incorrect without saying a word. "Scooby Doo was a brown dog that kinda talked. Snoopy was a beagle that could dance and fly. This is Odie."

"Odie? And what does he do?"

"Drools and scares Garfield."

"Simon Garfield?" I looked at him, not sure who he meant for a moment, and then grinned, laughing at him and that was when he finally grinned, and I realized he was making fun of me. He pulled me toward him, my back to his front and his mouth at my ear, placing a kiss below my earlobe. "You were always a fan of Pookie, though."

"You... remembered?" I turned in his arms, searching his eyes. They were warm and blue, and clear with love and a bit of teasing.

"I remember everything you ever told me you cared about."


End file.
